Life doesn't feel the same

[dennardscott86]

I recently lost my son who passed due to a lung disease and I'm trying to find ways to cope. I just cant find a way to calm down inside and I know it wasn't my fault but I feel like I shouldn't have outlive my own son. He was only 5 years old!! He had just started and there was sooo much I was gonna teach him and show him and now he is just gone. Family and friends keep asking me if I'm ok and I smile but really I'm screaming and crying and yelling and I want to hurt someone like I hurt but what would that solve so I say "I'm still here so far" but I don't know how long i'll be here. I don't want to be here but I need to be strong for my wife so I try to continue on like nothing has change but really everything has. I always complained about him running to tell me about the show he is watching DURING the show just to tell me about a scene. I told him "Tell me After it goes to commercial so you don't miss anything".....I'll never hear his voice again.......I'll never hear his voice again

[captain]

Just make another one...

[Sodors Finest Poster]

Not sure if a troll or not.

If not: as a parent myself I cannot begin to fathom the pain you are feeling.

[dennardscott86]

Its not a troll, my son had Interstitial Lung Disease and 'Im just looking for a possible vent since I dont have many friends and I can't stand to talk to my wife about this much. Its easier to do it with people i cant see i guess is what i'm trying to make work.

[nhdjoseywales]

im gonna hug my 5 year old son extra hard today

[India]

I am sooo very sorry for your loss. Losing a child must be the most unfathomable pain ever :(

[Whirled]

That is truly sad and hope things get better for you. I know words aren't much for empathy and even though I do not know you; we are still human and I hope my pitiful attempt at being neighborly helps you to stay strong & pull forward to a brighter future.

[bdastomper58]

carry it for as long as you can. youre allowed to let it destroy you if you want. most would.

unbelievably sorry for your loss :(

[maskedmelon]

I am sorry to hear of you loss OP :c I do not have children, but understand the pain must be immeasurable. I would encourage you to honor his life by striving to improve your own. He'd not like to see you suffer, nor would he wish for your family's shared loss to be compounded by another. Be happy for what you were able to do for him and strive to protect and care for his dreams and loved ones. It is a bright world and he'd be happier to see you embrace it because of him than miss it because of him ^^

[Sorn]

I'm terribly sorry for your loss, OP.

I know you want to be strong for your wife, but make sure you take care of yourself, too, okay? If venting to faceless anons helps, you can also call a grief hotline. There are ones set up for people going through your situation.

[Kushie]

You and your wife need grief counseling.

[khanable]

You and your wife need grief counseling.

X100

Feel free to rant it up here but you should both consider therapy for a little bit. No shame in it.

Sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine.

[Spyder73]

I raided a lot with Willfight while in <Asgard> – He is a very serious/mature person (still a funny guy though) and it absolutely breaks my heart to hear you are going through this my friend. Life is full of peril and strife, you can’t have the good without the bad. That may seem like a bitter pill to swallow right now, but just know that you have an entire crew of nerds who enjoy your company and are praying for you. Time heals all wounds and your son would want you to be strong for his memory and his mom, keep fighting the good fight and don’t let life get you down.

If you ever need to blow off steam playing some games message me

[Beckoning]

I am really sorry to read about your loss, Will. Sickness never makes sense, but even less so when it is in a little one.

[Tasslehofp99]

Damn.


Sorry to hear about your loss and suffering.

Don't give in to despair.

[Tingowingo]

Condolences, my long-time warrior friend.

-Making

[dennardscott86]

Thank you all for your kind and helpful messages. My wife and I just returned from counseling and I had a hard time giving her any chance... I know i should but I couldn't. I don't know what I want but it hurts to walk passed his room and see his toys and clothes. Its not fair

[dennardscott86]

At this point I just want to drown in EQ and get lost in this world

[FatMice]

I think you should be farther away from Everquest then ever. It sounds like you are going through a hard time in your marriage aside from your grievance. I would recommend finding common activities with your wife. Do whatever you can to find the joy you once had for the sake of your son. Celebrate in anyway you can. While you say you have a hard time giving her any chance, I wonder how she feels.

I can't imagine what you are going through however I can't imagine going through it alone without someone physically there to comfort you. While you may find solace and company through the bonds you have created on Project 1999 I implore you to find another connection. Everquest is fantasy; family is time and now. Don't loose anymore time with your current loved ones or close friends. If you need a compromise, and you think you have someone you can reach out you met on this server, set up a LAN Party.

Take a vacation to clear your head.

[shwally]

I think you should be farther away from Everquest then ever. It sounds like you are going through a hard time in your marriage aside from your grievance. I would recommend finding common activities with your wife. Do whatever you can to find the joy you once had for the sake of your son. Celebrate in anyway you can. While you say you have a hard time giving her any chance, I wonder how she feels.

