uses for gnomes

[tinidas]

Reading through another thread I saw:

Originally Posted by Dantes [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

I also wanted to be able to use gnomes as throwing objects. The devs just don't listen. [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Originally Posted by Extunarian [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Do you want to be able to use them as actual projectiles? Or more of a pokemon-style ball that spawns a level 5 gnome cleric that casts minor heal on you before being savagely ripped apart?

I'd be for either.

and I thought to myself: self, what other uses for gnomes are there?

1. Ogres of course think they make excellent baking ingredients
2. Dead ones make a decent doorstop assuming the door isn't too heavy (live ones move too much)

what clever uses for gnomes can you think of?

[Retan]

1. Paper weights
2. Spirit wolf treats
3. Fishing lure/bobber
4. Football/soccerball/kickball
5. punching bag filler
6. Archery practice
7. Hummingbird sized "scarecrow"
8. Gnome kabobs http://everquest.allakhazam.com/db/r...l?recipe=13131
9. Garden decor
10. Mammoth tampons
Just to name a few.

[Shannacore]

Originally Posted by Retan [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

10. Mammoth tampons

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[azeth]

1-10. Gnome Pickles

Thanks Boomba <3

[Skope]

way to tick off ninik, fellas. now none of you are ever getting any rezzes

[Dantes]

Originally Posted by Retan [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

10. Mammoth tampons

Hilarious!

1. Bowling Pins
2. Ottomans
3. Link your Gnomes to create bridges over lava
4. Cannon balls
5. Gnomes in Indicolate could be a Replacement Sand Giant Mustache
6. Q-Tips for Giants (only if they have hair)

[Duuvyenx]

1. Ditch Filler – Not filling ditches with shovels, manual labor is too much to expect of gnomes. No, I mean rolling their geriatric little bodies into ditches.

2. Cannon Fodder – While sending wave after wave of tiny old men into battle actually seems to increase the fervor with which your enemies fight, and the doughy, limp sword arms of gnomes are more suited for spreading butter than havoc, using gnomes as cannon fodder at least accomplishes one noble goal. Fewer gnomes.

3. Manure spreader – gnomes are closer to the earth than most other races. What better way to show your appreciation at one of these little ingrates than forcing him to stand knee-deep in horse pies all day?

4. Burglary – They’re going to steal everything that’s not nailed down anyway. Why not take advantage of their natural proclivities and have them steal something from someone else for a change.

5. Courier Service – gnomes are pretty slow, and worthless, but at least by employing them as couriers, worthless and slow somewhere else.

6. Jester – Gnome jesters are usually a pretty boring lot, wasting everyone’s time with their “riddle games” and “oral traditions” (the only “oral tradition” I’ve ever seen a gnome participate in is filling their mouth with everything they can grab at the table), but once you tie sacks on their feet and set their pants on fire, they’re a laugh riot!

7. Harem Guard – Gnomes make perfect harem guards because Yuck. Old balls.

8. Ring Bearer – Sending a gnome on a dangerous mission into evil territory is a great way to get rid of them for a while. If they manage to come back at all, atleast they were gone for awhile.

9. Poison Taster – Gnomes never turn down a free meal, and using one as your poison taster has two benefits in the case of poisoning attempts, You’re not dead. A Gnome is.

10. Fertilizer – For best effect, plant your gnomes head down.

11. Underdark Emissaries – Gnomes are used to the cramped dark quarters underground, so they’re well suited to pay visits to the troll, dark elfs, and other underdark nasties. Just make sure to give them papers that indicate they’re there to represent your rivals in case the underdark denizens get angry at the constant harassment. Don’t worry. The gnomes won’t figure it out. They’re all illiterate.

12. Dog Walker – Gnomes aren’t exactly the most spry creatures, so they’ll need encouragement to walk your dogs at a brisk pace. A few juicy steaks tied around their neck is the perfect motivator. Just make sure to hang them in the back where the gnome can’t get his arthritic little fingers on them.

13. Soup Maker – Gnomes make a superb soup, assuming no one’s got a particularly discriminating pallet, and you fish the tunic and tiny pants out before you serve.

