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#2
08-26-2010, 12:27 PM
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Gee... Those suicide jokes never get old do they...?
[You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] @OP - I wouldn't get help/advice from here. Get professional help or at the very least keep the Kodak moment shit to yourself. Quitting EQ and these forums would be an excellent start.
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Dr. Oxoo Xoxx - Necromancer Extraordinaire
Lady Naelvenia <Thunderdome> - Enchanter Deluxe | ||
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#3
08-31-2010, 04:46 PM
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Get as far away from these assholes and shitbags, and get to a professional if you want a fighting chance. | |||
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#5
11-20-2010, 01:53 AM
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Reminiscent of pain
I know how you feel bro...I really do. I was never overweight in really any way, good physique etc not upset with my appearance - on the contrary, I'm better looking than 95% of most men out there - It'd be too vain to say Im the better out of all of em, but I got no girl to show for - I mean thats what looks could be for ...right? (just from my own point of view, but my youth is withering, I feel it go now, EQ was 11 yrs ago..I played on Rallos now and then)...but I can connect with you on a very deep level, and though I read your post months back, and never responded, I did indeed as well play my share of EQ back in the day I was a PK...its something I have seen once more with the EMU, but in my case, I just feel like my youth is slowly withering...
I hear you loud and clear my friend on the part where you said about that girl how you just threw the chance you had with her away...oh my god, I hear that so clearly - I always managed to get caged up in some regret over this, and the problem is similar to yours man, expect for the fact that I know I am great looking and a really good, fun, down to earth and decent guy and confidence is not an issue - so many chances.. but I ignored it within and tempered myself into thinking that it doesnt matter, or they could just go with someone else just as easily...or, what the hell do they want with me...or..they have their own priorities they go their own way anyway or...Im always alone anyway, and its been so long whats the point -- its a depressing thought. At least take some confidence you aren't like me and hitting the big 3 o and still a virgin. Oh you can take your buddhist points of view, thats nice, feel calm and everything is right - but when it comes down to it...thats a lot of life with no love, especially when your pretty adequate and a raging sex beast to boot with no outlet - hard times with no prison but the cage that surrounds me. But you really touched on several feelings with that post I can totally 100% mega connect with, especially that one, believe me I really can if no one else that sees this can.... Thats terrible and pitiful people can even think of doing such things to others in what was it? Miami? ... It's an even harder life when you have every single girl staring at you, and you cant do a Godamn thing about it...it'll shred you up in no time. I beat myself daily (not that way - heh, not always) mentally over it, and it boils me down within a little more with each passing day, just the whips and scorns of my own time that Im having a hard time finding ease in with this whole thing...its almost akin to..just an end of things...this whole being..but I take to extremes -- and its my fault because I know when (if ever, as I say Im just getting older and withering faster, or I feel as if it is that way) the next time anything female tries to step forward I will say something under my breath like..."ehy" and when she actually gives some silly number I got this whole self-loathing speel I have to just spill out when if it ever comes...been at least a decade since one that had any meaning to me offered one, heh.. funny thing is, I just bought a cellphone..will never use it, but its like god is throwing numbers at me because it is the easiest gdamn number in the whole world to remember - as if this force is mocking me or telling me hey its an easy number to remember, maybe you have some better chance...I dont know like you said man....the longer it is away from all the aspects of close sociality the stranger or weirder it is to get back into it...I had really great friends but those times are gone, and man, I dont know what to say, but I really wish I could send some kinda blessing to you, because Im all out of hope and shadowed over with all this - then again it could just turn into another man's curse, and damn no one deserves this...great person, nothing to show for..its the mentality of the compartmentalized megapolis..but I dont know, it is also not so great location even though it is pretty busy. I always liked the comment someone made on this youtube video with that song by Sponge called Plowed: "Alright, here is my interpretation. I'm firing from the hip here. To see wide open with a head that's broken = some negative experience has broadened the perspective of the speaker Hang a life on some tragedy = The mind opening experience is the fulcrum on which the speaker's life is balanced. ? Plow me under the ground that covers the message that is the seed = The speaker cannot surmount his troubles, but he will leave behind a message that might become something better." That hit home for me, just the interpretation of the lyrics..so ya I dont know what to do anymore - doesnt matter what ya look