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Nexii
10-28-2018, 10:01 PM
Nexii's Bedroom

Nexii awoke first the following morning. Her eyes fluttered open to see her chosen. He was laying on his side the same way that she was. She was still entangled with him from the night before. Both her arms and legs entwined with his. Even her fingers had been interlocked with his throughout the night. It had been an intense first hatemaking session. One that she knew she would never forget.

The cleric sighed to herself. He seemed so peaceful sleeping next to her. If not for his soft breathing she would have sworn that he had feign deathed. She unlocked her fingers and freed her arm from the embrace. Nexii then took one of his long white bangs in her hand and parted it back behind his ear. As his forehead was then revealed to her, she leaned in for a sweet kiss. There was no need to awake him or ask. He was hers now to enjoy at her pleasure.

“So quiet. He sleeps more like a human from what I've heard of their habits.” Nexii thought to herself. She normally went into deep meditation through the night, but last night she too had fallen into a deeper sleep. “Well this is boring. Wake up Aussie!” She said as she shook him by the shoulders until he moaned.

“Hummm...it's still so early.” Auspex complained. Although one could not tell day from night inside Neriak, he knew how he felt. He rubbed his eyes and made it apparent he wanted more sleep.

“Yes, a new dawn awaits us! I believe that we have to find another book. The Book of Revelations which details the end times. This morning we will be Dawn Believers.” Nexii said.

“Let me guess, it came to you in a dream.” Auspex stretched out under the spider silk sheets. He yawned, and then caressed Nexii's breast. “Are you sure you don't want to just spend today cuddling in bed Mistress?” He asked.

“What I want and what I must do are two different things. We all have a duty to Innoruuk that sometimes must come above such desires.” Nexii replied. She pinned Auspex down on his back, and then gave him one more kiss on the lips as a tease. “Get dressed in that sexy black plate armor. I need a bodyguard to take me to the Plane of Hate. If you serve me well, I will give you a quest reward.” She grinned and felt up his chest to make her point.

Plane of Hate, Zone In

“So Nexii, do you really think you can change the future? If it was foretold correctly by the ancient prophets, wouldn't the book also foretell you as the savior?” Auspex asked. “Mistress Nexii.” He corrected himself. He then raised and kissed her hand which was clad in some sort of vibrating gauntlet which thrummed his lips on contact.

“Honestly Aussie, I don't know what to believe any more. I was hoping to verify the visions I've been having with the book's text and then go from there.” Nexii giggled as he struggled to keep his lips on her shaking hand. She opened her grasp to signal that his efforts were adequate.

“So where do we start?”

“In my dream the book was up on a nightstand on the top floor of the Maestro of Rancor building. It's a very old text. It was written in a sort of Elder Elvish script predating Tier'Dal language. As I am not that familiar with Elder Elvish, we would have to take it back to Neriak for proper study.” Nexii recalled. She turned Auspex around and embraced him from behind.

“Oh that book. I thought it was called the Book of Souls? Anyways, they'll never let us take it. They might tolerate us here but we are not their charity.” Auspex fretted.

“Not a problem. I'll just pay the next rogue who comes up here a bunch of platinum to swipe it. No one will be the wiser.” Nexii grinned. She had not really spent any platinum since her Kael armor set bought purely for fashionquest's sake. And her silver fox fur coat for Velious vacations. Somehow the money always seemed to trickle back in by her good luck.

“But what sort of scum would do such a thing?” Auspex questioned. “It would be heresy against Innoruuk if caught.”

“That's what's perfect about it. If he gets caught, it's not on us at all. Our cover story is that we aren't here to steal the book. We are here to visit Uveia for some fun times.” Nexii let Auspex go from her grasp. Just then, a Halfling rogue named Bvmmey materialized in front of the pair. “Grubby little halfling. Have I got a deal for you...” Nexii teased. She took out her platinum, knowing that the casual could not possibly refuse this opportunity. No matter who might be watching in secret.

Plane of Hate, Evangelist's Chapel

“Greetings Nexii. I have a new disciple of Hate that I would like you to meet.” Uveia motioned to the human who stood beside her. By the sight of his flashing lightning swords, it was apparent that he was a ranger. “Ripqozko. And before you say it, yes, I know. A human ranger.”

