Sk8er gnome

[Kainzo]

4th

WHY SO MEAN, by Skater Gnome

August 6, 2002

ok im on mithranieil mar and i was in commons west side and I
was lost and running around and asking for help. and this
wizard says 'i can help you'
and i say 'dude thanks cause im lost'

and he says 'click follow'

and i say 'i AM following u just start runnin'

and he says 'have it your way'

and we start running and we load a zone and then im in common
east side and im like 'thx dude'

and then im like 'can you give me exp'

and he says 'im 59'

and i say 'kool tihs should be easy!!!!!'

but then he casts a spell and i start floating and sudden i
have a SKULL on my screen!!

so I shout dude y r u trying to kil me???!!!!??!?!

and i start running to guards but he can run faster than me
and i say 'WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT WHAT ARE YOU DOIN>>>??

and hes laughing at me and says 'i just amazed cause i didnt
think you really exsisted anymore'

and i say 'WHAT??!!'

and he says 'true newbies'

WTF??

and im like 'dude im a monk'

and then like 4 other ppl show up all in the same clan as him
and are looking at me

and their jus stadin there lookin and i say 'are u guyz gonna
kill me'

and the other guys start casting spells and try to root me and
i start running and a see a boot on my screen under the skull
but somehow it didn't root me, and i was getting away to the
tunnel

and i shout 'please stop killing me!!!!!'

but they are chasing me and i have to stop cause the ruins are
between me and the tunnel

and they catch up and wizard says 'see, i told you'

and his friend say 'amazing'

and i say 'KANT YOU PLZ KILL SOMEONE ELSE???!!!'

and they are laughing and ROLF whatever the hell that means

and so the girl in the group sits down and stands up and
starts doing a speel

and i think im not dying without a fight so i try to hit her
and i cant but shes casting all this yellow stuff on me and
its not hurting me!!! so im feeling pretty tough and she gives
up and i have ALL this spells on me and im still not dead!!

i rule

anyway i say 'haha you cant kill me'

and she says' tell ya what, lets call it a draw'

and i say what?

and she says 'a tie lets call it a tie'

and i say ok

and the wizard says 'safe travels to you, skaterr'

and im like 'whatever dude your just sayin that cause you cant
kill me'

and they are all laughing at him cause he cant kill me and
they wavee to me and leave

i logged real quick incase they try to come back again

so are all high levels punks like that who will try to kill me
or did i meat the bad aapples??

all in all i reelized that commons westside is way to
dangerous for me

[Kainzo]

5th

Act of Agression, By Skater Gnome


omg i meating the stupidist ppl in the whole world on mith marr for real

liek las night im explore this brand new zone called south ro to try and find a place to ding to 6 (im veary close to lvl, its esay cause im a monk)

so im like reely scared in this new zone and i get across the desert safe and then suddenly i see this whole camp of orc standing there and im liek 'sweet action'

so im get redy to move in to attack and sudden this palidin called lovehart come running up in front of me

and hes like 'halt'

and im liek 'um hi wtf??'

and hes liek 'u may not comit a unprovoked attack on tht peaceful camp of orc'

and im like 'huh???'

and hes like 'i do not premit u to kill them 4 no reson'

and im like 'wtf dude i need to kill the orc to get experience'

and hes liek 'i will not tolerate acts of aggerssion agianst the peacful orc, warmonger go bakc to where you came'

and im liek 'omg lamer the orcs are here to be kilt for EXP!!

and hes like 'i know your kind u think everything is here for u to kill whenever it benifit u huh?'

and im like 'uh pretty much ya'

and so he shouts to the zone 'hey everyone sktergnome is a terrorist!!'