14. Curse Checker – Over 37% of the treasure adventurers find is cursed. Help sort it out without identification magic by letting a gnome fiddle with it a bit first. Gnomes expect a great pay rate for this job, but don’t worry. They’ll usually be happy to work for all the items you decide you don’t want to keep.

15. Speed Bump – Kiting can be tough when snare doesn't stick. Try carrying a backpack full of gnomes with you, and spread them out in the area your gona kite in. Hopefully the mobs will trip over them.

16. Bootlick – Everyone feel smugly superior to gnomes to begin with because gnomes are filthy little amoral indigents. Watching a gnbome that’s actually trying to make you feel superior is as close to artwork as a gnome will ever come with it’s greasy sausage fingers.

17. Ninja looters – Everyone hates used ninja looters. Everyone hates gnomes. Hiring a gnome as a ninja looter actually positively impacts your karma, by reducing the number of inherently hated people in the world by one.

18. Monster Bait – Properly bathed and spice rubbed gnomes are second only to halflings in delicious aroma and gnomes come in convenient monster-bite sized packages. Just remember to bring two in case the monster skipped breakfast.

19. Sleep Coach – Having trouble sleeping due to an unfortunate curse or lumpy mattress? Gnomes are the masters of sleeping pretty much whenever and wherever, so if you can keep one conscious long enough to give you tips, you’ll be nodding off in no time.

20. Bar Promoter – Bars do better business the more popular they appear to be, and gnomes are notorious drunkards, so offering a special on half-pints will fill your establishment with sloshing little bodies in no time and since they’re small, they’re easy to toss out the door when real customers arrive.

21. Scam Orphan – Shave a gnome's gray balding head, and you can easily pass them off as an abused child from a race people actually care about. Take advantage of the kindness many establishments feel for abused children by asking for donations, or just send in your shaved monkey to rob the place blind.

22. Coachman – Not only do most animals run faster with a gnome behind them, but a gnome coachman also doubles as a convenient stepstool for entry and exit from their coach.

23. Con Man – One would think that the natural distrust everyone feels towards gnomes would make them poor confidence men, but in fact, a gnome can make good use of their reputation as nasty little liars by telling their mark the exact opposite of what they want them to believe.

24. Sewer Worker – Most races dislike working in the sewers because of the overwhelming odor. Gnomes are not only used to overpowering stenches, but the average sewer smell is a step up from gnome body odor, so gnome sewer workers not only don’t mind the smell, but also postpone their need for their yearly bath.

25. Boat Anchor – Not only does tying up a gnome and tossing them overboard stop their incessant chatter and give them a much needed rinse, but the iron grip of their jaws on nearby lichen encrusted rocks will hold your ship fast.

26. Rat Catcher – As if gnomes weren’t close enough to the ground already, they spend most of their time laying around. Add to that that their favorite places to wallow are trash heaps and garbage bins, and gnomes can catch rats while passed out like the drunken transients they are. Hell, most of the time they’ll even eat the rats before they can waddle back to the bounty office, so you don’t even have to pay them!

[azeth]

Originally Posted by Duuvyenx [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

21. Scam Orphan – Shave a gnome's gray balding head, and you can easily pass them off as an abused child from a race people actually care about. Take advantage of the kindness many establishments feel for abused children by asking for donations, or just send in your shaved monkey to rob the place blind.

this thread has been won.

[Retan]

Originally Posted by Duuvyenx [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

1. Ditch Filler – Not filling ditches with shovels, manual labor is too much to expect of gnomes. No, I mean rolling their geriatric little bodies into ditches.!

Have I told...you lately.. that I love you...
I pisssed my pants twice before getting to number #14.

[Extunarian]

I read this:

23. Con Man – One would think that the natural distrust everyone feels towards gnomes would make them poor confidence men, but in fact, a gnome can make good use of their reputation as nasty little liars by telling their mark the exact opposite of what they want them to believe.

And thought of this:
http://www.project1999.org/forums/showthread.php?t=8417