“Pssh whatever. Auspex here is a Shadowknight.” Nexii took Auspex's hand in her own to signify to them both that he was hers. It didn't matter to her if he was a maligned hybrid class.

“So what did you do to earn a place amongst our kind?” Auspex inquired. He looked up at the taller human with a sort of curiosity.

“Word on the streets is that my recent Neriak Library posts about lockouts really rustled some of the guild leaders and GMs. I'm just getting my responder DKP for a job well done.” He winked at his new thot. “She's like a super thot. She can be any race.”

“Or any gender, if you're into that.” Nexii interjected.

“Not my thing, but I don't judge.” Ripqozko said.

Uveia responded not with words, but by groping his firm ranger butt. This was an irresistible feature that all rangers shared, as having to frequently bend over to loot their own corpses was a great workout. She worked his butt over with her dexterous fingers until she had her fill.

“Hmm. Perhaps we've been looking in the wrong places Auspex.” Nexii turned to face her submissive. She was intensely curious about Ripqozko though. How had he known before she even had her vision of Unbrella writing the rules? A vision that had not even yet come to pass. There was more to this ranger than met the eye. There was more to Uveia than met the eye as well. “Whatever. We have some time to kill--”

Before Nexii could finish her sentence, Uveia and Ripqozko were going at it with one another. They had skipped all foreplay and had gone right into fucking up against the pulpit. It was an impressive feat how they managed to strip off their clothes all while having sex standing up.

“Yea baby! Show me your best leaks.” Uveia smirked knowingly, as the double entendre was intended.

“I'll show you my Trueshot discipline.” Ripqozko pushed the enchantress down to her knees and started stroking off in front of her face.

Nexii just rolled her eyes as Uveia's entire face was splattered in 'trueshot'. These two did not have near the patience with each other that her and Auspex did. But still watching them share such explosive passion did turn her on. “Aussie. To the bedroom. Let's cuddle a bit before the rest of <Clue> and <Dawn Believers> arrive.” She grasped him by the wrist and hurriedly dragged him to the back of the chapel for some privacy.

Neriak, Later That Day

“I can't believe your plan worked Mistress. We got the book!” Auspex whispered excitedly. The pair were in a dark back-alley, which was extremely dark by drow standards.

“Book not up.” Nexii said, repeating the phrase which Bvmmey had improvised.

“Right. Book not up.” Auspex echoed.

Nexii flipped her fingers through the pages just to reassure herself that they had actually done it. “Anyways, I think a celebration is in order. Let's drop it off at my place for safekeeping and then go on a proper date.”

“Oh I know just the place!” Auspex said.

“Oh do you now?”

“Mhmm, the Indigo Brotherhood Arena. Have you ever watched a fight there?” Auspex asked.

“I can't say that I have. Always been out adventuring.” Nexii answered.

“Ah, you really need to enjoy more of the finer pleasures that Neriak has to offer, Mistress. You deserve it for all that you do.” Auspex smiled. He caressed up and down her arm. “But no matter. There is always a first time for everything.”

“Yea, yea. One of these days I'll visit Plane of Mischief too.” Nexii took his hand to lead Auspex back home with her.

Indigo Brotherhood Arena, The Same Evening

“Good turnout tonight!” Auspex said. He helped Nexii to her front-row balcony seat.

“The best seats too. Did you promise some favors to the arena owner?” Nexii teased. She looked down at the bloody octagon arena below. The pit was in stark contrast to the spectator's seating. The viewers sat in pristine white marble seating whereas below it was a mess of dirt, blood, and guts.

“Shh, don't ruin the moment getting jealous. But maybe.” Auspex pointed above the bowl to where giant hooks hang down on massive chains. “Those are to lower victims down, and to raise bigger gladiators out after victory – or defeat.” The shadow knight explained. He had seen a good many fights at the arena.

Nexii scanned around the filled balcony seating. “It's kind of quiet considering the turnout. It seems that half the viewers have ballgags in their mouths?” The cleric was a little confused.

“Players from <Tempest>.” Auspex stated. “You know the saying about keeping the common members happy with bread and circuses. Well, they aren't getting much bread these days so it's just circuses. On Bellringer's tab I'm sure.” The shadow knight sat back and put an arm around Nexii.

“Weird. Feels like some kind of cult. Innoruuk would never approve of this. Hatred must be open to be truly felt.” Nexii surmised. “So when are you going to join <Aftermath> Aussie?” She asked.

