Old EQ storys

[Crone]

Like Yoite, it took me a few days to read it from work while bored. Holy crap.. insane crazy!

[YoNorrath]

I couldn't read that whole thing. My brain started to hurt.

[aggresor223]

Wow, I am almost speechless. To go to the extent that you went ...WOW........wtf is wrong in your head? don't get tortured or commanded around enough in real life? You willingly let your self be abused by some terrible people. I want to know what the son is doing right now..LOL I wonder how he came out knowing his mom was a role playing eq hooker/slave. UNREAL, I spent most the day reading this thing...a good 4-5 hours if not longer. good story..the author was one messed up women tho..then again...never really met one that wasn't bat-shit crazy. never this bat-shit crazy tho....OMG [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.][You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.][You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.][You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.][You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.][You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

[Darklake]

LOADING, PLEASE WAIT...
You have entered Denny's.
You say, 'Hail Denny's hostess'
Denny's hostess says 'Hello, Tyranadin. Welcome to Denny's. [Smoking] or [non-smoking]?'
You say, 'non-smoking'
You say, 'I would like non-smoking please'
You say, 'what about non-smoking'
Denny's hostess says 'Right this way, please.'
You are out of food and drink.
Erlen shouts, 'has anyone seen the waiter?'
Daegarmo shouts, 'no and ive been camping him for a half hour'
You are out of food and drink.
Ester shouts, 'I see him'
Erlen shouts, 'dont kill him, i still have to do the order quest'
You are hungry.
You are thirsty.
You are out of food and drink.
You say, 'Hail Denny's waiter'
Denny's waiter says 'Hello, Tyranadin. You look like you could use some [coffee]'
You say, 'Yes I'll have some coffee'
You say, 'what about coffee'
Denny's waiter says 'Ah, excellent! We have [regular] and [decaf].'
You say, 'I will have some decaf'
You say, 'what about decaf'
You say, 'what about decaffeinated coffee'
Denny's waiter says 'I expected nothing less of you. Here, take this.'
You gain experience!
Your faction standing with Juan Valdez got better
You drink your coffee.
You were hit by non-melee for 39 dmg
YOU are burning!
You shout, 'Ow hehe this coffee's hot'
Kyrani shouts, 'Haha u sux0r'
You are hungry.
You are out of food.
Annoying kid says 'Pikachuuuuuu'
Annoying kid tries to hit YOU, but misses!
Annoying kid tries to hit YOU, but misses!
Annoying kid hits YOU for 3 points of damage.
Auto-attack on.
You hit Annoying kid for 17 points of damage.
You hit Annoying kid for 22 points of damage.
You have slain Annoying kid!
Your faction standing with Disciplineless Mothers got worse
Your faction standing with Denny's Customers got better
Your faction standing with The World at Large got better
Annoying kid's corpse0 says 'My mother will avenge my death!'
You receive 3 copper as your split.
You are hungry.
You are out of food.
Disciplineless mother says 'Your actions and history are a personal affront to all I stand for.'
Disciplineless mother begins casting a spell.
Disciplineless mother pet is enveloped in flames.
Off-duty police officer says 'Hey! No pets in the building!'
Disciplineless mother pet hits YOU for 18 points of damage.
Off-duty police officer hits Disciplineless mother for 287 points of damage.
Off-duty police officer hits Disciplineless mother for 234 points of damage.
Off-duty police officer kicks Disciplineless mother for 27 points of damage.
Disciplineless mother is slain by Off-duty police officer!
Disciplineless mother pet hits YOU for 12 points of damage.
Off-duty police officer hits Disciplineless mother pet for 262 points of damage.
Off-duty police officer was burned.
Disciplineless mother pet is slain by Off-duty police officer!
Off-duty police officer says 'Let this be a lesson, that none can withstand the wrath of the San Diego Department of Public Safety.'
You are hungry.
You are out of food.
You say, 'Hail Denny's waiter'
Denny's waiter says 'Can I get you some more [coffee]?'
You say, 'No, I want to place my order'
You say, 'Can I place my order?'
You say, 'Let me place my order dammit!'
Denny's waiter says 'Ah, would you like to try our [Grand Slam Breakfast]?'
You say, 'I will have the grand slam breakfast'
Denny's waiter says 'How would you like your [eggs]?'
You say, 'scrambled'
You say, 'I would like them scrambled'
You say, 'what about eggs'
Denny's waiter says 'You can have [scrambled eggs] or [fried eggs].'
