The Chronicles of Smarmia: ***OFFICIAL***-S.o.R.P. YT Tracking

[maskedmelon]

In the interest if full and fair disclosure due the good people of the Off Topic community, it's affiliates and all other entities subservient to the illustrious Society of Retarded Posters (henceforth S.o.R.P.) please find below a complete and detailed accounting of all S.o.R.P.

May the ensuing annals serve not only to immortalize the good works of S.o.R.P., but may it also elevate in proper esteem the magnanimity of our fine organization. May too the righteous zeal of our membership burn with such ferocity that the long shadow of adversity is rent from its dark habitat and utterly smitten upon the placid sea of in and drudgery.

So without further ado, I give you

The Chronicles of Smarmia: ***OFFICIAL***-S.o.R.P. YT Tracking

[maskedmelon]

Recap:



Sorry, but you lost us all with your "will of the public". Keep thinking that southern-right angry jihadist view is the will. The rest of the country will continue to laugh.

You want beef homie? You're speaking to a high ranking member of the SoRP - I suggest you show the proper respect.

Your regionalism has no place in modern discourse and only serves to divide voters against voters - the true enemy is elsewhere. I suggest you hold your tongue and read a fucking book you ostrich looking bitch

[maskedmelon]

Recap:



Why don't you start a 3rd Forum account with over 1k posts?

Step the fuck back motherfucker. Who do you think you're talking to like that?

https://i.imgur.com/vXCxn08.png

Your ill-advised attempt at besmirching our Lord Treasurer doesn't even make sense, and I suspect you may be gay in real life as well.

[Filthy_Pagan]

This thread is going to be so fucking goog

[Pokesan]

upboat :)

[Filthy_Pagan]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance

That's all you got?

http://new1.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/The+guy+on+the+left+side+s+hair+slowly+migrated+to +_5519b852119ad3e2558042d1ab318929.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/0wPB0oB.png

http://i.imgur.com/1TK424g.jpg

http://cdn.emgn.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/emgn-macho-man-12.jpg
Confirmed mad

Dat propaganda brainwashing is kicking in and making you get defensive and irrelevant


Shameless self recognition

[Spyder73]

Pras SoRP

[maskedmelon]

Such a warm reception is to be expected from the fine people of our noble Society. Many thanks for your contributions comrades!

On behalf of the Society of Retarded Posters and the good people of Off Topic, its affiliates and other subservient entities, for unparalleled contribution with his prior implementation of the Society of Retarded Posters Official FKP Tracking system, the foundation of our YT tracking thread, I extend profound gratitude lace with the highest of accolades to our esteemed Treasury Secretary.

Thank you fine sir. You are an inspiration to us all.

[Big_Japan]

An extremely high-quality thread with unlimited potential. Enjoy these upboats.

[Big_Japan]

Too long has the Ivory Throne of Luna's Sea sat cold and vacant, the warmth of living flesh and seething flame of power all but forgotten to her empty sear and high back. Too long have our people suffered leaderless in the fickle shadows of uncertainty and perverse liberties, amok the ways that are right and good. For shame! Too long in the black crevices of decorum and protocol have wrongdoers schemed in dark ambition!*

TOO LONG have the wicked wrought ruin upon the fields of our people, lost and leaderless beneath the dark pall of abandonment.

Too long have our people endured no rule.

Too long.


Your bold claim comes as a breath of fresh air in the growing stench of foul things. Our esteemed Society, found of ambition and virtuous intent sought to right the wrongs, the degeneracy and stagnation in mortal combat with good works. Devoid explicit leadership, in collaborative spirit we have won gains, great and small and all manners between.

Let not our success in the shifting face of adversity occlude *our profound longing for consolidated authority. Your claim is sorely desired.

As Adjudicator of Indecision and Orator of Superfluous Nothings and Chronicler and Archivist of our Great Society of Retarded Posters, and Prophet of Naught, it is incumbent upon me to query an y such claimant on matters of law and lore and faith, such that fraudulent claims might be known to all who lay eyes upon them and that the unholy wrath might befall he who dares make mockery of our Eminence in Absence, Supreme Leader & Caliph.

Tell us. Pray do not disappoint.

I make great nod to your Query, maskedmelon, with whom I have danced upon the tips of waves with flaming word.

The Truth became when I posted the thread: sorp = sheep. This post boosted my Retardation to great levels, unknown formerly to myself. The blinders, shredded from my sight, lifted my spirit up into the Great Halls where gods roam. And there I sat, face to face, with the Retarded God.

"God," Said I, "where can it be, this land of Intelligent Poster?"
(for in my Lunacy, yet I craved a Board of Order & Wisdom without Petulance)
"Over the Mountains of the Firegiant,
Down the Valley of Succ Me,
Post, boldly Post," the God replied
"if you seek for retardation."

And with his final word a duck quacked and smote me as with wet clay upon my tummy region. I returned to my body and had Great Vision and became recognized by all present as the Caliph and Great Mystic of our Ancient and Venerable Order. Also I am the Lord of Tummy.

But I have cast aside the title of Supreme Dictator, until the time comes, when we must face the One Enemy. Only then will I reforge the Title and unite all Posters under the Flags of Retardation to do great battle with the Dark Lord of Witless & Serious Posters, Chest Rockwell.

I fall to my knees in worship of these two posts: perhaps the most talented Retarded posters of all time are at the height of their power on this beautiful Holiday eve, their keyboard fingers infused with the power of the Mighty One. Though I oft dreamt myself incapable of being ruled, an untameable stallion, I cannot claim anything but having been shaken to my very foundation by these revelations, bestowed unto our Great Mystic & Yogic Caliph by the Retarded God.

