Cloak of Flames Roleplay Contest

[Spyder73]

Hello my RNF friends,

Today I learned that I will be going to jail for 4-5 years due to some poor decision making in my IRL. This has been a drawn out process of a couple of years, but the rubber hit the road this morning and I can't delay the inevitable any longer. This is not a troll, this is really happening to me.

I plan on donating my characters to Asgard so you may still see me In game after January, but it will not be me.

You guys have made my work days fly by, and as thanks I am giving away my CoF since I have 41 haste on Tek anyways.

Best Roleplay story wins, I am the sole judge, anyone can enter. I have until Jan 5th, so sometime before then I will announce winner.

[JayDee]

I'm roleplaying that I believe you

[Swish]

Whatever it was, if it was a first offence and you'd done it in the UK you'd probably serve 3-6 months time at most, or be given a community order painting fences or some shit.

I thought your posts here and elsewhere were good, and in game you were a decent monk when I was leveling my SK.

Remember, don't take any favors from people when you first arrive (candy, slippers, supplies).

[Fire Beetle]

BDA tried to raid me and lost.

[arsenalpow]

Hello my RNF friends,

Today I learned that I will be going to jail for 4-5 years due to some poor decision making in my IRL. This has been a drawn out process of a couple of years, but the rubber hit the road this morning and I can't delay the inevitable any longer. This is not a troll, this is really happening to me.

I plan on donating my characters to Asgard so you may still see me In game after January, but it will not be me.

You guys have made my work days fly by, and as thanks I am giving away my CoF since I have 41 haste on Tek anyways.

Best Roleplay story wins, I am the sole judge, anyone can enter. I have until Jan 5th, so sometime before then I will announce winner.

Sucks. Best of luck in there. Get out on good behavior.

[jcr4990]

Hello my RNF friends,

Today I learned that I will be going to jail for 4-5 years due to some poor decision making in my IRL. This has been a drawn out process of a couple of years, but the rubber hit the road this morning and I can't delay the inevitable any longer. This is not a troll, this is really happening to me.

I plan on donating my characters to Asgard so you may still see me In game after January, but it will not be me.

You guys have made my work days fly by, and as thanks I am giving away my CoF since I have 41 haste on Tek anyways.

Best Roleplay story wins, I am the sole judge, anyone can enter. I have until Jan 5th, so sometime before then I will announce winner.

Aw man. Now who am I gonna trash talk Asgard to :( RIP Spyder73 was goog RNFing witchu

[maskedmelon]

Sorry to hear this Spyds =/ you are one of the most entertaining personalities on the forums ^^

[Pokesan]

Very sorry to hear that Spydey.

[dafier]

Hello my RNF friends,

Today I learned that I will be going to jail for 4-5 years due to some poor decision making in my IRL. This has been a drawn out process of a couple of years, but the rubber hit the road this morning and I can't delay the inevitable any longer. This is not a troll, this is really happening to me.

I plan on donating my characters to Asgard so you may still see me In game after January, but it will not be me.

You guys have made my work days fly by, and as thanks I am giving away my CoF since I have 41 haste on Tek anyways.

Best Roleplay story wins, I am the sole judge, anyone can enter. I have until Jan 5th, so sometime before then I will announce winner.

I'm terrible at RnF. :( Just remember that for the next few years, because I won't change... AT ALL.

[indiscriminate_hater]

we'll all still be here when you get out let's be real

[dafier]

Oh....fire your council. They obviously suck.

[Swish]

<Kittens Who Say Meow> might be running the show by then, it'll be a much more fun place to raid and enjoy...and all the hardcores that burnt out will probably be on Live Progression Server #63 doing it all again, and again.

[Whirled]

Stay strong
Revelation 2:10

[feanan]

Wow, funny how you all feel so bad for a convicted felon, not even knowing what he did.

Maybe he raped your little sister. Still feel bad?

[arsenalpow]

Wow, funny how you all feel so bad for a convicted felon, not even knowing what he did.

Maybe he raped your little sister. Still feel bad?

Don't conflate us being sad that RnF is losing a personality with a free pass on whatever he did irl. That's obviously ignorant.

[dafier]

Don't conflate us being sad that RnF is losing a personality with a free pass on whatever he did irl. That's obviously ignorant.

To assist everyone I will translate:

Fuck you!

[Pokesan]

really bad post man

stay out of rants

[arsenalpow]

To assist everyone I will translate:

Fuck you!

You're suspended from RnF for the rest of the day. Hit the bricks.

[dafier]

I even fail at role playing.

[Fire Beetle]

So am I winning so far?

[Spyder73]

Well my work just fired me when I told them about this, so I don't know that I will be on RNF after this week, contest deadlines moved to Friday. Best RP wins

[Kekephee]

Shadows cast by the lantern loomed menacingly on the side of the tent as Chest rapped his fingers on the table to silence the assembled. Sadad, hearing the signal, raised one finger to his lips as the other hand came up above his head and made a peace sign- the "quiet sign." Within moments, the officer core of BDA, who had gathered in the tent for this meeting, were all silent as they duplicated the gesture.

"Ok, you sillies," Chest said, "we have something very serious to discuss. I want you all to put your very serious Officer Hats on."

The officers, realizing the gravity of whatever situation was about to unfold, made very serious faces and put some invisible hats on their head. Now they were ready for a war meeting. The time had come to-

"IS IT ABOUT THE JUICE BOXES?" Vetus shrieked from the back of the room. Valse, sitting next to him, slugged him in the arm.

"Quiet, Vetus!" Valse hissed. "Serious hats are on!"

"I am being serious!" Vetus replied indignantly, rubbing his sore arm. "I want juice box points back!"

"Juice box points aren't coming back!" Nibblewitz barked. "It was a terrible system. Everybody was wetting their beds. Now shut up and listen. I am the meanest BDA officer." Everybody nodded in agreement- Nibblewitz truly was the meanest BDA officer.