You say, 'I will have scrambled eggs'
Denny's waiter says 'Excellent, would you like anything to drink? Some [orange juice], perhaps?'
You say, 'I will have orange juice'
You say, 'what about orange juice'
Denny's waiter says 'Our orange juice is fresh squeezed from concentrate.'
You say, 'give me orange juice'
Denny's waiter says 'Okay, I'll be right back with your orange juice.'
You gain experience!
You are hungry.
You are out of food.
Gordon shouts, 'Attention, your bacon is now raw, because fully-cooked bacon lacks the inherent risks associated with our Vision of Bacon.'
Valshire shouts, 'Wait a minute, this bacon hasn't been cooked for months'
Gordon shouts, 'Uhh... yes it has.'
Tunso shouts, 'You kidding? We've been complaining about this stuff being raw for ages'
Gordon shouts, 'Uh, whatever.'
Gordon shouts, 'Oh.'
Gordon shouts, 'uh.... I've just been informed that the bacon has been raw for several months now, but we were unable to determine this until we fixed a bug with the pancakes, which were previously large enough to obscure the bacon.'
Gordon shouts, '... Oh, yeah, we nerfed your pancakes too.'
Denny's waiter says 'Here is your breakfast, Tyranadin.'
You gain experience!
Your faction standing with Denny's Customers got worse
Scrambled eggs looks at you threateningly - what would you like your tombstone to say?
You taste your eggs.
You are chilled to the bone.
You shout, 'oh man my eggs are cold'
Tunso shouts, 'petition a manager then'
You petition, 'my scrambled eggs are cold'
Raynara shouts, 'Ack train to restroom!!!'
Aikbach says, 'Cailleach, I still can't believe you can eat this stuff'
Denny's waiter says 'Here is your breakfast, Cailleach.'
Cailleach begins to cast a spell.
Cailleach is protected from poison.
Cailleach says, 'I always come prepared'
You shout, 'Man, where's the manager'
Kyrani shouts, 'Haha u pteitond a managr u sux0r'
Napoca tells you, 'Greetings, Tyranadin, I am Napoca, the Denny's manager. How can I assist you?'
You tell Napoca, 'my scrambled eggs are cold'
Napoca tells you, 'I will be with you as soon as possible, please stay patient'
You sip your coffee.
A cool breeze slips through your mind.
Napoca says, 'Greetings, Tyranadin. Are your eggs still cold?'
You say, 'yes'
Napoca begins to cast a spell.
Scrambled eggs burst into flame.
Napoca says, 'Take care'
Elionia says, 'Ack, I don't feel so well'
Elionia begins to cast a spell.
Alka-Seltzer staggers.
Elionia staggers.
Elionia beams a smile at Alka-Seltzer.
Elionia says, 'Ahhh, I feel much better now...'
Denny's waiter says 'Here, let me clear that away for you.'
You say, 'Hey, wait, that's my food, I'm not done yet....'
You shout, 'Hey, this waiter took my food'
Erlen shouts, 'Yep, they do that sometimes if you let your food sit there'
You say, 'Hail Denny's waiter'
Denny's waiter says 'Hello there, Tyranadin, how can I help you?'
You say, 'Check please'
Denny's waiter says 'Okay, here you go.'
You gain experience!
You say, 'Hail Denny's cashier'
Denny's cashier says 'Hello there, would you like to pay your [check]?'
You say, 'Yes I want to pay my check'
You say, 'what about my check'
Denny's cashier says 'You must give me the check before I can reveal more to you.'
Denny's cashier says 'Ah, excellent! Would you like to know your [total]?'
You gain experience!
Your faction standing with Denny's Cashiers got better
You say, 'what is my total'
Denny's cashier says 'Your total is 6 gold, 7 silver, 9 copper. Will you be paying with a [MasterCard]?'
You say, 'yes I will use a mastercard'
Denny's cashier says 'Unfortunately your MasterCard is over-limit. Would you prefer to pay with [cash]?'
Your faction standing with MasterCard got worse
Your faction standing with Cheesy-Ass High-Interest-Rate Credit Card Companies got better
You say, 'yes I will pay with cash'
Denny's cashier says 'Your total is 6 gold, 7 silver, 9 copper then.'
You gain experience!
You receive 2 silver.
You receive 1 copper.
Denny's waiter says 'You have stiffed me on my tip for the last time!'
Denny's waiter crushes YOU for 217 points of damage!
Denny's waiter crushes YOU for 204 points of damage!
Denny's waiter hits YOU for 226 points of damage!
Denny's waiter tries to hit YOU, but misses!
Denny's waiter bashes YOU for 74 points of damage!
You are stunned.
Denny's waiter crushes YOU for 189 points of damage!
You are bleeding to death!
Denny's waiter crushes YOU for 221 points of damage!
You have been slain by Denny's waiter!
You are no longer stunned.
LOADING, PLEASE WAIT...
You have entered Verant.
You shout, 'Can I get a SOW? My corpse is all the way over in Denny's'
Kyrani shouts, 'Haha u sux0r'