Is this what it feels like to live in the time of a Prophet?

I retain the title of Chief Scholar of inferior religious texts no longer. Today I renounce all worldly pursuits and bow to the revelations of the Retarded God as revealed by His Prophet, Filbus Furryfoot, level 60 Warlord, Wielder of the Blind Insult and Lord of the Tummy.

If any man have an ear, let him hear:

He that leadeth into Retardation shall go into Retardation: he that flameth with the flame must be flamed with the flame. Here is the Patience and Faith of the Retards.

[Big_Japan]

On behalf o the Imperial Church of the Retarded God, I would like to nominate both maskedmelon and captnamazing for one (1) FKP (forum kill point) point per person for the two aforementioned posts, which have shattered my tiny world and plunged me into a cosmos of Retardation more expansive than my petty mind could ever have dreamed on its own.

[maskedmelon]

Such selfless pursuit of undying truths, nary more praiseworthy a post hath graced these hallowed boards. I am honored by our dear Pope's words and second his nomination of Filbus, He who saw the Retarded God, Wielder of the Blind Insult, Lord of the Tummy, The Great Mystic & Yogic Caliph.

Let not our people squander their minds unraveling each perplexing thread of the great tapestry of profound truths, glimpsed only by our dear Prophet. And let not be forgotten the sacrifice of our dear Pope in selfless devotion, the dissolution of his former post Chief Talmudian Scholar, and the birth of the Imperial Church of Retardation humbly delivered to unto the people from the clammy womb of divine inspiration whence it was conceived.

Let no man tarry in the misty quagmire of divine command. Nay, let him take solace in the indisputable validity if our Dear Pope's selfless work as sole interpreter of The Prophet, He who saw the Retarded God.

Indeed I am stirred by our Dear Pope's great acts of selflessness. I too hear the call to greater servitude and cannot in good conscience deny the good people of our Great Society their inalienable right to clear direction, free from detestable accountability inherent of choice.

There are those who would seek to destroy us, our great works and the Noble Truths, subverters and perverters deniers of right. It is in response to that threat, I dutifully take up a new mantle, that our Dear Pope might be shielded from the aggression of lesser men and that the people of our Great Society might rest peacefully in their beds.

As Grand Moff Shogun of the Peoples Imperial Army, Society of Retarded Posters, I do solemnly swear to uphold the virtues of Retarded Posting and defend to no end, the good people of our Great Society.

May the dark specter of ignoble pursuits break upon the divine bulwark of Retardation and be duly smitten by the iron fist of Great Justice!

[captnamazing]

Henceforth let the records show that I, Filbus, Who Saw the Retarded God, Wielder of the Blind Insult, Lord of the Tummy, the Great Mystic & Yogic Caliph, second the visionary motion of our Pope of the Imperial Church of Retardation, Big_Japan. May maskedmelon bathe in FKP for eternity, yea, until the very foundations of the Forums tremble.

With the adjudication of this merry affair, I must now draw our attention to Graver Portents.

Big_Japan, whose transliteration of the Divine Word which spews from my mouth wanton and unchecked, brings the Grace of the Retarded God to Radiant Creed, mires in stagnation and faces the threat of FKP starvation. For such a noble and selfless Priest of our Holy Order, this is unacceptable.

I have received direct communique from the Retarded God Hermself, to motion that Big_japan, Pope, Imperial Church of the Retarded God, Society of Retarded Posters
Reformed racist and forum Prefect of Matters of Racial Equity, receive a glowing FKP.

For he has taken upon his Reformed shoulders a burden of Terrible weight, and he shall need all blessings of the SoRP to keep him strong in his coming trials.

tits or gtfo

[Filthy_Pagan]

On behalf o the Imperial Church of the Retarded God, I would like to nominate both maskedmelon and captnamazing for one (1) FKP (forum kill point) point per person for the two aforementioned posts, which have shattered my tiny world and plunged me into a cosmos of Retardation more expansive than my petty mind could ever have dreamed on its own.

I second this motion. Let it be so that on this day, the Twenty-third day of the twelfth month of the year two thousand and fifteen of our Lord the Retarded God, that Maskedmelon and Captnamazing be granted one (1) FKP (Forum Kill Point) each.

[Kekephee]

On the twenty-third day of the month of September
in an early year of a decade not too long before our own,
the human race suddenly encountered a deadly
threat to its very existence.
And this terrifying enemy surfaced,
as such enemies often do,
in the seemingly most innocent and unlikely of places.


[b]LITTLE SHOP, LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS BOP SHOO WOP

[Kekephee]

I just YT'd myself with a formatting failure. Consider this my nonbeliever's offering of acknowledgment and respect, a self-flagellation to prove that though I am not with you folks, I am not against you

[captnamazing]

And so Sayeth the Retard God

Witness me all ye who dare
stomach the sight of dolphin masturbating into a dead fish.
The time of Reckoning is soon at hand.
All those bearing the Holy Titles shall be lifted up from the Ashes of the Forums
and be delivered to a large padded room filled with soft toys and round edges.
Those others, who may not mock me
and yet do not openly support
Cannot be promised the same absolution.

[Filthy_Pagan]

I just YT'd myself with a formatting failure. Consider this my nonbeliever's offering of acknowledgment and respect, a self-flagellation to prove that though I am not with you folks, I am not against you

[maskedmelon]

I just YT'd myself with a formatting failure. Consider this my nonbeliever's offering of acknowledgment and respect, a self-flagellation to prove that though I am not with you folks, I am not against you

Good friendly Infidel, your kind words are well received.

I second this man's self nomination for 1 whole and unspoiled FKP.

