Fasting. 2 days in.

[imperiouskitten]

Originally Posted by Twochain [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Person A. You do drugs and therefore are a deviate

Person B. I had a problem yes, i've since been clean. That's kind of a fucked up thing to say especially considering you've lost a friend due to the same.

Person A. That's fucked up; how could you bring up my friend who did drugs?


Honestly it's interesting how invested the trans sub community of p99 get in to each other. Every one of you know all the details of each others lives, and many of you have met IRL/E-Dated.

It's also interesting to me how much chats get saved from this community. I can't think of ONE chat log that i've saved from my friends on the internet over the years. Maybe a screenshot here or there, but are forever deleted. But man, are the logs always ready in case of a flame war on the forums.

The backstory with that is an unhealthy investment into / identification with the tragedy of losing somebody important young. Not to downplay the trauma of it at all. You're not wrong but it won't be worth the fight. There is an entire identity built around it, from teenagerhood forward. Accidentally step on that tail and you'll deserve to be flayed alive, because you couldn't possibly understand. Rageoholic stuff.

Also I've never reposted a chatlog, never doxed, rarely aggressed. Notice me please, senpai. The unfortunate fact is that the "trans community" on here is surprisingly wicked in general, but we were pushed close together emotionally by the isolation that comes with being trans and the search for role models, advice, etc when we were early on.

There's a lot of overlap of trans with mental illness and so the average outlook for a trans girl is pretty bad taken averaged. The successes (or even anyone with self-respect, who does not identify themselves as a man, because yes -- that is a real, strong political force in these circles) are envied and targeted. And the rest are herded together into a gaggle of abusers and abused. This effect is exemplified in a conglomerate form in the website kiwifarms, which is a massive dox website inhabited almost only by trans women. Weird, huh? The online trans-o-sphere is extremely toxic and dangerous to the impressionable.

Nah, there's not really a trans community here per se because of the fragmentation. You've got Secrets, Nexii, and katrik who are above it by virtue of being aloof, and then you've got me who draws attention by posting too much, and also didn't learn "you can't fix em all" until too late. And finally, a discord full of angry people obsesssing over pictures and chatlogs of me.

I wish it could be a community but there's too much mental illness. Inability to cope politely with rejection, or accept the faults of others. One member, now banned but still lurking, who is actually on par with Jeffrey Dahmer, sexually assaulted me in person and passes conspiracy theories about me around to the manipulable girls (mostly theories that I or my husband embody every account on the forums that ever did them ill, but also truly outlandish stuff like I'm a CIA agent, FBI, etc). The sexual assault is I guess why I feel invested in all this. But the truth is it doesn't feel the same as it would from a thug or something. It was just an unpleasant experience wrought by envy. I should let it go. But the stalking goes on and on, primarily by Cecily's hands although I'm sure there's a Discord full of my dox and encouragement to bother me. Just so it's clear, Cecily's intent everytime she comes around harassing me is to remind me about that sexual assault.

Naturally, Cecily denies that it happened although she was not there. She will claim she is fighting the false rumors I am spreading, but the truth is I am not spreading them. She is the only one bringing them up. I am not pursuing legal remedy or even claiming people should ostracize somebody on nothing more than my word. After all, there is only word vs word. To take a stance on it either way is weirdo behavior, unless you know the perpetrator and have your own suspicions I guess. Only ever brought them up to the perpetrator herself when she was still actively following me around on this board. Everything and anything is an excuse to perpetrate sadism and stalking, including the strange rhetorical technique you debunk above. Anything to brand me a villain and justify continued harassment.

I found my car's gas line pulled a few months ago and had to worry that it was one of these girls. Can cause an instant car fire and disfiguring peril. All because I am kinda cute and the youngest of the bunch, or have a degree and a husband and a tiny apartment to live in, or whatever. Because of how exceptional and enviable all that is. It deserves a movie or book. It's all those 90s-era fears about weird people on the Internet, but made real. Unfortunately it's not as easy as just "burying the hatchet"; I've done so for years and been harassed monthly. It's gang stalking and I am the target, and the examples of doxing and pasting of private chats are endless and come from only one side of this.

So please, don't get the impression I am an equal partner in this. It is a fact I am not.

Anyway, thank you for weighing in. When there is no grounding to consensus sanity these arguments feel very discomforting.

[Nexii]

Fasting seems like artificial asceticism or self-debasement to me. Idk. The ascetic life goes beyond food. It's doing away with wealth, valuing power/prowess instead. This is the ideology of my leopardess sona. And Offering is sort of the opposite. Showing her that there is value in material things that serve mostly aesthetic purpose.

Yea the normals steer clear. Too bad there aren't any others that are more into EQ. Will say it's a bit isolating to be the only in the raid scene. Some are damaged beyond repair. An NPD ex will change your idealistic views that anyone can be redeemed or changed. It's just not the case

[imperiouskitten]

Originally Posted by Nexii [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

An NPD ex will change your idealistic views that anyone can be redeemed or changed. It's just not the case

EXACTLY what changed my worldview, heh.

I'm extending credit to every one of my fanclub yet again. I won't heckle you if you don't start in with me. Just bury it, weirdos

[magnetaress]

Originally Posted by imperiouskitten [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

obsesssing over pictures and chatlogs of me.

Just no. Lol. Jesus. Plz.

Not once, how u looked ever really came up in our "seeeecret *big /s*" chat u were invited to but left. BTW that discord died after u left because we were all too shocked to really respond.

[imperiouskitten]

Originally Posted by magnetaress [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Just no. Lol. Jesus. Plz.

Not once, how u looked ever really came up in our "seeeecret *big /s*" chat u were invited to but left. BTW that discord died after u left because we were all too shocked to really respond.

not you genius. it's clear this stuff is coordinated based on the swarm technique. then again, you think I'm using 4 accounts to manipulate you so there's no real point talking. we are on different planes. so plz disengage, i'm sure you've earned enough cache ITT to be crazy with the other crazies. maybe you can get into the new discord which is the one i am talking about (obviously) [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] 😬

[magnetaress]

Originally Posted by imperiouskitten [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

not you genius. it's clear this stuff is coordinated based on the swarm technique. then again, you think I'm using 4 accounts to manipulate you so there's no real point talking. we are on different planes.

I am definitely not very smart and in the very stupid and angry but pretty category myself.

I'm tired of being manipulated to. Hope it ain't so.

I'm pretty sure I'm the least interesting of us all aside from my genuinely profound sarcasm from time to time.

~magneto out.

[imperiouskitten]

There we go, a demonstration. Literal schizos who believe I am literally perpetrating a solo conspiracy against them. I know this thread is a mess of words but it's all here in the last few pages, the whole story. Big yikes.

[magnetaress]

Naw. I'm kinda over discords and literally trying to Lord my success over ppl to help them see the light or win them over. I'm on the ground with everyone else.

[imperiouskitten]

Originally Posted by magnetaress [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Naw. I'm kinda over discords and literally trying to Lord my success over ppl to help them see the light or win them over. I'm on the ground with everyone else.

a schizoid nonsequitur, dear. ok I am going to commence silence about this again, just put me on ignore too it'll be ezier.

[magnetaress]

Originally Posted by imperiouskitten [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

a schizoid nonsequitur, dear. ok I am going to commence silence about this again, just put me on ignore too it'll be ezier.

I really only post here to get name called and name call back.