[Hobby]

bump for the lawls: seeing as how it is now Kunark era

[Lady_Omelia]

that Denny's post is packed with LOLs, the "I always come prepared" was my fave.

[Kika Maslyaka]

The Druid Universal Conspiracy to Kill (DUCK!)
-- Rolli Polli, Retired Druid of Rodcet Nife (and one cool fellow)

Our conspiracy has gone on for too long and it has finally been uncovered by the normals. It's time to fess up. Yes, we the Druids of Norrath have been in a conspiracy with Verant Interactive, Sony Online Entertainment, Microsoft, Disney, the Catholic Church, UUNet, the Masons, Ford Motor Company, and *your* ISP for the past few years. It has been the goal of this conspiracy to ruin the game play of every non druid in EQ, get ph4t l3wt for the druid army, create a master race of dr00dz, and steal the formula for Coke Classic. We have thus far succeeded with everything but the Coke deal, however there is a guy who will trade it to multi-quest Jboots for him. -- Someone get on that please.
I would like to apologize on behalf of the Druid Universal Conspiracy to Kill, AKA DUCK, for the following:

- KSing that fire beetle from you in west commons when you were level 1. Hey, it was dark and we thought you needed help. Yes, I know that a 49th level druid could cast Greater Heal just as easily as Starfire, but we druids all forgot how to heal around level 20.

- Getting clerics nerfed into uselessness, along with warriors, necromancers, wizards, mages, enchanters, rogues and rangers. It was a drunken bet and we didn't think they'd actually do it.

- Training those fifteen hill giants over you in the Rathe Mountains. After all if you don't want to fight, you shouldn't sit in the far back corner, up against the wall, where nobody can find you, it was hard enough getting all of those giants to aggro on you in the first place...

- Taking your spot in the orc group when you were level 10. While it's not our fault that your class sucks, we do occasionally feed pizzas and nachos laced with morphine to the Verant staff but that is only to keep them under our power.

- World War II. -- Sorry, don't know what happened here. Give one newbie a Skin Like Nature and next thing you know he's invading Poland.

- Global warming. It's a well known fact that quad kiting causes global warming. All those druids running around at high speed has thrown the planet off blaance and it is slowly moving towards the sun. Don't worry, if we get too close, we'll all just run in the opposite direction for a while.

- The DOT related corpse poofing bug. If we can't get the loot, then you can't either. We have a secret look-ahead algorithm that determines if we would have won the /random for the drop. In the event of a predicted loss, screw you mode is engaged and DOTs start flying.

- World hunger. Sure we could take all this foraged food we don't want and give it to those starving kids in Africa, but it will take at least five minutes to port there and back. We don't want to lose our shot at the FBSS if it drops then...

- World War I. OK, it is COMPLETELY not our fault that Archduke Ferdinand could not get a port and had to walk. How were we supposed to know he would get jumped and ganked by PKers? I think wizards should share the blame here, but they refuse to fess up. Hindsight shows us that we could have helped avoid a lot of trouble though.

