Win a Fungi Tunic

[wharfrat70]

Me - I just started in March [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

[Bummey]

Originally Posted by jolanar [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

5 years later every newb to the forums will be telling their embarrassing story not realizing the giveaway never will happen. I like it!

Embarrassing stories are fun, especially when you share them with others.


Back in the heyday days of Velious, I was having some trouble with my backstab damage. I had just spent every last coin of my savings on a Lath Drinor, which was a huge upgrade from what I had been using, but something was wrong with it... No matter what I did, my backstabs always hit for the minimum damage. I could not figure out what was causing it. Messing with my stats, buffs, dying and getting rezzed, nothing fixed my backstab damage. I even petitioned and the GMs to ask if it Backstab bugged or if something was wrong with my character, because I thought they would have some magical answer to fix my problem; no such luck. It was maddening.

Then, one day, someone in my Velketor's Labyrinth upper dogs group started laughing at me. "Nice dagger" he scoffed. I know, right? I opened up my inventory to admire my Lath Dfuck

And, just like that, I found out why my backstabs were hitting for minimum damage: some time in the past few weeks, I had mixed up my Lath Drinor with a Fine Steel Dagger and sold it to a vendor.

[Wenastik]

When I was first married and still getting used to having dogs in the house, I would occasionally forget to pick the trash can up off the floor and put it on the counter. I was also terrible at getting in to work on time, so I had to get up at 3:30 AM just to get to my 5:45 AM job on time.

I wake up and realized that we had lost power the previous night and I was already late or work. I jump out of bed and head into the kitchen to get the coffee started. I slip on something on the floor and see hat the dogs have been in the trash and been sick on the coffee grounds and vomited and crapped all over the place. This is what I slipped and fell into in my sleepy funk.

I rush to clean up the mess all over the floor and take the paper towels into the bathroom to flush them (bad idea). As I'm wiping the last of the "mess" out of my hair, I can hear water running somewhere. I see a stream of water running out of the bathroom. I run into the bathroom to see all of the crap I had just cleaned off the floor flowing out of the toilet onto the bathroom floor. I drop to the floor and start reaching into the toilet to dig wads of crap covered paper towels out of the clogged toilet.

I get the toilet cleared, the floor bleached and mopped clean, the kitchen floor bleached and mopped clean and some coffee in me to just before I leave for work.

I get to work, get to my spot and receive my passdown from the previous shift, when one of the guys starts looking at his shoes and sniffing. He turns to me and asks, "Do you smell dog sh!t?" and that's when I realize, I forgot to take a shower before work.

[wharfrat70]

"When I was first married and still getting used to having dogs in the house" <- not nice to talk about your wife like this, Wenastik [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

[ronasch]

Pokesan wanted me to post his story for him.

"I once tried to achieve an anal orgasm with a fire hydrant. Not only did my yoga pants get ruined butt also received 12 stitches in my rectal cavity."

Originally Posted by Pokesan

[Izmael]

This is a story I posted in 2008 on another forum. 100% true.



-------


I live in a big city and love asian food. Vietnamese, japanese, chinese, cambodian, you name it. I eat it nearly every day and tasted quite a bit of strange stuff (brag: how about fried pig intestines? not nearly as bad as it sounds).

There's that small chinese take-away shop I particularly like. It's a really small shop that offers half a dozen of chinese dishes to take-away and it's slightly more expensive than usual, however it's more than worth the price. That shop belongs to an exquisite, world-renowned chinese restaurant that is way too expensive for me. It's a famous restaurant for famous people, and they only go there for the food, not the hype. However, the small take-away shop, surprisingly, offers the same dishes as the restaurant does, just not all of them, but like a half-dozen (those that are practical to take away, I guess).

All of that shop's food is stunning delicious for a connoisseur - for a fraction of the price you'd pay in the real restaurant.

It would be pointless to compare that food to the food you get in most chinese take-away shops in USA, because it's just not the same category of quality. It's gourmet food.

They have that particular chicken. No other restaurant in my city (Paris, France) offers it. The making is kept secret. When it's available, it lasts for 15 minutes tops. Everyone knows that if there's chicken, just go for the chicken. And since the shop doesn't cook it in-house, they get it from the big restaurant's chef, who only knows how to cook it. So the take-away shop gets limited daily supplies, first come, first served. But forget about the chicken.