"It's not that he's the harshest, or the strictest," Blaza said through a telephone (on which he was being patched in for a conference call to the meeting, from within the safety of his Punishment Room,) it's just that he says really personal things and really hurts your feelings. You're just trying to get through Siren's Grotto and he's like, 'this is why your girlfriend moved to Boston and you started playing EQ again- because you're a bad human.'" Everyone once again nodded in agreement- Nibblewitz truly did have a teenage cheerleader's ability to sniff out the one thing that would hurt you the most and dig right into it. He was catty AF.

"Everybody shut up!" Relbaic said. "The meeting!"

"I'm going to get straight to the point," Chest said darkly. "We received some news. Tekilya Mockingbird, BDA public enemy number, like, 8, is going... away."

Cheers came forth from the assembled. Anakarias and Kekephee had been passing stamps back and forth and licking them.

"Try this one!" "It also tastes like glue!" "Yeah I think so too. What about this one?" "Still glue!" "I love you, Anakarias." "I love you, too, Kekephee. You're the only other officer in this guild who understands me." On hearing the news about Tekilya, they both stopped their licking and snapped to attention- this was big.

"What are we going to do?" Djones asked from inside of a toilet. His hair was in the toilet water. Disgusting.

"That's what I called this meeting to talk about," Chest said. "There's more. The reason he's going away, is... he's going to prison. For five years."

The atmosphere in the room changed dramatically. What once had been a celebration was now a funeral.

"Five years," Valse said thoughtfully as he wiped some drool off of his lap, "that sounds like a drug charge."

"The war on drugs and the privatization of corrections have really fucked this country up," Lacie said as Sadad painted her toenails. "It's absolutely disgusting." Sadad looked up from his work, stared into Lacie's eyes, and said, "yooooo wiiiiiite, baaaad pwwwwiiisooooon."

"Quiet, Sadad!" Anichek shrieked across the room. "The silence gift is still upon you!"


"This is the point," Chest said. "This is what we need to talk about. We all, moderately, didn't really want that guy around, but this is too much. I wouldn't wish 5 years in prison on my worst enemy. Anyone who's ever been in a concrete room with no window for more than a day knows what I'm talking about. So, we have a clear choice to make, here. I propose... that we arrange for Rebbon to take Tekilya's pl-"

Before Chest could finish the sentence, everybody screamed YES, PLEASE and they all went into the group home where the rest of BDA was sleeping and dragged Rebbon out of his bed and brought him to the prison where the entire world agreed this was a good plan and the President of the United States issued a formal decree that made it possible

[Kekephee]

If there is actually a cloak of flames, Tekilya, and I win it, I think you should know it will go to Grumphilda, my warrior alt who I roleplay as a Scottish dwarf in all caps. Chest absolutely fucking hates her and if I can level her up to Naggy/Vox level, it will basically mean Chest will have a rage stroke because she'll be around all the time. How's that for roleplaying?

[arsenalpow]

If there is actually a cloak of flames, Tekilya, and I win it, I think you should know it will go to Grumphilda, my warrior alt who I roleplay as a Scottish dwarf in all caps. Chest absolutely fucking hates her and if I can level her up to Naggy/Vox level, it will basically mean Chest will have a rage stroke because she'll be around all the time. How's that for roleplaying?

Now I'm torn

[ManuelThePopStar]

If there is actually a cloak of flames, Tekilya, and I win it, I think you should know it will go to Grumphilda, my warrior alt who I roleplay as a Scottish dwarf in all caps. Chest absolutely fucking hates her and if I can level her up to Naggy/Vox level, it will basically mean Chest will have a rage stroke because she'll be around all the time. How's that for roleplaying?

I can vouch .... This is all true

[cdawgz28]

federal?

[captnamazing]

Filbus read the message in bed. One eye was shut. Dried blood stained his lips; he had eaten out Grumphilda last night. The tired halfling didn't even sit up. He let the letter fall to the floor and glared at the messenger.

"This is clearly a trap," Filbus said. "Tekilya, that half-assed mockery of an archivist is trying to draw me out from the Vale."

But the middle-aged hobbit got out of bed. It smelled spicy and musky like sex. Grumphilda slept on her stomach with all four limbs spread akimbo. The light filtered in through the circular window of the hobbit hole. The suns rays pierced through the smoky air.

Filbus stoked a fire. He put a brace of bacon on the skillet. Behind him, Grumphilda stirred. "I don't have time for this," Filbus muttered to himself. He took a bottle of brandy from his liquor cabinet. Uncorking it with one hand, Filbus spread apart his wife's buttcheeks with the other. Her hairy, sniglet-ridden anus glared at him like an Evil Eye. Filbus forced the bottle deep into her rectum.

Grumphilda moaned in pleasure, but remained asleep.

Filbus watched the bottle drain. Blub. Blub. Blub. When she sharted the brandy out, he'd have another problem to deal with. But this should keep her asleep for a few more hours at least.

For now, Filbus needed time to decide if he would walk into the trap or not...

[JackFlash]

If there is actually a cloak of flames, Tekilya, and I win it, I think you should know it will go to Grumphilda, my warrior alt who I roleplay as a Scottish dwarf in all caps. Chest absolutely fucking hates her and if I can level her up to Naggy/Vox level, it will basically mean Chest will have a rage stroke because she'll be around all the time. How's that for roleplaying?

can we make this happen?

[dafier]

What OP is looking for. If you can't do this, just stop now.

http://imgur.com/gallery/QyZGdRs

[Kekephee]

Filbus read the message in bed. One eye was shut. Dried blood stained his lips; he had eaten out Grumphilda last night. The tired halfling didn't even sit up. He let the letter fall to the floor and glared at the messenger.

"This is clearly a trap," Filbus said. "Tekilya, that half-assed mockery of an archivist is trying to draw me out from the Vale."