- Original Sin. Heh, that's a good story. It wasn't actually a snake, we made that up to cover for us. It was a druid in tree-form who just wanted to have some fun with a couple of n00bs. How were we supposed to know that they were going to get /petitioned? Honest mistake, won't happen again.

- Alien Abduction. Nope, that's all a sham too. We port into the middle of nowhere, see if some unsuspecting lowbie wants a quick port home and then leave them on Rigel 7. We made up that UFO thing cause the GMs were getting on to us.

- Richard Nixon. -- What were we thinking?

- The Decline of Western Civilization. In truth, this really isn't our fault. It's just a combination of all the other things we've done, compounded by corporate greed, human indifference, general moral decay and rap music. Might as well take the blame for this one though, we've got nothing better to do.

Again, I would like to apologize you on behalf of the DUCK. If, in the future, any further wrongdoings by druids come to light we will be apologizing for them here. We've done so much that we just plum can't keep track of it all and our book keeping is terrible.

------------------------------------------------------------


Attack of the Killer Gnome
Unknown Source - was posted on original SOE newbie forums

I was invisible and running through the Karanas one day when I noticed a young gnome near the gypsy camp. He was fighting a lion and though it looked like he would win the battle, being a fellow gnome, I decided to help the guy out.

I targeted the lion, clicked on my mesmerize spell, then *started* to type: "I'm mesmerizing the lion for you." I got as far as: "I'm " when I remembered that I had replaced my mesmerize spell with an Area of Effect mesmerize spell... and that I was standing next to an NPC enchantress. Gulp.

My movement keys are mapped to "w a s d" so I frantically stabbed at my keyboard, trying to MOVE and interrupt the spell.

I forgot that I was in typing mode.

The gypsy enchantress didn't like my attempt to mezz her so she promptly charmed me and made me go after the gnome I had been trying to *save*. I watched in horror as my peace-loving character, knife flailing like a crazed sushi chef, chased the little guy down and stabbed him to death.

I found my victim later and apologized profusely... I even gave him a nice weapon and a piece of armor. He was great about it, and laughed when I told him what happened.

He said he didn't know WHAT was going on. One minute he was fighting a lion, the next minute a strange gnome appeared out of NOWHERE, announced: "I'm wwwaaaddd", then sliced him up like Freddy Krueger.



-------------------------------------------------------


Barm's Tips for Melee Management - Shaman play Guide
By Barm McLir of the Saryn Server (Originally found at Shaman's Crucible's message boards

There are times during your career as a shaman that you'll find yourself grouped with those crazy melee type classes. I offer the following tips for working with the gate-inhibited:

Melees are poor at math and don't understand that 20 mana is less than 100 mana, thus they keep pulling. You can help the tank visualize your mana bar by keeping his health bar at the same level. Some warriors cannot comprehend this either and pull anyway. This is called natural selection.

Paladin get a very annoying ability called Lay of Hands that they carry around like a personal get out of death free card. They will happily pull Venril Sathir to your right courtyard group confident that LoH will save the day. It's imperative that you "fizzle" a few heals, forcing them to burn this right away. Now, your group is relatively safe from your pally for one game day.

Monks get a similar ability called Mend. They tend to be more selfish in its use, so make a hotkey saying Monk, please cast MEND on %t. and click it every two minutes. If they try to claim they can’t, tell them your brother’s 16 monk can Group Mend. Then accuse them of being ebayed.

Tanks think all casters med at something like 500 mana a tick. When you report your current mana they, despite being poor at math, mentally tack on another 30% to compensate for .003 second delay your message spent traversing the internet. To correct for this, subtract 30% from all mana reports. This is called the "Scotty Principle."

Rogue twinks are your enemy. They join the group with 15 hit points left dual wielding 10/10 weapons that proc Insidious Taunt and immediately demand haste. You cannot afford to heal rogues. Give them something with a boot icon -- Scale of Wolf for instance.

Many people do not understand the Ranger class and think they are like that dirty, unshaven guy from Lord of the Rings. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Rangers actually follow very strict principals of honor like Shaolin priests. Under their Bushido-like code, nothing brings more shame than being healed by another. Pat Morita explained this all at the last Fan Fair. He did say they were kinda dirty.