One of the dishes is, quite simply, shrimps in spicy sauce. It's probably slightly too spicy for someone who doesn't like spice (I do LOVE spice so that's fine with me, but that's not the point).

The point is, that eating these shrimps is for me an intense gourmet experience. Real gourmets know what I mean. It's an orgasmic flight over the land of tasty. It's about EUR 8 a portion, I'd pay at least 30 for it though in a pinch.

There's one drawback, however. Every time I eat those shrimp, a hour later tops, I feel sick in the stomach and have an urgent business to do in the WC. So I usually just eat it when I know I'll have access to a WC in the next hour or two.

Don't get me wrong. The shrimp aren't spoiled. They are VERY fresh. They are taken care of with care, at least that's what the restaurant's prices suggest. Besides, it happens every time I eat them, so I figured I just don't digest those shrimp very well or something. But I still eat them often because they are just so good. And then I spend 20 minutes in the bathroom reading magazines or picking nose or surfing on my iPhone, etc. Everyone is happy, me, the shrimp, the WC.

But then one day...

Today after work I went to visit a friend that lives in the suburbs. I must note that my main mean of transportation nowadays is motorcycle. Handy, cheap, quick. I have no idea how would it all have ended if I took the car today.

Anyway.

Before going to visit her I figured I'd buy some chinese food from that shop, she loves it, and I do as well, might as well shell out like 25 EUR and have a great dinner for two. I've bought some curry chicken (other kind of chicken, mad tasty stuff) and some spicy shrimps and a Coke. Put it in my bike's top case, and off we go. I've been mad at her a few days ago because of some silly stuff so I thought I might as well try to pardon myself and bringing a nice dinner is never bad in this case.

So I arrive, we eat it, and all happy watch some TV together and then she says she is very tired and wants to go to sleep. I don't sleep with her (usually, lol) so I left. I didn't want to use her toilet and make it unusable for the next 50 thousand years because of all the radioactive waste it would have to swallow, and she's a nice girl and a good friend who did not deserve that.

I felt that strange noises in my belly but thought to my self "hey I'm on a bike, it's late, streets are empty, no cops, I'll just ride real quick back home and I'll be fine". Which isn't an unreasonable plan at all, especially considering that sitting tight on a bike like mine compresses your ass quite hard (unfortunately also compresses the balls like no tomorrow but that's another story). It really sounded like a good plan and I wasn't worried. I know how to ride fast if needed, almost never do it, but this looked like a situation I'd have to. No problem.

So I took off steadily and like 20 minutes later was close to home, maybe 5 minutes to go. I started feeling more and more strange stuff happening inside my body, and it was much stronger than usual, because this time I ate more shrimp than usual and ate some tuna salad that might have been not very fresh.

There's plenty of stop lights in my neighborhood, don't know why, probably because we frenchies are so undisciplined and unless it's a red stop light, we just go through.

There was maybe 500 meters (what's that, like 1500 feet?) separating me from my home and I realized that I had to **** like very very soon, ideally RIGHT NOW. Now those effing stop lights just wouldn't cooperate this time, red, drive 50 meters, red, drive 50 meters, red, rinse repeat. Traffic is quite dense where I live so going through red light is not an option, especially on a bike, not to mention there ARE cops where I live (touristic area). So I was just trying to compress my ass as hard as I could with the bike's seat and try to be optimistic and not tilt.

After a minute or so I realized that I'll never make it. The pressure inside my guts became so unbearable that I had to actually push myself down to the bike's seat with my hands pushing on the handlebar to prevent my intestines from emptying and painting that lovely touristic area of Paris in a whole different color.

I was in a quite bad situation because I had no choice other than hope to hold it until I get home. Of course, there's plenty of bars I could have asked to shat in their WC's but I knew that by the time I get off my bike (depression of ass), walk to the bar, ask the owner, find the WC, etc, I'd **** myself 10 times already.

Especially considering the ****-when-close effect.

Have you ever noticed that when you really want to ****, the closer you get to the place you can **** in, your urge to **** increases EXPONENTIALLY? That's the ****-when-close effect, as I call it.

Basically, trying it in a bar would mean I'd **** myself before I reach the bar, or in the bar, in front of all the customers NEAR MY HOME.

So I just clenched my teeth, clenched my ass even harder, and prayed to all gods of the universe that the red lights start to switch already.

