Serious question about Love, Sex, Romance & Relationships, adults only

[gotrocks]

Originally Posted by Hasbinlulz [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Your first mistake is expecting anything from a romantic partner.

Try to get rid of your expectations and just "be" with her for like a week. Stop trying to make anything happen, just be there, be yourself. Then ask yourself: "Am I having a good time?"

The answer to that question will inform your ultimate question.

This has to be like... the first insightful thing ive ever read from you.

That being said, there is some truth to what the guy above me said about men being men and whatever. I don't think you're going to score alot of points acting like that all the time, but there's for sure a time and a place for that.

Here's where I'll get serious because i've totally been in your position and know what that's like, and seriously it can kill a relationship. When things start to stagnate in the bedroom and the guy is doing all the work you will start to feel resentment towards her and pretty soon, she will pick up on that and start to resent you. There is no easy answer, but I do have some suggestions.

Do you guys go out much? I'm not talking out to dinner or visiting friends, everyone does that. Do you ever go anywhere special? Waterfalls, hiking, museums, whatever. Replace those three locations with something you guys are both interested in and make a point to go out and do something a couple times a month.

Don't make sex out to be such a big deal. Yeah, obviously you want sex from your partner, but don't make her feel like she has to do it. It sounds like you guys only have sex when you make a big setup and put a ton of effort in. Stop. Let her notice you're not building a shrine to her vagina three times a week. I promise things will improve. If your relationship is as good as you say, there is no way your fiance will go more than a month or two without jumping you. Hard.

Lastly, and this is really important, make time away from each other besides work. You each need to have your own social lives and interests. Far too many couples spend way too much time together, and its just not healthy. Make time away from each other, because that time is just as important as the time you have together.

If you do all this and you're still not getting what you want from this relationship, there is something else wrong. Either somethings affecting her libido, or you guys are missing something else. I'd strongly suggesting seeing a counselor. They can help.

I'm not a pro at this by any means. Hell, i'm not even very good at it. I absolutely destroyed my previous relationship with my kids mom, and she didnt speak (or even break up) with me for nearly a year, and only then because she had to. But I absolutely do know the things I did wrong in that relationship, learned from them, and am now happy with someone else. Sex is a fantastic gauge of how things are going in a relationship. Not everyone can have hot "we just started dating" sex all the time, but there certainly needs to be some of that in any relationship. I hope this helped, even a little bit, because I can tell you *must* be extremely frustrated to be asking for help in RnF on classic eq forums. Good luck.

[dredge]

Well, I hear what your saying and we do all that aggressive play too sometimes, not all the time, but it's a separate activity that takes place in the bedroom. I take off my "Dom" role when I leave the bedroom. Our sex life is great, We get super freaky, but it seems like a chore to get initiated at times.

and whipping out my junk is what started this frustration in the first place because lately I whip it out and get a "not now, sorry I'm not in the mood" answer.

[gotrocks]

Originally Posted by dredge [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Well, I hear what your saying and we do all that aggressive play too sometimes, not all the time, but it's a separate activity that takes place in the bedroom. I take off my "Dom" role when I leave the bedroom. Our sex life is great, We get super freaky, but it seems like a chore to get initiated at times.

and whipping out my junk is what started this frustration in the first place because lately I whip it out and get a "not now, sorry I'm not in the mood" answer.

See my post, as well as HBB's surprisingly intelligent quote.

Then maybe go see a therapist if its still bugging you. Not trolling, seriously.

[gotrocks]

And btw, "wipping out your dick" despite what some idiots will tell you, is only effective on sluts and mentally unstable women.

Trust me on this, if that shit works you are not with the girl you want to call your "fiance"

[Recycled Children]

Time to be a man. I quite literally have never set the mood with my girlfriend of 5 years. My sexual mantra has been either flat out ask her if we can have sex or walk up to her and shove my hand down the front of her pants. Odds are about 50/50 that it will happen right at that second, most of the time she will want to shower beforehand.

I refuse to put any amount of real effort into a woman because let's be honest they're all subhuman and you can always buy sex.

[dredge]

Originally Posted by gotrocks [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Do you guys go out much? I'm not talking out to dinner or visiting friends, everyone does that. Do you ever go anywhere special? Waterfalls, hiking, museums, whatever. Replace those three locations with something you guys are both interested in and make a point to go out and do something a couple times a month.

...............................
Lastly, and this is really important, make time away from each other besides work. You each need to have your own social lives and interests. Far too many couples spend way too much time together, and its just not healthy. Make time away from each other, because that time is just as important as the time you have together.

Thanks, I think your on to something here, these 2 thing are missing from our relationship. Since she moved in 8 months ago we spend every night together, we go out to eat but rarely find time to go do cultural or other events together.

Thanks a lot.

[Barkingturtle]

Have you considered losing weight or maybe purchasing a dick implant?

[Bruster]

Originally Posted by Recycled Children [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Time to be a man. I quite literally have never set the mood with my girlfriend of 5 years. My sexual mantra has been either flat out ask her if we can have sex or walk up to her and shove my hand down the front of her pants. Odds are about 50/50 that it will happen right at that second, most of the time she will want to shower beforehand.

I refuse to put any amount of real effort into a woman because let's be honest they're all subhuman and you can always buy sex.

This.

[gotrocks]

Originally Posted by dredge [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Thanks, I think your on to something here, these 2 thing are missing from our relationship. Since she moved in 8 months ago we spend every night together, we go out to eat but rarely find time to go do cultural or other events together.

Thanks a lot.

np. dont listen to the trolls. I was trying to be serious, though I really do think you posted this in the wrong place. Find a relationship forum or something [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

One last thing, don't discredit the second piece of advice in that post. If you make changes and still feel like you're the only one initiating sex, stop. She'll do it, I promise, just give it time. Maybe you'll get your come home from work bj.

And i forgot to mention, if either of you is doing any drugs besides smoking pot, all of my advice goes out the window [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] but it doesn't sound like you are.

[dredge]

Originally Posted by Barkingturtle [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Have you considered losing weight or maybe purchasing a dick implant?

trust me, if it's good enough for your mother it's good enough for my fiance
;-)
.....................

back to what gotrock was saying about spending time away from each other, I guess I have been alright staying at home because I used to spend too much time in Bars and I feel like she has really helped me change that loser part of my life around, I quit smoking when I bet her too, lots of great things....

I guess I need to find friends and activities that don't involve sitting on a bar stool all night long smoking a pack of cigarettes, I grew up with my family owning a bar so it's been a life long habit and my way of socializing, but I'm done with that shit, I watched 4 of my friends get buried so far this year from being alcoholics and stuff