“Oh not until quakes come back. I'd much rather play around with others than spend four days a week in Temple of Veeshan.” Auspex reasoned.

“Fair enough. But if you ever get the pixel lust, I could get you in instantly with the friends and family program. No competence required. Not that I think you aren't...more than capable.” Nexii groped a hand down in between Auspex's legs.

A magical klaxon came on just as Nexii did this, making her snap back her hand. But to her relief, it wasn't blaring because of her display of public affection. The alarm signified that the first battle was starting. An ogre and an iksar were each being lowered down to fight one another to the death.

“It can get pretty gruesome. You might want to look away.” Auspex warned.

“Uh hello? I'm a cleric, I'm sure I've seen worse on the battlefield.” Nexii replied. She watched the ogre take the first move, a sweeping right roundhouse that just barely missed caving in the iksar's skull with a single blow.

“Oh I guess. But these fighters aren't willing combatants. They're all slaves. Either captured in battle or born here in Neriak.” Auspex whispered in Nexii's ear. The audience was getting louder, despite half the audience being able to make any noise at all.

Nexii just watched on in amazement. The iksar was slippery, but the octagon was small. After several more sweeping misses, the iksar took his chance. He spun about and tripped the ogre with a powerful flip of his tail. The ogre went flying in the air and landed on his back with a sickening crunch. The cleric could just tell even from a distance that the ogre's back was broken. The iksar then jumped up and stomped the ogre's face. Not once, but two, three, four times until the ogre was a bloody mess. But the ogre wasn't going down so easily. On the fifth attempt, he grabbed the iksar about the ankle and flung him full force right into the stone arena wall. The iksar died instantly as his head crumpled in like glass.

“He won't be regenerating from that one.” Nexii remarked. The ogre had served his purpose as well. Although the victor, he would be useless to the Brotherhood as a cripple. A pair of drow guards came out and skewered him with lances through the neck in unison.

Auspex smiled. It was rare to see such a close fight. Typically most fights were one sided. While he did not mind seeing the strong crush the weak, it made for predictable and therefore boring fights. The final moments were never a true surprise to him, as he was able to see the near future – the future in which one or more combatants would meet their end. “There's more to come.”

“I'm sure. I wouldn't come out here for just one fight.” Nexii said. The fights proceeded. The second battle was a drideress against a wood elf bard. It started with an amusing sight. The bard kited the spider along the perimeter more furiously than Kelza earning bot leveling DKP in Dragon Necropolis. That was, until the bard got webbed to the wall and devoured. The third fight was a wood elf druidess pitted against two lions. The druid managed to charm one against the other. It looked like the druid was about to win until her charm broke. She too, made a lovely meal.

“Are you enjoying yourself Nexii?” Auspex asked. “Nexii?” He asked again.

“Oh...I'm just a little flush. I'm not used to holding myself back from helping with heals or rezzes afterwards. I have to admit it's turning me on.” She panted. To see the weak and casual be crushed and killed so brutally was quite the aphrodisiac. The smell of blood and the shrieks of agony only added to it. The cheers and jeers of the audience had her joining in echoed murmurs as she watched in an aroused yet dazed state. The fights went on, each more spectacular and violent than the previous. And as they did her blood lust rose.

Auspex for his part just held her hand tightly. He felt no need to brag to her that this had been the perfect date idea. Doing so was not his style. He decided that he would play the submissive that he was into the night.

Nexii's Bedroom, Late Evening

“Strip down and get me some chocolate.” Nexii commanded. Her blood lust had turned naturally into sexual lust now that she had Auspex to her own. No sooner than she had pushed him off the bed for his task than she had began to strip down herself. Everything came off, and she laid out a soft silver fox comforter on her bed.

“As you so requested, Mistress.” Auspex had returned with nothing more to cover his body than a bowl of chocolate covered strawberries. He sat down beside her and hand fed one into her awaiting mouth. He already knew how she would react, not that a negative reaction would have stopped him either.

Nexii shivered as the sweet chocolate melted her taste buds with pleasure. Within seconds her brain released endorphins, putting her even more into the mood for intimacy. “So delicious. I was saving those just for a time like this. You know, the arena made me desire something a little more freaky Aus.” She gave him a dark grin before eating one more chocolate covered strawberry.