But the middle-aged hobbit got out of bed. It smelled spicy and musky like sex. Grumphilda slept on her stomach with all four limbs spread akimbo. The light filtered in through the circular window of the hobbit hole. The suns rays pierced through the smoky air.

Filbus stoked a fire. He put a brace of bacon on the skillet. Behind him, Grumphilda stirred. "I don't have time for this," Filbus muttered to himself. He took a bottle of brandy from his liquor cabinet. Uncorking it with one hand, Filbus spread apart his wife's buttcheeks with the other. Her hairy, sniglet-ridden anus glared at him like an Evil Eye. Filbus forced the bottle deep into her rectum.

Grumphilda moaned in pleasure, but remained asleep.

Filbus watched the bottle drain. Blub. Blub. Blub. When she sharted the brandy out, he'd have another problem to deal with. But this should keep her asleep for a few more hours at least.

For now, Filbus needed time to decide if he would walk into the trap or not...

OCH, YEH VILE, NO GOOD, SNEAK-THIEVIN', DOUBLE-CROSSIN' BASTARD, HOW LONG HAVE YEH BEEN POOP-BOTTLIN' ME SAE YEH KIN SNEAK OUT A' THE HOUSE WHILST I NAP???

[indiscriminate_hater]

Filbus read the message in bed. One eye was shut. Dried blood stained his lips; he had eaten out Grumphilda last night. The tired halfling didn't even sit up. He let the letter fall to the floor and glared at the messenger.

"This is clearly a trap," Filbus said. "Tekilya, that half-assed mockery of an archivist is trying to draw me out from the Vale."

But the middle-aged hobbit got out of bed. It smelled spicy and musky like sex. Grumphilda slept on her stomach with all four limbs spread akimbo. The light filtered in through the circular window of the hobbit hole. The suns rays pierced through the smoky air.

Filbus stoked a fire. He put a brace of bacon on the skillet. Behind him, Grumphilda stirred. "I don't have time for this," Filbus muttered to himself. He took a bottle of brandy from his liquor cabinet. Uncorking it with one hand, Filbus spread apart his wife's buttcheeks with the other. Her hairy, sniglet-ridden anus glared at him like an Evil Eye. Filbus forced the bottle deep into her rectum.

Grumphilda moaned in pleasure, but remained asleep.

Filbus watched the bottle drain. Blub. Blub. Blub. When she sharted the brandy out, he'd have another problem to deal with. But this should keep her asleep for a few more hours at least.

For now, Filbus needed time to decide if he would walk into the trap or not...

oh sweet baby jesus

[dafier]

Filbus read the message in bed. One eye was shut. Dried blood stained his lips; he had eaten out Grumphilda last night. The tired halfling didn't even sit up. He let the letter fall to the floor and glared at the messenger.

"This is clearly a trap," Filbus said. "Tekilya, that half-assed mockery of an archivist is trying to draw me out from the Vale."

But the middle-aged hobbit got out of bed. It smelled spicy and musky like sex. Grumphilda slept on her stomach with all four limbs spread akimbo. The light filtered in through the circular window of the hobbit hole. The suns rays pierced through the smoky air.

Filbus stoked a fire. He put a brace of bacon on the skillet. Behind him, Grumphilda stirred. "I don't have time for this," Filbus muttered to himself. He took a bottle of brandy from his liquor cabinet. Uncorking it with one hand, Filbus spread apart his wife's buttcheeks with the other. Her hairy, sniglet-ridden anus glared at him like an Evil Eye. Filbus forced the bottle deep into her rectum.

Grumphilda moaned in pleasure, but remained asleep.

Filbus watched the bottle drain. Blub. Blub. Blub. When she sharted the brandy out, he'd have another problem to deal with. But this should keep her asleep for a few more hours at least.

For now, Filbus needed time to decide if he would walk into the trap or not...

http://replygif.net/i/651.gif

[captnamazing]

OCH, YEH VILE, NO GOOD, SNEAK-THIEVIN', DOUBLE-CROSSIN' BASTARD, HOW LONG HAVE YEH BEEN POOP-BOTTLIN' ME SAE YEH KIN SNEAK OUT A' THE HOUSE WHILST I NAP???

Filbus whirled around. Grumphilda had awoken. "I should have put another bottle in her," he thought angrily. The room smelled like gorilla now that his wife had awoken in a rage. Filbus went to her, dodging her flailing punches and kicks.

"Darling," Filbus said softly. "Darling dearest... I did it because I knew you needed more sleep. You've been working so hard lately, grinding xp with Sausagefingers so that one day you can be p99's number one naggy/vox tank. So I just thought 'why not let her sleep a while.' And I know how you like brandy up the bum."

Filbus withdrew the letter of RP contest he had received from the messenger. "But now that you're awake, dearest, what do you think of this?" The halfling asked, showing the letter to his buxom and sweaty wife.

[indiscriminate_hater]

re-posting because this is great

The DDoS hit me while I was saving a group of noobs from a deadly train at CE in Mistmoore. I watched as the noobs were slaughtered by dark elf bitches but I could do nothing because of the lag. In my grief I raised my hands up and prayed to God for forgiveness. My Mom heard my desperate cries and walked down into my basement to ask what happened, and I asked her for a jar of nutella and some croissants.

Just then, the TMO DDoS virus struck my hard drive like a 1967 Chevy Malibu with a V6 8 cylinder engine with 2400 cubic feet of torque. The virus opened my CD rom drive, which knocked into an empty 2 liter bottle of diet dr. pepper. The bottle tipped over on its side and rolled across the room to where my mom was walking to get my food. She stepped on the bottle, which rolled, and she lost her balance and stumbled thrashing about my basement.

I watched in stunned silence as my CD rom drive kept opening and closing and a laughing skull popped up on my screen. It navigated to my banking website, where it withdrew all my money and donated it to p99. My Mom rolled all the way across the basement and slammed into the box of circuit breakers, which exploded in a flurry of bright flashes like those fireworks that go BOOM and then THPTHPTHPTHPTHP.

