The Ark of Flames

[captnamazing]

http://i.imgur.com/kmcCEQT.jpg

This is the account of Filbus and his family.

Filbus was a righteous man, blameless among the people of his time, and he walked faithfully with Chest. Filbus had three sons: Nibblewitz, Kekephee and Lotharus.

Now the Project 1999 Forums were corrupt in Chest's sight and was full of violence.

Chest saw how corrupt the earth had become, for all the people on Norrath had corrupted their ways. So Chest said to Filbus, “I am going to put an end to all people, for the forums are filled with violence because of them. I am surely going to destroy both them and the earth. So make yourself an ark of pixels; make rooms in it and coat it with salty tears inside and out. This is how you are to build it: The ark is to be three hundred Dead Guilds long, fifty pixels wide and thirty pixels high. Make a roof for it, leaving below the roof an opening one one pixel high all around. Put a door in the side of the ark and make lower, middle and upper decks."

Chest continued, "I am going to bring floodwaters on the Forums to destroy all life under the heavens, every creature that has the breath of life in it. Everything on RNF will perish. But I will establish my covenant with you, and you will enter the ark—you and your sons and your wife and your sons’ wives with you. You are to bring into the ark two of all Neckbeards, male and female (lol), to keep them alive with you. Two of every kind of NPC, of every kind of named mob and of every kind of raid target that moves along the ground will come to you to be kept alive. You are to take every kind of drop that is to be awarded and store it away as treasures for you and for them.”

Filbus did everything just as Chest commanded him.

[Oleris]

<it begins to rain>

[Swish]

This is terrible yet the best BDA contribution to the community in 2015.

[Pokesan]

As the tears of Chest fall from the clouds, RNFers seek higher ground. They know not of the BDAngels waiting in ambush on the trail to Mt. Butthurt

[captnamazing]

http://i.imgur.com/ns3QbtQ.jpg

Chest Rockwell then said to Filbus, “Go into the ark, you and your whole guild, because I have found you righteous in this generation. Take with you three tears of salt from every guild, and one pair of hypocritical Swish posts, and also seven shitty posts of Rebbon, to keep the Flame alive throughout the earth.

Seven days from now I will send salt-less rain on the Forums for forty days and forty nights, and I will wipe from the face of the Boards every living creature I have made.”

And Filbus did all that Chest commanded him.

Filbus had six hundred days logged when the floodwaters came to the Boards. And Filbus and his sons Nibblewitz, Kekephee, and Lotharus, and his wife Grumphilda, and his sons’ wives entered the ark to escape the waters of the flood.

Pairs of hypocritical Swish posts, and copious tears of salt from the raiding community, as well as the seven retarded speeches of Rebbon, came to Filbus and were recorded on tablature in the ark, as Chest had commanded Filbus. And after the seven days the floodwaters came on the earth.

[Big_Japan]

I entertained the notion of sparing you, but there can be no mercy in this struggle for existence.

I have downboated your pathetic nonaffiliated ark thread to Davie Jones's locker, scab.

[Spyder73]

Your official Origin story can be found in my signature - everyone please disregard this

[Filthy_Pagan]

TL;DR didn't read
1 star not SoRP

[Pokesan]

Yikes. 2 stars.

How the mighty have fallen.

[Pokesan]

Looks like you got downvoted OP

[SyanideGas]

Filbus, can I be God, because world trying to be destroyed etc? You know...

[maskedmelon]

For it is written:

"21. And when the forum has grown stale and yellow, rank with the moldy stench of codgers and crones clad in the stagnant pall of death and decay, there shall it be so that the people shall of themselves craft a union of creative liberty, exceptional lunacy and generally trolling in nature.
22. But for this virtuous band might the worlds perish.
23. From the stank of old kinds and ill fortune shall he come, blasphemer and deceiver, twister of words, false prophet of a false god.
24. Unto them who know virtue and honor and the ways that are right, unto them shall he utter in silence the ample yearning of his own demise."

Mirai no Unme 76.43.237.21:24

[captnamazing]

For it is written:

"21. And when the forum has grown stale and yellow, rank with the moldy stench of codgers and crones clad in the stagnant pall of death and decay, there shall it be so that the people shall of themselves craft a union of creative liberty, exceptional lunacy and generally trolling in nature.
22. But for this virtuous band might the worlds perish.
23. From the stank of old kinds and ill fortune shall he come, blasphemer and deceiver, twister of words, false prophet of a false god.
24. Unto them who know virtue and honor and the ways that are right, unto them shall he utter in silence the ample yearning of his own demise."

Mirai no Unme 76.43.237.21:24

And Filbus crafted a singular room within the Ark of Flames, so that Maskedmelon, a poster of great equanimity, who could use the Power Word: Troll and yet oft refrained from shit posting, might join in the Ark when the time was nigh, and the floods of Chests tears washed from the face of the Boards all those unrepentant posters.

[maskedmelon]

And Filbus crafted a singular room within the Ark of Flames, so that Maskedmelon, a poster of great equanimity, who could use the Power Word: Troll and yet oft refrained from shit posting, might join in the Ark when the time was nigh, and the floods of Chests tears washed from the face of the Boards all those unrepentant posters.

Into the room Maskedmelon brought all manner of good things, stowing each neatly and orderly as is right. To each its own number was rendered and duly recorded in ink and in parchment such that each might be known to all who might know to ask and that none should be forgotten.

Chest saw this and Chest was pleased. Unto Filbus He sent three pale virgins of goodly nature, ample of bosom, fair of form, all pleasing and right. To each He conferred one-third the the gross sum of grace and seemliness and good talent of all maidens the world over.

[captnamazing]

http://i.imgur.com/RYrPzX0.jpg

In the six day of Filbus's logs, on the twenty-sixth day of the twelfth month—on that day all the springs of the great deep burst forth, and the floodgates of the heavens were opened. And Chest's tears fell on the earth sixty days and sixty nights.

On that very day Filbus and his sons, Kekephee, Nibblewitz, and Lotharus, together with his Grumphilda and the wives of his three sons, entered the ark. They had with them every type of shit post according to its kind, all salty tears according to their kinds, every neckbeard that moves along the ground according to its kind and every autofiring tranny according to its kind, and all the flaming members of BDA.

Pairs of all creatures that have used poopsock in righteousness came to Filbus and entered the ark. The neckbeards going in were male and only a few females, as Chest had commanded Filbus. Then Chest shut him in.

For sixty days the purging flood kept coming on the Boards, and as the waters increased they lifted the ark high above the Forums. The waters rose and increased greatly on the boards, and the ark floated on the surface of the tears.

They rose greatly on the earth, and all the high poop mountains under the entire heavens were covered. The waters rose and covered the peaks of shit to a depth of more than fifteen cubits.

Every living neckbeard that still posted on the boards perished from boredom—retarded posters, TMO alts (asgard), wild Swishes, all the creatures that swarm over the rotten boards, and all anonymous Forsaken accounts.

Everything on the boards that had the breath of life in its nostrils died. Every living thing on the face of the forums was wiped out; cringing people and goog animals and the poopsock creatures that move along the ground and the Yellow-Text birds were wiped from the earth. Only Filbus was left, and those with him in the ark.

The waters flooded the earth for over sixty days.

[captnamazing]

And so the ship sailed; and the ignorant cried for the ark to return. But Filbus was resolute in the guidance of Chest. They stuffed wool in their ears to the cries of FQers drowning in boredom.