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#32
11-03-2016, 11:26 AM
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#33
11-06-2016, 05:13 PM
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How to play a dwarf rogue on the p1999 blue server a tribute to EBK BLUUHD part 5 also known as “Conclusion”
1. Introuction I will now reveal to you your ultimate goal as a dwarf rogue. You have come this far and proven yourself a devotee of the sacred path of the DWF ROG. You have gained my trust. Furthermore, I will explain the precise nature of the Rogue’s role as a Social Engineer. This part will be short and concise. Your ultimate goal is to reach level 25, or the level when you can Pick Pocket platinum. Now I will present, en largess, a needlessly meandering and philosophical approach to laying the final foundation of your career as a famous dwarf rogue on the p1999 blue server. 2. Ultimate Goal of the Sacred Path The Ultimate Goal of your Sacred Path as a DWFROG is to attain the skill to Pick Pocket platinum pieces. This skill either happens at 25, 26, or 27. At the time I lived in a haze of pipeweed and Kaladim Wisky. I do not recall specifics. Do not linger on the failings of your mind when ravaged by liquor. Do not contemplate the gentle masses you must break under the yoke of greed. Do not dwell upon the failings of your master when he cannot recall the specific level at which you attain the most Ultimate Power in all Norrath. Such behaviors are untoward the attitude of a natural DWFROG. The Ultimate Goal of your Sacred Path as a DWFROG not to attain the skill to Pick Pocket platinum pieces. Yet, this is a part of the pie (pie is the gross sum of your Desire) which will adorn your face as you howl through the street like a leering moon. In truth, your Macguffin (the object of your desires) is a fortune of 100,000 platinum pieces. With 100,000 platinum pieces you will be able to afford the finest gems and ores in Norrath. You will purchase 33 essence emeralds. These items are for a secret Smithing technique. You will use them to forge a reincarnation of Hildefaahrt, your deceased lover. It is true. Hildefaahrt and yourself had a transcendent sexual union. And yet still Brell Serillis saw fit to cast the weighty nut of his stone down upon her in the Mines. You have turned to Bristlebane and taken up the knife. Brell lurks in your heart like the shadow under a stone. There are the whispers in your mind now. Do not turn away from the liquor. Let the liquor do the thinking. The liquor is your greatest ally. In order to achieve the Ultimate Goal, you must attain the skill to Pick Pocket platinum. Therefore, the skill of Pick Pocketing Platinum is a milestone on the Sacred Path which will lead you to your ultimate goal. Go, by any means available to you, to the point where you have this level of skill. Remember, you must do as little work as possible at all times. It is not becoming for a rogue to over-exert himself for the benefit of his party. 3. Your Role as a Social Engineer Though you may reach the mastery of Platinum Pick Pocketing in isolation, it is likely that you will join an elvish Army of some banner as you work as a Norrathian Assassin. You must use the guild for your profit, as a boon to your Ultimate Goal. First you must find a guild. This should be easy if you follow my detailed instructions on how to be a Charming Genius (be a DWF ROG, DWF rogues are necessarily charming and geniuses, therefore if you are a DWFROG you are a Charming Genius). In the guild sell as much Banded Armor as possible. Put some people into debt by making them Fine Plate. Every scrap counts. Treat your enemies like dogs and punish them when possible. During your time in the Army it is advisable to befriend your Lord or ‘Guild Leader.’ This is usually easy, as most ‘Guild Leaders’ have weak minds and great Delusions. Where the DWFROG logs on to steal Goblin ears, thereby increasing his skill, fame, and fortune, the ‘Guild Leader’ considers it an event to “log off” and clean his body of sedentary filth. Never forget this: ‘Guild Leaders’ are dirty beings. They are subjects of Pride and Illusion. It will be easy to discover the Nature of your Lord with careful observation. This is because Elf Lords are very loud. They have nothing going IRL and therefore they must chat and talk incessantly via the various magics befitting an Elf Lord aka Discord or AIM chat. You must befriend this Elf Lord because you must destroy him. When the Elf Lord beholds your splendor, he will become anxious. The anxiety will preside in the Elf’s subconscious. He will not be aware that his newfound anxiety and eros when reading your logon greetings in guild chat are the result of a towering inferiority complex. The Elf Lord will become flighty and very dangerous during this time. However, it is also the time when he will be at his most Vile and Vulnerable. During these moments, lay traps that lead him to reveal the abcess in his chest he calls a heart. Take screenshots. Let him damn himself. Screen shot everything mercilessly. Eventually, the Elf Lord will publicly execute you. You will be in the scryer camp of upper guk grinding your way to 25, 26, or 27 and after a psychic struggle where you lay the Elf Lord at his feet, he will be forced to kick you out of the Army. It is at this time that you attack like pressurized water, seeking any crack in his exterior. However, you must do this silently as is your way as a DWFROG. Allow the weaknesses in the armor to expose themselves, now that Elf Lord thinks you are no longer a threat. Then, you must post these screenshots to your guild forums. It is advisable to wait at least the night so that you are no longer in the heat of Psychic frenzy. Execute the vile Elf publicly by posting evidence of his Dark Character. Conspire with the remaining officer core, who will be allied with you, the overthrow of the Crazed Elf Lord. Things will become very messy. Elf Lord will lash out in insane ways. He will plea and offer guild bank items to try and get people to stay. As everyone abandons him, his most infantile neuroses rear up and he will scream that he breast fed the elvish army. It is crucial that after the coup you are not named the next Elf Lord. It is unbefitting your goals to be caught in the spotlot. As the new government of the Army is formed, place a puppet leader. Enjoy your new guild. 4. EN CONCLUSION Once you have attained Skill beyond Skill, you may now work your way to fortune without every lifting a blade. Murder is a grisly sport. It lacks subtlety and you are an artist of the Slight. You may now rob hill giants in Rathe Mountains, the Sand Giants of the Desert. Try robbing the city guards of their shields. It is no coincidence that the Greedy Dwarves have the most valuable shields. Run around Norrath harvesting the spoils. Only fight when you must. It is wise to venture to the dangerous reaches of Trakanon’s Teeth. If you can pay a heroic adventurer to help you get a key to the Ruins of Old Sebilis, you may sneak in among the frogs and steal very very valuable gems from them. Perhaps. And only sometimes. If you are ever caught, these frogs will kill you. Once you have reached your 100,000 target, spend everything on the items I have carefully laid out. Follow the MoonRune Smithing Ritual as detailed by your Bloodline. Forge the platinum Hildefaahrt and take her to your bed. Lay with her. 5. EN RESOLUCION You woke up born again. Using your Ultimate Powers you brought back the life of not only Hildefaahrt but also Gungdangor of the Rueful Face, Kalaty the wife of Kalabad, and the King’s entire harem which died after his rapid fire Fart Attack. But, as you restored life to these most luscious dwarven beauties, the light of the Gods finally left your eyes. You laid your tools to rest and laid your tool to rest inside Hildefaahrt. Your weapons rust in trunks beneath your bed. Perhaps one day, you will break them out and sharpen them with a whetstone. But for today? Life is good. | ||
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#34
11-07-2016, 10:18 AM
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Linear Mode