My basement was in flames and all my money was gone so I decided it was time to go. I rolled out of bed and onto my hoveround-- I jammed the key into the ignition as the flames lapped all around me. "Start you piece of shit!", I yelled dramatically as the engine turned. Just when I thought I was going to cook, the engine started and I drove toward the stairs, fishtailing around burning piles of pizza boxes and soda bottles. I kicked my hoveround into gear and drove up the stairs as a pillar of flames erupted behind me, engulfing everything and spreading into the rest of the house.

I skidded across the kitchen and reached my arm out, barely managing to grab the nutella as I sped out the door into the entryway. Then, to my horror, I watched as the ground beneath me and the front door collapsed, revealing the burning basement below. Tears filled my eyes as I looked down and watched as my monitor flickered off and Everquest disappeared from the screen. "I'll come back for you. I promise" I whispered as I gunned my engine and raced toward the fiery chasm. I hurled forward at top speed and, just as my wheels were leaving the precipice, the flames reached my stockpile of canned cheese-whiz, which exploded and propelled me and my hoveround out the front door and onto the street.

I hit the ground and spun a couple times before drifting to a stop. As I sat there trying to catch my breath while also eating nutella, I realized what I needed to do-- I had to find a new computer on which to play Project 1999. I drove down the street toward the sunset, but just before I went over the horizon, I stopped and did a perfect 180' stationary turn in my hoveround. A worried look appeared on my face as I looked into the camera.

"Before all this happened I prayed to God for forgiveness. I did this because I was the one who trained those noobs at MM CE. And now they're all dead and I think one of them was bound in Firionia Vie". I turned my head and looked down the street toward Fry's Electronics. "Shit's classic", I said as I revved my engine, set a course for Fry's, and peeled out into the night, leaving only the smoldering wreckage of a home and an empty nutella jar in my wake.



Sry, in-game character name is Hasbinbad

[Llandris]

What did I just read.

OP, if this is true, I'll grant you your surname. whos sig am I going to ninja edit now?

[slappytwotoes]

this thread is absolute gold

[Kekephee]

Filbus whirled around. Grumphilda had awoken. "I should have put another bottle in her," he thought angrily. The room smelled like gorilla now that his wife had awoken in a rage. Filbus went to her, dodging her flailing punches and kicks.

"Darling," Filbus said softly. "Darling dearest... I did it because I knew you needed more sleep. You've been working so hard lately, grinding xp with Sausagefingers so that one day you can be p99's number one naggy/vox tank. So I just thought 'why not let her sleep a while.' And I know how you like brandy up the bum."

Filbus withdrew the letter of RP contest he had received from the messenger. "But now that you're awake, dearest, what do you think of this?" The halfling asked, showing the letter to his buxom and sweaty wife.



Grumphilda squinted forcefully at the letter. The runes on the parchment blurred and spun.

"OCH, YEH SNAKE, YER LITTLE BOTTLE TRICK IS STARTIN' TAE WORK! I CANNAE READ THE LETTER! WHAT'S IT SAY?"

Filbus took the letter from her, folded it back up, and put it in the storage compartment of his codpiece. "It says Tekilya Mockingbird is to be exiled for five years. It says he wishes to make amends with those he has wronged, to give back to the community that he fought so violently against, and he's going to select the greatest storyteller in Norrath and give them a cloak of flames."

Grumphilda screamed piercingly in excitement. As her entire body clenched in joy, a geyser of feces-contaminated brandy came spurting out of her anus onto the floor beneath her. It landed on a wolf-skin rug that Filbus had just brought back from the Western Wastes last week. Filbus had gone on a trip there for a few months. Grumphilda knew he had gone to track down and slaughter the family of the wolf who had sexually violated his friend Kekephee some time ago- the rug was his oldest son- but she was heretofor unaware that he had made a little stop in Thurgadin to visit the Thurgadin Exchange and his sweet little Hulda Butter.

"OCH," Grumphilda said as Filbus handed her a rag to try and blot the poopy brandy out of the carpet, "A CLOAK A' FLAMES! YEH KNOW AH'VE WANTED ONE A' THOSE FER SAE LONG!"

"I know, honey," Filbus said, knowing- and dreading- where this was headed.

"EVER SINCE YEH GAVE YER OLD ONE BACK TAE THE GUILD INSTEAD A' GIVIN' IT TAE ME," Grumphilda said suggestively, "AH'VE NAE BEEN AT THA' TOP A' ME GAME. AH'VE NAE BEEN FOIGHTIN' AS WELL. AH FEEL LOIKE AH KIN BE STRONGER, BUT WHAT'S THE POINT WHEN AH'M NAE PROPERLY EQUIPPED?"

"I know, honey," Filbus said again. It was coming.

"AH GUESS WHAT AH'M SAYIN', LAD, IS, YER A GREAT STORYTELLER, AREN'T YEH?"

"Yes, dear."

"WELL, LAD, WHAT IF YEH WERE TAE WIN THIS CONTEST? YEH HAVE NAE NEED OF THE CLOAK, YEH HAVE BETTER, BUT MAYBE THERE'S SOMEONE... SOMEONE YEH LOVE ENOUGH TAE GIVE IT TO?" Grumphilda delicately ran her finger across Filbus' chest and batted her eyelashes at him. Her eyes were crossed and glazed. Filbus sighed.

"Yes, dear." The trap was set!

[jcr4990]

Thought about trying to compete. Then remembered Kekephee and Filbus exist.

[Baler]

http://nerdist.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Escape6.gif

Enjoy rectime
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hXvMczriZIo/U5T7bcPSxBI/AAAAAAAAAn0/UK2irsmB8sA/s1600/003.gif

Tell ur cell mate
http://broscience.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/best-snake-quote.gif

[captnamazing]

The cool morning fog in the Thicket sat heavily on the ground. Filbus could barely see the winding road five feet in front of him. The hobbit huddled his cloak closer to his face, in part to stay warm, and also so no one could see his face.