“Oh? Should I be excited or worried?” Auspex played the game as he tended to by letting her take the lead. He laid down and put his head in her lap.

“Both.” Nexii grabbed onto Auspex's cock with one hand and cooed to distract him. She raised the other to strike, but before she could do what she intended, he flinched away from her. “Huh? I hadn't even...” Nexii frowned at her male.

“Sorry I just...”

“Just what? How did you know I was about to smack you in the balls?” Nexii had caught on. There had been too many coincidences with him to believe that it was mere chance.

“I...um...”

“Out with it. You're mine now, and that includes your secrets.” Nexii pried.

“I...saw it.” Auspex admitted. “Especially in intimate times like this I can see what's about to happen. More like a feeling really, a sort of other sense.” He was afraid how she would answer this. It was one sin to disappoint her, but a deeper sin to betray her by not being open.

“Hmm. So you don't like pain?” The cleric asked, as she was more curious about the implication than the sin. She pulled him back over to her and held him from escaping.

“No, it's not that I can't take it. It's that I see it coming. It's more like a natural reaction.” Auspex said. He sighed and lowered his ears.

“Well why don't you just focus on the present. Relax and fully trust me.” Nexii cooed in his ear softly. “Trust me with your life. You know I wouldn't harm you permanently. You're far too fun to play with for me to lose.” She added with a tongue kiss on his ear.

“It's not so easy to turn off. I mean, I can if I really try. I wouldn't be able to do anything if I only looked ahead.” Auspex shivered. Her lips were extremely warm on his ear. Her tongue even more so. He could tell she was practically in heat just from the lead up. He closed his eyes and meditated hard.

“That's a good boy...just relax. Let your body melt into mine and the soft bed.” Nexii whispered hypnotically. She traced his ears gently with her hand. She traced his chest up and down as well. And then, she raised her hand up and slapped it right across Auspex's ball sack.

“Ergg....hnnnn....” Auspex grunted and curled over in Nexii's bed. He definitely had not seen it coming. Any sense of accomplishment however was drowned out by the pain. Oh how it hurt! He struggled to breath let alone ask for mercy. Any time before when he had been hit there it had been with his plate armor on. This time he had no protection at all.

“Oh please. If I wanted to really make you suffer I'd do...this!” Nexii gave him two more strikes. Only this time she struck with a closed fist. Each made a satisfying smack as her hand impacted his balls. What was more satisfying was his reaction as he went from flailing around in agony to curling up in an attempt to prevent any more pain. “Mmm, I must admit though you did really well.” Nexii said as she traced her fingers down his trembling back. “I didn't misjudge you.” She forced him to sit up in her lap and held his mouth open so that he would breathe to recover.

“Ahh...ahh. That was so mean!” Auspex winced. He still had tears in his eyes just from the pain. Before he had always been able to cheat his way out of any outcome but pleasure. This was something new.

“But did you enjoy it?” Nexii asked as she kissed him on the neck from behind.

“I hated it. You could tell that.” Auspex replied half-sarcastically.

“Well like you said, there is always a first time for everything.” Nexii laughed.

“I hate you too sometimes.” Auspex replied in the same tone as he turned around.

“Hatred outlives the hateful.”

The reply from her sexy lips was one he could not resist. He gave in and submitted to her long and passionate kiss despite the torture.

Cecily
10-28-2018, 10:34 PM
So I asked you on Discord, but I think you accidentally blocked me: Have you found an audience yet or are you just writing to yourself?

d3r14k
10-28-2018, 10:45 PM
She wouldn't block you if you didn't act like a meanie, Kekily. I have seen you be really sweet before. Do that thing again.

As far as target audience goes, I can say for sure that sexual deviant Rygar and I probably read most of these. You would probably be surprised. I don't think I caught EVERY one in the Nexii compendium thread, so I have some catching up to do.

Worst case scenario, if no one reads at all, at least stuff like this can be fun to create every once in a while. Even if you're just doing it for yourself.

Cecily
10-28-2018, 11:54 PM
Good! I just don’t like the idea of all those words going to waste. Glad you’re enjoying it.

shuklak
10-29-2018, 01:00 AM
Healthier than playing everquest for 30+ hours per week.

