Fun Trick While Waiting On Raid Rez

[Clark]

Lol

[Swish]

Originally Posted by captnamazing [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

I am bound in Rivervale. Whenever I eat a death during a raid, I grab a few hundred plat from my bank and try to find an untwinked noob.

Providing there's one, I buy several stacks of booze and start giving the noob handfuls of cash and brandy. Now, keep in mind I'm a good ol' Rivervale boy, so I know the Thicket like the back of Yola Sweetcookie's arsehole.

Wielding a rusty sword in one hand and a bottle of brandy in the other, I compel the noob to follow me "on a grand adventure to cast down the goblin scum!"

Every few hundred yards I turn around and give him/her more plat. This is modeled after behavioral conditioning scientists conduct on rats. It starts at about 10, goes to 15, 20, eventually to 40 or 50 by the time we get to Runnyeye.

At this point I make sure we're both properly drunk. As a good lad of the Vale, my alcohol tolerance is maxed. The poor noob is completely incoherent.

Now comes the fun part. I wade straight into Runnyeye naked, drunk, stabbing goblin scum with a shitty weapon. The noob is getting aggro left and right, but I'm very careful to protect him, doing a lot of "/shout STAY BACK, I'LL SAVE YOU!" which translates into drunkspeak "STERR BONK JEEPS GON DROOBLEY."

After we clear the entry path (so my victim thinks I can handle whatever is ahead) I give him the rest of the plat and have him finish off whatever stack of brandy I'm working on. Then, I lead him straight to the evil eye.

There are way too many goblins at this point. All I can do is make sure I have the aggro, and the unsuspecting noobie is following me, a drunk hobbit and his train of 20+ runnyeye goblins straight to the evil eye chamber.

By the time we jump through that shitty staircase debris, things are proper scary. But, you know, I'm a high level warrior, the noob thinks, clearly I can handle this swarm of goblins and terrifying, disembodied eye.

That's when I accept the rez from the cleric and get teleported back to wherever the raid force is.

I loot my corpse, crying the truest halfling tears over my recovered exp and equipment while I think about the paradox of joy and despair I have just caused.

And I imagine the lonely noob, lost, drunk, and encumbered by pure plat, staring at the evil eye in Runnyeye.

I like to believe that the noob doesn't die immediately. That maybe he becomes the eye's thrall. Cleans the dishes, jacks off the goblins, does stripshows for the eye... all the while having something in the back of his mind telling him - hey, you're rich! You need to escape!

The slave stares forlornly at his morose prison. There are the stairs to his freedom, so close, and yet... then, he notices the evil eye's charm spell wearing off. He makes a break for it, darting off down a tunnel!

As I'm fighting a dragon, I fancy I can hear the echoes of the abandoned noob as he is slashed to ribbons in the depths of Runnyeye, bemoaning the loss of his new found fortune, cursing the day he followed Filbus "the Deceiver" Furyfoot.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oc9WAg2QZf8 (6 seconds)

[captnamazing]

Just doing the Lord's (Bristlebane's) work

[Jimjam]

Originally Posted by captnamazing [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Just doing the Lord's (Bristlebane's) work

amen

[khanable]

praise the one with the fury feet

[thieros]

Filbus for Riverale Mayor!! He truely represents the 99%

[SyanideGas]

10/10 Would read again.

<3 you Filbus.

[Pan]

At least he kept it sheathed this time [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Nicely done, Filbus. I enjoy reading your posts.

[Invoke]

The staff should work with Filbus on some GM events.

[Kekephee]

Originally Posted by Invoke [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

The staff should work with Filbus on some GM events.

We've got some plans that we were going to run by the GMs eventually. Big plans.


They're kind of limited in what they can do for player-made RP events and stuff, since any jackass could be like "I'm holding a GM event, give my alt an Oogly stick!" if they were just handing out privileges willy nilly. Like, this was dumb of us, we tried to get them to level Wuzzlefarvin or whatever so he could have a surname for that Horror of Runnyeye thing, but (for pretty obvious and very good reasons) they couldn't. Which is totally understandable. I'll just have to level him to 20 the hard way so he can be a recurring character in what we hope will become a weekly EQ forum tv show about the adventures of Filbus.