Confessions of a Rageaholic

[Straif]

Originally Posted by Hasbinbad [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Down the road please, not across the tracks..
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I think this one is what you're looking for:
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I appreciate everyone's advice. I'd like to point out that I'm aware of the sobering realization that my problems are small compared to what others deal with. I'm more fortunate than I realize.

My main predicament is living in an environment which is poisonous to my goals / aspirations. I do have a loving family, but they're not known for communication, reinforcing any sort of structure or encouraging positive change. The one thing that's probably a common factor in my family tree is a short fuse. It takes effort and careful self examination to be a self-motivator. At times I become overly critical.

I slacked off in school, never gave the social scene much attention either. I jumped into college right after high school with something I thought I was happy with. I neglected the college experience and just worked 10 - 12 hour days up until about a year and a half ago. A couple friends had me coming up to stay at FAU and Florida State and I got a taste of the authentic college lifestyle (something that I'd be a fool to miss out on). During this same time I found something I was passionate about. It was from there my attention turned back to college full time.

My current surroundings are more detrimental than anything else. Anytime a change of scenery is introduced I feel more confident with myself. When something offers a challenge I find myself more prone to overcome and thus more fulfilled with life in general. Getting the fuck out from where I'm at, and settling away at school for a few years is more appealing to me than just about anything else. It's priority number one.

My infuriated behavior, anxiety and negative emotions draw from my insecurities as much as I can gather. My issue is that I'm aware of them, I see the problem, I aim to resolve it, but I become frustrated when my natural reaction(s) are ones I don't want. Like say you're afraid of heights and you take the step to immerse yourself in your fear in attempt to overcome it. My issue is sometimes I overcome it without any problem, and other times anxiety or anger is overwhelming EVEN THOUGH I'm consciously trying to fight it.

Again, I appreciate everyone's advice and the time you took to read my concern.