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#1
05-19-2011, 01:40 PM
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crunk juice
I got watermelon. [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] Tasted exactly like I thought it would, except halfway through you can't taste the malt liquor. At 12%, it's basically a 40 in a can.
[You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] Blacked out last night a lil bit after fading one of these and an OE 800 40 and smoking a lot of herb. [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] | ||
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#3
05-19-2011, 01:45 PM
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basically its a 4 loko
their banning that shit all over in FL some dumb kids died. I still buy one on 'those nights' when I see it at my local gas station. You feel little horns sprout on the top of your head, and an evil grin widens across your face. Before you know it, your slapping strippers on the ass and asking them to show the pussy. http://emu.pwned.com/showthread.php?...Wife(literally)
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#4
05-19-2011, 01:46 PM
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fuck it ill just post the story
Conversation with Gyno's Wife(literally) Estrang87 (11:06:59 AM): so ive been reading alot of tucker ma (11:07:00 AM): max (11:07:02 AM): last night (11:07:08 AM): was my deaf friends 28th birthday Pyrosprial (11:07:12 AM): this is the wife, hes asleep Estrang87 (11:07:15 AM): so he wanted to go to a strip club (11:07:20 AM): ok well (11:07:24 AM): you can listen to the story too Pyrosprial (11:07:30 AM): lol Estrang87 (11:07:33 AM): anyway (11:07:42 AM): so i decide im going to get completely shitfaced (11:07:47 AM): a) becuase ive been reading tucker max (11:07:52 AM): b) becuase i havent drank in 2 weeks (11:07:57 AM): c) becuase im not driving (11:08:13 AM): we stop at a bar to pregame since its no drinks in this full nude club or whatever (11:08:19 AM): i quickly down 5 beers (11:08:30 AM): a buddy has a long island thats real strong, he wont drink it and offers it (11:08:50 AM): after the obligatory questions about STDS around his mouth i decide to quaff this concotion as well Estrang87 (11:09:05 AM): at this point, 45minutes into the night, i am drunk (11:09:10 AM): we start heading to the club (11:09:26 AM): and i start talking some serious shit about how everyones a pussy if we dont stop at the gas station to get more beer before we go (11:09:56 AM): so we get into the gate station and i was just gonna grab a corona or something and my buddy starts shit talking me so i end up grabbing a god damn four loko (11:10:30 AM): four loko = 24 oz. can with 12percent; alcohol, ur standard budlight is about 4.5percent; alcohol 12oz as a comparison, not to mention it has a shitload of energy drink bullshit in it guaranteed to make u batshit insane (11:10:56 AM): so i manage to force that shit down into my protesting stomach (11:11:02 AM): we arrive at the club and go in Estrang87 (11:11:12 AM): im full on asshole drunk now so the night is bound to get interesting (11:11:38 AM): we are sitting at a table in the back, its a small club with three stages and mirrors behind the dancers (11:11:42 AM): one pole for each stage (11:12:05 AM): after aabout 20 minutes a couple strippers go around and start making smalltalk with potential clientel (11:12:21 AM): apparently with the economy going to shit even the losers that regular these dives are stingy with tips now (11:12:33 AM): so they have to go around tables asking for dances and stuff (11:12:56 AM): anyway one of these whores comes up to me asking if i want a dance, i tell her sure but im not paying for shit, she looks flustered and walks to someone else Estrang87 (11:13:31 AM): another chick comes up a minute later, she pretty cute, about 30, real nice ass, not tan at all tho which is fine, and some short hair kinda like the singer from garbage if u know ur grunge 90s music Pyrosprial (11:13:53 AM): k Estrang87 (11:14:02 AM): she asks if i want a dance i said fuck no im not paying for anything, if SHE wants to play some billiards with me she can go get some quarters from the bartender (11:14:13 AM): she laughs and says shes not a volunteer (11:14:20 AM): but actually goes and gets some quarters (11:14:32 AM): i still think shes full of shit untill she actually puts them in and racks the table (11:15:13 AM): anyway i guess it was like 15minutes before her shift, im so drunk i am shooting absolutely terrible, and i normally pride myself on my pool game as it usually turns chicks on Estrang87 (11:15:48 AM): so she slowly beats me in two painfully slow games where i have enough trouble just hitting the qball, she probably thought i was mentally retarded at this point (11:16:12 AM): after the 2nd game to spare me more embarassment losing to a stripper in pool she says she has to go on stage (11:16:28 AM): i reluctantly watch her leave noticing the subtle curve of her ass cheeks as she struts to the stage (11:16:38 AM): fishnets and black thong, very classy stuff Pyrosprial (11:16:45 AM): lol Estrang87 (11:17:01 AM): throughout the night i have several more bullshit conversations with strippers, one was black and she was cool as fuck with me being a complete dick (11:17:09 AM): so