Sacrificing Family...

[scecie]

This is really a reponse to Fuji's post about family or EQ, but I feel strongly enough about it due to personal experience that I think it required it's own post. This may offend some people and while some of this is opinion, the premise is solidly backed by research.


Everything you do is a sacrifice; trading one thing for another. Just make sure they are the right sacrifices!

I go to work and sacrifice time with my family in order to support them and provide a home and food etc. If I play with my children I sacrifice other projects or free time that I might have spent doing something else. These are good sacrifices and the payoff is huge. If I consistently sacrifice my time with my family to do other less important things, then my relationship with my family will suffer. That would be an act of selfishness. If I play basketball once a week and sacrifice that time that I might have spent with my wife or kids that could be healthy and necessary and an act of healthy self interest or maintenance.

Our relationships are the most important things that we have in this life. Real relationships. They are more important than the kind of car we drive or the kind of clothes we wear. Additionally, our relationships with our FAMILY are the most important relationships we have...making that the most important thing you have, period.

We should all have hobby time or self interest time or play time. You can't be healthy without it. However, when that time starts to negatively affect your relationships then it's time for an objective self check. Make sure it's not just me me me selfishness. If you want to go to work and spend 6 hours a night playing a game instead of spending quality time with your wife in kids, then what was the point of getting married? Marriage is a sacrifice, trading some time and freedom for something better...a relationship...an equal partnership! Having kids is a sacrifice, trading more of your free time to raise a new life! No greater potential for joy can be had outside of these things.

Pick and chose your hobbies. Don't expect to work full time and play PS3 & EQ & basketball & MW2 & SC2 and still have enough time for your family. Pick one, do it with moderation and invest the lions share of your time into your family. Life is pointless and empty without it. That is part of being a mature adult, and apparently you thought you were mature and adult enough to start a family when you did so.

Oh yeah, I play 2-3 nights a week after getting the kids to bed for 1-2 hours when my wife has something that she is engagued in herself. If she is asking for my time I drop the game. If she wants to watch a movie "together" I drop the game. I won't ever be uber again, I probably won't even get to complete my epic again, but I'll get the nostalgia of playing occasionally have make some casual friends in game all the while building the relationship with my wife and children. Not a bad sacrifice!