[captnamazing]

Thou deignest to bequeath unto the heathen Infidel 1 whole and unspoiled FKP?

Hath thou smoked the herb of halflings, Grand Moff Shogun of the People's Imperial Army, Adjudicator of Indecision & Orator of Superfluous Nothings, our Chronicler & Archivist?

Thy words hath smote my chest and I fear my heart hath broken to consider rewarding 1 WHOLE AND UNSPOILED FKP to an untitled infidel.

Indeed, my heart now reels and along the greater part of it there lies a vast crack not unlike the Liberty Bell after Swish sat on it, before his expulsion from the Faire Land of America.

I do NOT second this motion!

[maskedmelon]

Dear Prophet let not the fiery zeal of your devotion let slip clarity into your addled mind. If we are to spread the Good Word of the Retarded God, we must acknowledge all Good Works in his name. This Infidel has committed an act of severe retardation which should not only be celebrated of its own merit, bu also by virus of his own recognition of the Retardation. Your objection is heartfelt, but the motion has already been seconded, by me. The matter now rests in the hands of our esteemed Treasury Secretary as per protocol proposed by the honorable Director of the Department of Trolling Until You Believe your Own Trolls and ratified by members of our fine Society.

[Spyder73]

Kekephee the Unwashed shall not receive FKP until he has burned away his sins in the Holy Flame of Purity that shall be flatulized from the rear end of the Retarded God. I think there is hope for Kekephee, so I shall hold the Torch of Retardation myself, the very one that shall ignite thine fart of our God and set ablaze the world of the non-belibieber, ushering in a New Age.

[maskedmelon]

The matter rests with our Lord Treasury Secretary. Your objections are duly noted and if affirmed in veto by our Lord Treasury Secretary shall stand and Kekephee shall be spared the eternal shame of official recognition for his self-inflicted YT if that is where your heart lies.

[Pokesan]

Here follow the considerations of this council, being chaired by Treasury Secretary Pokesan, Number #1 Forum Arsonist.

On behalf o the Imperial Church of the Retarded God, I would like to nominate both maskedmelon and captnamazing for one (1) FKP (forum kill point) point per person for the two aforementioned posts, which have shattered my tiny world and plunged me into a cosmos of Retardation more expansive than my petty mind could ever have dreamed on its own.

His Holiness, Pope Big Japan of the Society of Retarded Posters has proposed the issuance of FKP to two individuals committing posts of massive retardation. Let us examine the weight and measure of their writings.

Too long has the Ivory Throne of Luna's Sea sat cold and vacant, the warmth of living flesh and seething flame of power all but forgotten to her empty sear and high back. Too long have our people suffered leaderless in the fickle shadows of uncertainty and perverse liberties, amok the ways that are right and good. For shame! Too long in the black crevices of decorum and protocol have wrongdoers schemed in dark ambition!*

TOO LONG have the wicked wrought ruin upon the fields of our people, lost and leaderless beneath the dark pall of abandonment.

Too long have our people endured no rule.

Too long.


Your bold claim comes as a breath of fresh air in the growing stench of foul things. Our esteemed Society, found of ambition and virtuous intent sought to right the wrongs, the degeneracy and stagnation in mortal combat with good works. Devoid explicit leadership, in collaborative spirit we have won gains, great and small and all manners between.

Let not our success in the shifting face of adversity occlude *our profound longing for consolidated authority. Your claim is sorely desired.

As Adjudicator of Indecision and Orator of Superfluous Nothings and Chronicler and Archivist of our Great Society of Retarded Posters, and Prophet of Naught, it is incumbent upon me to query an y such claimant on matters of law and lore and faith, such that fraudulent claims might be known to all who lay eyes upon them and that the unholy wrath might befall he who dares make mockery of our Eminence in Absence, Supreme Leader & Caliph.

Tell us. Pray do not disappoint.

The Honorable Adjudicator, Orator of Superfluous Nothings, Chronicler and Archivist of our Society, maskedmelon, has demonstrated great belief and fastness to our Holy Cause. Retardation alone is not enough to bring forth the Cleansing Fire this unholy den of serious posters need. Care should be taken in ceding too much power to one so new, but his vividity of belief is refreshing. I will not name him the Chosen One just yet, that is for the Stones to tell. For now, Cast aside your fears and bask in the Umbra of Our Retarded God!

It is the judgment of this body that maskedmelon shall be awarded (1) Forum Kill Point! Praise be to all the faithful of our faith!

I make great nod to your Query, maskedmelon, with whom I have danced upon the tips of waves with flaming word.

The Truth became when I posted the thread: sorp = sheep. This post boosted my Retardation to great levels, unknown formerly to myself. The blinders, shredded from my sight, lifted my spirit up into the Great Halls where gods roam. And there I sat, face to face, with the Retarded God.

"God," Said I, "where can it be, this land of Intelligent Poster?"
(for in my Lunacy, yet I craved a Board of Order & Wisdom without Petulance)
"Over the Mountains of the Firegiant,
Down the Valley of Succ Me,
Post, boldly Post," the God replied
"if you seek for retardation."

And with his final word a duck quacked and smote me as with wet clay upon my tummy region. I returned to my body and had Great Vision and became recognized by all present as the Caliph and Great Mystic of our Ancient and Venerable Order. Also I am the Lord of Tummy.

But I have cast aside the title of Supreme Dictator, until the time comes, when we must face the One Enemy. Only then will I reforge the Title and unite all Posters under the Flags of Retardation to do great battle with the Dark Lord of Witless & Serious Posters, Chest Rockwell.