when she went on stage (11:17:21 AM): i had no qualms in my drunken stupor of slapping her ass and telling her to show the pussy (11:17:39 AM): at this point a bouncer walks up and informs me i will be forcibly removed if i touch another dancer on stage Estrang87 (11:17:56 AM): the girl was actually kinda trying to hide a laugh after this, so i didnt sweat it (11:18:30 AM): my buddy blows about 400 bucks during these misadventures, the motherfucker is just a goldmine for these whores (11:18:55 AM): so naturally when he leaves the stage area and sits at my table these bitches just swarm around us to suck some more coin from my naive friend (11:19:01 AM): in addition to being deaf he is also a crack baby (11:19:04 AM): not even joking (11:19:05 AM): anyway (11:19:19 AM): another girl comes up to me i tell her im only taking a dance if she sucks my dick (11:19:29 AM): this scores me some very rude words (11:19:42 AM): and later when shes on stage, anytime we make eye contact she gives me the bird (11:19:48 AM): i percieve this as a good sign Estrang87 (11:20:07 AM): apparently im being a real asshole becuase a stripper dumps a soda on me later in the night (11:20:19 AM): again, i percieve this as a good sign (11:20:37 AM): since i dont really give a fuck and all these tools are quiet little bitches forking over money, im getting free physical contact (11:20:59 AM): at some point later in the night the black chick gives me a lapdance for free which is all i really wanted, a free lapdance (11:21:16 AM): she looked like a pretty hot pornstar so i was satisfied even with the jungle tone of skin (11:21:59 AM): after wandering around the club looking for the bathroom a few times my other friend informs me its time to leave, a loudly bid farewell to all the skanks and am met with several curses a few laughs and alot of fuck yous (11:22:05 AM): I* Estrang87 (11:22:08 AM): I loudly* (11:22:59 AM): that prettymuch concludes my evening of shennanigans, and i daresay i made tucker max proud, i even forgot the funny stuff involving my other friends, as i made it a point to be as self absorbed and ego centric as possible (11:23:11 AM): a good night i say (11:23:20 AM): i hope u leave this up for ur hubby (11:23:27 AM): a quality read Pyrosprial (11:23:28 AM): ya i will (11:23:56 AM): wouldnt it have just been easier to go to a bar and lie your ass of saying your someone famous to get layed? Pyrosprial (11:26:15 AM): As a chick I really dont understand the concept of paying for a chick to rub on you and get you horny, but not getting anything out of it sexually except maybe masterbation material. Just sayen, Id buy a hooker before a went to a strip club, and then you can beat the bitch if she talks shit like the cocky strippers Estrang87 (11:26:51 AM): lol (11:26:53 AM): yeah (11:26:57 AM): well (11:27:03 AM): my friend is dumb and its what he wanted Pyrosprial (11:27:06 AM): lol Estrang87 (11:27:07 AM): i have no idea why strip clubs are fun (11:27:15 AM): except that they look real nice and even HD porn doesnt compare (11:27:23 AM): so yeah its got masterbation material for later i guess Pyrosprial (11:27:26 AM): darren and I went once togeather, got a lapdance togeather (11:27:37 AM): total waste of money Estrang87 (11:27:41 AM): pretty much (11:27:46 AM): the only point to strip clubs (11:27:48 AM): is doing what i did (11:27:56 AM): and maybe getting lucky by getting a number or free dance (11:28:05 AM): i didnt put a single dollar bill in one of those thongs Pyrosprial (11:28:11 AM): im heather btw, who are you? Estrang87 (11:28:13 AM): and got two free games of pool Estrang87 (11:28:18 AM): and i got to slap an ass (11:28:20 AM): so (11:28:26 AM): my name is mike (11:28:34 AM): i played everquest with darren last year and stuff Pyrosprial (11:28:35 AM): oh ok, you play EQ with darren? (11:28:37 AM): ya ok Estrang87 (11:28:52 AM): so when hes being an asshole on the microhpone program me and him were talking on it sometimes (11:29:01 AM): real funny guy (11:29:08 AM): thats why i was willing to type this story out for him (11:29:22 AM): he named his character littlegyno Pyrosprial (11:29:25 AM): im sure he will get a kick out of it when he gets up Estrang87 (11:29:34 AM): he has the intellect of a fucking 4 year old guess thats why we get along (11:29:47 AM): or sense of humor rather Pyrosprial (11:29:50 AM): oddly enough he is extreamly smart Estrang87 (11:29:55 AM): yeah that came out wrong Pyrosprial (11:30:01 AM): just a fucked up sence of humor Estrang87 (11:30:03 AM): guess he just has a retarded sense of humor, that sounds more dead on Estrang87 (11:30:18 AM): you cant be too dumb to meticulously paint warhammer figurines Pyrosprial (11:30:34 AM): he keeps trying to get me to paint them Estrang87 (11:30:37 AM): LOL Pyrosprial (11:30:40 AM): hell to the no Estrang87 (11:30:47 AM): that just made my day
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#8
05-19-2011, 02:04 PM
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im like still fucked up. woke up and my computer was not on as I turned it offbefore I left-- usually not a good sign because I generally do my best trolling when drunk. I have a term paper on god knows wut thats been assigned for 18 weeks due friday (aka tomorrow) and 0 motivation.
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