WTF

so i can be pretty smart at times as u may no so i decide to try to give this guy some ration

so im liek 'ok dude orc are evil and attack and kill innocent players all the tiem so i can kill them rightful k??'

and he like 'it doesnt matter they did nothing to u at all'

and im liek 'OMG THEY KILT ME LAST WEEK IN NORTH RO!!!'

and hes liek 'that is a different group of orc that attack u. u have no prove taht they are related to this camp of orc in any way. u cant attak this group jjust cause they look the same u racist'

so im getting preety mad and flabergasted and hes standing there lookin g at me and some of his other friends show up and im ponder the situation

and his friends are liek 'is this the warmonger?'

and hes liek 'ya'

and suddenly i remember that mith marr is no pvp and they cant touch me haha

so im liek 'ive decided to kill the orcs anyway'

and theyre like 'not-uh we just had a vote and voted against u attacking them so now u cant'

so im liek 'whatever stop me if you want pallypants'

and then i move into the camp and start my sweet ninja kicking action

so liek the whole time lovehart and his friends are all shouting to the whole zone 'skatter is babykiller' and 'skatter is a racist and warmonger'

so i finish the kill of orcs and im liek 'whats up now haha'

and they're talk for a moment among themselvs an then the pally is like 'hey dude we dont agree with what u just did but can we loot plz?'

im thinkin about quiting eq

[Kainzo]

6th

Response to the Quon, by Skater Gnome


wow ok

i don reely know how to tell this story becasue it is so bizare

ok so liek its sunday morning and i siting on the couch waching cartons and eating ice cream but im still kind of groggy from al the good sleep ive been geting sence dr. henderson told me it was time to take a break from eq

so im siting there singing along with the transfomers theme song when the phon rings

so i anwser it and im liek 'ya'

but theres no talk just this hevy brething on the line and im liek 'ok fag ur not funny hello'

and so this super creepy guy voise is liek 'is this skater gnome'

so i get a litle freeked out so im liek 'uhh no, this is skater dome, with a d, u must hav teh rong number'

*click*

so i call j-mo and im liek 'fag did u jus call me?'

and hes liek 'WHO IS THIS'

and im like 'is me@!' and hes liek 'skater??' an im like 'umm ya tard who did u thik it was??'

and hes 'ohhh good ok i got a reel creepy call liek 10 min ago'

and im liek 'omg me too!!1'

and then were both liek 'wtf' at the same tiem which was so funy and we laughed but then got serius again cause we were pretty scare

so j-mos like 'im coming over'

and im liek 'ok cool ill practis my nija kicks while i wait'

and hes liek 'just dont hurt ur self remeber u r not a reel monk'

and im like 'whatever man'

someday theyll see i reely am

so i hang up and practise thunderus kick to the beat with the tranformer music all arond the living room

so the dore bell ring an im liek 'dude u dont have to nock just come in'

so the door opens and...

it wasnt j-mo

instad it is this dude that looks liek he should be a boss mob in Everquest Gay Edition

its this midle age looking guy and hes wearing leather pants waty too tight and this old torn leapord skin coat that caked with dirt and mud and hes all scruffy and hunched over and his eye and neck is twitching and his bare stomack hanging is out over his belt

so he starts hobling in to the living room on clear platform shoes with dead goldfish floting insid them but the heel is missing on one so hes not moving vary fas

so all of the suden he stops and hes liek 'r u skater gnome??' and its the same creepy voic from the telephone

so im a little shaky and l and i try to yeel out 'u have ruined ur own lands u will not ruim mine!' but all that comes out is a wimper

needliss to say i was way to scareed to try thunderus kick and i started to wonder if maybe dr henderson was rite about me not being a monk after all

so then this guy is liek 'THE QUON HAS AXED U A QUESTION ANSWER THE QUON NOW' and he starts twitching reely bad again

WTF

so im liek 'dude why r u here'

and hes like 'the quon is here to demand that u quit riting skater stories'

and im liek 'wtf who the hell in the quon??'