For Filbus shook with rage. His mind raced. Tekilya was a fucking pretender. The monk's poorly penned stories (more like lies, Filbus quipped desperately to himself) were libel against Filbus, and now Tekilya had the audacity to claim HE was Norrath's #1 Premiere Story Teller.

"Everyone knows that's ME!" Filbus barked at no one. And wasn't that right? Wasn't HE Norrath's #1 Story-teller? Who else had even come close to his depth of literary exposition upon Everquest's strange and perilous lands? Kekephee perhaps? Well, Kekephee was DEAD. For better or worse, Filbus had sacrificed his friend to escape the wrath of the Dial-a-Port Mafia, and in hopes of free ports...

Filbus found a nearby dog and strangled it. "You little bitch!" the halfling growled. "I'm the fucking best RP storyteller. ME!"

Over the corpse of the dog, the hobbit sighed and shook himself. He felt a little better now. Suddenly, Filbus smirked. He had an idea.

The halfling paid some noobs a few plat to dig him a big hole. Then he paid them a few plat to leave. "Pesky rascals," Filbus thought merrily to himself. He took all of his weapons and armor and cast them into the freshly dug hole. He then filled it again with dirt. Taking his chlamydia-ridden penis in a dirty hand, he peed upon the disturbed soil in the shape of an "F."

No one would mess with this stash. But now, perhaps Tekilya the Pretender wouldn't recognize him.

Filbus felt more confident. He would save some face even if he'd have to submit a story to the bogan scum.

But another problem ailed the halfling warlord. He had been in retirement for some months, since reuniting with his dwarvish wife. And, he had no plans on returning to his adventuring ways for a long while yet. He had no stories to tell!

Suddenly, Filbus grieved for his lost bard companion. Even though Kekephee had often been too drunk and dimwitted to tell the story well, he had always come up with the best ideas. He cried a single tear for Kekephee.

Then, Filbus had another idea. He cackled to himself. At best, he'd get an amazing story. At worst, he would forever die and escape the debasement of submitting to Spyder73's tricks.

Filbus's hand swept across his throat. Where once there was a jocular and wobbling halfling neck, now there sat a gaping, bloody hole. Halfling Alpha type blood spewed across the grass of the Misty Thicket. Druids and young hobbits looked on in horror as the redness spumed onto the ground and gathered in thick clots. Filbus fell to his knees. The hobbit cackled, but the only sound he made was a horrible sucking and weezing as the air went directly into his trachea. He fell forward onto his face and died.

A second later, Filbus woke up in the afterlife. Kekephee was before him.

http://i.imgur.com/HSFlrMX.jpg

[Zampini]

It was a warm summer morning when I awoke to the sounds of birds chirping through my open window. "Fuck" I said to myself, as I licked the crust from last nights frozen pizza from my lips. "How long was I tracking the Statue of Rallos Zek before I passed out at the computer?". I checked my phone. No tweet had been sent. A sigh of relief passed through me. "I live to poopsock another day. Life is good."

[sirelothar]

When you get fucked up the ass hard enough that your colon feels it just think.. "BDA wasn't so bad after all"

[Spyder73]

What did I just read.

OP, if this is true, I'll grant you your surname. whos sig am I going to ninja edit now?

I'd really like that Llandris, thank you. And thanks to everyone for the kind words.

[Sweettouch]

Rip,cya when you come back

[maskedmelon]

Grumphilda squinted forcefully at the letter. The runes on the parchment blurred and spun.

"OCH, YEH SNAKE, YER LITTLE BOTTLE TRICK IS STARTIN' TAE WORK! I CANNAE READ THE LETTER! WHAT'S IT SAY?"

Filbus took the letter from her, folded it back up, and put it in the storage compartment of his codpiece. "It says Tekilya Mockingbird is to be exiled for five years. It says he wishes to make amends with those he has wronged, to give back to the community that he fought so violently against, and he's going to select the greatest storyteller in Norrath and give them a cloak of flames."

Grumphilda screamed piercingly in excitement. As her entire body clenched in joy, a geyser of feces-contaminated brandy came spurting out of her anus onto the floor beneath her. It landed on a wolf-skin rug that Filbus had just brought back from the Western Wastes last week. Filbus had gone on a trip there for a few months. Grumphilda knew he had gone to track down and slaughter the family of the wolf who had sexually violated his friend Kekephee some time ago- the rug was his oldest son- but she was heretofor unaware that he had made a little stop in Thurgadin to visit the Thurgadin Exchange and his sweet little Hulda Butter.

"OCH," Grumphilda said as Filbus handed her a rag to try and blot the poopy brandy out of the carpet, "A CLOAK A' FLAMES! YEH KNOW AH'VE WANTED ONE A' THOSE FER SAE LONG!"

"I know, honey," Filbus said, knowing- and dreading- where this was headed.

"EVER SINCE YEH GAVE YER OLD ONE BACK TAE THE GUILD INSTEAD A' GIVIN' IT TAE ME," Grumphilda said suggestively, "AH'VE NAE BEEN AT THA' TOP A' ME GAME. AH'VE NAE BEEN FOIGHTIN' AS WELL. AH FEEL LOIKE AH KIN BE STRONGER, BUT WHAT'S THE POINT WHEN AH'M NAE PROPERLY EQUIPPED?"

"I know, honey," Filbus said again. It was coming.

"AH GUESS WHAT AH'M SAYIN', LAD, IS, YER A GREAT STORYTELLER, AREN'T YEH?"

"Yes, dear."

"WELL, LAD, WHAT IF YEH WERE TAE WIN THIS CONTEST? YEH HAVE NAE NEED OF THE CLOAK, YEH HAVE BETTER, BUT MAYBE THERE'S SOMEONE... SOMEONE YEH LOVE ENOUGH TAE GIVE IT TO?" Grumphilda delicately ran her finger across Filbus' chest and batted her eyelashes at him. Her eyes were crossed and glazed. Filbus sighed.