I can't imagine what you are going through however I can't imagine going through it alone without someone physically there to comfort you. While you may find solace and company through the bonds you have created on Project 1999 I implore you to find another connection. Everquest is fantasy; family is time and now. Don't loose anymore time with your current loved ones or close friends. If you need a compromise, and you think you have someone you can reach out you met on this server, set up a LAN Party.

Take a vacation to clear your head.

This right here. We lost our newborn son when he was 45 days old to CDH. I wish i would have had this information when it happened. I just sat at the house and did nothing to the point where it almost ruined our marriage. Please take this advice and spend time with your wife and talk about everything. I know it hurts to talk about it, but in the long run it will make your relationship better.

[ZiggyTheMuss]

My condolences OP. I agree with Fatmice, don't escape into Everquest to bury your grief. You should probably deal with this directly. And don't neglect your wife. You guys need each other now more than ever.

[myriverse]

Don't even want to think about what you must be going though. But I can't help it.

Of all the weeks for my daughter to be out of town...

Condolences! Hope you find something constructive in which to cope.

[Clasick]

As you know in your gut this has changed you and your wife forever.
Take comfort in knowing time is the great equalizer and the day to day will get easier. Your son would want you to carry on and know he will always be a part of you.

Trust me.... with time it will get easier to cope with and not be so overwhelming.

[radda]

carry it for as long as you can. youre allowed to let it destroy you if you want. most would.

unbelievably sorry for your loss :(

[Hoozi]

Very sorry OP :( Being a father myself..... I can't even imagine.

[Legday]

Damn Willfight, I am sorry. Hang in there pal.

[Stormfists]

My thoughts are with you and your wife, Willfight.
You've always been an outstanding chap.
I'm extremely saddened to hear of your loss.
We're always here for you mate.

[Paleman]

sorry about your son. Dont blame yourself, dont blame your wife. Find beauty in life wherever you can.

/hug

[entruil]

Dont blame yourself, dont blame your wife. Find beauty in life wherever you can.

malaki...



...
.

...

..

poor maliki =(... what could i have learned... how could i ........


i know for a fact u are not alone in this... don't make yourself... malaki was a messenger...

[Nommis]

http://i.imgur.com/FXvHvgj.jpg

[Jenithia]

I don't know you but you and your wife are on my mind. My wish for you is that you two find a way together to get through (what is now reluctantly your new "normal") as best you can and that sleep finds you fast when you need it.

If you need to escape life once in a while for an hour or two....or just vent, please let us take some of the burden off of you.

[dennardscott86]

I'm having a hard time getting to sleep, my son refuses to sleep in the room he shared with his brother, and my daughter keeps asking where is her brother. We haven't found the strength to move his things yet so there are constant reminder on him all over the house. I accidentally made his lunch for school and that killed me more inside. My wife and I are having to turn help away from our parents because, although they want to help, we know it will turn into a blame session on how this "Could have been prevented" but that's not true!! He had a unstudied Lung disease and died in his sleep. I don't need that, I need my fucking son back. I need my FUCKING WHOLE FAMILY BACK!!! Just want this go back to the way it use to and have my Zach back

[pathius41]

Most people I know would describe me as a cold hearted S.O.B but today I will admit I thought of you and your story. I truly feel for you and hope you and your wife get things back to normal, or close as one can get to it in your situation. No parent should burry a child, it just is not right.

[Bitie]

Very sorry OP :( Being a father myself..... I can't even imagine.

this.

[phacemeltar]

im sorry to be insensitive, but wake the fuck up and support your family... you havent lost everything, yet.

[colicab]

Very sorry for your loss. This has really effected me and I thought about you all last night and today. I couldn't imagine losing either of my 2 boys and the devastation it would cause. Please try and stay strong for your remaining children if nothing else.

[Guybrush]

Just think of all the money you'll save

[Guybrush]

You could buy a brand new Mercedes and set it on fire and you'd still be coming out ahead

[Sidelle]

I rarely visit official RnF anymore so I just now saw your post. There's a reason they haven't come up with a word to describe a parent who's lost a child. It's just so wrong and against the natural order of things. As a mom who lost her firstborn son I know how much it hurts and I am so sorry for your loss. :(

[knix]

I don't know you, but I have suffered losses in my live and this is the best description of how you go on its from reddit. But, do listen to them saying to not hide from your family in this game.

Here is the full original post. I keep a copy of it handy so I can reread it when I need to. Credit goes to u/gsnow, the original author:

"I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not.

I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents...

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. But I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it.

Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too.

If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks."

[Lammy]

<hug>

[Deneras]

:c