like, who you are what you have how great of a person you may be..if there's no opportunity its like you cant squeeze blood from a stone, just how it is...for me at least. Im all over too, but oh well like they say in tibetan buddhism, a human life is a very rare thing with regards to the whole essence of incarnations and reincarnates etc...I absolutely love who I am but sometimes I scroll up within a secret death wish - funny thing is, I never felt that way when the youth is most succeptible to it, you know like in high school and such...had a great time then. Sad thing bein trapped in such a great body, great person, great attributes, ethics good takes and jokes and laughs and personalities on things, remembering how much of a good kid you mighta been..and then end up with nobody ever with ya. But its like even as if, every man is an island... dont let your anger get to you, work on what you can change try not to worry about what you cant.. Also, a.......very long time ago, when I was in the Nektulos Forest, (which I joined later to have a chance to fight the biggest guild on the server after I got forsaken) there was a certain....Necromancer....his name was Shadowmancer... after he had killed players here and there, and he said: "There is no EQ anonymous" being it all dark and such and crossing over the bridge it kinda stuck with me...its true...and it is pretty much a solo thing involved with others, and I guess it could even be extended to life itself, seeing everything else in such a way from our own characters pov...what is there to simply confide in within these realms. Oh I got too involved with this post...I'll end it, but ya I hear you man I really do- best times to you, with the possible unexplored greatness of the unknown ahead..take care of yourself. | ||
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#6
11-20-2010, 02:53 AM
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#7
08-26-2010, 03:53 PM
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[You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] I appreciate everyone's advice. I'd like to point out that I'm aware of the sobering realization that my problems are small compared to what others deal with. I'm more fortunate than I realize. My main predicament is living in an environment which is poisonous to my goals / aspirations. I do have a loving family, but they're not known for communication, reinforcing any sort of structure or encouraging positive change. The one thing that's probably a common factor in my family tree is a short fuse. It takes effort and careful self examination to be a self-motivator. At times I become overly critical. I slacked off in school, never gave the social scene much attention either. I jumped into college right after high school with something I thought I was happy with. I neglected the college experience and just worked 10 - 12 hour days up until about a year and a half ago. A couple friends had me coming up to stay at FAU and Florida State and I got a taste of the authentic college lifestyle (something that I'd be a fool to miss out on). During this same time I found something I was passionate about. It was from there my attention turned back to college full time. My current surroundings are more detrimental than anything else. Anytime a change of scenery is introduced I feel more confident with myself. When something offers a challenge I find myself more prone to overcome and thus more fulfilled with life in general. Getting the fuck out from where I'm at, and settling away at school for a few years is more appealing to me than just about anything else. It's priority number one. My infuriated behavior, anxiety and negative emotions draw from my insecurities as much as I can gather. My issue is that I'm aware of them, I see the problem, I aim to resolve it, but I become frustrated when my natural reaction(s) are ones I don't want. Like say you're afraid of heights and you take the step to immerse yourself in your fear in attempt to overcome it. My issue is sometimes I overcome it without any problem, and other times anxiety or anger is overwhelming EVEN THOUGH I'm consciously trying to fight it. Again, I appreciate everyone's advice and the time you took to read my concern. | |||
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#8
08-26-2010, 04:09 PM
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Whenever you change your environment, it offers you distraction, which allows you the same sort of escape that drugs allow some people. Once you become acclimated to each new environment, your real problems start setting in again, and you lose self-confidence or whatever, and spiral down again. You have 4 options as I see it: 1.) Quit being a baby; get over it. 2.) Spend the rest of your life in therapy. 3.) See a psychiatrist and get on meds. 4.) Kill yourself. Options 2-4 are for the weak hearted, and you don't strike me as that kind of person. Options 3 and 4 cost a lot of money, and you said you were broke, so I don't know if they apply to you. I recommend option 1.
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#10
08-26-2010, 04:21 PM
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But as I said, I'm conscious of it. I see the issue when it arises however I don't know why it does or how to resolve it. ex: Any given situation I've been in a thousand times. 9/10: Perfectly fine. On that chance occasion I'm overwhelmed, I become jittery / anxious / angry / frustrated. I'm not a psychologist and or a doctor. Is there some environmental or subconscious trigger? It it all in my head or is it a chemical imbalance? | |||
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