"Yes, dear." The trap was set!

Dimahje woke with a start. What an awful dream. The lantern was spent since some hours before, but the thick scent of burnt whale fat danced in the air like an empty cask at sea; aimless and indifferent.

Thin strips of silver light flickered from the stairwell into the dark cabin like the muffled cries of a heretic at the block. The ship rocked to the melodic lullaby of the sea as the lantern swung rebelliously in the opposite direction.

Dimahje relaxed as the vessel slipped from crest to valley and reared to climb the next wave. The bunk overhead sagged menacingly in the darkness. She couldn't see it but the moldering stench of wet burlap steeped in a brine of the sea and sweat and urine told her it hung only a few inches from her face. Planks creaked and the hull groaned as the vessel was tossed about the Sea. Prexus moved this night and the sea stirred at its master's call.

What a horrid dream. The creatures scurried in the shadows of the rapidly fading dream world like a stain on her subconscious mind. Small and pale and thickly covered with coarse, twisted hair. Stumpy limbs jutting from rotund trunks with distended abdomens, commanded by heads that seemed more concerned with jaw and nose than cranium. Indeed scarcely spacious enough to house the grey matter between a kobold's ears.

She had seen them before. Dimahje stroked the Prexus totem at her breast as she fought to retain the foul image of the creatures and their base inclinations while simultaneously searching the cavernous halls of her memory for the association.

She had seen them before, but where? When? Surely she would have purged the firmament of these foul animals, freeing the holy waters of Prexus such vile containers. But she knew not the edge of her blade nor weight of her rod nor brawn if her shield had come to know the decrepit taste of such wickedness. Where then? How did she know of the beasts?

The wind howled and sea spray blasted against the hull as a succession of waves crashed down on the deck. The waters sloshed across the deck as the receded making a noise not unlike the rustling of pages. A fond smile found its way onto Dimahje's pretty face as she recalled her time at the Great Library of Erudin. She had read so many things, so many texts bound and loose and scrolled alike. She had studied maps of the far reaches of the world and renditions of all manner of creatures. The fount of knowledge that was the Library made her heart flutter. She chewed on her lip in something like bliss as she began to recount in her mind's eye all she had learned.

A bolt of lightning cracked like a whip on a Kerran's back in the storm that rated outside. Dimahje's eyes flicked wide in recognition. She knew the creatures from a book! They were Halfwits! Tiny sub humans who burrowed in Norrath like rodents.

Dimahje reveled in the recollection. Prexus cried out against the debauchery of the foul half-wits and she stood resolute to her Lords call. Her Rod of Faith would bathe I the blood of the damned before the moon waxed full.

[Pokesan]

When you get fucked up the ass hard enough that your colon feels it just think.. "BDA wasn't so bad after all"

Pokesan appears from the shadows and beats sirelothar to death

Not in my forum bitch

[maskedmelon]

Pokesan appears from the shadows and beats sirelothar to death

Not in my forum bitch

Maskedmelon mutilates the body.

[Swish]

I'd really like that Llandris, thank you. And thanks to everyone for the kind words.

Well that's certainly interesting.... ;)

[Tann]

I painstakingly copy and pasted a smidge of the Divine Comedy into Gizoogle Tranzizzle, while I won't win the glorious CoF I should get honorable mentions:

Da scared sinner then resumed: ‘If you wanna peep or hear Tuscans or Lombards, I'ma make dem come yo, but let tha Malebranche hold back a lil, so dat tha others may not feel they vengeance, n' chillin here, I, whoz ass be one, will make seven appear, by whistling, as our phat asses do, when any of our asses gets out.’ Cagnazzo raised his snout, at these lyrics, and, bobbin his head, holla'd: ‘Hear tha wicked scheme dat schmoooove muthafucka has contrived ta plunge back down.’ At which Ciampolo, whoz ass had a pimped out store of tricks, replied: ‘I would be malicious indeed, if I contrived pimped outa sorrow fo' mah companions.’

Alichino, could contain his dirty ass no longer, n' contrary ta tha others holla'd ta him: ‘If you run, I'ma not charge afta you yo, but beat mah wings above tha boilin pitch: forget tha cliff, n' let tha bank be a cold-ass lil course, n' peep if you ridin' solo can beat us.’ O you dat read this, hear of dis freshly smoked up shiznit son! They all glanced towardz tha cliff side, he above all whoz ass had been most unwillin fo' all dis bullshit. Da Navarrese picked his crazy-ass moment well, planted his wild lil' feet on tha ground, n' up in a instant plunged, n' freed his dirty ass from they intention.

[Pokesan]

Tell me about the Grocer. I know he would visit you occasionally visit or send food.

Oh the Grocer, yeah he was real nice, when people was watching that is. He bring by some fried meats, bring by some pies, fresh veggies. Very good pal, when people was watching him.

What the stories don't say 'bout him is what he'd do when it was just us. He weren't allowed in the cells, rule say you gotta stay behind the bars. Rules don't say a fuckin' thing 'bout pelting you with rocks and trash - and that's the least of it. Don't want to talk about the nastier ideas he'd come up with.

He would attack you?


That's just how it was with him. One minute you're laughing, joking, having a good time together with food and drinks. Next thing you know he's screamin atcha, tossin what he had, bangin the bars with his soup spoon makin a racket - make the guards come, blame you for it.


Did you ever report him?


I did, reluctantly, for all the good it did me.. Things are bad in there, few minutes of good food and a friendly face is what keep you going. Made it worth the abuse. Can't say I would have spoke up 'cept what happened the last time he visit.

See my face? You wanna know how I got these scars? Grocer come by, say he brought somethin REAL SPECIAL this time, told me come closer to see. That little psycho threw an entire pot of Fish Head Soup in my face, the bastard. Burned me up real good, laid up infirmary for three weeks, third degree burns. That's how I got these scars.