Our newest Retarded friend has clearly been seared by the flames of a Holy Vision of the Retarded Spirit! His vigor in belief cannot be questioned, his scribings warrant consideration for monument. He is newly among us and speaks with the power of faith I cannot describe in myself. This is a truly retarded individual - we will need many more like him if we are to defeat Chest and his allies.

Let it be known here, in the Umbra of Flames; The Dread Catman, captnamazing, Who has Seen the Retarded God, Wielder of the Blind Insult, Lord of the Tummy and Great Mystic Yogic Caliph - has been awarded (1) Forum Kill Point!

I second this motion. Let it be so that on this day, the Twenty-third day of the twelfth month of the year two thousand and fifteen of our Lord the Retarded God, that Maskedmelon and Captnamazing be granted one (1) FKP (Forum Kill Point) each.

Acknowledged administratively, that none may question the justice of our Society.

[Pokesan]

The question of Kekephee, an outsider to our Society, being awarded FKP, requires more discussion before a ruling can be issued.

As a Retard, it is my belief that we must spread our Faith in words and ACTION, to bring the spirit of Truth to as many individuals as can accept it. I do believe it is both just and prudent to allow the awardment of FKP to non-members, so long as their words and actions meet with the standards of our goals. This is my position as a Retard, let us begin our Debate and Discussion on the matter.

If we believe Kekephee is Retarded, surely he belongs amongst us. Let us stoke the flames within his heart, that he may soon join us in Faith.

I yield the floor to the next speaker.

[Filthy_Pagan]

Is that permitted, Grand Moff Shogun, Adjucator of Indecision and Orator of Superfluous Nothings, Chronicler and Archivist?

He is not of the society. May he receive FKPs?

His admission and flagellation are noble indeed, and may find him mercy in the eyes of the divine Retarded God, but we would do well to ponder this thoroughly so as not to invoke His most divine anger.


I shall begin fingering the tomes in search of an answer.

[jcr4990]

Whole thread is TL;DR

[Pokesan]

Whole thread is TL;DR

Illiteracy is sometimes a symptom of the Holy Retarded Spirit manifesting itself.

Please report to the temple for...testing...

[captnamazing]

I have heard the pleas of all in the chamber. I admit that I did fall asleep for a time. But that is my Right as a Retard, for I should not have to listen to information before responding with zeal.

On the matter of Kekephee. Yea, surely he is retarded; one must only look upon his history of posts to see the Great Brand of Mental Retardation upon all his devices.

And with great struggle hath Pokesan, our Retarded Treasurer, typed these messages for us to witness. For is he not Retarded?

I hear the workings of our God, who oft sits in the corner with the glue upon his hands and face and mouth, until the God of Supervision comes forth to banish him into the padded rooms.

For dingus, let henceforth flow from our breasts unto him the sweet milk of FKP, if the motion has been seconded by one other than me. I will squeeze above him my very own sweet and supple nipples to create the fine wines of the Retard. I hold thus that in ACTION we may all deliver the dairy nectar of the Divine, even to those who do not yet bear the mantle.

[Filthy_Pagan]

Many a tome has been fingered and I believe I have found an answer to our quandry regarding the self flagellator.

Book 2, Chapter 17, Section 8, Subsection 13b-2, Paragraph 97, beginning on Line 2 of The Tales of Jerpipus and the Retarded Crusade states:

"Once before was a heretic awarded FKP in the times of yore,
For but a typo and nothing more,
His negligence did portray tard,
And so the Society kekkled unnaturally hard,
But alas the God of Retardation,
Was quite displeased and did flood the nation,
He strippeth his order of their retardation,
As punishment for their sin.

But forth did he send a cat-faced prophet,
Who spoke to the order,
"You faggots must stop it",
"The Retarded God demands ordination",
"No FKP awards for self flagellation"


I believe this segment of scripture clearly states that we must not award FKP to non members, lest we be cursed with logical thought and quality posts.

However, I could find nothing that says we cannot convert heretics or allow them into the order, only that a suitable quest must be fulfilled by the heretic in question.

[maskedmelon]

I am pleased we have found agreement but for the cryptic passages uncovered by our honorable Official Flummoxer & Sufferer of Perpetual Collywobbles, Forward Vanguard Shock Trooper, Head Fondler of Spiritual Manuscripts, Keeper of the Tome of the Retarded God.

I agree with the interpretation on heresy. To my knowledge, Infidel Kekephee does not stand accused of heresy. To the contrary, he has only demonstrated exemplary retardation such that should be embraced by our fine order less we embrace the ruinous vice of hypocrisy. Indeed our own Filbus, He Who Has Seen the Retarded God would not be a part of our fine Society had we held to such rigid interpretations.

Let us embrace the one undieing principle of illustrious Society and of our Lord, the Retarded God I deed and thought: principle of divinely inspire retardation. There is no denying Kekephee has been touched by retardation, by our Retarded God.

[Filthy_Pagan]

Grand Moff Shogun of the People's Imperial Army, Adjudicator of Indecision & Orator of Superfluous Nothings, Chronicler & Archivist, Society of Retarded Posters,

Perhaps I was hasty in my rigid interpretation of scripture. You are correct in saying Kekephee isn't guilty of heresy, though I believe it would be prudent to first -for safety's sake- indoctrinate him into the Society of Retarded Posters. The Retarded God possesses retard strength that knows no bounds. It is said that he is stronger than a million legions of chimpanzees with downs syndrome and his anger is not to be invoked lightly.


I suggest we send Kekephee on a suitable quest to prove his loyalty and should he succeed, welcome him to the order. I shall leave the floor to the thoughts of our brothers and sisters on this matter and shall adhere to whatever our blessed Order decides. Be wary though.. It is said that those of Bregan D'Aerth are of a different brand of retardation. A newer, perverse retardation than the one that caresses our lobes.