Bboboo
10-29-2018, 01:07 AM
moving to fat

Muggens
10-29-2018, 02:00 AM
She wouldn't block you if you didn't act like a meanie, Kekily. I have seen you be really sweet before. Do that thing again.


Telling Cecily how to be is getting kinda old on here

Cecily
10-29-2018, 06:59 AM
Thank you.

d3r14k
10-29-2018, 07:15 AM
Eh, sorry. I'm not trying to tell anyone how to be. I just want us all to get along.

Cecily
10-29-2018, 07:21 AM
I don’t need life advice from someone with strong opinions about pickles not going on sandwiches.

Patriam1066
10-29-2018, 07:24 AM
I don’t need life advice from someone with strong opinions about pickles not going on sandwiches.

I’m pro pickle

Cecily
10-29-2018, 07:25 AM
That’s because you’re a real American.

d3r14k
10-29-2018, 07:52 AM
Pickles are a fuckin-sometimes-snack! Not an addition to something that is already good! Would you put pickles on a pizza to make it better?! Would you put them on a pristine lasagna?

No, no you would not.

Pickles do not improve the sandwich. They overpower the tastes of the other ingredients, and therefore ruin the sandwich.

Rygar
10-29-2018, 08:05 AM
I’m pro pickle

Famous Dave's Devil's Spit for sliced pickles and Famous Dave's Spicy Pickle Spears all the way.

Try them on a grilled cheese and be sure to wear a diaper for containing your orgasm.

Rygar
10-29-2018, 08:05 AM
Pickles are a fuckin-sometimes-snack! Not an addition to something that is already good! Would you put pickles on a pizza to make it better?! Would you put them on a pristine lasagna?

No, no you would not.

Pickles do not improve the sandwich. They overpower the tastes of the other ingredients, and therefore ruin the sandwich.

Are you talking about Bacon...?

America
10-29-2018, 08:27 AM
Save vs Torture is a million dollar turn of phrase.

Nexii
10-29-2018, 08:32 AM
Save vs Torture is a million dollar turn of phrase.

CBT is rough stuff. Was going to get more into it but the story got long even to that point. Probably more BDSM to come though we'll see! Depends on my mood

Cecily
10-29-2018, 09:10 AM
Famous Dave's Devil's Spit for sliced pickles and Famous Dave's Spicy Pickle Spears all the way.

Try them on a grilled cheese and be sure to wear a diaper for containing your orgasm.

Famous Dave’s pickles are my benchmark for delicious pickles that enhance whatever it is I’m eating, but I wasn’t sure how national a chain they were. I’m delighted to hear you enjoy them similarly. Those pickles on pulled pork are holy experience. At the local Amish market they sold habanero infused bread and butter pickles which were fireball hot and made amazing chicken nachos and an awesome sandwich (toasted bun, whole chicken breast, mozzarella cheese, habanero/coconut/mango sauce, and a few of those inferno pickles) which I totally stole and improved the idea from Dominoes’. Yeah I like pickles a lot.

maskedmelon
10-29-2018, 09:21 AM
i think pickles have a place all their own along the culinary spectrum and espousing strong preference for their inclusion or exclusion in particular dishes underscores deeply seated bigotry.

#liberalizecondimentroles

d3r14k
10-29-2018, 09:36 AM
You say your writing isn't necessarily for humor, but I always find myself laughing at several differwnt parts in each one od these. I liked this bit:

This was an irresistible feature that all rangers shared, as having to frequently bend over to loot their own corpses was a great workout.

And also your take on "book not up".

Another great chapter. 10/10

d3r14k
10-29-2018, 09:41 AM
i think pickles have a place all their own along the culinary spectrum and espousing strong preference for their inclusion or exclusion in particular dishes underscores deeply seated bigotry.

#liberalizecondimentroles

Bigotry?! That's a pretty strong reaction to me not wanting a pickle near my sandwich, Melon. Actually, NEAR is ok. Just not ON my sammich.

Now you guys are on that pulled pork though... There might be an exception for pickles on pulled pork, but even still I would politely decline the pickle and ask for them on the side.

Cecily
10-29-2018, 09:46 AM
I think your problem is that you’re too agreeable and in so being accidentally agreed with the wrong opinion espoused by some radical anti-pickle hate group. Next time you let someone else make your mind up for you consider the number of AK-47 wielding guards surrounding the compound. If that number is greater than 2 you might be getting a biased opinion. Sorry to hear you joined a cult.

