Emergency Motionz to Bar Fire Pots Binding & Revert Bindz

[Juntsie]

Here comez da plaintiffz, Keep Green Classic Coalition, Teleporters' Chamber of Commerce, and the Grobb Conservationz League. Dey are represented by North-renowned troll professional Juntsie (available for hire at hourly rate of 5,000 plat per hour). Plaintiffz seek da emergency injunction from da Nameless (GMz) barring all bindz magicks in da' Timorous Deep and converting bind spot for all who bound dere to safge spot in Oasis. As most respected legal advisorz in all Norrath, Juntsie has no personal interest in fire pots (other den binding dere like all big brain adventurer), and admit dere are gud arguments on both side of dis issue.

Neverdaless, Juntsie agree to file dis motion for one reason: it NOT CLASSIC fer' all magickal adventurers (and dere entire extended families) to bind at da fire pots. Plaintiffz Grobb Conservationz League specifically fearz dat the character of Grobb will forever change cuz squishies can travel freely to Grobb at hump of pot, spreading dere bad and noxious odors to all Trollz. Dis is a public health nuisance. Before fire pot, adventurers wud at least haveta treck through da swamp, which would make dem smell kinda gud (except for gnome and dorf, who *always* smell DELICIOUS).

Plaintizz do not dispute dat' it wuz classic fer' a few days to bind at fire pots, but dere are occasional examples of when techniculz classic is NOT REAL CLASSIC, and da GMs must take extraordinary actionz for benefit of all. Dis is one of those rare circumstanzez for dese other reasons, too:

(1) Fire pots make da travel too eayz and will cause long term health decline for squishes. Juntsie maintain fitness at old age cuz he still runz around to dis day. Now he bound at fire pots, Juntsie already put on five stonez! Juntsie' wife make comment and force him to cut back. Not gud. It just too easy ta gate! Juntsie love dis, but it ain't classic. Gods meant for us to runz. Innoruk hates us. So he make us run. Simple!

(2) Fire pots grant 24/7 accessz to extreme buff power. Since da fire pot, wez always have da BIG CLARITY BRAIN. Cuz just go to da spire top, threaten to eat squishie, and get da buff. Not try yet? DO IT. GETZ BIG BRAIN! Juntsie gettin kinda' addictedz.

(3) Fire potz gunna cause more more headaches for Norrath GM babyz sitters. Cuz dragon and cash merbs no longer scary and can get bashed in second, da fire pot grant unprecedented long term advantage to all bound dere. Canz just use dem to engage wit blink of eyez! Moreoverz, tink of all dem "RAPTORZ TRAIN ME PLZ REZ OR BAN DIS GUY" petitions in upcoming months. Baby sitterz got enuf headaches as is!

(4) Fire potz gunna cauz inflationz and devalue da plat. Fire potz basically all can bash guard buffet. Justz keepz using dem to find guard, bash onez dat open, and take dere plat. No more guard... which gud ting in dorf and gnome cities. Seez final argument below.

(5) Gnome population at extreme risk. ...Juntsie confess dat his sudden weight gain might bez from using da fire pot to go into gnome city at late night for snack. Juntsie notice other trollz and ogrez doing same... can't... help it. Late night snacks too easy to get wit da fire pots... Fearz dat this might not be sustainable long term for Norrath gnome populationz.

Fer dese reasons, Plaintiffz request immediate action barring binding at firepots and resetting all firepots bind points to Oasis. In additionz to curing tings above, influx of adventurers in Oasis will help keep da crocodile population in check and keep da little bashers safe from Lockjaw. Juntsie also petition for all troll professional fees in connection wit dis motionz (1,000 plat). If motion denied, it all gud, cuz fire pots super gud ting kinda and help folkz.