(IMPORTANT) How to Save Yourself from Toxic People

[Xaanka]

You're in the best of moods. Your day is going great. Suddenly, you feel sapped of energy and your spirits are down in the dumps. Why? You might have just encountered someone who has a bad attitude, one that's cast a spell over your mood. Learning to identify and avoid these types of toxic personalities can help you stay positive. Learn to take control of your own life.

Part 1 of 3: Recognizing Toxic People
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1Recognize the basic traits of toxic people. We all have our down days. However, when it comes to toxic people, the blues can be constant. If someone is just plain negative more than a few days a week, you might be dealing with a toxic personality. Keep an eye out for the following toxic traits:

* Nervous energy
* Angry sadness
* Constant complaining
* Clinginess
* Criticism
* Negative or cynical worldview


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2Pay more attention to the energy of the people around you.If you have a friendly outlook, sometimes it can be hard to recognize toxic people in your life. But learning to pick up on someone's energy can help you to identify negativity more easily.

* Have you ever walked into a store and been greeted by enthusiastic workers? It's a nice experience that makes you much more willing to return. Being around negative people is like walking into a store where the mood is sour, the assistants are barely able to mumble a hello. You pick up on it immediately.

* Pay attention to body language and tone of voice. Listen to the sounds made, more than what people actually say. You can hear it when someone is just going through the motions. How do people relate to you? What do they seem to be thinking when they speak?

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3Watch for people who are regularly angry. Anger, shouting, and negative criticism is a major sign of a toxic personality. Angry people sometimes need a lot of help, but it's not your job to be their punching bag. Staying around a person like this will cause you to become angry too. Don't allow yourself to be caught up in that negativity.

* Anyone who raises their voice regularly is probably an angry person. People who have control over their emotions don't usually feel the need to shout.

* Watch out for the quiet simmering anger as well. Some people won't say much, but will use poor body language and bottle it up instead. These people may lash out at strange times, when anger doesn't seem called for.

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4Watch out for people with a negative worldview. Do you know someone who finds the darkness in everything? Misery loves company, so people with this type of personality trait will often want to group together and compete about their own misery. They'll try to drag you in.

* People with very negative worldview will often be competitive about their misery, trying to outdo other people's sadness. These people often see the mistakes of others as major failures, and struggle to forgive.

*Watch out for people who constantly, even gleefully, talk about their failures and sadness. Anyone who criticizes the failures of others, or seems overly cynical might have this toxic personality.


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5Watch out for people who constantly seek attention. Insecure people are unable to create their own sense of self-worth, and often cling on to others to get it. They want your attention and need to be at the center of everything. This constant need to be heard can wear you down.

* Watch Facebook and other social networking for signs of this personality. Humble-brags and obsessive posting might be a sign of this toxic personality.

* These kinds of people often "one-up" everyone around them, or always swing conversation back to something about them.


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6Watch out for people who gossip. Instead of supporting others, gossips feed on envy. And gossip can be thrilling in some cases, making you feel close with your fellow gossipers, making it difficult to avoid. If you've ever gotten caught up in gossip, you're not alone.

*Gossipers constantly compare themselves to others, which is a good way to set yourself up for disappointment and failure. Don't worry about your neighbors, worry about your own backyard.


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7Watch out for people who try to scare other people. For this person, everything is scary. This person's anxiety about the world can be contagious. Fear gives these people some sense of safety, and communicating that fear gives them a sense of purpose. It gives you a real downer.

* Watch out for "downers" who always find the darkness in everything. If you're trying to talk about your exciting vacation you've got coming up, this person will prattle on about the deadly diseases you can catch on airplanes, and the various dangers of travel.