Swish2
10-29-2018, 09:47 AM
Do Americans in any state actually say "sammich" as it's spelt or is that an internet shortcut?

Cecily
10-29-2018, 09:53 AM
yes.

maskedmelon
10-29-2018, 10:06 AM
Do Americans in any state actually say "sammich" as it's spelt or is that an internet shortcut?

it's babyspeak, used by gurls and betaboys liek the words potty and yeppers. it denotes low T and a corresponding affable nature (precluding those exhibiting pronounced bitchiness) or playful and/or sincere mockery thereof. it is however vitally important that pronounciation of the "a" not be perverted by an old world English accent, no matter how refined.

maskedmelon
10-29-2018, 10:09 AM
Bigotry?! That's a pretty strong reaction to me not wanting a pickle near my sandwich, Melon. Actually, NEAR is ok. Just not ON my sammich.

Now you guys are on that pulled pork though... There might be an exception for pickles on pulled pork, but even still I would politely decline the pickle and ask for them on the side.

whatbout, pastrami, tuna or grilled cheese? are you inclined to disallow pickle participation in those sammiches ass swell, or are you willing to make "exceptions" for pickles in those cases?

Cecily
10-29-2018, 10:11 AM
Now pickles beets I will not abide. When I was little my family forced me to eat them one night after I protested eating the disgusting smelling things and they were immediately rewarded with me projectile vomiting under the dining room table we were all sitting at. Things still turn my stomach.

ScaringChildren
10-29-2018, 10:13 AM
Do Americans in any state actually say "sammich" as it's spelt or is that an internet shortcut?

No.

If anyone says this IRL, they're likely to get the gay smacked out of their mouth.

Nexii
10-29-2018, 10:23 AM
You say your writing isn't necessarily for humor, but I always find myself laughing at several differwnt parts in each one od these. I liked this bit:



And also your take on "book not up".

Another great chapter. 10/10

Thank you for the positive feedback! Though these are primarily erotica, I try to put in some comedy/satire. Some action/adventure as well.

d3r14k
10-29-2018, 10:29 AM
No.

If anyone says this IRL, they're likely to get the gay smacked out of their mouth.

You mean the pickle slapped out of their sammich, right?

d3r14k
10-29-2018, 10:32 AM
whatbout, pastrami, tuna or grilled cheese? are you inclined to disallow pickle participation in those sammiches ass swell, or are you willing to make "exceptions" for pickles in those cases?

No further exceptions. Kekily was right, I have bent too far on this subject already and must learn to hold my stance on important matters such as these.

In my cause to find common ground, I have betrayed my ideals.

#Pickles on the side only in 2019

Patriam1066
10-29-2018, 11:01 AM
Where can I acquire these famous dave’s Pickles?

Cecily
10-29-2018, 11:16 AM
It's a restaurant chain. Looking like there's 4 of them around El Paso? Tbh I don't know how Famous Dave's stacks up against a Texan's idea of BBQ, but good pickles and food IMO.

Rygar
10-29-2018, 11:56 AM
Where can I acquire these famous dave’s Pickles?

I know they are all around Minnesota, the pickles can be bought in any grocery store. Assuming Amazon can hook you up easily.

Nexii
10-29-2018, 12:28 PM
I'm just glad I got to blow trueshot, afk 72min.

That's not a bad recovery time at your level

Rygar
10-29-2018, 12:34 PM
So, finished up this reading... you have a great attention to detail, good foreshadowing and great at building things up. However, i feel your stories are far too long. I feel it could have been a third of the length.

I did this in my first story (Bardoc's Quest), but found that P99 is not the proper place for novel length chapters / stories. You are best suited for an actual erotica novel as i sense you like the slow build up.

If you do continue on with long stories, break it up some with photos / screenshots. I'm a fan of roleplay stories, but in opening yours and scrolling down to see how long it was caused me to groan and be like, "not sure where I'll find the time to read this", and found myself glazing over several paragraphs once i got the jist of what was being said, which just causes me to lose out on what you seem to like most about the story.

I actually find myself cutting my first drafts these days in roughly half, even parts I really like. It sucks, but sense that it is necessary.

