Originally Posted by Knuckle
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fuck it ill just post the story
Conversation with Gyno's Wife(literally)
Estrang87
(11:06:59 AM): so ive been reading alot of tucker ma
(11:07:00 AM): max
(11:07:02 AM): last night
(11:07:08 AM): was my deaf friends 28th birthday
Pyrosprial
(11:07:12 AM): this is the wife, hes asleep
Estrang87
(11:07:15 AM): so he wanted to go to a strip club
(11:07:20 AM): ok well
(11:07:24 AM): you can listen to the story too
Pyrosprial
(11:07:30 AM): lol
Estrang87
(11:07:33 AM): anyway
(11:07:42 AM): so i decide im going to get completely shitfaced
(11:07:47 AM): a) becuase ive been reading tucker max
(11:07:52 AM): b) becuase i havent drank in 2 weeks
(11:07:57 AM): c) becuase im not driving
(11:08:13 AM): we stop at a bar to pregame since its no drinks in this full nude club or whatever
(11:08:19 AM): i quickly down 5 beers
(11:08:30 AM): a buddy has a long island thats real strong, he wont drink it and offers it
(11:08:50 AM): after the obligatory questions about STDS around his mouth i decide to quaff this concotion as well
Estrang87
(11:09:05 AM): at this point, 45minutes into the night, i am drunk
(11:09:10 AM): we start heading to the club
(11:09:26 AM): and i start talking some serious shit about how everyones a pussy if we dont stop at the gas station to get more beer before we go
(11:09:56 AM): so we get into the gate station and i was just gonna grab a corona or something and my buddy starts shit talking me so i end up grabbing a god damn four loko
(11:10:30 AM): four loko = 24 oz. can with 12percent; alcohol, ur standard budlight is about 4.5percent; alcohol 12oz as a comparison, not to mention it has a shitload of energy drink bullshit in it guaranteed to make u batshit insane
(11:10:56 AM): so i manage to force that shit down into my protesting stomach
(11:11:02 AM): we arrive at the club and go in
Estrang87
(11:11:12 AM): im full on asshole drunk now so the night is bound to get interesting
(11:11:38 AM): we are sitting at a table in the back, its a small club with three stages and mirrors behind the dancers
(11:11:42 AM): one pole for each stage
(11:12:05 AM): after aabout 20 minutes a couple strippers go around and start making smalltalk with potential clientel
(11:12:21 AM): apparently with the economy going to shit even the losers that regular these dives are stingy with tips now
(11:12:33 AM): so they have to go around tables asking for dances and stuff
(11:12:56 AM): anyway one of these whores comes up to me asking if i want a dance, i tell her sure but im not paying for shit, she looks flustered and walks to someone else
Estrang87
(11:13:31 AM): another chick comes up a minute later, she pretty cute, about 30, real nice ass, not tan at all tho which is fine, and some short hair kinda like the singer from garbage if u know ur grunge 90s music
Pyrosprial
(11:13:53 AM): k
Estrang87
(11:14:02 AM): she asks if i want a dance i said fuck no im not paying for anything, if SHE wants to play some billiards with me she can go get some quarters from the bartender
(11:14:13 AM): she laughs and says shes not a volunteer
(11:14:20 AM): but actually goes and gets some quarters
(11:14:32 AM): i still think shes full of shit untill she actually puts them in and racks the table
(11:15:13 AM): anyway i guess it was like 15minutes before her shift, im so drunk i am shooting absolutely terrible, and i normally pride myself on my pool game as it usually turns chicks on
Estrang87
(11:15:48 AM): so she slowly beats me in two painfully slow games where i have enough trouble just hitting the qball, she probably thought i was mentally retarded at this point
(11:16:12 AM): after the 2nd game to spare me more embarassment losing to a stripper in pool she says she has to go on stage
(11:16:28 AM): i reluctantly watch her leave noticing the subtle curve of her ass cheeks as she struts to the stage
(11:16:38 AM): fishnets and black thong, very classy stuff
Pyrosprial
(11:16:45 AM): lol
Estrang87
(11:17:01 AM): throughout the night i have several more bullshit conversations with strippers, one was black and she was cool as fuck with me being a complete dick
(11:17:09 AM): so when she went on stage
(11:17:21 AM): i had no qualms in my drunken stupor of slapping her ass and telling her to show the pussy
(11:17:39 AM): at this point a bouncer walks up and informs me i will be forcibly removed if i touch another dancer on stage
Estrang87
(11:17:56 AM): the girl was actually kinda trying to hide a laugh after this, so i didnt sweat it
