An apology to everyone "playing" project1999

[Jauna]

At first I actually had rants and flames and shit I wanted to get off my chest and soon after I fed off the attention and started making nonsensical posts just for that attention addiction that you all gave me not knowing it would corrupt me for months afterwards.

Soon afterwards I started noticing other forum names and personalities and such and kinda saw them as a threat to my attention but for so long I did not think much of it and moved on to make more attention seeking threads.

But awhile back Lulz got banned, and then banned again, and then unbanned and then that weird feeling flared up inside of me about the daily/weekly "me and yours" thread popped up again and mid-writing my reply to them it was then I realized that what I was doing to you all. Writing random shit for attention because you (more or less) a big thing in my life and I got addicted to your attention you gave me, negative or not.

After realizing I was going to complain about something that I thirsted for in the past I realize at how wrong I was then, not knowing how bad it was now.

And for that I am sorry. If I remember this after I wake up and sober I will at the very least try to not be an attention seeking cunt. Remember the word, try.

[Jauna]

While redundant, I apologize for treating Rants and Flames as 4chan's /b/. Posting "off-topic" posts here just because I had that weird feeling of more freedom here, than there but at the same time both being almost the same thing with peppered in in-game stuff once in a few months.

[Bboboo]

moving to 9gag

[Jauna]

Then again there is always that weird feeling of belonging that other people got addicted to that drives them to keep posting here long after they last logged into p99.

The idea of never growing up or letting go that paralyzes us with fear of moving on. I tried to fool myself with making alt after alt that p99 was something that I wanted to do and not something that I needed. But needed all along, not the server, but the loose community that was built around it. btw im watching Samurai Jack on Toonami while taking my 25 or so years of typing experience with my index and middle fingers and slightly glacing at my PC for those red auto correct quiggly lines as those furry creatures from episode 3 fight for their freedom from the little blue faggots with electrical spears to auto correct later.

I had a point but I blew my load in the OP. P99 grew past of what we wanted (the classic experience) but something that we needed. A place to be for awhile. And that while spanned nine fucking years. Every single one of us who currently play, new, or account 5 old play. Is just a place to be.

But never forget that myself, Lulz, Cecily, and maybe the mods need you more than you need us.

Wow this is the first time my drunk posts include semi-personal attacks. But what does it mean when I realize I am part of the problem? Why do I still play? Jauna is till 59 and just kinda there meanwhile my army of alts are 60, with epics and still hidden because I knew back then while I am full of myself I automatically protect myself by not being a fag and including my alts in a sig I never made there was a point but I forgot.

God damnit I wish I can go back in time 5 years and tell myself to let that petition go and stay away from the forums because this type of self forum destrucion is not the first time this happened but do it anyways because thats how things go and wait now im just rambling like my old posts which defeats the purpose of the OP and making me more of a fag than I was trying to attone what I was going t try

People really dont change afterall.

[Jauna]

But I lack that self control to turn off rants and flames because in the end, I need more than you need me.

Please dont ban me because when I wake up I will browse this and feed off the attention i tried to apologize for.

[Jauna]

moving to 9gag

Im sorry that I stole this schick to say that I am sorry that your thread personality is more automatic than Lulz is.

[Jauna]

Forum personality*.

Sorry, I am just used to 4chan at this point that I forgot the form culture terms for a brief moment.

[Jauna]

Sorry for the personal attack, Boboboooobobobo. But I kinda got elbowed into donating blood today and forgot that not drinking was a rule and did it because lol memory and they gave me a jaw breaker because sugar and my tongue is raw and kinda bleeding a few hours ago before screwdrivers and now that i type this i think getting banned is the only release is the self destructive nature that most forum personalities crave but not know but fight to preserve after they get banned to unban themselves to not protect themselves but to defend themselves from the failure that they really are from themselves.

Do you think future space colonys have breeding colonies because in this episode of samurai jack there is one female for the 6 or 7 females.

[Jauna]

No.