Keep your pet alive over all other group members. You can justify this by explaining that your 55 pet costs 50 mana more than Reviviscence. Be warned, they will try to confuse the issue by pointing out that you can’t even cast Reviviscence. Go into a long dissertation regarding the concept of community mana and the respect thereof.

If melees ask for strength say something like, "Yeah, that would be sweet -- maybe this drolvarg will drop it?" [Optional] Then cast Maniacal Strength on your pet.

Some shaman suggest casting buffs on yourself or a pet as timers so you know when to refresh. While this may sound good on paper, it does not factor in the warrior who clicks off each buff every few minutes trying to check the names.

Don't get angry at the tank who responds to your "OOM" with "haste plz". What they really mean is, "Hastily get thyself to the zone while I buy you precious second with my unworthy life's blood, Good Priest." It's just hard to type all that between the crunching sounds. Respect the dying request of this proud roleplayer.
Back to Life in Everquest

[Maelstrom]

Had to revive this thread....too funny! Here is one from a random EQ board:

Everquest ruined my life - Sgt. Duke's story

6 hours left... I'll pass the time with another stupid popo story. Kinda long --

MMORPGs are taking over the world.

After serving on the 5th floor (maximum security wing) of the Lafayette Parish Correctional Center for probably 2 years, I was finally transferred to Intake / Booking. It was like going from shoveling shit to spreading fertilizer, not much different, but still more prestigious. Although I was still under command of the housing division, I now had a couple of new supervisers to deal with. One of them was Sgt. Jason Duke.

Imagine the guy in high school who had long hair and headbanged to Metallica all day. He had that funny walk, half limp / half pimp. Take that guy and give him a military style crew-cut and throw on a pair of boot camp-style glasses and you have my sergeant. He was probably 6'2", 180 lbs. when soaked. He didn't look like much, but he could kick your ass in a heartbeat.

Before becoming a cop, he'd been a car stereo installer at Ricky Smith Audio. He had some kind of degree in electrical work from a small technical college. He even built his own computers, buying individual parts off the net or in catalogs. (sure, not a big deal for Uber users... but a cop?) I'm also pretty sure he had some kind of ATI fetish because he would actually get mad at me when I talked about my old GeForce.

Somehow the topic of Sony's 'Everquest' came up one day... that was one can of worms I should have fucking left closed.

Sgt. Duke didn't stop talking about his level 79 (or whatever the fuck) Half-Elf Ranger for the next two years. I played once a week, at most, but this guy was on every fucking night. If we worked shift from 6a-6p, he was on by 7:30. He was into it, bad. When he was at work, his wife played. I'm not sure if they even had actual sex anymore, or if they just emoted it.

One night at around 3:45am we had a black female, about 24 years old, come in on a prostitution charge. The city officer who brought her in had used OC on her (pepper spray) and she was really riled up. I was finishing up a basic medical screening on her when Sgt. Duke came and sat next to me. He started the process of collecting property.

"Ma'am, you are going to have to remove your rings."

She just looked at him.

"Ma'am, you need to remove your rings, you are not allowed to take them into the holding cell."

"Fuck you ***** I ain't takin off shit!" So, she was a sweetheart. Time to have some fun...

"Ma'am, if you'd like I can get you some hand lotion to help remove the rings, but I can't allow you to enter the cell with anything of value." I explained this as calmly as I could.

"Bitch, I don't need no fuckin lotion I ain't takin this shit off." I started to see why she got sprayed.

I figured we could get to the rings after she calmed down a bit, so I moved on to the next step; signing the medical release (which only stated that whatever she told me about her medical history was in her best knowledge truthful).

Sgt. Duke was still sitting next to me at this point, positioned in between myself and the female, who was now refusing to sign the paperwork.

"I ain't signin that shit ***** I ain't did shit!"

By this point I was pretty pissed off. "Ma'am, this is not an admission of guilt, this is just your medical screening. If you don't sign this we can't complete your booking and you are going to sit it that holding cell until you sign it. You can't bond out, you can't use the phone, and you are gonna eat shitty bag lunches. I don't care if you stay in there for a week, you are going to sign this paper."

I stood up and handed her medical screening form to the clerk behind the barred windows next to me. "Stamp this 'incomplete' and tell the judge she is refusing to be processed."