(11:18:30 AM): my buddy blows about 400 bucks during these misadventures, the motherfucker is just a goldmine for these whores
(11:18:55 AM): so naturally when he leaves the stage area and sits at my table these bitches just swarm around us to suck some more coin from my naive friend
(11:19:01 AM): in addition to being deaf he is also a crack baby
(11:19:04 AM): not even joking
(11:19:05 AM): anyway
(11:19:19 AM): another girl comes up to me i tell her im only taking a dance if she sucks my dick
(11:19:29 AM): this scores me some very rude words
(11:19:42 AM): and later when shes on stage, anytime we make eye contact she gives me the bird
(11:19:48 AM): i percieve this as a good sign
Estrang87
(11:20:07 AM): apparently im being a real asshole becuase a stripper dumps a soda on me later in the night
(11:20:19 AM): again, i percieve this as a good sign
(11:20:37 AM): since i dont really give a fuck and all these tools are quiet little bitches forking over money, im getting free physical contact
(11:20:59 AM): at some point later in the night the black chick gives me a lapdance for free which is all i really wanted, a free lapdance
(11:21:16 AM): she looked like a pretty hot pornstar so i was satisfied even with the jungle tone of skin
(11:21:59 AM): after wandering around the club looking for the bathroom a few times my other friend informs me its time to leave, a loudly bid farewell to all the skanks and am met with several curses a few laughs and alot of fuck yous
(11:22:05 AM): I*
Estrang87
(11:22:08 AM): I loudly*
(11:22:59 AM): that prettymuch concludes my evening of shennanigans, and i daresay i made tucker max proud, i even forgot the funny stuff involving my other friends, as i made it a point to be as self absorbed and ego centric as possible
(11:23:11 AM): a good night i say
(11:23:20 AM): i hope u leave this up for ur hubby
(11:23:27 AM): a quality read
Pyrosprial
(11:23:28 AM): ya i will
(11:23:56 AM): wouldnt it have just been easier to go to a bar and lie your ass of saying your someone famous to get layed?
Pyrosprial
(11:26:15 AM): As a chick I really dont understand the concept of paying for a chick to rub on you and get you horny, but not getting anything out of it sexually except maybe masterbation material. Just sayen, Id buy a hooker before a went to a strip club, and then you can beat the bitch if she talks shit like the cocky strippers
Estrang87
(11:26:51 AM): lol
(11:26:53 AM): yeah
(11:26:57 AM): well
(11:27:03 AM): my friend is dumb and its what he wanted
Pyrosprial
(11:27:06 AM): lol
Estrang87
(11:27:07 AM): i have no idea why strip clubs are fun
(11:27:15 AM): except that they look real nice and even HD porn doesnt compare
(11:27:23 AM): so yeah its got masterbation material for later i guess
Pyrosprial
(11:27:26 AM): darren and I went once togeather, got a lapdance togeather
(11:27:37 AM): total waste of money
Estrang87
(11:27:41 AM): pretty much
(11:27:46 AM): the only point to strip clubs
(11:27:48 AM): is doing what i did
(11:27:56 AM): and maybe getting lucky by getting a number or free dance
(11:28:05 AM): i didnt put a single dollar bill in one of those thongs
Pyrosprial
(11:28:11 AM): im heather btw, who are you?
Estrang87
(11:28:13 AM): and got two free games of pool
Estrang87
(11:28:18 AM): and i got to slap an ass
(11:28:20 AM): so
(11:28:26 AM): my name is mike
(11:28:34 AM): i played everquest with darren last year and stuff
Pyrosprial
(11:28:35 AM): oh ok, you play EQ with darren?
(11:28:37 AM): ya ok
Estrang87
(11:28:52 AM): so when hes being an asshole on the microhpone program me and him were talking on it sometimes
(11:29:01 AM): real funny guy
(11:29:08 AM): thats why i was willing to type this story out for him
(11:29:22 AM): he named his character littlegyno
Pyrosprial
(11:29:25 AM): im sure he will get a kick out of it when he gets up
Estrang87
(11:29:34 AM): he has the intellect of a fucking 4 year old guess thats why we get along
(11:29:47 AM): or sense of humor rather
Pyrosprial
(11:29:50 AM): oddly enough he is extreamly smart
Estrang87
(11:29:55 AM): yeah that came out wrong
Pyrosprial
(11:30:01 AM): just a fucked up sence of humor
Estrang87
(11:30:03 AM): guess he just has a retarded sense of humor, that sounds more dead on
Estrang87
(11:30:18 AM): you cant be too dumb to meticulously paint warhammer figurines
Pyrosprial
(11:30:34 AM): he keeps trying to get me to paint them
Estrang87
(11:30:37 AM): LOL
Pyrosprial
(11:30:40 AM): hell to the no
Estrang87
(11:30:47 AM): that just made my day
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05-19-2011, 02:31 PM
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