[Xaanka]

Part 2 of 3: Dealing With Toxic People

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1Take a look at the company you keep. Do the people in your life bring out the best in you? Or are you being a sponge for their negativity? Using the criteria discussed in the previous section, try to come up with a list of potentially toxic relationships in your life, and a specific and detailed plan for dealing with them. Consider all of the following relationships:

* Your partner
* Your exes
* Friends
* Family members
* Co-workers
* Neighbors
* Acquaintances


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2Try accepting people for who they are. Toxic personalities are only toxic if they affect you negatively. You can be friends with angry people. You can be friends with negative people. It doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong with them. Accept people for who they are and what they are like, and don't let them affect you.

* Accept yourself for who you are, too. If you're a positive person, you may not be able to hang out with negative types. That doesn't make you less of a person. You just need to know what's healthy for you.

* Negative emotions have a time limit. They won't last, and they'll be over soon. You do not need to carry the ball of negativity with you beyond the encounter.


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3Empathize. If people want to spread around their anxiety, turn their negative talk back. For example, if they insist that your new job is going to fail, ask them "Well, what if it doesn't?" Help them to see the possibilities rather than endless negatives.

* Don't try to change people. Remember that you can't change another person, only yourself, so don't bog yourself down with excuses about being responsible for them or feeling pity for them. You can only truly help a negative person when you're no longer influenced by them.[1]


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4Learn to tune it out. If you don't like what someone is saying, stop paying attention to it. Tune in to the positive and constructive parts of the conversation, and start daydreaming when this person goes into negative territory.

* Be supportive and positive with your side of the conversation. If your friend won't stop talking about how, "Work is terrible and I hate everything," don't get sucked into it. Say, "At least there's lunch." Doing this creates a space between you. It may make the negativity less frequent, if you show that you're unwilling to talk about these topics in this way.

* Use a little signal to remind yourself to listen selectively. It might be pulling a piece of your hair, digging your thumbnail into your palm, flicking your wrist, or tapping your knee. Remind your body that negativity is coming your way, and you need to avoid it.


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5Change the topic of conversation. If you don't like what someone is saying, change the topic of conversation. If you get negativity, just start talking about something else. Every time the person tries to steer the conversation negative, pull something else out to talk about. If your buddy wants to say "Work sucks and my boss is a jerk," then change it up. Say, "Yeah. At least football is good. What games did you watch on Sunday?"[2]

* If someone is looking to blame someone for a problem, stay calm. Focus on finding a solution to the problem and looking for the bright side, instead of getting sucked in.

* Stick to the facts with hot-tempered types. Point out what needs to be done to fix a problem. If they become more angry, remove yourself from them and allow them the space to calm down.


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6Start minimizing your interactions with toxic people. If you're struggling to deal with the negativity that people bring into your life, it may be time to start limiting those interactions significantly. You can't change the way that people behave, but you can remove yourself from the equation.

* If you regularly initiate your interactions with this person, stop. If this person stops getting in touch, take it as a sign that your relationship wasn't valuable to them in the first place.

* If someone asks you if something is wrong, be honest with them. Say, "I have trouble dealing with your negativity. You're regularly very negative, and I don't like the way it makes me feel. I like you, but I think we need to see less of each other."


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7End toxic relationships completely. If someone is really affecting your mental health and well-being with their negativity, end the relationship. Stop seeing the person, if they can't be positive around you.

* Don't try to use ultimatums if you're talking about someone's personality. Telling someone, "We can hang out, but only if you're not negative" would be like telling them you could only hang out if they were a different person. If it's not possible, come to terms with it. Be honest.

[Redi]

reserved

[Xaanka]

Part 3 of 3: Saving Yourself

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1Think about your own needs and desires are. What is most important to you? What do you want out of your life? Know what your likes and dislikes are and develop some idea of where you would like to see yourself in the future. Listen to what other people have to say, but remind yourself that you're the ultimate decider. You're the president of the country that is your life.