Part of my plan was that if I must **** myself, I'd rather **** myself close to my home because it's in a quite desert small street and no one will hopefully notice except maybe some tourists but why should I care about them. It was also fairly late and no one should see me entering my apartment, this late. At least, the odds were definitely in my favor.

I finally made it to my building. I live on the 6th floor, ancient building, etc. No elevator. Many doors to go through before you even get to the stairs.

I figured that if I made it this far in this state, I'll make it to the toilet if I put 100% of myself in that rush to my apartment on the 6th floor. if I make it, it will be very close.

I barely remember what happened until I ran the steps 4 by 4 (or more) and finally was in front of my door.

Now remember that ****-when-close effect? It kicked in, in full ungodly strength.

I was trying to unlock my front door with a key (damn lock is old and it's hard to turn the key, not to mention I have about 30 keys on my keychain - I have access to a lot of places, long story). With crazily shaking hands I finally opened the damn lock, rushed inside (I was already half undressed while running up), throw the helmet on the ground, close the door...

Turned myself to to the toiled, it's only 3 feet away from the front door, how handy...

And then the ****-when-close effect struck with even more earthshaking, teeth-crushing force, my ass muscles gave up that battle they couldn't win, and I emptied my intestine full of hot, liquid, smelly, poisonous, chinese-flavoured crap in my pants.

I just stood there, 3 feet away from the goal, speaking to myself saying "I just shat myself at home, wtf", after going through all that struggle for so long, having put so many hopes in the strength of my will and in the strength of my ass, realizing that it was all in vain. I still shat myself.

I wonder if women feel about the same when miscarriage happens or a presidential candidate realizes he lost by a fraction of a percent after years of daily campaign.

Damn shrimps. Oh well, I'll probably eat some of them tomorrow as well, just for the giggles.

[Kenolen]

I rolled a character on Red.

[xexbis0]

Originally Posted by Fifield [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Title says it all, your chance to win a Fungi Tunic.

With the Uthgard DAOC server around the corner, snow melted finally in Canada its riding season, getting married soon, Game of Thrones on this Sunday, so much good stuff I am feeling generous and looking to give back to this server for all the fun its given me.

Some of the best times and stories came out of bullshitting in TS while tracking mobs cause were all bored and just killing time. You end up logging in not cause of the game, but because your guildies are fun to be around. That being said a whole shit load of embarrassing stories were told. Which made me think of this little contest.

Heres how this will work:
You simply post with an embarrassing story about yourself that happened to you in real life.(maybe in game? i unno) I know you guys got some good ones. Lets try and not embellish these stories too much cause if I smell bullshit I will just disregard your post.

Some rules:
You must not use an anonymous forum account.
You must not already be lvl 60 and can easily acquire a fungi yourself.
If I can't choose a winner cause there are 2-3 that are all equally funny, I'll just sell the fungi and give cash prizes.
I will give it about a week or so before choosing a winner.


I cant really police who will win this, all I can do is ask that any of you like myself who have played on this server for awhile now, pls don't participate, lets leave this for the new guys who could really use this as a chance to get themselves some good gear or have fun leveling a melee alt they otherwise couldn't afford to buy a fungi for.

Good luck!

That's BS fifield you already got me to get the cock off my chest without a prize! You suck sir!

But gratz to the newbie with the emburrising stury.

[stressl]

A little backstory first!
Well when I was about 17 my uncle and I went down to Saltillo, Mexico because he worked as a private inspector for this dairy company. He did this often, and went to countries like Romania, Greece, etc. Since Mexico was fairly close to Arizona where I lived at the time, he decided to just take me with him for a little vacation, I'd never seen Mexico before.

Anyways, my uncle decided to take me out to a bar the first night we were there, and for whatever reason he chose one of the most scummy places in all of Mexico. This place was so run down, the bathrooms were completely dilapidated, I didn't really care at the time though or think anything of it because I was about to get to legally drink.

I had been checking out this gorgeous girl all night, and my uncle finally talked me into going and speaking to her after a few beers. Carol. We flirted all night and drank well into the night. Long story short, she gave me oral sex in the bathroom. I can't remember what exactly happened, but we were split up after, and I couldn't find her anywhere. I went in the bathroom to take a piss in the urinal, and as I was peeing I heard her voice beside me. There she was, holding her penis, pissing in the urinal.

That's the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me.. hope you enjoyed. My buddies all give me hell still to this day.

Cheers

[Izmael]

A+, will def read again.