I do not care if you smoke pot.

[Alawen Everywhere]

Originally Posted by Combo [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

I die at 80 after a long life of enjoying healthy food, tasty food, sometimes food that is both, cigars, alcohol both sophisticated and not, a cigarette here and there, rich, aromatic coffees, and exquisitely crafted desserts and candies.

You start dribbling into a cup at 80 and spend the next ten years of your life slowly sliding into twilight as your mental and physical facilities fail. By 82 you're in a home. By 83 your family has mostly stopped visiting you. By 85 you don't know where you are. By 87 you don't know what year it is and start to forget your family, wondering where your wife is, forgetting she's been dead for five years, getting to relive the pain and mourning from losing your love about once every four weeks. By 89 you're in a bed shitting into a pan watching reality TV for eighteen to twenty hours a day, and by 90 you're dead.

Your family is happy you died because they feel guilty about putting you in adult daycare-prison ten years ago and say stuff like "It's really better off this way -- he's been dead, essentially, for five years." Your grandchildren are happy you're dead because they don't have to lose time playing EQ3 or WoW2 visiting you anymore.

That's a nice story. Here's my version:

My maternal grandmother lived to be 95. She lived in her own home. My paternal grandmother is 87. She lives in her own home. My paternal grandfather lived to be 89. He died at home in his own bed in his sleep, lying next to my grandmother. They were married almost 62 years. Five of my great-grandparents were alive when I was born. My paternal grandmother's mother lived to be 102. She worked until she was 97. My 89-year-old grandmother is a hardcore competitive gamer and she talks shit about outliving her mother. My mother is 66. She walks several miles a day, shovels her own snow in the winter, mows her own lawn in the summer, grows about a third of her own food.

My version ends when I'm 107. After nailing my wife one last time, I fall asleep and die in my Dux bed.