and he like 'the quon is a eq humorist and mofo badass. but fur some reson not enogh ppl like me so the quon is here to make u quit riting so ur fans forget u and liek me insted'

i think he was drunk cause at that part he almost stumbled an fell over

so im like 'omg dude wtf have u evar stoped to think that this doesnt have to be a contest?? u dont need to attaak ur peers just to feel good abot ur own work. u will get much more enjoymint if you stop riting stoies just to try to feel good abot urself and make people leik u, and start riting stories becuse its fun to share with others'

at this point i see j-mo sneeking up the porch behind drunk flaming homless prostatute guy with his skate bored raise over his head

but i give j-mo the eye and shake my head cause this guy reely seems more pathetic than harmful and j-mo relaxs and stand behind him quietly

so now "the qoun" is looking all confused and hes like 'the quon doesnt understad do u mean it is posible to feel good about myself witout pretending to get laid all the tiem and talking lots of s**t and tearing other ppl down??'

and im like 'yes yes it is. it is also posible to refer to urself in the first persin from time to tim u should try it is reely fun'

so he smiles ceepily and hes liek 'thanks skater u r a great guy. and very handsom too i might add what r u doing friday at 8?'

WTF?

so i give j-mo the eye again and this tiem gave him the nodding head cause im just not gonna tolarate that

so j-mo clobers him hard with his bored and we dragged him out to the street wich was hard to do cause he smelled a lot like poo

then we go back inside and j-mo is liek 'skater ur very smart phycologocally'

and im liek 'thansk ive been lerning alot from my sesions with dr henderson'

and hes like 'do u thik u helped that guy find a way to be happy?'

and im liek 'i hope so j-mo. i sure do hope so.'

[Kainzo]

7th

Skater Gnome Stories

By Skater Gnome

THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR, by Skater Gnome

December 27, 2002

ok liek some ppl dont like chrismas that much and i have no clue
wtf is up with that omg cause chrismas is so rule

ok so like two weeks ago im come home from school and im like 'mom
i want alot of stuff for chismas can u deliver the beef??!?'

and shes liek 'no dear youll haveto ask santa why dont you go rite
him a letter'

so im like 'whatever i saw that guy down at the mall and when i
tried to ask him for stuff he was all liek 'get off me your too
old' and 'quit messin up my suit'

so im decide that the best way to get what I want is to charm my
parents with hints and good behavyer and be sneaky and stuff so
like last week my dads is reading the newpaper in the living room
so i get all interested and i sit on the couch an im liek 'father
were u in wolrd war 2??'

and he stops reading and hes liek 'dammit no son im only 45...
damm'

and im like 'ok cool but have heard of b29 bombers??'

and hes liek 'ya why'

and im like 'would you consuder them to be planes of power
??'

and he looks at me for a few seconds and then hes liek 'yes?'

so i start rubbing my chin thautfully and im liek 'innnnteresting'
and then i make a quick exit to let my sneaky hint sink in

so i keep dropin hints all week liek that in my sneaky ninja way
and finally its chrismas eve and im liek cant even slepp hardely
and im playing with my everquest dolls and my brother comes in and
hes like 'shhhh i know what mom and dad r getting u for chrismas'

and im liek 'OMG WHAT!?!?!!'

and hes liek 'dude shut ur hole'

and im like 'sorry, omg what'

so he looks out the door and down the hall to make sure no one can
heer and then hes liek 'ok, shhhh'

and im liek 'I AM SSHHHH!!11'

and hes like 'ok, ok... theyr taking u to norrath world, in
orlando flordia'

OMG WTF!!

and im like 'norath world!!?!?!? omg wtf that is so rule!!!!11!1'

and im jumping around the roome and tossing my dolls in the air
and my brothers grinning cause he got to give me the good newz an
im like 'omg dude mike i didn't even know there was such a place r
u going to go to??/?'

and hes liek 'nope'

and im liek 'why'

and hes like 'cause they can only afford a trip fur 1 of us and i
said u can go'

and im getting all tearry eyed cause my bro is so cool

so i figure i better strart packing now so i stay up reel late
getting all my stuff ready

so i finally go to sleep and i get up erly the next morning and i
grab my sutecase and im running threw the house yelling and im
liek 'wake up!! wake up!!'