I came to my realization on my own and these threads will reinforce current "shit posters" to keep on doing what they are doing because I made them feel like that did bad all these years pressuring them into forcing themselves to make their own threads and posts to further bury the feelings I felt.

If a mod is around and feeling merciful to the health of these forums in the long run, please delete this thread before they read it.

[Jauna]

Wait the last post makes it seem that I am trying to force a point on them that I came to realize myself that they should realize for themselves along the lines that I realized.

If a mod is around and feeling pitiful delete this and the last post wait what the fuck this is a never ending cycle of posts and that I should end now but cant because alcohol.

Maybe getting banned is my only way out of this and me and the other guy only knows of these posts but he probably did not have the foresight to take screenshots and I have the one and only chance to end this never ending cycle of self loathing and atonement which i wanted in the first place by uttering a phrase that i cannot go back from? the lake of self reflection is not what i want and i need to dive into that not knowing that i am the reflection to combat what i really am and i need to dive deep to release myself uttering the phrase

skcus nilbog

[Swish2]

https://i.imgur.com/dEnm2al.jpg

[shuklak]

I don't even have points at this word.

[Jauna]

drugs

You, you are warning me because you know more than I do. You know that even if I get banned I will make a Jauna1 or Johnareborn or Waunauah account forum name and continue on my path of self destruction and you are telling me not to take the path you took, the only path you know knowing that not many if any people will welcome you back because you know you cant stop yourself from yourself but this is the only thing you know and you keep on doing it just because and you want to set me free from myself which you are not or never able capable of doing yourself.

Letting go
it is letting go
Its letting go
Letting go

fallout: new vegas. I always heard those words from all the companions and never really understood what they meant until now.

I am too weak to let you
All of us are too weak to let go.
I miss City of Heroes but there is no outlet to it being canned over 6 years ago but that does nt hurt me. But here, in p99 that has lived long past its intended intent reminds us all that we are too weak to move on.

Oh fuck. I need to get banned. Not just to protect myself but to move on.

Nilblog, why do you continue to torment us?
Rogean, can you of not think of a better name that does not remind us of hair health care?
Menden/llandris/sirken/dorf dude who catches 2boxers, you are nothing more than a janitor of a never ending cycle of horse shit that people continue to repeat for a fucking decade, they have not learned, why didnt you?
Darudebell, red sucks and going on 10 years of barely being able to scratch 100 online on red is proof that you, and all others shilling has zero inpact on people and players instinct of how shit pvp in everquest really is
Others not mentioned: you know why


I need a ban, I crave a ban.. but not strong enough to ban myself like so many other people here.
This is no longer fun
Playing is barely fun
posting is no longer fun

end it, end it all, this is open staff bashing and you cannot let this continue.

then again id just make a new account after sobering up, probably taking the name of one of my alts continuing the never ending cycle that we refuse to believe is still there.

poll time, new forum name
1.) Johnah
2.) Whan-nah
3.) Whannaw
4.) joeannah
5.) Jauna2
5.11 ) Jaunatwo
6.) disappear into the post count powerleveling threads in off-topic with a whole new name
7.) The 9-11 meme

-

I spent a long time after typing this all out to see if this is what I really wanted and went halfsies on myself and letting this all hang out and letting you know what, like others, I need you more than you need me.

[Cecily]

I’m not sure exactly what you changed but I enjoyed reading your first couple posts, which is literally a first for me for anything you’ve wrote. Will read the rest later. I think it’s the sincerity? You were trying out absurdist humor or something, which is fine if it’s funny, but it’s not easy to do. All I know is the change in tone made me stop instantly recoiling. Which is back from that last post you made, btw. Just be yourself and some people will like you more. For example, I’m a horrible person online, but it’s sincere since I’m the same way IRL and there’s people who appreciate me in both versions of the game. You can look at the rest as targets.

Exerpt from Cecily’s Guide to Sociopathy.