[khysanth]

if confirmed true please sticky post

[Raev]

I'm starting to see why Chest hates grumphilda

[Kushie]

I got a $100 dolla bill to get the bumps off your face.

[Froakula]

Don't let em turn you out for stamps dog

[Oleris]

me please

[Troubled]

Hello my RNF friends,

Today I learned that I will be going to jail for 4-5 years due to some poor decision making in my IRL. This has been a drawn out process of a couple of years, but the rubber hit the road this morning and I can't delay the inevitable any longer. This is not a troll, this is really happening to me.

I plan on donating my characters to Asgard so you may still see me In game after January, but it will not be me.

You guys have made my work days fly by, and as thanks I am giving away my CoF since I have 41 haste on Tek anyways.

Best Roleplay story wins, I am the sole judge, anyone can enter. I have until Jan 5th, so sometime before then I will announce winner.

http://i.imgur.com/jQzU969.gif

[Pokesan]

pick my story and I will reveal the true identity of the Pokesan

[jcr4990]

pick my story and I will reveal the true identity of the Pokesan

Nice try Kekephee

[Spyder73]

Solid posts so far, keep it up

[Nastinate]

Inside My Box
The fax machine, It beeps. This old tie around my neck feels heavy. Coffee's old and cold.
ATTN: John
SUBJECT: Generic Request
YaddaYadda
Blah Blah
Scan, email, sent, sit back, drink my coffee.
Phone rings twice.. no need to even motion. Sheila always get it
Sales are down, spent my 401k on a house that's now undervalue, and my wife's fucking the mailman.
Still I smile, say hello, hold the door, and wave to the neighbors.
Fuck them. So tired on acting human.
Mines have been dug in the back yard, with clockworks on the ready.

[Spyder73]

Inside My Box
The fax machine, It beeps. This old tie around my neck feels heavy. Coffee's old and cold.
ATTN: John
SUBJECT: Generic Request
YaddaYadda
Blah Blah
Scan, email, sent, sit back, drink my coffee.
Phone rings twice.. no need to even motion. Sheila always get it
Sales are down, spent my 401k on a house that's now undervalue, and my wife's fucking the mailman.
Still I smile, say hello, hold the door, and wave to the neighbors.
Fuck them. So tired on acting human.
Mines have been dug in the back yard, with clockworks on the ready.

I dig the Def Poetry Jam

Time is ending
My imprisonment pending
I am questioning the time I am spending
Wu'Tang I will be getting?

These questions are a curse
but worse
The sound of my empty coin purse
Someone call a the morgue
because I cant take it

I try to fake it
I hope I make it
but in the end
Its all a waste
Ashes and decay
Til the end of my days

[Spyder73]

This thread is a creative safe zone, please feel free to express yourself in anyway you see fit

[radda]

Tell a good story, or be ashamed for ever..

[Pokesan]

Project1999 Norrath News with your host Pokesan 12/12/2018

Scandal rocked Norrath today as news of widespread abuse in Antonican prisons was revealed.

Offending facilities include both Qeynos and Freeport facilities, with the most egregious abuses occurring in the Highkeep Jail.

P99NN spoke with one recently released inmate, a former monk turned bandit, Tekilya Wu'Tang, picture and comments below.

http://wiki.project1999.com/images/Npc_a_prisoner_HHK.png

Imagine a hell level. Now imagine Level 59 hell level. Then triple it. That's what it's like at Highkeep.

The guards beat you. The food is bad, the security worse. Steady streams of dwarven and gnomist toursts come by your cell, to gawk, berate, torment you. For a certain bribe they can get physical, I've seen it happen, it's happened to me, my cellie Osargen died from it. And you can't resist or retaliate, that just earns you a longer beating from the guards.

There's even a rotten produce shop, where the more cowardly visitors can buy something to throw at you. I said the food is bad, but that's most of what they give us - rotten, smashed, bruised, disgusting fruit. I swear to Quellious I'm making it my lifes work to get revenge on the owners, Nomsanto Industries. Worse than that is the meat..goblin ears. Only the left ones, fuck me if I know why. But you see these "authority" figures offering a bounty for ears? That's how they cut costs on feeding the inmates. Have you ever TRIED to eat an ear? Shits nasty

P99NN was unable to independently verify these claims but we remain quite certain that if Tekilya didn't want to be beaten, gawked at, tormented, pelted with rotten vegetables, or fed the ears of sentient humanoids he should have not committed any crimes.

UPDATE 7:23 PM : We have received a credible source verifying that Tekilya was initially incarcerated for jaywalking. More to follow.

[Litigator]

Monday, December 12 2016

Tikelya was jolted awake by the sound of the guards and a buzzer opening his Door. He was awake half the night; he wouldnt get this opportunity for at least another year. A tattered note arrived for him yesterday, no return address on the envelope. The note was blank but folded inside was a business card for a lawyer named Litigator and something about his law offices. Very surreal and very unwanted in a time like this. A little more sleep would have helped keep him sharp today.

A guard marches in and barks at the tier: "All Prisoners in line for count!"

A handful were separated, including Tikelya; those having business at the courthouse today went with a group of guards. They were herded in a van and strapped in, then shackled to the floor. An unfamiliar convict next to him asked him about his case.

"I've done one year and a day on a four year stretch. If I hadnt made a plea deal it could have been a ten to fifteen. I only got one writeup and I'm hoping they'll send me home on parole today for good behavior. I could be home for Christmas!" replied Tikelya, clearly relishing the thought

It took most of the afternoon before the board was ready to hear his situation. After a year in prison he no longer considered the wait times of anything as long as food and bathroom visits were as scheduled. Sitting in the climate controlled room in a cloth chair and watching those around him was pleasant in a way that reminded him of being a child. Finally, they marched him in, unshackled his hands, re-shackled him to the floor, and began to inspect his file.

"Prisoner, are you in fact Tikelya Wu'Tang, AKA Cockfight Fat'Nar, AKA Ayliket Doom, and is this your file?" asks the man in charge of the hearing

Tikelya politely answers in the affirmative.