* Write down your short and long-term plans on paper. Paste it on a wall where you can constantly remind yourself and stay focused. This will also help you when times get tough and you feel the gripping desire to fall back into older negative habits.[3]


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2Make your own decisions. Lots of people go through life saying, "My parents wanted me to do X, so I did X", or "My spouse wanted to go to city X, so we went to city X." Do you want your life to be decided by someone else? Make a choice, for better or worse, and live with the consequences.

*Don't allow other people or their preferences to be an excuse for you. Saying, "I'd be happy if X were different" is just another way of saying, "I'm not in charge of my own life. It's true that sometimes you need to need to make compromises with the people close to you. But don't let compromise be your go-to.


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3Surround yourself with like-minded people. Why would you hang out with people you don't like to be around? Surround yourself with people who help you develop a healthy body and mind. Find people who are optimistic, upbeat, and happy.[4]

*The more time spent with people of this nature, the happier and brighter you will feel. Their nourishing, healthy, and positive attitudes will help you to stay on an even keel.

* Consider making a big change in your life if necessary. Move to a new town, or switch jobs if you're surrounded by negative people at your old one. End that relationship and start a new one with someone who builds you up instead of dragging you down.


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4Be positive wherever you go. Use the inspirational example of the more positive people in your life to guide yourself away from the toxic people. In turn, become more like the optimistic people by seeing the best in others and complimenting the good you see in people. Stay upbeat. Accept and give compliments with thankfulness, maintain eye contact with them, and smile.


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5Make relaxation a priority in your life. If you constantly do battle with the negativity of others around you, you need to make a serious commitment to de-stressing. Find something that calms and centers you and to which you can retreat when you need to re-energize yourself. Some common techniques for de-stressing include:

* meditation
* Yoga
* Hiking or nature walks
* Martial arts


TIPS

* Find one thing a day to be grateful for.
* Spend as little time with negative people as possible. Even if it's just five minutes a day, that's five fewer positive and productive minutes for you.
* Don't worry if people think of you as antisocial if you want to stay away from certain people. You need to become the most important person in your own life. You know what's best for you.
* Use a small, lovely photo frame to post a simple note that says Be Thankful Always; place it in a prominent place where you pass it and see if often.
* Force yourself to analyze your relationships until it becomes a daily habit you cannot live without. You will discover that it causes negative encounters to move away from your thoughts and will replace these with more harmonious, happy, and productive thoughts.

WARNINGS

* Make sure to take care of your basic social needs. Maintain appropriate boundaries so that this person's sickness doesn't invade your life and happiness.
* Sometimes people who have a mental illness or who are being hurt by a toxic person themselves will exhibit these traits. If they're being abusive to you, get away from them- no matter what, you don't deserve to be abused. However, if they're just downers or needy but not emotionally or otherwise abusive to you, consider being a source of support as when the problem resolves, this person will be non-toxic and perfectly lovely.
* Even if you decide to be a source of support, realize that you are not responsible for fixing them. You'd only be there to help through a tough time. This is also optional, only do this if you can handle it, if boundaries between you and this person are healthy, and they're in no way abusive to you
* Some disorders like Narcissistic, Antisocial, Borderline, and Histrionic Personality Disorders are disorders of personality. These four in particular are difficult for trained therapists to treat, and these four personalities tend to be toxic and are often abusive. Being a source of support in these situations, especially if the person refuses to seek help is not generally recommended.

[AzzarTheGod]

Dealt with all three of these guys Narcissistic, Antisocial, Borderline rolled into one. Thanks for the post I cashed it as a reminder, been in an intensely toxic situation for 2-3 years.

This might even double as wallpaper for longterm reminding as fixing my situation is a lifequest.

[Tupakk]

Why do all the guys that are toxic look like they need to poop?

[Stasis01]

* Nervous energy
* Angry sadness
* Constant complaining
* Clinginess
* Criticism
* Negative or cynical worldview



Sounds like most women.

[SamwiseRed]

women are the devil

[Pseudechis]

slathar?

[Eslade]

should be banned for racism for this pic alone.
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