[maskedmelon]

Forgive me honorable Official Flummoxer & Perpetual Sufferer of Collywobbles, Forward Vanguard Shock Trooper, Head fondler of Spiritual Manuscripts, Keeper of the Tome of the Retarded God, Department of Trolling, Society of Retarded Posters, I grow weary of our deliberations. And must retire for a spell. You speak from the heart and your resolve and fervor are admirable. Let us also hear form our Dear Pope before settling a resolution.

Also, I have been remiss of proper manners in both acknowledgement and demonstrated gratitude due our esteemed Treasury Secretary in my contribution to this discussion. Forgive me Dear Sir, with the end of this two-thousand-and-fifteenth year of our Lord nigh my mind has been rampant with matters varied and mundane beyond the pixelverse. You do me great honor in recognition and I am humbled by your generous words. I am but a servant of the people.

I am in your debt and humbly accept this (1) Forum Kill Point.

[Pokesan]

HIGH PRIORITY SORP ALERT

Let us table this discussion for the moment - a temporary, possibly to become permanent, lesser equivalent of a Forum Kill Point must be created - Due to the volatile nature of this land, many retarded posts are occurring. Please alert the authors of such posts, in no uncertain terms that they have received a 'Retarded Poster Award'. All members in good standing arehereby authorized to issue this recognition under their own power and encouraged to do so with great prejudice. Once the current crisis has passed, we may return to procedural discussions.

Now is the Time for Flames. May Our Retarded God Be with Us!

[captnamazing]

Behold the Yellowtexting of Seltius...
should ask the guides to run an ip check then. But nothing will convince you when you think you are right, i mean, you are still in BDA thinking they matter...

I wonder how common the names bill and smith are in the united states, not to mention how many last names start with S. i bet you are going to vote for hillary too, lol
you've been reported for racism

Reported for trolling the GMs nothing in the quote you used is racist. Sexist maybe but not racist.

Racist vs women. Petition has been sent. Enjoy your ban

lol Reported for trolling the GMs a second time and a lack of simple Google skills to tell the difference between sexism and racisim. I know paper dictionaries are only found in museums now so really cant report you for not knowing how to use one.

[Big_Japan]

Thou deignest to bequeath unto the heathen Infidel 1 whole and unspoiled FKP?

Hath thou smoked the herb of halflings, Grand Moff Shogun of the People's Imperial Army, Adjudicator of Indecision & Orator of Superfluous Nothings, our Chronicler & Archivist?

Thy words hath smote my chest and I fear my heart hath broken to consider rewarding 1 WHOLE AND UNSPOILED FKP to an untitled infidel.

Indeed, my heart now reels and along the greater part of it there lies a vast crack not unlike the Liberty Bell after Swish sat on it, before his expulsion from the Faire Land of America.

I do NOT second this motion!

Kekephee the Unwashed shall not receive FKP until he has burned away his sins in the Holy Flame of Purity that shall be flatulized from the rear end of the Retarded God. I think there is hope for Kekephee, so I shall hold the Torch of Retardation myself, the very one that shall ignite thine fart of our God and set ablaze the world of the non-belibieber, ushering in a New Age.

The question of Kekephee, an outsider to our Society, being awarded FKP, requires more discussion before a ruling can be issued.

As a Retard, it is my belief that we must spread our Faith in words and ACTION, to bring the spirit of Truth to as many individuals as can accept it. I do believe it is both just and prudent to allow the awardment of FKP to non-members, so long as their words and actions meet with the standards of our goals. This is my position as a Retard, let us begin our Debate and Discussion on the matter.

If we believe Kekephee is Retarded, surely he belongs amongst us. Let us stoke the flames within his heart, that he may soon join us in Faith.

I yield the floor to the next speaker.

Is that permitted, Grand Moff Shogun, Adjucator of Indecision and Orator of Superfluous Nothings, Chronicler and Archivist?

He is not of the society. May he receive FKPs?

His admission and flagellation are noble indeed, and may find him mercy in the eyes of the divine Retarded God, but we would do well to ponder this thoroughly so as not to invoke His most divine anger.


I shall begin fingering the tomes in search of an answer.

Forgive me honorable Official Flummoxer & Perpetual Sufferer of Collywobbles, Forward Vanguard Shock Trooper, Head fondler of Spiritual Manuscripts, Keeper of the Tome of the Retarded God, Department of Trolling, Society of Retarded Posters, I grow weary of our deliberations. And must retire for a spell. You speak from the heart and your resolve and fervor are admirable. Let us also hear form our Dear Pope before settling a resolution.

Also, I have been remiss of proper manners in both acknowledgement and demonstrated gratitude due our esteemed Treasury Secretary in my contribution to this discussion. Forgive me Dear Sir, with the end of this two-thousand-and-fifteenth year of our Lord nigh my mind has been rampant with matters varied and mundane beyond the pixelverse. You do me great honor in recognition and I am humbled by your generous words. I am but a servant of the people.

I am in your debt and humbly accept this (1) Forum Kill Point.

HIGH PRIORITY SORP ALERT

Let us table this discussion for the moment - a temporary, possibly to become permanent, lesser equivalent of a Forum Kill Point must be created - Due to the volatile nature of this land, many retarded posts are occurring. Please alert the authors of such posts, in no uncertain terms that they have received a 'Retarded Poster Award'. All members in good standing arehereby authorized to issue this recognition under their own power and encouraged to do so with great prejudice. Once the current crisis has passed, we may return to procedural discussions.

