The Chronicles of Smarmia: ***OFFICIAL***-S.o.R.P. YT Tracking

[maskedmelon]

Dear Prophet let not the fiery zeal of your devotion let slip clarity into your addled mind. If we are to spread the Good Word of the Retarded God, we must acknowledge all Good Works in his name. This Infidel has committed an act of severe retardation which should not only be celebrated of its own merit, bu also by virus of his own recognition of the Retardation. Your objection is heartfelt, but the motion has already been seconded, by me. The matter now rests in the hands of our esteemed Treasury Secretary as per protocol proposed by the honorable Director of the Department of Trolling Until You Believe your Own Trolls and ratified by members of our fine Society.

[captnamazing]

And so Sayeth the Retard God

Witness me all ye who dare
stomach the sight of dolphin masturbating into a dead fish.
The time of Reckoning is soon at hand.
All those bearing the Holy Titles shall be lifted up from the Ashes of the Forums
and be delivered to a large padded room filled with soft toys and round edges.
Those others, who may not mock me
and yet do not openly support
Cannot be promised the same absolution.

[Spyder73]

Kekephee the Unwashed shall not receive FKP until he has burned away his sins in the Holy Flame of Purity that shall be flatulized from the rear end of the Retarded God. I think there is hope for Kekephee, so I shall hold the Torch of Retardation myself, the very one that shall ignite thine fart of our God and set ablaze the world of the non-belibieber, ushering in a New Age.

[maskedmelon]

The matter rests with our Lord Treasury Secretary. Your objections are duly noted and if affirmed in veto by our Lord Treasury Secretary shall stand and Kekephee shall be spared the eternal shame of official recognition for his self-inflicted YT if that is where your heart lies.

[Pokesan]

The question of Kekephee, an outsider to our Society, being awarded FKP, requires more discussion before a ruling can be issued.

As a Retard, it is my belief that we must spread our Faith in words and ACTION, to bring the spirit of Truth to as many individuals as can accept it. I do believe it is both just and prudent to allow the awardment of FKP to non-members, so long as their words and actions meet with the standards of our goals. This is my position as a Retard, let us begin our Debate and Discussion on the matter.

If we believe Kekephee is Retarded, surely he belongs amongst us. Let us stoke the flames within his heart, that he may soon join us in Faith.

I yield the floor to the next speaker.

[Filthy_Pagan]

Is that permitted, Grand Moff Shogun, Adjucator of Indecision and Orator of Superfluous Nothings, Chronicler and Archivist?

He is not of the society. May he receive FKPs?

His admission and flagellation are noble indeed, and may find him mercy in the eyes of the divine Retarded God, but we would do well to ponder this thoroughly so as not to invoke His most divine anger.


I shall begin fingering the tomes in search of an answer.

[jcr4990]

Whole thread is TL;DR

[Pokesan]

Originally Posted by jcr4990 [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Whole thread is TL;DR

Illiteracy is sometimes a symptom of the Holy Retarded Spirit manifesting itself.

Please report to the temple for...testing...

[captnamazing]

I have heard the pleas of all in the chamber. I admit that I did fall asleep for a time. But that is my Right as a Retard, for I should not have to listen to information before responding with zeal.

On the matter of Kekephee. Yea, surely he is retarded; one must only look upon his history of posts to see the Great Brand of Mental Retardation upon all his devices.

And with great struggle hath Pokesan, our Retarded Treasurer, typed these messages for us to witness. For is he not Retarded?

I hear the workings of our God, who oft sits in the corner with the glue upon his hands and face and mouth, until the God of Supervision comes forth to banish him into the padded rooms.

For dingus, let henceforth flow from our breasts unto him the sweet milk of FKP, if the motion has been seconded by one other than me. I will squeeze above him my very own sweet and supple nipples to create the fine wines of the Retard. I hold thus that in ACTION we may all deliver the dairy nectar of the Divine, even to those who do not yet bear the mantle.

[Filthy_Pagan]

Many a tome has been fingered and I believe I have found an answer to our quandry regarding the self flagellator.

Book 2, Chapter 17, Section 8, Subsection 13b-2, Paragraph 97, beginning on Line 2 of The Tales of Jerpipus and the Retarded Crusade states:

"Once before was a heretic awarded FKP in the times of yore,
For but a typo and nothing more,
His negligence did portray tard,
And so the Society kekkled unnaturally hard,
But alas the God of Retardation,
Was quite displeased and did flood the nation,
He strippeth his order of their retardation,
As punishment for their sin.

But forth did he send a cat-faced prophet,
Who spoke to the order,
"You faggots must stop it",
"The Retarded God demands ordination",
"No FKP awards for self flagellation"


I believe this segment of scripture clearly states that we must not award FKP to non members, lest we be cursed with logical thought and quality posts.

However, I could find nothing that says we cannot convert heretics or allow them into the order, only that a suitable quest must be fulfilled by the heretic in question.