Serious question about Love, Sex, Romance & Relationships, adults only

[dredge]

Wondering what you guys think and kind of just want to vent some frustration.
Seriously.

I love my fiance, she's great, our relationship is stronger than most, we are both open minded individuals and feel free to explore things in and out of the bedroom.

I feel like no topic is taboo and there is nothing I would ever feel the need to hide from her. I respect her feelings and want to make her happy and all that.

But as a man, sometimes I get really frustrated that it's my responsibility to set the mood and turn her on. I feel like I always have to light the candles, get the massage oil out, do all the foreplay and if I want to have any chance at getting a blow job I better go down on her first and hope she returns the favor.

I just feel like there is romantic love making, but there should also be time for straight up getting busy. I feel like I should come home and be surprised greeted by her dropping to her knees and unzipping my fly every once in awhile or I should be able to kiss her on the neck from behind and bend her over in the kitchen every now and again.

She says that's not the way she works and that maybe some girls can get turned on that fast but not her and that she has to be in the right mood etc...

Am I being selfish and unreasonable? Maybe I watch too much porn and expect too much?

[Hasbinlulz]

Your first mistake is expecting anything from a romantic partner.

Try to get rid of your expectations and just "be" with her for like a week. Stop trying to make anything happen, just be there, be yourself. Then ask yourself: "Am I having a good time?"

The answer to that question will inform your ultimate question.

[gotrocks]

Originally Posted by Hasbinlulz [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Your first mistake is expecting anything from a romantic partner.

Try to get rid of your expectations and just "be" with her for like a week. Stop trying to make anything happen, just be there, be yourself. Then ask yourself: "Am I having a good time?"

The answer to that question will inform your ultimate question.

This has to be like... the first insightful thing ive ever read from you.

That being said, there is some truth to what the guy above me said about men being men and whatever. I don't think you're going to score alot of points acting like that all the time, but there's for sure a time and a place for that.

Here's where I'll get serious because i've totally been in your position and know what that's like, and seriously it can kill a relationship. When things start to stagnate in the bedroom and the guy is doing all the work you will start to feel resentment towards her and pretty soon, she will pick up on that and start to resent you. There is no easy answer, but I do have some suggestions.

Do you guys go out much? I'm not talking out to dinner or visiting friends, everyone does that. Do you ever go anywhere special? Waterfalls, hiking, museums, whatever. Replace those three locations with something you guys are both interested in and make a point to go out and do something a couple times a month.

Don't make sex out to be such a big deal. Yeah, obviously you want sex from your partner, but don't make her feel like she has to do it. It sounds like you guys only have sex when you make a big setup and put a ton of effort in. Stop. Let her notice you're not building a shrine to her vagina three times a week. I promise things will improve. If your relationship is as good as you say, there is no way your fiance will go more than a month or two without jumping you. Hard.

Lastly, and this is really important, make time away from each other besides work. You each need to have your own social lives and interests. Far too many couples spend way too much time together, and its just not healthy. Make time away from each other, because that time is just as important as the time you have together.

If you do all this and you're still not getting what you want from this relationship, there is something else wrong. Either somethings affecting her libido, or you guys are missing something else. I'd strongly suggesting seeing a counselor. They can help.

I'm not a pro at this by any means. Hell, i'm not even very good at it. I absolutely destroyed my previous relationship with my kids mom, and she didnt speak (or even break up) with me for nearly a year, and only then because she had to. But I absolutely do know the things I did wrong in that relationship, learned from them, and am now happy with someone else. Sex is a fantastic gauge of how things are going in a relationship. Not everyone can have hot "we just started dating" sex all the time, but there certainly needs to be some of that in any relationship. I hope this helped, even a little bit, because I can tell you *must* be extremely frustrated to be asking for help in RnF on classic eq forums. Good luck.

[dredge]

Originally Posted by gotrocks [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Do you guys go out much? I'm not talking out to dinner or visiting friends, everyone does that. Do you ever go anywhere special? Waterfalls, hiking, museums, whatever. Replace those three locations with something you guys are both interested in and make a point to go out and do something a couple times a month.

...............................
Lastly, and this is really important, make time away from each other besides work. You each need to have your own social lives and interests. Far too many couples spend way too much time together, and its just not healthy. Make time away from each other, because that time is just as important as the time you have together.

Thanks, I think your on to something here, these 2 thing are missing from our relationship. Since she moved in 8 months ago we spend every night together, we go out to eat but rarely find time to go do cultural or other events together.

Thanks a lot.

[gotrocks]

Originally Posted by dredge [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Thanks, I think your on to something here, these 2 thing are missing from our relationship. Since she moved in 8 months ago we spend every night together, we go out to eat but rarely find time to go do cultural or other events together.

Thanks a lot.

np. dont listen to the trolls. I was trying to be serious, though I really do think you posted this in the wrong place. Find a relationship forum or something [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

One last thing, don't discredit the second piece of advice in that post. If you make changes and still feel like you're the only one initiating sex, stop. She'll do it, I promise, just give it time. Maybe you'll get your come home from work bj.

And i forgot to mention, if either of you is doing any drugs besides smoking pot, all of my advice goes out the window [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] but it doesn't sound like you are.

[Misto]

whats a women?

[Hasbinlulz]

Also, there is no right way to treat someone. Individuals have unique standards and things that get them off. If you want a woman who will allow you to express your romantic side and fulfill your chase role, then a freaky deek that wants to get busy every time you're in an elevator probably isn't your best bet. However, if you want to pop money shots on your spouses face twice a day, then your hard-to-get lady friend is probably equally as unsuited.

[Hasbinlulz]

However, if you want the lady on the street and the freak in the sheets ideal, you have to either get lucky with an untrained noob or be a tryhard without seeming to trying hard.

It's p. dumb.

[Hasbinlulz]

Quad post, I must be mad.

[Halfelfbard]

Ur girl sounds boring as hell. Boring and basic, she will only get worse as you get older. Sorry man...but that does not sound like fun at all.

She sounds like a lazy fuck too. Prob lays like there like a stump.

Just come home from work and flop ur shit out at her, and see what happens. What i would do. Add a little wildness to ur home.