Bronies named "Dangerous Terrorist Organization" by FBI

[Estolcles]

In light of the Oregon school shooting, the FBI has announced their plans to add "Bronies" to their lists of "Dangerous Terrorist Organizations".

FBI director James B. Comey was quoted as saying: "We feel that with the growing number of disenfranchised basement dwellers, the Brony movement is moving forward in a dangerous manner. We are taking a precautionary measure by adding Bronies to the list of Dangerous International Terrorist Organizations in order to stop the movement before it becomes militant."

President Barack Obama was quoted as saying: "Every Brony, according to recent statistics, owns at least 5 RPG launchers and 20 AK-47's, on average, and were responsible for Benghazi, as well as supplying weapons to Iran." Despite Fox News' reports that everything Obama was saying was innaccurate, the POTUS was quoted as saying: "Everyone at Fox News are just racist Republicans looking to repress both the Muslim religion, and Kenyan presidential hopefuls."

Chicago Archdiocese Ringo Garfield took time out of his busy schedule of molesting 8 year old choir boys in order to make this statement: "Bronyism is the now leading cause of smoking, Transgenderism, Teen Pregnancy, and violent, unprovoked, mime attacks. ANy step taken to stop the world from continuing down this slippery slope is a good and proper action. The Catholic Church stands fully behind this decision by the FBI. Now where did my Astro-Glide go?"

Founding father of the Brony movement, a being known simply as "Mr. Ed" was unavailable for comment. However, his receptionist, a one Mr. Wilbur Post was quoted as saying: "These charges are unfounded, and the idea of putting Bronies in the same category as groups like Al Qaeda, The Ginger Seperatist's Movement, and Juggalos is shameful and disrespectful, and we will be fighting them tooth and nail with our battallion of highly paid lawyers."

Also weighing in on this announcement is former Manson Family leader Charles Manson, who had this to say from his prision cell: "mummmallah bubbalah bubbalah merummballah... TIMMAH!"

Leader of the Juggalos, and founder of the rap group the Insane Clown Posse, Violent J, had this to say: "Man, Bronies ain't shit. I want some of what y'all are smokin', and a bottle of grape Faygo. WHOOP WHOOP!"

It is expected that the number of Bronies worldwide is expected to exceed the number of members of other listed terrorist groups and dangerous gangs, such as MS-13, Los Zetas, and The Crips by a difference of 15-to-1.

Various news outlets from Equestria were contacted for more information, however, have not been forthcoming with their findings.

~ copyright 2014, The Ass. Press