With the mention of the word 'judge', our fiesty black friend jumped up and reached for the paper, attempting to grab it out of my hand. Sgt. Duke and his half-elf ranger to the rescue...

With lightning speed, he stood up and grabbed her by the arm, yanking her away from me and towards the wall. "Don't you EVER raise your hand to one of my deputies!" he yelled at her as he brought her hands behind her back and tugged her towards the property room sink. I shook the amazement off of my face and rushed towards them, grabbing her by the arm to keep Sgt. Duke from slamming her into another wall.

"And you are GOING to take these rings off, or I'm going to CUT them off!" He frantically turned the faucet on and scrubbed her hands with soap, working the rings off in the process.

I could have sworn I saw him smiling.

With the rings off, he practically dragged her back to the screening table and sat her down in the seat. "Are you gonna sign this paper or not?"

"Yeah. Fuck." she said, accepting the pen from my sergeant and scribbling her name on the form. He escorted her to the cell and slammed the door behind her.

"What the fuck was that sarge?" I asked, unsuccesfully trying to hide my laughter.

"I lost my +52 Dragonskin breastplate last night, and I can't find one at the bazaar." He was dead fucking serious.

I lost it. I stumbled down the hallway, tears streaming from my eyes, laughing hysterically. Drunken inmates were watching me through the plastic windows, dumbstruck. Sgt. Duke could never figure out why I was laughing.

Fast forward two years... This morning I'm sitting at my desk auditing yesterday's shipping charges when my manager comes over to shoot the bull.

"How was your weekend?" he asked me, staring down at his nails.

"OK I guess, why?"

"I bought a computer game for my kid for Easter, but I haven't given it to him yet, I've been playing it all weekend. I think I'm going to buy him another copy and give it to him for his birthday."

"You spent all weekend playing a computer game you bought for your son?" My head was filled with questions until he laid my mind to rest with four simple words:

"Ever heard of Everquest?"

[hedbonker]

The Quon:

"Level 62 Cleric Looking for guild !
This is a general application for all guilds, it's just easier this way than for me to post on all guild sites.

I know I'll make a great contribution to your guild because I've been a great member of many other guilds. If those guilds weren't so irritating I would still be helping them.

I am not in school anymore so I have a lot of time to play EQ, around 8 to 10 hours a day is pretty normal for me. So, I'll be around to group with you anytime. Even more actually, because when I take a shower or eat, I let my little sister run my toon until I get back. So if she says anything dumb, or doesn't do what she is supposed to, don't blame me for it.. She is pretty good though, she can sit/stand, she knows how to cast spells and she usually doesn't run around, so she won't get lost.

I know tons about the game and am not shy about sharing the wealth, if you know what I mean. Even though I've never been an officer in any of the guilds i've been in, I like to think I was looked up to as a mentor even by people who were higher in levels then me! If you're not playing your class right, i'll be right there to tell you what you're doing wrong so that you can improve right away. It's kinda how I give back to the peeps I hunt with. Teach a man to fish and all that stuff. I'd hope they'd do the same for me if it were possible.

I've hunted in all the best spots Norrath has to offer. Oasis, Lake of Ill Omen, Overthere, Dreadlands, Maidens, etc., I've rocked them all. I've even ventured into a few dungeons like Karnor's Castle, Velks...crazy stuff.

Lately I've been blowing up in the Planes of Power. The Hedge in PoN is the bomb. Close to a zone out and everything. It gives you an idea of how I'm rolling that I can get all the way there from the GY to hunt there though eh?

I'm looking for a situation that will reward my leet skills, time, and knowledge. You know how every guild has an uber MA? He's the guy that gets first dibs on the pimp gear that drops so the guild can get better and stuff? Well I wanna be the MC (main Cleric). I wanna be the number 1 heal slinger in the guild's Cleric stable. To be the best though, I need a committment along the same lines as the MA deal. I want first call on the nice stuff that drops when we start bringing down the big mobs. This doesn't just apply to cleric wearable gear because if it's something for a Warrior I could sell it in the bazaar and use the pp's to buy something for me.

