Win a Fungi Tunic

[Spyder73]

When my girlfriend and I first started dating (still dating 7 years later), I was staying over at her house one night when disaster struck. Me and the current GF had been dating for maybe a month or two, but my ex-girlfriend was at the wedding also and the whole thing was weird so I was drinking pretty heavily. Long story short I go back to the current GF’s house and pass out in my underwear in her bed.

Maybe around 3 or 4 in the morning I start to stir a little and I am shifting positions in bed when I fart…my eyes immediately pop WIDE OPEN. I reach my hand back in my underwear and realize I am in a worst case scenario situation (thank the lord I wasn’t naked). I look at my hand and only what can be described as black flith is coated on my fingers. So I calmly roll out of bed, do a quick inspect of the sheets to make sure I didn’t spill any human feces from my underwear, and I waddle over to her restroom…As I am using the bathroom I kind of laugh at myself and think “wow that was a close one”….SHE HAS NO F#CKING TOILET PAPER. I am freaking out at this point and still have sh!t all over my hand. I end up using my underpants and a hand towel to clean up my situation. But now I have 2 pieces of cloth covered in sh!t that I can’t flush. I decide I need to go downstairs and bury the evidence in the kitchen garbage can.

The next morning she asks what I was doing creeping naked into her kitchen in the middle of the night and I make something up….she goes into her restroom and asks where her grandmothers hand towel is at…the jig is up and I tell her of great shame and she laughs and still make fun of me about it 7 years later

EDIT: I am just sharing, don't want in contest...although i could use a fungi...