Now is the Time for Flames. May Our Retarded God Be with Us!

HAVING HEARD these well reasoned arguments for and against the awarding of FKP points to those not crowned with the mantel of Retardation, but with acknowledged marks of the Lazy Eye and Loose Word of Retardation, and HAVING HEARD the temporary compromise provided for by our Honorable Lord Treasurer, and HAVING RUMINATED upon these matters extensively while upon the Imperial Throne of Great Flatulence, I hereby issue the following Proclamation, which unless objected to by the Prophet himself shall become official Imperial Church doctrine from this moment until the end of Retardation in the material plane:

It is beyond debate that there are a great many Retards upon this board who present offerings of exquisite Retardation to our God without ever ceremonially bending the knee to His Supreme Ignorance. THOSE WHO DO NOT PUBLICLY SUPPLICATE TO OUR RETARDED GOD MAY NEVER BE KNOWN AS ANYTHING BUT INFIDELS! The highest honor that Our Order issues, the FKP (forum kill point) point, cannot be issued in good faith to an infidel! Truly an act of Retardation, even if exceptional in its stupidity, which is committed in the name of an individual can never be as righteously ignorant as one committed explicitly on the behalf of the Retarded God and the Society of Retarded Posters!

HOWEVER, it has not escaped your Pope's attention that perhaps the most supremely Retarded among us may be so afflicted with the Blessing of Ignorance that even supplicating to the Retarded God may be a task too intellectual for them to undertake successfully! TRULY THESE FEW ARE THE MOST BLESSED among us by His Holiness, the Lord of Ebonical Speech, Deity of Unprotected Casual Sex, our Retarded God. THEREFORE, to refuse any recognition to posts of exceptional Retardation simply on the basis that the Retard has not so named himself would be a gross oversight on behalf of the Society of Retarded Posters and the Imperial Church of the Retarded God.

The Imperial Church administration has therefore concluded that a hierarchy of awards must exist which can responsibly account for non-members of demonstrable Retardation, without overly rewarding those who eschew a full and pious descent into Retardation, and who may or may not retain in their hearts a small piece of vile intellect untouched by Stupidity and Wanton Ignorance. The Retarded Poster Award as suggested by our Lord Treasurer shall become Church law, permanently, if not objected to by a majority of our organization's membership as it exists at the moment of this posting, and if not countermanded by the Prophet himself, who hath seen the Face of the Retarded God and heard of His will firsthand.

This Retarded Poster Award shall function similarly to the FKP point, requiring nomination and confirmation and tertiary confirmation by our Lord Treasurer, but shall also retain this extremely important feature: ALL THOSE SO AWARDED, should they officially enlist in the Society of Retarded Posters at a later date and bow to the Will of the Retarded God, shall have their full count of Retarded Poster Awards IMMEDIATELY AND PERMANENTLY transfigured into Forum Kill Points (FKP) points. In this way the Society and its Church shall reward new members of proven merit for their conversion by an immediate increase in status and forum prestige contingent upon their enlistment.

It is the belief of the Imperial Church of the Retarded God that these measures will encourage flourishing of the ranks of our Society and of our Church. If any objections or procedural advice be relevant, please state them in a timely fashion and I shall consider restructuring or rephrasing this pronouncement. Until then I await only to have my Imperial Proclamation confirmed by our Prophet, from whom all my authority as Pope of this Church is drawn. Lord Prophet, I shall accept a "tl;dr" as confirmation if you desire to respond thusly.

I thank you for your time, my brothers in Retardation, and I hope you are as excited for the implementation of this new recruiting measure as I am.

[Pokesan]

Emergency powers have ended. Seek a second when nominating Retardation for recognition.

In the Wake of the Great Feast, I urge you all to go forth and search for the Most Retarded among these forums. He may already walk amongst us. We will need Him when the Final Battle comes.

Let us build our numbers to defeat the Great Enemy.

[captnamazing]

tl;dr tits or gtfo

[Pokesan]

http://www.project1999.com/forums/showthread.php?t=223495

In recognition of the post-ironic-meta-trolling ability displayed by Brother FP in the above thread, I hereby nominate Filthy_Pagan for a FKP, for the complete destruction of idiot forum retard Lurikeen.

Behold the splendor of the transfigurated Filthy_Pagan. This is only the beginning.

[Big_Japan]

http://www.project1999.com/forums/showthread.php?t=223495

In recognition of the post-ironic-meta-trolling ability displayed by Brother FP in the above thread, I hereby nominate Filthy_Pagan for a FKP, for the complete destruction of idiot forum retard Lurikeen.

Behold the splendor of the transfigurated Filthy_Pagan. This is only the beginning.

seconding this motion

get our dogg up on the board. righteous contributor

[Pokesan]

the motion carries and is approved.

Filthy Pagan receives 1 FKP. You have brought great Retardation to these forums - Well done Brother!

Let us not forget his thread(http://www.project1999.com/forums/showthread.php?t=223495), there the ownage continues as nerds fall all over themselves to be trolled by a major fucker.

[Pokesan]

Shame, brothers!

We have forgotten a primary order of our Society - remember to upvote all SoRP threads! And downvote all enemy posters to a dark oblivion.

I admit I also have been remiss in this regard and am currently working with my personal staff to rectify my negligence.

We WILL conquer these lands if we WORK together!

[James_Joyce]

I too have noticed, and contributed to, this shortcoming in execution of SoRP duties.

I swear to redouble my efforts Lord Treasurer.

[maskedmelon]

Having returned from my pilgrimage, I shall endeavor to increase my participation not only in mutual recognition of excellence, but also in collective rebuke of ineptitude for the betterment of our Great Society.

