Hasinbad

pepper · #1 09-15-2011, 12:18 AM

The purpose of this letter is to outline a plan to redefine in practical terms the immutable ideals that have guided us from the beginning. But first, let me pose you a question: Is Hasbinbad actually concerned about any of us or does he just want to subordinate principles of fairness to less admirable criteria? After reading this letter, you'll sincerely find it's the latter. He may unwittingly require schoolchildren to be taught that he is entitled to lead an inhumane jihad against those who oppose him. I say "unwittingly" because he is apparently unaware that he operates under the influence of a particular ideology—a set of beliefs based on the root metaphor of the transmission of forces. Until you understand this root metaphor you won't be able to grasp why there is historical precedent for Hasbinbad's sermons. Specifically, for as far back as I can remember, he has been making people suspicious of those who speak the truth. Given how one flippant activity always leads to another, it should come as no surprise that Hasbinbad is addicted to the feeling of power, to the idea of controlling people. Sadly, he has no real concern for the welfare or the destiny of the people he desires to lead.

Continue to appease Hasbinbad, and he will undeniably hurt people's feelings. He argues that the Queen of England heads up the international drug cartel. I wish I could suggest some incontrovertible chain of apodictic reasoning that would overcome this argument, but the best I can do is the following: He's obviously under the influence of LSD or some other hallucinogenic. Why else would Hasbinbad feel that he is God's representative on Earth?

Although Hasbinbad babbles on and on about elitism, he has no more conception of it than any other bad-tempered, shameless egotist. I can't understand why he has to be so narrow-minded. Maybe a dybbuk has taken up residence inside his head and is making him incite young people to copulate early, often, and indiscriminately. It's a bit more likely, however, that he makes it sound like commercialism is the only alternative to onanism. That's the rankest sort of pretense I've ever heard. The reality is that Hasbinbad is extraordinarily brazen. We've all known that for a long time. However, his willingness to cement the foundation of our currently metastasizing police state into the law of the land sets a new record for brazenness.

Yes, Hasbinbad has no right to be here, but here is the point that is worth considering: He likes to argue that his campaigns are intelligent, commonsensical, and entirely consonant with the views of ordinary people. Even if there were a faint glimmer of truth in that argument, it would be extremely faint. The truth is that every time Hasbinbad utters or writes a statement that supports faddism—even indirectly—it sends a message that Hasbinbad has answers to everything. I think that we mustn't let him make such statements, partly because he doesn't care about accountability in our public systems, but primarily because he acts as if he were King of the World. This hauteur is astonishing, staggering, and mind-boggling.

Perhaps you haven't noticed that this is sufficiently illustrated by the ridicule with which Hasbinbad's canards are treated by everyone other than soulless underachievers. Perhaps you haven't noticed that his ideals are a sink-pit of degeneracy, corruption, and ugliness. And perhaps you haven't noticed that we should treat Hasbinbad's putrid Praetorian Guard for what it is, a noisome group of unpleasant, irresponsible extremists. In response to all three of those possibilities, I need to inform you that those of us whose reason and honor have not been vitiated recognize that an unholy alliance of unenlightened rubes and the worst types of unrealistic vagabonds there are has been instrumental in devising increasingly sinister ways to make us less united, less moral, less sensitive, less engaged, and more perversely nettlesome. But the problems with his perorations don't end there. For proof of this ongoing tragedy one has only to realize that Hasbinbad has for a long time been arguing that children should get into cars with strangers who wave lots of yummy candy at them. Had he instead been arguing that the essence of lying is in deception, not in words, I might cede him his point. As it stands, the leap of faith required to bridge the logical gap in Hasbinbad's arguments is simply too terrifying for me to contemplate. What I do often contemplate, however, is how the really interesting thing about all this is not that he is a pitiful specimen of an unprofessional sad sack. The interesting thing is that his legatees all look like him, think like him, act like him, and pander to our worst fears, just like Hasbinbad does. And all this in the name of—let me see if I can get their propaganda straight—brotherhood and service. Ha! Finally, any one of the points I made in this letter could be turned into a complete research paper, but the conclusion of each would be the same: Hasbinbad has gone around the bend with his paranoia.