and my parents come runnign out and theyr liek 'whts wrong??'

and im like 'its chrismas!!!'

and my moms liek 'omg its 2am!!1'

and im like 'but im ready NOW'

and my dads like 'why are u carrying ur sutecase'

and im like 'omg cause im going to norrath duh' but then i felt
kinda bad cause it was supposed to be a surpriz

and my parents are quiet and my moms looks at my dad says 'dear i
think its finally happened'

and my dads kneels down in front of me and hes like 'son norrath
isn't a reel place its make believe like on mr rogers'

wtf??

so im like 'yes it is to reel its in orlando omg mike said so'

and rite then i hear some snickering coming from mikes room and my
ninja sense tells me somethings not rite

suddenly i figured it out and im like 'ahha, dont try to lie to me
i see now that u want to take mike insteed of me but i wont let
you im going to norrath and u cant stop me'

so the snikering gets louder from mikes room and my ninja sense
tells me that wasnt it at all

so then im like 'omg'

and then i'm like 'wtf'

and then i realized that bro of mine had been liar

well i was a little agry to say the least and after tossing my
sute case down i ran the hall an charged his room

so i burst threw the door and so but suddenly im face to face with
this dragon as tall as me!!1!

and im scared and om like 'IEEEE' and i'm trying to land a
thounderous kick on it then i try to hide behind the bed

and mikes like 'mary chismas bro i made it myself'

and then i ninja sense told me that the dragon wasnt reel and i
came out to look at it and try to hid the wet spot on my pants

and mikes like 'dude its a dragon costume u can get in and its all
urs'

and im liek 'OMG WTF mike ur the rulest in the history of rule'

so even though mike was liar i he was still the rulest and i got
the best chrismas present of my life and im wearing it rite now
which makes it hard to tpye so be nice about spelling plz k thx la

anywhay i never did figur out who this chris guy is and why he has
a whole day sellabrating him but maybe ill lern that next year

all i know is that this chismas was the best chrismas eve

[Kainzo]

8th

THAT TIME AGAIN, by Skater Gnome

September 12, 2002

ok liek wtf is up with school

so like last week im playing eq in my room and the sun is shining
in my window and im like 'haha its night time in norrath get it
right'

and my mom walks in the room and shes like 'who are you talking
too'

and im like 'umm my imaganary woodlef friend'

and she liek 'i thought your emaginary friend was a dwarf'

and im like 'ya he was but he farted alot so i traded him for a
female woodelf'

of course that wasnt the real reason i traded for a female woodelf
cause farting is funny the real reason shold be pretty obvious duh
haha

so my moms liek 'do you know what time it is'

and im like 'umm time for you to leave my room and let me ding
level 6?'

and shes like 'nope its school time'

omg wtf

and im like 'i feel kinda sick cough cough'

and shes like 'ok get in bed then school starts tomorrow morning'

and im like 'oh i thought you meant it started today wow i feel
better its a mericle'

so tommorrow comes around and my mom is like yelkling from the
stairs 'get up time for breakfast'

and im like 'when lavastorm freezed over'

and my dad yells 'one... two...'

and im like spirit of cheetah down the stairs and sit down at the
table

and my moms like 'omg'

and my dads like 'umm son, why dont you go back up to your room
and put some boxers and a t-shrit on or something?'

and im like 'doh, ok. lol'

so after a grumpy morning im standing at the buss stop and j-mo
shows up and im like 'hail, j-me' and hes like 'hail, skater'

and were like 'hehe'

and some other neighborhood kids show up and and jockguy jason
shows up too

and jasons like 'dude give me ur lunch money'

and im like 'i dont have any i right-clicked on all my food this
morning ill be full all day long infact i couldn't eat another
bite our i would explode'

and hes like 'wtf'

and j-mos like 'dude you shouldnt pick on ppl smarter than u'

so jason is like 'whatever' and leaves me alone

so we get to school and its all blah blah blah boring and i sleep
a little and then math class starts and we have a new math teacher
and omg wtf she is so hot!!

