Iron Lion Server Event 1/23/2013

[SamwiseRed]

lol i didnt read that until now. A+

[Cwall 52.0]

Originally Posted by Rooster_Cogburn [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Checkraise stared emotionlessly at the gun he held in his hand. This was a culminating point of his life – all those missed opportunities, all those filthy whore women who rejected him, all those empty packets of burritos, laying scattered across his room like crusty pieces of his dignity. What a life...a wasted one at that, and what better a way to go than dying and rotting alone the way he lived – surrounded by his own filth and shortcomings. He wondered if they would need some kind of special crane of machine to remove his bloated corpse.
Checkraise furrowed his brow, the sweat slowly dripping down his clammy chins. This was it, maybe one last pizza would be ordered. He couldn’t go dying on an empty stomach now could he? To Google he went. But then, in a moment of desolation, Checkraise decided to revisit his lost love, to give his old cruel mistress, one last glimpse....
”E..V….E….R…..Q…U…” as he typed in to Google, Checkraise saw something that would avert his suicide, and give his life meaning once again. “EVERQUEST Project 1999 Classic Everquest Server.” His heart skipped a bit, his pupils dilated, his boner boned for the first time in years.
No longer would he have to live in this shame filled world, no longer would his knowledge of ancient computer games go unchecked, no longer would he have to live as a level 1 in his parent’s basement.…this was a new dawn….this was…THE BIRTH OF CHECKRAISE.

I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT THESE STORIES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE TRUE AND THAT MY STORY IS 100% TRUE WHEREAS THIS ONE IS SIMPLY A FANCIFUL TALE

still p funny tho :3

[Proverbs28]

cant reward a prize without hearing a few about Hammertime / boner / soldier

extending contest 1 day.

[juicedsixfo]

Originally Posted by Quim [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

story

F- for literally raping the profound and legendary story of Fansy

[Clark]

Ironlion and Hammertime are gay with each other.

That is all.

[Graahle]

Originally Posted by Quim [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Ricardo was a level 5 good bard -- in P99 Red EverQuest terms barely potty-trained and so low other players couldn't attack him. His only combat ability was running faster than a group of lumbering Sand Giants. But Ricardo had a plan. He realized that his simple, intimidating power could be turned into a devastating weapon could kill everyone everywhere. So in the middle of a battle that he had no right surviving for more than a minute, Ricardo provoked two dozen of the Sand Giants into attacking him. This probably looked profoundly stupid to anyone who bothered to pay attention, since Sand Giants can kill everything.

And then Ricardo started running. What he'd realized is that Sand Giants can only kill what they can catch. And since he was one of the only things in the game that didn't fall under that category, he could kill everything with Sand Giant while they tried to catch him. Ricardo annihilated vast swathes of the server by running away at them.

[You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]
You'll notice that one giant is 1) 20 times the size of a player and 2) screwing that entire building.

But Ricardo true exploit was making sure his victims deserved it. He'd wandered around the P99 Red server like a fantasy Forrest Gump being nice to people, wearing bright colors, and being called Ricardo, ensuring that everyone had called him a fag at least twice. Then he unleashed vengeance with a vast conga line of burly giants pounding everyone's asses. At which point the cool evil players suddenly decided "no rules" was unfair and whined until moderators arrived. The first moderator to show up said "cool," reminded Ricardo there were no rules, and enjoyed watching him do it.

The second asked him to stop, based on a rule on the no rules server (which hadn't existed earlier that day), and Ricardo acquiesced. All someone had to do was ask nicely! Which no one on red server had tried, although they had tried calling him a no-life 12-year-old basement-dwelling homo one million times. It's a little strange that people playing a fantasy game would hate him so much, since he's basically recreated the the exact plot of Lord of the Rings for them: a small, underpowered idiot using unkillable allies to defeat a land of evil. We're sure the irony wasn't lost on Ricardo, and that he was just too nice to point it out.

No citations, F--. http://www.notacult.com/fansythefamous.htm

[Safon]

Are the people these stories are about the biggest losers of red or something?

[Proverbs28]

Originally Posted by Safon [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Are the people these stories are about the biggest losers of red or something?

if antisocial behavior and stuff like this interests you, i suggest rolling a char on Red 99.

http://www.nihilumguild.com/

is always recruiting! [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

[galvaunis]

Originally Posted by Proverbs28 [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

cant reward a prize without hearing a few about Hammertime.

So hammertime and I are grouping, I'm on my troll warrior bradmcquaid and we're all like lol fags im owning your face with grinders and shit

im all whispering these guys as we kill them and take theres monies, sweet mun muns. I was taking alot though, hammertime was helping me, and teaching me throguh the mumbler, so I said, hey mang u take the next ones money lol

hes like, shut the fuck up faggot, which means yes inn hammertalk

so we find thsi assling all like crouching and trying to run its like wtf dude why you slow, just hid or some shit, anyways we beatin the shits outa him, and hes buggde or something he cant hide, though that dont matter hammerturd can seee the assvissies anyways,

but im like bro why you going so slow huh lol lol ass face derp derp, and hes like dont, i pay you, dont kill bro

hammertime initiate hammer time and kills his face, theres blood and stuff and hamemrtimes screamin about eating his trhorat and stuff on mublmle lol its pretty awesome, but then he loots, and hes like, woah

he was doign a transfer to guk or some shits (innythouls my home) so he had like 199k! bro! so im like yo hammertime i need some of that shit i got to upgrade this tarnished 2handed sword that ogre bros gave me

and hes like fucking motherfuck fagfuck motherfucking fag suck dickfag god damn white boy fucking fuck, and im like yeah i know, but you got lots oh mun mun, so hes loik fucking fuckdamn dick drink fuckfaggoty dick drink fucking cock fuck,

and im like, dude, i use your words like a big man, little bitch, and he starts to go crazy with some stuff about paula abdul that i cant repeat, im not sure what it all meant.

so i email furor to log on and help me, and hes like sure brad mcquaid i found a better way to clean up the santorum, and im like what, shut up lol wtf, so he logs on his golden god fansyfuror, the bard warrior hybrid to slice the McShit out of hammerslime it was truly a sight to see,

happytime is all all yellin on mumblers and shit while i laugh, yiblaans screaming and crying man it was the rulest, dieling like a little bitch so furor and i could take all his sweet mun mun loot, THE DOOBLE CROST YUH!

it was a great day, i finally upgradede to a ogre meat cleaver, and

then

I ported up to the house around 7 or 8 (game time)
And I yelled to the assling 'yo homes smell ya later'
Looked at my kingdom with reception and pomp
To sit on my throne as the Prince of the swamp

-bradmcquaid troll warrior 5th seaseon, tank spec, ogre meat cleaver, ogre apron thing

suck a d

[Nirgon]

I had more lyrics to mine but I'd get forum banned