So I got dumped today

[gotrocks]

Ok, for real though let me explain.

#1 you need to move on. This will always be #1, #1 is your friend. Move on.

Second, this girl who you probably still have feelings for is most likely getting beaten on by some prick, and is definitely without a doubt getting abused. You want to stop it, but it's not like you can call her and tell her to get out, and you certainly can not ninja stalk her and jump her one day when she's alone because she will likely run away screaming and possibly initiate a restraining order.

So that leaves you with two options.

1) Become a true paragon of virtue, a symbol of hope, and go confront the guy and beat the domestic violence out of him. i imagine this isn't an option for you, because you dont seem like the kind of guy who's taken any relevant combat training (karate/tae kwon do/shit like that doesnt really count, you need some solid kickboxing/wrestling/bjj just in case he actually knows how to fight). So that leaves option 2,

2)I guaran-fucking-tee when this all came out to him she didnt sit there and go, 'yes, man who's likely to flip out and hit me when he finds out ive been cheating, i've been fucking <insert pokemon masters name here> for 8 months on the regular, sorry just thought i'd let you know."

It likely sounded more like this, "yes baby, i just did it once or twice, i dont remember because i was being so stupid and felt soooo bad, i rly want your penis for life kplzdonthitme?" SO.

Clearly, what you have to do to save everyone, including yourself, is call this guy up ( i assume his name is chet. maybe brad. make sure you call his iphone, i bet he has an iphone), let him know what a POKEMON SLUT WHORE his girlfriend is, and i mean really fuckin give it to the guy, tell him every nasty fantasy you two played out and how many times you did it. ENGRAVE IN hIS bRAIN that his sweet lilttle punching bag is in fact a raging pikakchu whore. This will accomplish your goals.

I'm not crazy brotha, im just really good at real life.