so class is getting started and im all sitting up strait and shes
talking about math but all i heer is 'skater gnome i love u'

and i whisper 'i love you too'

and j-mos like 'ur imaginary woodelf friend again?'

and im like 'um ya sure'

so then i hear her say 'ok class who can tell me about fractions?'

and im thinking 'omg i know all about this'

so im like 'me me me'

and shes liek 'ok' and smiles at me

so i stand up and clear my throut and im liek 'factions are very
important. if you have good faction with certain people you can
talk to them and buy stuff from them and they wont try to kill you
but if they do you can just feign death sometimes and you can live
but some places are hard to get good faction with. infact i was
wondering how i can improve my math teacher faction?'

and then i sat down and i was nodding and grinning and looking
around the class cause that was REELY smooth

and everyones liek 'dude wtf r u talking about?'

and hotmathteacher_01 is like 'thats very nice but i think were
talking about fractions, not factions, please see me after class'

omg wtf this REELY sucks ass

and my imagniary woodelf friend is like 'thats ok hun i still love
u'

and im like 'i know'

so the bell rings later and im walking slowly up to her desk and j-
mo's like 'good luck man' and im like 'ya thanks'

and i get the the desk and shes like 'that was quite a speech you
made'

and im like 'ya sorry i wont do it again'

and she laughed and said 'oh no your not in trouble. it just
sounds like you play Everquest'

and i light up and im like 'omg u play eq??!!?'

and shes like 'no, but my husband does'

and im like 'ohh ur married'

and shes like 'ya'

and im like 'k, that sucks'

and shes like 'aww im sure youll make some girl very happy someday'

and shes like 'hey maybe you can meet him in game sometime he
plays a lvl 60 necro'

and im liek 'OMG can he pl me'

and she laughs again and im like /drool and shes like 'youll have
to talk to him about that'

and im like 'omg mrs klien your are the rulest!'

and shes like 'careful skater, your starting to become a teachers
pet'

and im like 'woof woof!'

and shes like 'run along now or you'll be late to class'

so i run out and im thinking 'omg its true. guys who play eq
always get the hottest women. lucky lucky me

[Kainzo]

9th

NO PLACE LIKE HOME, by Skater Gnome

April 13, 2002

ok like yesterday was my first day back at hom from camp
and it was very exciting
so like i get off the bus and my mom and dad are waiting
on the steps and smiling and waving at me and its all
like a kodak moment stuff

so like i give my mom a hug but not my dad cause thats
gross and my dads liek 'we have a present for you sun'

and im liek 'OMG IS IT ICE CREAM??'

and their like 'no'

and i'm all /glare

and so my dad hands me this box all wraped up and i tear
it open and im all /giggle

and i get it open and OMG its all the eq action figures!!

and im like 'omg u guys are SO the rulest'

so i run upstairs to my room and im getting them all set
up and forming little groups and to make it fair i put
all of them against the monk

so like my brother walks in and hes like 'having fun
playing with your dolls?'

and im like 'stfu dude theyr not dolls their action
figures'

and hes liek 'ya kep playing with them and i guerentee
thats the only action you'll ever get'

so I thought he was being mean but then he came over and
I showed him all the figures and my favorite one was the
big ogre with just one eye in the center of his head

so my phone rings and its j-mo and i'm like 'hello'

and hes like 'hey what r u doing'

and im like 'im playing with my one-eyed ogre'

and hes like 'omg dude wtf dont tell me gay stuff like
that'

and im like 'wtf dude its not gay my brother likes it
too'

and j-mos liek '*click*'

and i call him back and im like 'dude wtf'

and hes like 'dude wtf'

and im liek 'huh?'

and hes like 'forget it. come down to the skate park
theres some new guys here that are trying to be cooler
than us'

and im liek 'is that possible?'