Sonderbeast
10-29-2018, 12:35 PM
"He won't be regenerating from that one"

lol

Nexii
10-29-2018, 01:17 PM
So, finished up this reading... you have a great attention to detail, good foreshadowing and great at building things up. However, i feel your stories are far too long. I feel it could have been a third of the length.

I did this in my first story (Bardoc's Quest), but found that P99 is not the proper place for novel length chapters / stories. You are best suited for an actual erotica novel as i sense you like the slow build up.

If you do continue on with long stories, break it up some with photos / screenshots. I'm a fan of roleplay stories, but in opening yours and scrolling down to see how long it was caused me to groan and be like, "not sure where I'll find the time to read this", and found myself glazing over several paragraphs once i got the jist of what was being said, which just causes me to lose out on what you seem to like most about the story.

I actually find myself cutting my first drafts these days in roughly half, even parts I really like. It sucks, but sense that it is necessary.

I am using these as practice towards writing a real novel. I don't consider myself quite 'there' yet with my writing skill. Novels are much longer than these short stories. This one was like 3400 words whereas a novel tends to be 50k-100k words.

I mean I get it, most of the audience of P99 is video game players (visual) and not avid readers. At the same time it probably isn't a time thing. People here spend 16+ hours socking dragons week in week out. A story this long might take 10-15 minutes to read through. Given all the downtime in EQ I figure it's one of many things one can do to fill it.

Moerne
10-29-2018, 01:19 PM
One of your best I thought, glad you found the motivation to get it done!

It really was a great blend of the erotica with the adventure and humor.

Nexii
10-29-2018, 01:22 PM
One of your best I thought, glad you found the motivation to get it done!

It really was a great blend of the erotica with the adventure and humor.

Thanks ^^

Yea things have been tough lately but sometimes negative emotions can be inspiration too.

Rygar
10-29-2018, 01:31 PM
I am using these as practice towards writing a real novel. I don't consider myself quite 'there' yet with my writing skill. Novels are much longer than these short stories. This one was like 3400 words whereas a novel tends to be 50k-100k words.

I mean I get it, most of the audience of P99 is video game players (visual) and not avid readers. At the same time it probably isn't a time thing. People here spend 16+ hours socking dragons week in week out. A story this long might take 10-15 minutes to read through. Given all the downtime in EQ I figure it's one of many things one can do to fill it.

I wasn't implying this was stand alone novel, but rather a stand-alone chapter from a novel (seemed similar length).

Also, I think there is truth to who you are presenting your story to. People seem to come here for a quick read or meme and then move on to the next subject. It's like asking someone to read a single story while waiting for the bus... they have the time, but they are more interested in surfing the net or reading headlines or watching a show. Arguing that 'well they have the time' just isn't going to work because they may consider their time best invested elsewhere.

So just saying, your style of erotica may not be best suited here. My guess is most people want you to get to the dirty details, which defeats the purpose of a tantalizing build-up (or makes it more challenging).

The story takes more purpose and length, perhaps, because you are writing about yourself. If you substituted 'Nexii' for a different name and made the character's personality a pure fiction (rather than a reflection of yourself) you may see the need to consolidate some parts?

This is just my feedback of course, maybe some people think it is good as is. As they say, you do you!

Nexii
10-29-2018, 02:01 PM
I wasn't implying this was stand alone novel, but rather a stand-alone chapter from a novel (seemed similar length).

Also, I think there is truth to who you are presenting your story to. People seem to come here for a quick read or meme and then move on to the next subject. It's like asking someone to read a single story while waiting for the bus... they have the time, but they are more interested in surfing the net or reading headlines or watching a show. Arguing that 'well they have the time' just isn't going to work because they may consider their time best invested elsewhere.

So just saying, your style of erotica may not be best suited here. My guess is most people want you to get to the dirty details, which defeats the purpose of a tantalizing build-up (or makes it more challenging).

The story takes more purpose and length, perhaps, because you are writing about yourself. If you substituted 'Nexii' for a different name and made the character's personality a pure fiction (rather than a reflection of yourself) you may see the need to consolidate some parts?

This is just my feedback of course, maybe some people think it is good as is. As they say, you do you!

I've had feedback both ways. When I was doing shorter segments several readers told me they felt too rushed/frantic. And then some say TL;DR with slower pace but less frequent stories. Can't really please everyone.

