ATTN: BIG DOG ROG - My Long Requested, Overdue, Informal GUIDE APP

[skarlorn]

Dear Rogean,

My secretary's undersecretary received your Fax and read it to me at the gym this morning. I am honored by your invitation to serve as Supreme Guide and Protector of Immersion. I agree that together, we could accomplish great things. In my mind's eye I see a world so perfectly immersed that people turn in books of Discord and guard their homelands against guard-killers; a land where people speak in their native tongues and invent new racial slurs for their enemies.

Alas, I was astonished to discover that this is not a paid position. If you will please review this key piece of information on my resume, I hope you will understand that I am not in a situation to volunteer my time without remuneration:

• Business
  

I will not be able to accept the Most Senior and Powerful Immersion Protector position at this time. Although I am a young Genius Businessman, I have not yet established a financial estate which will support myself and my future horde of offspring from 10 different wives from 10 different countries and without this, I must only pursue work which furthers that goal.

Had you offered me some alms, perhaps Pizza Delivery Services from one of our many pizza-elfs here on this server, a complimentary Moped, or even in-game currency, I would have been more inclined to take this position. I tell you this in the slight chance another, similarly qualified Elf crosses your path and you seek for him to destroy all Name Violaters.

That said, I will continue playing ~1 hour of Everquest per week. Please refer to my specially permitted NAMING VIOLATIONS LIST in the Petition Subforum to continue our deeply personal and best friend's discourse.

With Love,
The Undersecretary
to the Secretary
of Skarlorn AKA Filbus, Lord of the Misty Thicket