and hes like 'i dont think so'

so i put away all the dolls, i mean action figures, but
i wanted to take the one-eyed ogre with me to show j-mo

so i put on my cool-jeans and grab my board and head
down to the park

so im walking up to the ramp and j-mo is liek' why are
you walking like that?'

and im like 'this is my gangster stroll'

and hes like 'wtf its that??'

and im liek 'i dunno i saw it on tv but it makes me look
cool'

and hes like 'no it doesnt stop doing it'

so that was the end of that

so were looking at these guys skating and they come
skating over to us and theyre like 'you guys get lost ur
not cool enough to skate here'

and im like 'omg dude we define cool we are even cooler
than manaburn'

and j-mo is liek 'ya and manaburn is pretty damm cool'

and im all /agree

and theyre like 'we challenge you to a skate-off then'

and im liek 'you have ruined your own lands you will not
ruin mine. your on'

so i decide to go against their best skater and we flip
a coin and i have to go first

so i start skating and i skate reel good and everyones
cheering and i finish and im like 'ahh, i feel much
better now, n00b skater01'

so its their skaters turn to go now and he starts his
run and hes skating and im liek 'damm hes good. reely
reely good'

so im thinking were gonna lose and that sux so im
thinking how i can distract him so he messes up

so then i remember i have the ogre in my pants. so i
wait till he skates close to me and suddenly i reach
into my jeans and start pulling the monstor out and im
like 'fear the one-eyed ogre, b!tch!!1!'

and he looks at me pulling my ogre outta my pants and
hes like 'AHHH!!1! and he falls down and his crew is
like 'omg dude wtf lets get outta here'

and they grab their boards and take off

and j-mo is like 'ooooohhh, you actually DO have a one-
eyed ogre. dude i think thats called ancient cyclops'

and im liek 'whatever'

and hes like 'and just why, exactly did you keep it in
you pants?'

and im liek 'it wouldnt fit in my pocket'

and he like 'oh. well it worked the poser skaters left'

and im like 'ya looks liek everyone else left too'

so liek the battle was won and the skater park was ours
to rule once again

[Kainzo]

10th

A TURN FOR THE WORSE, by Skater Gnome

August 6, 2002

ok like camp is reely cool and whatever but yesterday it got
reely suc
ok so like im standing on the dock at the lake cause im next
in line to ride the water weenie

so im standing there and all of the suddin i get shoved in the
back and go flying off the dock and into the water

WTF??!?!!

so like my swiming is suck so im doing doggie paddel back to
dock and i heer lots of laffing coming from everyone on the
dock and im getting reely angrey!

so im clikmbing back up the dock and im like 'omg dude ur so
dead' but when i get up to the top i see the freakin huge kid
there scowling at me ready to attack

and im like 'omg dude i thought this camp was for 13 to 15 not
30yr olds'

and hes like 'u wanna peace of me???'

and im thinking 'hell no' but i say 'oh ya i want the who
enchallada'

i dont even liek enchaladas

so im getting a little scared now and im looking around for
the zone line out of instinct or whatever but the only
safespot i can see is up the hill at the cafe where the
couseliers are but thats a long way away

so im thinking about trying feign death but we all know how
that turned out last tiem

so its just him and me at the end of the docks and hes like
lumbering toward me with his swimming flippers and facemask on
holding a snorkel in his hand liek hes gonna hit me with it
and everyone is watchin

so im standing there wondering what it will feel like to be
killed with a snorkel when i see j-mo pushing through the crowd

and hes got something in his hands and he rolls it toard me
through giganto-kids legs and its my skaterboard

and j-mos like 'two hand blunt'

and he give me the thumbs up

so i pick up my board and im gettin all fired up and breathing
hard and im scream 'feel the power of quellious b1tch'

and j-mos like 'yaulp 2! good one!'