It only makes sense that the guild twink out the MC, without the Quan the group is nothing. So why wouldn't the guild give all it's resources over to help make sure they have the most uber healer in all of Norrath? duh!

There are a few other things that I would want this guild to do to show their respect for me. Not all at once you know, but within the first few weeks. I imagine it's hard to tell everyone in a big guild what to do and whatnot, so It's cool if it takes a little while for the whole guild to get into shape. I'll put a little checklist here for easy reference.

1) Tanks should NOT get pissed off when I am trying to get them into my "Purple Club". The Purple Club is where I try to take the MA's HitPoints so low that he actually goes unconscious and then is brought right back to life. I also sometimes refer to the Purple Club as "Layed Out" because that's what happens, the tank lays down and then stands right back up. It's friggin HARD to do, I have to time the Complete Heal just right. So, *** is up with tanks getting PO'd at me. I usually can do it about once every 11 tries or so.

2) If you have a problem with me DO NOT take it to guild chat or to the guild officers. Otherwise, I have to spend all my time trying to explain what happened and that doesn't do anyone any good. Just forget it and get back to grinding.

3) I already mentioned that I should get first call on nice drops, I just want to put it in this list for consistency and to stress the importance of the request.

4) Sometimes I have to leave a group or raid unexpectedly. Like when my mom gets on my case or some @#%$ like that. I DO NOT have the time to find a replacement for myself. Don't expect me to. Like you'd tolerate a gimp replacement anyway.

5) Enchanters, please chill on the "HEAL ME" spam when you are grouped with me. Your armor class suxxors, if there is a multi pull i have to use my DA (or Divine Aura if you didn't know) so that I don't die. I CANNOT cast heal until DA wears off so please be patient. And if I'm late...rez inc thanks.

6) If any Dots drop when hunting, I automatically get them so that if someone wants a symbol I have the component. Otherwise, if you want a symbol please open up my trade window with the correct component for the symbol that you want.

7) In addition, I'd like to ML at all times. If at the end of the session, I have more than enough to cover my weeks worth of Dot's then i'll toss out a split.

If there is a guild bank, and there should be or I rescind my application, I would like to be in charge of it. But without the baggage of the title of "Treasurer" which really understates my true stature within any guild.

9) Monks PLEASE announce when you are FD, so that I don't waste my time trying to rez you. That is sooo frickin annoying. I mean really, how hard is it to type "I am FD, do not rez".

10) Rangers, don't even get me started. They should be like my sister...seen and not heard. Seriously, I'd rather spend the mana to rez you then to heal you. You are to melle what a Druid is to healers. No offense though, I'll need you around for tracking and foraging and stuff. When you die, just automatically consent the MA and we'll drag you to our camp spot. It's just easier that way.

11) Speaking of rez, please don't send personal tells to me for a rez. There's just no way that me wasting my time is worth saving a little bit of your time. If a guildie needs a rez, please just put it in guild chat and someone will get to you. Just because im in bazaar doesn't mean I'm not busy. And just ask my last two guilds if you don't believe this, but if you call me out in chat then it's on.

12) No, you have not grouped with me before. I paid that $50 to move to this server last month, so it's very unlikely that you grouped with me in so and so Zone unless you played on Solusek Ro. This is also the reason that my equip is not that sweet yet, and the guild should help me out with some twinkage.

13) If you need a buff from me, please say my name first in the request so that I notice it. Also please write out the name of the spell instead of just the acronymn. If I'm taking the time to open my spell book, mem the spell, find you with the mouse, and cast the buff, and then un-mem the spell, the least you could do is type out the whole name so that it will help me find it faster.

14) And if you're not sure whether your gimpy HP buff will overwrite mine after i've already dropped a bunch of Dots and half a bar of my mana to cast, then freaking ask! Even better, don't cast until you know your class AND mine. Druids and Shammys i'm looking in your direction here.

15) Speaking of Druids and Shammys. I don't call my heals. I shouldn't have to cause no one else should be trying to be the Cleric but the Quan. If you think i'm interrupting my CH cause some druid is busting off gimp 3k CH's? No way...i'll still drop the big heal bomb. And then we're both out of mana.