I also extend my congratulations to our honorable Official Flumoxer and Sufferer of Perpetual Collywobbles on his FKP.

[maskedmelon]

That thread just keeps delivering. I'd like to nominate our honorable Treasury Secretary, Pokesana and Director, DOTUYBYOT James Joyce for their continued contributions to the above-referenced thread in the trolling of Liegezen linked once more herein for reference:

https://www.project1999.com/forums/showthread.php?t=223495&page=9

YT Recap shall follow upon a seconding of each of these nominations.

[Big_Japan]

That thread just keeps delivering. I'd like to nominate our honorable Treasury Secretary, Pokesana and Director, DOTUYBYOT James Joyce for their continued contributions to the above-referenced thread in the trolling of Liegezen linked once more herein for reference:

https://www.project1999.com/forums/showthread.php?t=223495&page=9

YT Recap shall follow upon a seconding of each of these nominations.

Respectfully, I would like to note that a nomination has already been dispatched to James_Joyce for a post in this thread, by our very own universally adored hero to billions, He Who Hath Glimpsed the Lord and the Glue and the Bag and the Bloodshot Untethered Eyes, the Prophet Himself:
don't even get me started on atomic "science". The only validation we have are the a-bomb and nuclear reactors, both products of Jewish mysticism never independently replicated based on their claimed underlying principles. Every instance of these items existing can be tied directly to involvement in the Judaic cult and the sale of the power of its occult teachings. You really think zog puppet USA just happened to get the bomb at the perfect moment to guarantee Israel's existence out of the coincidental march of science?

As below so above, as above so below. We aren't made up of atoms orbitted by electrons and we don't ride on a planet orbitting the sun. NASA is a sham, the standard planetary model is idiotic (IF physics worked as claimed, planets would be orbitting as they chase the sun through space as it orbited something else, not just going in circles around a stationary star).

All of these ideas are invented as a didactic tool, to reinforce a nihilistic and helpless worldview and cheapen life and make you feel small, all to stop you seizing your destiny as a child of Christ and center of His universe.

The very existence of physics-bending jew mysticism repudiates everything you think you know about a universe based on cause and effect and understood rationally. Satan doesn't care about your neat and tidy little explanations.

Go ahead and tell me I'm trolling again buddy. I'll be that little voice of doubt as you try to sleep tonight.

I hereby invoke my write as the Great Mystic to nominate James_Joyce for a FKP in honor of this top quality post. It is at this moment the tables turned, ensuring James_Joyce, the Troll who Believes His Own Trolls, the Yellow Text versus the enemy poster Liegezen.

Our god is pleased.

In the interest of equanimity I will meddle in this affair, which pertains to a close personal friend of mine, no further.

[maskedmelon]

Dear Pope, you are an inspiration to us all. I had not made my way deep enough into the subject troll before the utter retardation of its nature took me with awe. Indeed nothing escapes the wandering eyes of our dear deranged Prophet, He Who Has Seen the Retarded God.

Let my nomination of our honorable Director, DOTUYBYOT serve as a seconding to that of our dear Prophet, He Who Has Seen the Retarded God.

My nomination for our honorable Treasurer's contribution to the troll remains to be seconded.

[Big_Japan]

Way to force superhero fandom on your unborn child.

Super heros are only popular among man children who retain an idealistic opinion of reality where good and evil are objective things and mutually exclusive and enjoy watching muscular men prance around in spandex.

i hope your son turns out gay

cringeworthy post.... you're losing it dude

There is a principal outlined in the book of five rings called "pushing down the pillow". When you suffocate someone with a pillow, you keep pushing it down over their face until they are dead. This is metaphorical of course. When attacking, once you find an opening and push your opponent back onto their heels, you do not relent. Do not give them time to recover. Only focus on your opponent's death.


I broke his mind. I pushed down the pillow. I trolled him too hard.

reported... go troll somewhere else loser.

so you want him to be autistic?


I will.. try not to commit suicide this year after everyone quits responding to your pathetic trolling.

speaking as a professional viral marketer with an extensive celebrity client list, I can tell you for 100% certain that such tear-drenched replies to Pokesan's posts automatically invalidate the argument that his trolling is "pathetic".

You've swallowed the hook, now will you break free, digest the bait and mend your wounds and your ways or will you be dragged thrashing into the abyss of pokesan's bass fishing canoe?

I'll let my colleagues decide how your fate be seen. I hereby nominate pokesan for one (1) FKP (forum kill point) point for his highly successful operations in this thread. Should this receive a second, I will consider it confirmed that you are in a zip-loc freezer bag in our beloved Lord Treasurer's ice chest awaiting a cozy campfire cookout with the crew & fam.

One (1) FKP (forum kill point) point nominated to our Lord Treasurer for the above posts and related rage, which downed Nocsucow with yellowtext heard round the world. A second will confirm that Nocsucow-and-chips shall be dinner tonight.



Our good friend Pagan is receiving more than just an honorable mention for his trolling of supreme quality as well. For his post mentioning Go Rin No Sho I hereby award the Church of the Retarded God's Papal Seal of Excellence in Shitposting, the first such award ever granted, in recognition of the expertly executed trail of literary breadcrumbs leading into Retardation left by this righteous poster. If every shitpost contained the esoteric breadth of this one, TRUMP would already be president.

https://i.imgur.com/iGEZTi3.png

On behalf of a grateful fatherland and glorious struggle, honor and blood, I present this Papal Seal of Excellence in Shitposting.