so i charge and im swinging my board with sweet ninja action
but mammoth-boy just knocks it out of my hands and grabs me
and picks me up

and im like 'omg dude wtf put me down ur so gay'

and so he walks to the edge of the dock and starts to throw me
in again (dammit)

so im starting to fall and i reach out for anything i can grab
on to and i gget a hold on his mask

well i could only hold on to it for about the first two feet
of my fall and then i had to let go before i went splash

well i guess the face mask went flying right back into his
nose or something cause buy the tiem i doggie paddeled back to
the dock he was lying on his back with a bloody nose and the
nurse was stunding over him saying 'jonny can you heer me'

and j-mos like 'dude sweet kill!'

and im like 'ya im the rulest' and i never told anyone that i
didnt do it on purpose

so i was thinkin about looting the body but i decided that
prolly not appropriate

so anyway i got in alot of trouble and they punished me by
making me stay in the cabin for the rest of the day

i never did get to ride the water weenie but i guess thats ok

it sounds kinda gay anyway

[Kainzo]

11th

SUMMERCAMP ADVENTURE, by Skater Gnome

August 6, 2002.

ok, so like my parents com into my room last week and theyre
like 'u play too much computer'
and im like 'omg the sign on my door says WOODELVES ONLY an
neither of you look like woodelfs to me'

and my dads like 'dont speak that way to your parents son'

and im liek 'i cant understand you ur not speeking elvish'

and my dads like 'your on thin ice'

so my mom say 'were worried about you we think you should take
a break and go to camp'

and im like 'everquest camp??'

and theyre like 'no'

and im like 'ok whatever ill go if j-mo can go to'

and they were happy and i thought that it was kinda funny how
i was losing parent agro by camping

so like it comes time for me to go and after a losing a big
arguement with my dad that involved me playing tug of war with
my laptop i finally get on the dumb camp bus

so im on the dumb bus and i sit in the back and an this dumb
guys lookin at me and im like 'wtf ru looking at'

and hes like 'woah bro chill. hey do u wanna smoke a bowl?'

and im like 'sorry dude im not good at pottery'

and hes like 'pottery? ive never heard it called that before'

and im like 'what do u call it haha?'

and hes liek 'pot'

and im liek 'i guess that makes sence'

so liike this guy talks to me for a long time about how cool
pottery is, so i kinda made a mental note to increase
skatterrs trade skils with pot when i get back to norrath

so like anyway we get to camp after liek 100 hours and its
nite time an all the couselers are meeting us at the bus and
herding us towards the cabins and my couseler is wearing
purple and talking to us in a girly voice and j-mo is liek 'i
think our counselir is gay'

WTF?!??

and im like "wtf cause of his voice and clothes??'

and hes like 'no cause of the rainbow bumper sticker on his
vokswalgon beetle over there'

and im liek 'i feel like were in boy scouts all over again'

and hes like 'ya'

so like we're all in our cabins and the couseler has his own
little room on the side and i cant sleep and suddenly i hear
the beep of a computer powering up

and im like 'omg' and i jump outta bed and sneka to his door
with my eq cds and its all silent so i open it and see the
computer on the other side of the room

so im sneeking over to it and i see dave (the cousulir)
sitting on his couch watching tv

so im looking at the tv for a second and im like 'omg dude are
u watching top gun????'

and he freaks out and changes it quickly and hes liek 'no look
its the princess bride!!'

and im like 'ya i dont remember pruncess bride havin f-14s in
it' but then i wish i hadnt said that cause

and hes like 'what r u doing in here??'

and im like 'ill make a deal. i wont tell anyone about you
watching top gun if you let me use ur computer'

and hes like 'uhhh, ok'

and im like '...and give me ice cream'

and hes like 'i dont have any'

and im like 'omg how can ne1 go without ice cream??'

so come to finhd out his comp wont run eq but i did let me get

on castersrealm to share an adventur with u

[Kainzo]

12th

SUMMER CAMP ADVENTURE II, by Skater Gnome

August 6, 2002.

