The Ark of Flames

[captnamazing]

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This is the account of Filbus and his family.

Filbus was a righteous man, blameless among the people of his time, and he walked faithfully with Chest. Filbus had three sons: Nibblewitz, Kekephee and Lotharus.

Now the Project 1999 Forums were corrupt in Chest's sight and was full of violence.

Chest saw how corrupt the earth had become, for all the people on Norrath had corrupted their ways. So Chest said to Filbus, “I am going to put an end to all people, for the forums are filled with violence because of them. I am surely going to destroy both them and the earth. So make yourself an ark of pixels; make rooms in it and coat it with salty tears inside and out. This is how you are to build it: The ark is to be three hundred Dead Guilds long, fifty pixels wide and thirty pixels high. Make a roof for it, leaving below the roof an opening one one pixel high all around. Put a door in the side of the ark and make lower, middle and upper decks."

Chest continued, "I am going to bring floodwaters on the Forums to destroy all life under the heavens, every creature that has the breath of life in it. Everything on RNF will perish. But I will establish my covenant with you, and you will enter the ark—you and your sons and your wife and your sons’ wives with you. You are to bring into the ark two of all Neckbeards, male and female (lol), to keep them alive with you. Two of every kind of NPC, of every kind of named mob and of every kind of raid target that moves along the ground will come to you to be kept alive. You are to take every kind of drop that is to be awarded and store it away as treasures for you and for them.”

Filbus did everything just as Chest commanded him.

[Oleris]

<it begins to rain>

[Swish]

This is terrible yet the best BDA contribution to the community in 2015.

[Pokesan]

As the tears of Chest fall from the clouds, RNFers seek higher ground. They know not of the BDAngels waiting in ambush on the trail to Mt. Butthurt

[captnamazing]

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Chest Rockwell then said to Filbus, “Go into the ark, you and your whole guild, because I have found you righteous in this generation. Take with you three tears of salt from every guild, and one pair of hypocritical Swish posts, and also seven shitty posts of Rebbon, to keep the Flame alive throughout the earth.

Seven days from now I will send salt-less rain on the Forums for forty days and forty nights, and I will wipe from the face of the Boards every living creature I have made.”

And Filbus did all that Chest commanded him.

Filbus had six hundred days logged when the floodwaters came to the Boards. And Filbus and his sons Nibblewitz, Kekephee, and Lotharus, and his wife Grumphilda, and his sons’ wives entered the ark to escape the waters of the flood.

Pairs of hypocritical Swish posts, and copious tears of salt from the raiding community, as well as the seven retarded speeches of Rebbon, came to Filbus and were recorded on tablature in the ark, as Chest had commanded Filbus. And after the seven days the floodwaters came on the earth.

[Big_Japan]

I entertained the notion of sparing you, but there can be no mercy in this struggle for existence.

I have downboated your pathetic nonaffiliated ark thread to Davie Jones's locker, scab.

[Spyder73]

Your official Origin story can be found in my signature - everyone please disregard this

[Filthy_Pagan]

TL;DR didn't read
1 star not SoRP

[Pokesan]

Yikes. 2 stars.

How the mighty have fallen.

[Pokesan]

Looks like you got downvoted OP