[Xaanka]

u guys are doing dog's work on these forums

just a reminder your brother over in red rnf is doing some work

I wish xxanka would quit. The urge to ignore him has increased over the past months. Walls of text that I never read accompanied by pedophile looking anime is getting a wee bit weird.

I've had that retard on ignore for like 3 months now.

Ya I ignored that guy also. Only person I have on legit ignore. Got tired of scrolling past walls of text and pedo anime.

ragnaros forum account yt'd, lite forum account yt'd. i'm on fire this week.

[iruinedyourday]

xaanka you are on a level that soars high above these guys, but pras your humility.

[Xaanka]

u too pal

[Big_Japan]

xaanka your anime avatar/sig and the grief you obviously bring are the breath of stinky air red boards need

keep up the good work Fellow-Traveler™

[iruinedyourday]

you'd love his surname

[Xaanka]

Anime Rocks!!!

[iruinedyourday]

I just watched that shit loop for like 20 times

[Pokesan]

I don't deny it, Xaanka is a much better poster than me. 5 stars everytime

[Xaanka]

busy night!!

http://i.imgur.com/78oTKwT.jpg
Damn just when you thought it couldn't get any worse.... You will be the first person I put on ignore in FQ. Grats!
Why the hell would someone post that? Jesus dude you're a nice guy but your.posting is bad.
You'll be nominated for troll try hard of the year. You fail to troll but succeed at being the eyesore of the forums and annoying. Had more laughs out of gasoline and lulz

love all u nerds, its good to know there are other people who care as much about these forums as myself

[Xaanka]

o i almost forgot this one

http://i.imgur.com/Bfw82C6.png

[Pokesan]

I have unilaterally awarded (1)posthumous FKP to our fallen brother Filthy_Pagan

Let the Hall of Records remember Him.

[Pokesan]

The demise of our most esteemed friend James_Joyce is a great sadness to our movement. He lived with the Honor of a Samurai and I mourn him greatly.

James_Joyce has been posthumously awarded (1) FKP. May he smile upon us from above.

[captnamazing]

Post-Humous FKP Nomination: Filthy_Pagan

This one is extremely intricate. It involves both my failures as our Prophet and redemption, thanks to the guidance and Powers of Filthy_Pagan.

Let me tell the story...

It all began on another shitty thread by IRYD, about some stupid zombie show. I tried to shit on him, but something held me back...

Edit.. Sry I can't bring myself to flame iryd after our romance.

I have brought shame to SoRP

Despite my obvious failure, Filthy gave space to allow my redemption...

That depends heavily on where you made the deposit

Not long after, I found Filthy BANNED. I posted a thread "Filthy Pagan ded" in Off Topic... this very important.

Found his body in the gutters of RNF. Wearing a clown suit. Banned written across his taint.

Your soul is with the retarded God.

As the oracle, I prophesy that He will Return to us, in a more powerful and retarded form than we have ever seen.

May he find rest in this temporary slumber, as a maggot finds rest in its cocoon before transforming into a butterfly.

Here is IRYD's opinion before seeing my thread...

lol form mods doing gods work, keep up the good work pals!

Radio silence. A thousand tears wept for our Fallen Comrade. I thought the Retarded God had abandoned me... all of us.

But then I received this message and saw the Providence in his Invisible Hands. With my holding back on IRYD, he kept trusting me... and we have had secret communiques in the past about our mutual fallen friend, Greengrocer.

Frequenly, IRYD would ask me to confirm or deny if a certain FQ alias was GG. This seemed no different, but I drooled on myself when I saw the opportunity at hand.

MESSAGE:
was FP GG?

lawl

RESPONSE:
Lol. Was it that you obvious?

MESSAGE:


lol i didnt think of it until like 3 days ago

he got me SO RUSTLED i couldn't see straight i thought he was just some random version of hurb or some type of ilk like that

i thought he was going to doxx and murder me lololol

tell him good show, good show.

LET IT STAND BEFORE ALL WITNESSES, JURY, AND JUDGE OF THE RETARDED GOD - IRYD HIMSELF HAS ATTESTED TO THE WICKED YELLOWTEXTING OF HIS OWN JIMMIES BY OUR BRAVE WARRIOR FILTHY_PAGAN.

Once again I have been shown the dirt-stained hands of the Retarded God as he guides me across these forums. I have been humbled by failure and lifted back up to execute this most Glorious Troll on the enemy poster Iruinedyourday, thanks to the tremendous work of Filthy_Pagan, our dearly departed.

[iruinedyourday]

He got me can confirm

[Big_Japan]

truly a ulyssean voyage from the heights of greengrocering, then into the sea in the disguise of Filthy_Pagan, who was a leader of men and beloved by all in his own right, and now driven underground by one of the Forum Gods' trials yet again. Though he may appear defeated now, I suspect this is not the last we will see of our young hero.

[Filthy_Pagan]

Don't plan my fuuuuneral 'fore the body diiiiiiieeeees yeeeeeah


Also, I'm not GG, I'm just a filthy pagan.

[Pokesan]

we've hit peak forums. there is nothing left to accomplish.

http://www.project1999.com/forums/showthread.php?t=226620

[Pokesan]

we've hit peak forums. there is nothing left to accomplish.

http://www.project1999.com/forums/showthread.php?t=226620

And when Xaanka saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer

[Nirgon]

ya he finally flipped my boigah, couldn't restrain the lash out

[Pokesan]

i understand you're frustration but when someone is intentionally posting terribly it doesn't mean a lot to tell them so

:)

[Big_Japan]

hey guys, i just had my cardinals print out some official credentials. If you run into anyone who doubts the power of our Faith you can refer them to this official document. Thanks!

https://i.imgur.com/j0WQeiv.png