16) I think since I'm the one keeping the puller alive when they bring back a baddy that they should show respect to me with their pull Hot Key. Example, I pull this for our great Lord ", or " has insulted the great one , lets KEEL it !!" And it would be cool if you could use it even if i'm not there. You know, just to spread the gospel and such. Helps with recruitment i bet.

17) Pally's please use your LoH everytime that it pops, it's called "saving the Quan's mana", remember it, do it, and respect it.

1 I'm still missing a lot of spells from level 58 to 62. The guild should really help me get as many as possible. Think about it, all of my spells help YOU, not me. If you want me to help you with the improved spells then YOU should be the one getting them for me. And I may not even use most of them...but i want them just the same.

19) I have a HOT key with my email addy on it. If the @#%$ hits the fan and I have to camp out to save my *** , I ALWAYS hit that hot key. When it's safe to come back, I expect someone in the group to let me know via email. If you don't then everyone in the group immediately becomes a new entry in my personal @#%$ list. I keep that @#%$ on excel and alphabetized, so don't even think you are getting in with a group with me again if your name is on that list. Why the hell do you think I moved servers? I was finding it near impossible to get a group without running into someone on my SL. If you think this is harsh, just think about me on the other side waiting for that email to come in so I can log back. Now that's HARSH!

We all know that most Clerics are the suck. Either they're Bots or some Druid who got pwnd when PoP came out cause he couldn't solo or find a group and PL'd himself a Cleric. MC's like me are hard to come by and that's the reason for the list. Believe me there are other guilds that have expressed interest and i really owe it to to be find the best situation in which to drop my skills.

I know most of the guilds I'm working with have an extensive application process and I respect the hell out of that. It's a good thing cause it keeps the ***clowns out. But we all know that there's a secret process for instant approvals that can be used for the right situation and i'm that situation. In the 3 weeks your guild dicks around "getting to know me", I'll already be rocking the high-end content with another guild. So work fast.

My main is a 62 cleric named "Quan". Cause that's what i want..."The Quan". I want the respect, I want the platinum, I want the excitement, and I want the Wood Elf Honies all on my tip. Yeah..."The Quan". Represent.

PS...Not necessary, but it would be sweet if the guild would float me some phat platz for a little loan, because I had to empty my bank account to pay that group to get through the PoJ trials. "

You can read Quan's views on all the classes at
http://pub21.ezboard.com/bquon91516

Here is his views on Shadowknights fromt he above link

Shadowknight - Not quite a Warrior and not quite a Necro. More often than not The Quon gets to group with the one who's gotten the Warriors brains and the Necros hp's. WTF? Transvestites have less of an identity crisis. Don't even try to play like you didn't choose a SK because you thought it had a "cool" name.
Every time The Quon sees a SK he wants to bust a cap in their ass. SK's should come in 12 packs cause they are about as useful as a busted condom once they've spent their HT load. The Quon could watch for the Harm Touch message and then be all like "NEXT!" and cycle those dozen candy asses through the group with mad haste. The 11 not in the group could entertain The Quon by /oocing words of amazement at eveything The Quon does..."Damn, The Quon can heal like a motha"..."Damn that's some good sitting", or making sure nothing is in The Quon's way when he trains the zone out.
Did you know that Knights have pets ? /boggle. That gimped animation has to /kneel before enchanter pets. I guess SOE gave them pity pets cause they knew a SK would never get a group. Seriously, have you ever seen a SK that didn't have LFG next to their name? For the longest time The Quon thought LFG was some kinda weird SK only guild. One of The Quon's favorite games is inviting a SK to the group, especially when he is somewhere remote like Sebilis and shit. They ALWAYS come, tails waggin and shit. When they finally arrive I'm like "dude, sorry, The Quon thought you were a warrior." After they calm down The Quon's all like "Do you have 11 friends?"

The Quon's healing strategy for ShadowKnights: If they fool The Quon and act like a Warrior they get The Big Heal Bomb. If at any time they do anything that clues The Quon in, it's Celestials all freakin night.

[jval2529]

lillywhite is a real player, she still plays. I love her story and I would really like to talk with her about it but I don't play EQ unfortunatley. Anyways where did you find this?

Here's her character sheet. http://eqplayers.station.sony.com/ch...d=554050782263