Making time to play?

[Mycota648]

Originally Posted by Tenlaar [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Yeah, no. If you can't play EQ for a few hours here and there during the week because your significant other doesn't like it (AKA doesn't allow it), your significant other sucks and is a bad person to be in a relationship with.

My girlfriend isnt a bad person. She just gets upset when I play video games because I literally zone everything else out. She will talk to me and I wont even hear her. So essentially she feels like I am ignoring her, and in reality I am.

I think a major issue is that I work way more than her. She gets a few hours on each side of my shifts to herself. When I leave in the morning she is there and when I get home at night she is there. Not that this upsets me, i love being around her. I just dont think she realizes how much a hour or two to yourself can really help you have fun, destress, etc... She probably has never thought that I never get that. I will probably have a talk with her about this.

[loramin]

Originally Posted by Mycota648 [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

My girlfriend isnt a bad person. She just gets upset when I play video games because I literally zone everything else out. She will talk to me and I wont even hear her. So essentially she feels like I am ignoring her, and in reality I am.

I think a major issue is that I work way more than her. She gets a few hours on each side of my shifts to herself. When I leave in the morning she is there and when I get home at night she is there. Not that this upsets me, i love being around her. I just dont think she realizes how much a hour or two to yourself can really help you have fun, destress, etc... She probably has never thought that I never get that. I will probably have a talk with her about this.

I don't care if you like model trains, running marathons, or playing 16-year old elf sims: your girlfriend may not be a bad person, but if she can't give you the time/space to enjoy whatever your hobby is then there's something unhealthy about the relationship.

This was a bit of an issue when my wife and I first started dating, because she (along with many women in our society) sort of thought that co-dependency = healthy relationship. Once she learned/felt secure enough in the fact that we would still spend time together, she relaxed and stopped being offended when I wanted to spend time on my hobbies.

Now it's to the point where unless Game of Thrones is on (or some other show we watch together) I just play EQ without even thinking about her. And likewise she just watches terrible terrible reality TV shows (with headphones, thank god) without worrying about me. So I think talking to your GF is an excellent idea, and hopefully it helps you two get to the kind of relationship my wife and I have.


P.S. And oh yeah, get a new job. I'm actually a programmer at a genetic screening software company, and we have several bio PhDs on staff. Of course they have doctorates, not undergraduate degrees, and a lot of them learned to program on the side, but the point is they're bio people working in a non-lab environment. It's a big world out there, and if you look I strongly suspect you have career options that don't involve crappy pay and excessive hours in a laboratory.

[Feanoir]

The posters saying find a new job or dump the lady are just plain absurd. The reality is that once you have a career, a relationship, and a life it's pretty much impossible to play as a hard core raider. If you love or even just plain like your job, you are ahead of most people, and really shouldn't bail to play a video game.

Relationships take effort and if you work 80 hours per week you have to spend most of that precious free time with the lady so that she doesn't feel neglected. I work an average of 80 hours a week. I'm a doctor, and I love it, but an unfortunate consequence of having a great job I love is that I know I will simply not have the time to join a raid guild. After 6 or so years I don't even have a level 50 character yet, but I still enjoy the hell out of this game.

Explain to the girl that you need a few hours a week to yourself and enjoy EQ when time permits. I make time by getting up early on the one or two days off a week, and play until the rest of the house wakes up. The benefit of a super populated server is that great groups are still to be found at 6 AM EST. Explain that it's akin to going out once a week to play poker with the guys, except instead of poker it's a 15 year old video game. She will be cool with it if you don't let it become all you do when you aren't at work- everyone needs some time for their hobbies no matter how hectic life gets. The above advice is pretty solid though, If you can find some awesome couple stuff to do on a day off you can probably score a few extra hours to play eq after you guys get back from a farmers market and yoga class.

If that wall of text is all TL;DR there is time, just not a lot. Enjoy eq at a snail's pace. Expect your grouping pals to out level you. You probably wont get the first AoW kill once velious drops, but you can enjoy this game as a past time while actually enjoying real life.

[Troxx]

Originally Posted by Feanoir [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

I'm a doctor, and I love it, but an unfortunate consequence of having a great job I love is that I know I will simply not have the time to join a raid guild.

Specialty?

Pediatrician here :P

My love for video games shows itself in my choice of career heh.

[B4EQWASCOOL]

Originally Posted by loramin [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

I don't care if you like model trains, running marathons, or playing 16-year old elf sims: your girlfriend may not be a bad person, but if she can't give you the time/space to enjoy whatever your hobby is then there's something unhealthy about the relationship.

Your time, my time, us time.

Communication helps.

[Malrakh]

Now it's to the point where unless Game of Thrones is on (or some other show we watch together) I just play EQ without even thinking about her. And likewise she just watches terrible terrible reality TV shows (with headphones, thank god) without worrying about me. So I think talking to your GF is an excellent idea, and hopefully it helps you two get to the kind of relationship my wife and I have.

So unless GoT is on, you ignore your wife? I'm all for interdependency but, that's not the kind of relationship I want personally.

To the OP: I'm in medical school now and have a wife and 3 kids (ages 5, 3, and 1) and we're trying for a 4th. For me it's about "foreground and background." My family is my dream and ambition so they're in the foreground and get all of my attention. When things are winding down with the family, then I make time for my gaming hobby.

My wife used to abhor gaming. Like she'd get visibly upset if she even saw me playing a game. But a lot of that attitude comes from a lack of understanding rather than codependency. And I'm glad I didn't give her the boot because she has qualities I think no one else on earth has. If she came to me tomorrow and asked sincerely that I stop playing, I'd smash my computer to bits with a sledgehammer.

As others have said, communication is key and some times the best way to communicate is through action. My wife is a triathlete but when we started having kids she pretty much stopped 100%. So I started waking up at 5:30am with the kids so she could run 3 times a week (this was my idea - I pretty much had to dress her and push her out the door). I also went online and signed her up for a sprint triathlon (mini-triathlon). We a got up early and the kids and I played cheer-leaders while my wife competed. I made it 100% about her and her hobby. Slowly she started realizing how important hobbies can be to de-stress and maintain a healthy lifestyle.

I can game now almost every night if I want to with no wife-faction hit. Recently I've felt like we're not really spending a lot of quality time together (I game in my office and the TV she watches TV in the other room). So I straight hulked out one night and moved the couch into my office. She fussed at first (she's ocd when it comes to having the house a certain way) but when I started asking her all of these questions about Ally McBeal she really started enjoying it. I freaking hate Ally McBeal... But my wife loves it...so I'm trying to get into it.

Just like my wife used to hate gaming, but I love it, so maybe one day she'll start asking me more about it [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.].

[Troxx]

Originally Posted by Mycota648 [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

I just dont think she realizes how much a hour or two to yourself can really help you have fun, destress, etc... She probably has never thought that I never get that. I will probably have a talk with her about this.

Ain't that the truth.

My wife is a stay at home mom now. I work long hours so that she doesn't have to work, and I know for a fact she doesn't really appreciate the above statement at times. Being a home-maker is a 24/7 job, but it's less intense at any given point in time and you have moments during the day to yourself (kids taking naps, oldest at kindergarten etc).

An hour to yourself (or more) on a regular basis is clutch.