[Mattius]

stop being a midaged melo drama stepdad and enjoy whatever you enjoy, don't enjoy what you don't enjoy. People's perceptions of you amount to no avail in your life, especially on the distant internet. Using so much time based on others opinions is the equivalent to being a toy sold to Spike in toy story.

[ScaringChildren]

I miss City of Heroes

https://i.imgur.com/VNCna4H.gif

[Champion_Standing]

It's cool man, until now I've never actually read a single post you've made in it's entirety. I just vote them 5 stars and never look back. Keep it up tho if that's an appropriate motivator for this situation.

[Phenyo]

filed under several things all of them negative

[Sonderbeast]

apology accepted

[Swish2]

internet archaeologists will be scouring the Internet 1.0 to learn about the 90's and 2000's and they will unfortunately find this forum at some point and think we all spoke some very primitive version of English

I'd put us ahead of Geocities

[d3r14k]

But behind Neopets

[Canelek]

I don't think you have anything to apologize for. I mean, sure, some of your posts are rambling nonsense, but at least you know how to spell, which is a far cry better than most of the folks here.

Keep on keepin' on.

[Bboboo]

i miss ff11 myself

[katrik]

DSURG

[Jauna]

How the fuck did I not get banned?

[derpcake2]

OP states he will try to stop being an attention whore

proceeds to post 7 times in a row in first page of thread

at least u tried

[Jauna]

https://i.imgur.com/VNCna4H.gif

Well as long as I am not banned I might as well reminisce about City of Heroes as my slow decent into madness about my life/hate relationship with the forums (still play account 5 now and again) continues to fester and grow.

At first when CoH came out I 100% loved making my own characters with their own backstories and flat out loved the idea of the characters from a min/max point I devolved into remaking and making characters from Touhou Project.

Remilia Scarlet was my main near the games death, a staff/regen scrapper who embraced the idea of death and just flat out not wanting to accept the idea of death. Permahasten build, with Revive at the maximuma allowed Enhancement recharge all the while working in Hover (maximum speed with 3 IOs in Hover and Swiftness) and Flight. Regeneration pushed to the maximum via IOs and permahasten mixed in with Instant healing/Moment of Glory. This was further enhanced with the +hp/regen post-50 leveling system whos name I forget. Avataring? advanced powers? symbolismery? fuck me its been almost 6 years. archangelitude?

Maximum Speed Hover is what made the character fun however. Beating the living crap out of everything with Staff Mastery felt.. fun with perma-hover. Watching that little vampire take a beating and either shrug it off with filled to the brim scrapper HP from Dull Pain+Accolades and maximum regeneration based on HP% or just flat out ignoring death with Revive and Moment of Glory bringing you near death but invincible for 15 seconds all the while whipping crap with a red stick.

I miss City of Heroes. Same with Yuugi who was my SS/Invul/Body brute, and my miriade of Masterminds ranging from Nitori(bot/trap)/Alicen(nin/ff)/Yama(sold/ff)/Seiga(thug/ff), my Youmu(kat/sr), my Reisen(pistol/psi) and the list can go on but my liver is telling me its time to sleep and recover.

Fuck you NCsoft, fuck you.

[Jauna]

OP states he will try to stop being an attention whore
proceeds to post 7 times in a row in first page of thread
at least u tried

The thing is I noticed many others doing the same thing I am doing and realize there is no difference between it all. I now (and you) know I cant stop so this should not be a surprise to you.

[Jauna]

Oh and my necro/ff/teleport catgirl Rin mastermind. That was fun with team teleport. Getting that Dark Servant into melee range to take advantage of the -acc aura to "stack" with the +def buffs I had while keeping all zombies in range for my other +def buffs. Man I really miss the volley of vomit the tier1 zombies did, and the brutal as fuck melee they had along with the t2 zombie sword smashes.

[ScaringChildren]

Is there a CoH private server in the works?

[Jauna]

Is there a CoH private server in the works?

No, and City of Titans is moving at a snails pace.