hey guys camp is fun kinda but not like eq but im having a
good time
so like yesterday me and j-mo and are hanging out in the
cafateria with this guys shane and allen cause a magic show is
on later and ive never met a real magician b4 and i reely want
to meet one

so like were sitting there talking and this black guy tyrone
comes up and hes like 'whats up my dudes'

and shanes like 'what did you just call us??'

and tyrones like 'umm...dudes'

and allens all like 'he just said the 'd' word to us'

and tyrone is like 'wtf are you talking about???'

and shane is like 'a white person can call another white
person dude but a black person cannot call a white person dude
cause its racist'

and im like 'wtf'

and j-mo is liek 'omg'

and allen is liek 'ya you can say dudez with a 'z' but not
dudes with an 's' dont worry were not mad cuase you didnt know'

and j-mo and i look at each other and were like '/roll'

and tyrone in liek 'whatever im out'

and j-mos like 'how come when a white person says it the 'd'
word its ok but when a black person says it its racist???/?'

and allens like 'a white person cant hate other white people
duh'

and j-mos like 'well i think im starting too'

so j-mo and i go sit at a different table and in a few minutes
the magic show starts

OMG!!!

its was so cool all the magic he was doing but i never
actually saw him cast any speels

so at the end of the show i go over the the magician and im
liek 'hey dude ur the rulest!!'

and hes like 'umm thanks kid'

and im liek 'what level are u im lvl 5??'

and hes like 'huh?'

and i whisper 'can i see you pet?? shhh i promise i wont tell'

and hes like 'uhhh'

and he was like starting to look all confused and i was
thinking that he wasnt a reel magician after all

so to test him i was like 'ok can you summon me sum ice
cream??'

so liek he grabbed his hat and said algebra cadabra and poof
there was an ice cream bar!!

and im liek 'OMG u ARE a MAGICIAN!!!!!!!!!!!'

so next thing i know im in the nerse station lying on a bed
and im like 'OMG I DIDNT KNOW MAGES GOT TRANSLOCATE'

and then the nerse told me to shut my pie hole and lay back
down but she didnt have any duck tape so i wasnt scared

so i was thinking that all i want to do is meat a monk someday
and then i can die happy

hmmm i wonder where my ice cream bar is????? i bet j-mo took it

[Kainzo]

13th

NEW HORIZONS, by Skater Gnome

August 6, 2002

ok so like im sitting down to type a new story cause something
reely funny happened last night but before i start riteing i
check my private messages
so theres this message in there from this chick darla and shes
like 'hye skatterr i just read your stories and you a so cute.
a/s/l??'

WTF?!??

so yell 'hey mike come here'

and then i yell 'sorry for yelling' cause i dont want the duck
tape but he usually lets me do it once with no tape hehe'

so mike comes in and hes like 'what'

and im like 'mike wtf does asl mean???'

and hes like 'the asl an organizasion that defend the civil
rights of minorities'

and im like 'whats a minority??'

and hes like 'in this county its someone whos not a white male'

and im like 'then what am i????'

and hes like 'the majority'

and im like 'that sucks'

so mike leaves and i write darla back and im like

'deer darla,
how are u? i am fine. i love black people. i cant give the asl
anymoney though cause i am poor. want to be frieds???'

weel i wait a few minutes and darla writes back 'skatterr you
are funny wanna cyber?'

so i yell 'mike come here'

and then i thought dammit thats the second yell, im getting
the duck tape for sure

but mike was cool for some reason and not mad so i was
like 'dude wtf does cyber mean??'

and he like clears his throat and hes like 'shes asking you
for help with her computer problems'

and im like 'that sucks i don't know anything about computers'

and hes like 'thats ok i do. why don't you go downstairs and
eat some ice cream and ill provide her with some technical
assistance'

so im like 'omg dude you are so rule!! thanks'

so i go down stairs and eat ice cream

i never new my brother liked to help on computer stuff so
much, i could hear him 'woooo-hoooo'ing from the living room.