I mean I won't disagree as far as typical RnF audience. I asked for creation of a roleplay/story forum but the mods never got back on it. IMO it's something the community really lacks. Back on live it was a lot more common. More collaborative stories with multiple writers could be interesting/fun.

maskedmelon
10-29-2018, 02:28 PM
i think your writing style is compact enough that you could easily parse this last post into liek 3 or 4 smaller bites. retain all the good stuff, but adopt a less daunting presentation ^^

Nexii
10-29-2018, 02:49 PM
i think your writing style is compact enough that you could easily parse this last post into liek 3 or 4 smaller bites. retain all the good stuff, but adopt a less daunting presentation ^^

Gotcha. So same pace just shorter segments? I can probably do this though each will probably end up just being one scene then rather than a few places/times. I keep meaning to just do one all out erotica but there's always new server drama to write about

America
10-29-2018, 02:54 PM
I think she saying you need to edit (cut lots). Which is good advice. I myself write by deploying vast amount of text while loaded and culling while on the comedown, or did back before God saw fit to hobble me atleast.

You're a talented writer and your subversiveness is super intriguing. You got the makings of a star. And you're cute irl.

misterbonkers
10-29-2018, 04:49 PM
was a little long, but the prose is what makes it fun. needs more dwarf whipping boys who think enduring punishment upon himself means less goes out into the world

just a thought

Nexii
10-29-2018, 05:28 PM
was a little long, but the prose is what makes it fun. needs more dwarf whipping boys who think enduring punishment upon himself means less goes out into the world

just a thought

I didn't completely follow this sentence lol. Any dwarves in Neriak would be slaves..

America
10-29-2018, 05:45 PM
was a little long, but the prose is what makes it fun. needs more dwarf whipping boys who think enduring punishment upon himself means less goes out into the world

just a thought

that's a really adorable thought. he'd be so confused by the infliction of pleasure by his captors. and how would the sharper sensations feel once his piety were blown apart by orgasm?

Metham
10-29-2018, 07:29 PM
Enjoyed it very much. Dont worry about the length so much, perfect for med breaks between quads. 3 quads later and im finished ;)

maskedmelon
10-29-2018, 08:17 PM
Gotcha. So same pace just shorter segments? I can probably do this though each will probably end up just being one scene then rather than a few places/times. I keep meaning to just do one all out erotica but there's always new server drama to write about

yeppers, think the pace and flow are just fine as is ^^ your style is rich, compact and fun. reminds me of david eddings or r.a. salvatore if you read any fantasy. I've not read much other fiction, so don't have anything else to equate it to. i liek it though ^^

Nexii
10-29-2018, 08:49 PM
yeppers, think the pace and flow are just fine as is ^^ your style is rich, compact and fun. reminds me of david eddings or r.a. salvatore if you read any fantasy. I've not read much other fiction, so don't have anything else to equate it to. i liek it though ^^

Aww. Yea I haven't read all of RA Salvatore's works but I found the Dark Elf Triology really inspiring. Really good author even if Drizzt is totally a Mary Sue. I try really hard to not make Nexii a Mary Sue. David Eddings I haven't read.

So this is a bit nerdy and directed to all. What is your Save vs Torture (0-255)? It can be in a BDSM sexual context or just how much you think you could resist torture if say captured/abducted. I'd put myself at about a 140. Nothing spectacular, mild to moderate pain is fun but I'm no junky for it. Anything harder or extreme I go into shock pretty easily.

misterbonkers
10-29-2018, 09:10 PM
I didn't completely follow this sentence lol. Any dwarves in Neriak would be slaves..

that's the idea, but not all of them are taken against their will, if you catch my drift

that's a really adorable thought. he'd be so confused by the infliction of pleasure by his captors. and how would the sharper sensations feel once his piety were blown apart by orgasm?

only one way to find out

d3r14k
10-29-2018, 09:31 PM
What is your Save vs Torture (0-255)? It can be in a BDSM sexual context or just how much you think you could resist torture if say captured/abducted.

Probably a 1. I would fold like a thin paper towel. I don't even like to be tickled.

No, seriously, I have no idea. I'd like to think I have a medium tolerance for pain based on a few injuries I've had... but I've never really been tortured per se or put in an uncomfortable situation for an extended period of time.

Maybe a 125 / 255?