New Study Links Project 99 Playing to Premature Balding

[purist]

It has long been suspected that whether or not you play on Project 99 is a strong indicator in your likeliness of being a virgin, but a new study shows that it is an even stronger indicator of male premature balding.

The new study, published by a team of researchers headed by Professor Purist, confirms that Project 99 seems to play a decisive role in determining whether or not you suffer from premature hair loss.

For several minutes the researcher searched across the forums for candidates who were affected by premature hair loss. In photographic samples taken from the "RL pic" and "Post your GF" threads, the researcher then looked for common factors - and eventually discovered them: in his initial step he succeeded in narrowing it down to a single common factor in the likeliness you are prematurely balding.

"Our findings permit two conclusions," said Professor Purist when consulted for an interview. "First, that the degree of Project-99-playing shows a strong relationship with whether or not you are prematurely balding irl. And secondly, *runs fingers through hair* that I play occasionally and still have full head of beautiful hair."

The data further demonstrates that high post counts on the Project 99 forums are a boosted-indicator of whether you are prematurely balding. Additionally, playing of the following classes and races seems to show a synergetic effect to likeliness premature balding: Mages, Dwarf Warriors, Rangers, Druids or any of the Elven races.

"It all begins with the receding hairlines, and Project-99-playing is a strong you having that," said Professor Purist, taking off his glasses for dramatic effect. "The higher your post count on the forums, that's when the forehead becomes higher, the hair at the back of the man's head gets thinner and thinner."

"Every second you play any of the Elven races, the more likely the person behind the screen suffers from greater and greater hair loss. There are hardly any successful counter-measures - despite uninstalling. At that point there's just no return."

The results have been published in the November edition of the Rants and Flames Journal.

Lastly, Professor Purist mentioned he has collected preliminary data that seems to show that playing an Erudite Paladin seems to be a strong indicator of having a large penis. He promises a thorough study on the matter is forthcoming.

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Subject A ("Azeth"):
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Subject B ("Morlaeth"):
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Subject C ("Toop"):
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Subject D ("Rogean"):
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Subject E ("ShadowWulf"):
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Subject G ("R Kromwell"):
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Subject H ("Gawain"):
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Subject I ("Carnie 85"):
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Subject J ("Jeremy"):
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