"Your alias preferance seems to be voilent. "Cockfight?" "Wu'Tang?" Are you a danger to society?" The same man asks

"No Sir, I'm not a violent man. Those were just stupid jokes.

"You are here to be assessed for parole. Lets get to the point. What do you have to say for yourself? Why should we consider letting you back out on the street?"

"Sir, I have had very good conduct here, and done all that I can to become a better person and educate myself."
Tikelya sounds convincing but has clearly rehearsed this line.

"Your conduct reports note a writeup for defecating in a sock"

"That was only one time..." Tikelya mumbles

"Are you aware of the terms the state mandated for your release?"

"Yes Sir, I was to serve maximum of four years, minimum of one, up for parole after one year. Yesterday was one year. I have tried to be a model prisoner and I have worked in the kitchen for six months without incident" Tikelya has regained his composure and delivers this line like he really means it

"You also agreed to abide by the law, and rules of this institution, and not violate any good faith agreements you make with the public, and to show your devotion to full disclosure during the plea bargain process by telling anything that would violate this before trial. Have you done this?"

"Absolutely Sir!"

The Speaker for the parole board stands up, as if he has been waiting for this moment, and says: "Since the time of your incarceration, numerous individuals have come forward claiming you caused damage to them in some sort of virtual world. An anonymous individual has submitted a USB memory card with a folder named "fraps" that shows numerous violations of personal space of others, causing them death or harm, using awful language in public, and lastly several surname violations about which you continued to argue. You failed to secure a lawyer in this digital world and none there is provided for you. If this is how you spend your free time, sir, you can spend another year in prison thinking about how to make any world you visit a better place!"

The guards immediately seize Tikelya and he does not resist. They let up a bit as they cuff him and begin to lead him back to the van. He gets in without incident and after a while, they depart. He's already thinking of next December and fingering the card he has removed from his front pocket.

"I must contact Asgard. I'm sure my friends can hire this Litigator to solve my everquest problems. Then I can be free again.."

He's lucky to be near the window, and although he is shattered, he enjoys the view.

[surf3001x]

The salt on his boots made a satisfying crunch as he hopped off the old boat. Stumbling along the docks trying in vain to regain his equilibrium, seemingly lost after so many days at sea, he stood up straight..and looked out upon the misty crags of Butcherblock.

Hmm, ain't nothing to shocking, but hell I might like the place after all...if I can find some warm food, drink and a gal he thought to himself.

AYE LAD, WE GOT PLENTY OF THEMS AND THOSE AROUND THESE PARTS.

He looked down to find the a small dwarf, completely covered in hair grinning up at him. Had he spoken out loud?

Um yes, could you point me in the direction of the nearest Inn? and maybe suggest a nice place to pick up a gal, or two, one dwarven wench may not be enough he joked.

OH BOYYO, BUY ME SOME CHEESE AND TUMPY TONICS AND WE'LL HEAD OVER TO MAH TENT, I'LL KEEP YA WARM SWEETNESS.

His jaw dropped in horror as the small dwarf lifted her flowing beard and revealed painted lips grinning seductively. A piece of mutton still caught in her knotted mustache.

Well, he stamered, I appreciate the offer but I think I'll just find a quiet place afterall and sleep off this trip.

YOU SURE WOULDN'T BE SLEEPIN A WINK WITH GREETA GUMBLETOE KEEPIN YEE COMPANY THROUGH THE NIGHT, she joked slapping him on the back of the knee.

Shuttering at the horrible thought, and feigning appreciation he quickly scuttled down the boat ramp and onto the Butcherblock Shore.

I've been on Faydwer only moments and already I'm running into new...sights. Maybe this will be one of those moments I don't write home about..

Hoisting his bag onto his shoulder and checking for the silvers in his pocket reassuringly he made his way down the path, turning to see Greeta still waving at him. He quickly turned and hustled farther down the trail, only looking up to stare in awe at the never ending mountain peaks destination unknown. His adventure had just begun.

[T7g]

<Kittens Who Say Meow> might be running the show by then, it'll be a much more fun place to raid and enjoy...and all the hardcores that burnt out will probably be on Live Progression Server #63 doing it all again, and again.

Can confirm, a proud member of <Kittens Who Say Meow>

[EQsale]

BDA Circle jerk in here 100% sucking up for a CoF so funny just delete it infront of these clowns.

[Swish]

BDA Circle jerk in here 100% sucking up for a CoF so funny just delete it infront of these clowns.

you can't blame them, its P99's premiere 3rd world guild where there's so many people and not enough pixels to go around :o

(recruitment still open)

[Mrnobody]

Think the world of everquest as Jail.

- You have guards that one hit noobs with a 1hs. replace with batons for jail.

- The Raid leader is always the loudest, same with the biggest dude in jail.

- You learn to meditate in game and in jail

- You join gangs/ Guilds to kill other players.

- Everyone has to have timeout when they do the wrong thing.

- There arent any hot chicks in jail, nor in everquest.

- Half the people that play eq are as annoying as jailmates.

- Jail system is the same view of race as Norrath, whereby all races are completely split up by color.

- Everyone thinks their opinion matters in jail, same as everquest R&F

Good Luck buddy. We'll be waiting for you when u come out!

[indiscriminate_hater]

pixels = heroine and cigs, raids = prison yard beatings of rival gang leaders. confirmed flawless analogy

[surf3001x]

Clang...Clash...sounds of battle fill the air.

Damn you and the goblin you crawled out of he yelled while swinging wildly with his rusty sword.

YOU RUINED YOUR LANDS HUMAN, YOU'LL NOT RUIN MINE!

I heard you the first time you said it he screamed back!

Feeling his life running short, our hero realized he must either run or stand and fight, risking an untimely death.

You have been knocked unconscious.

The goblin smiled sweetly as our hero fell to the ground, helpless and unable to defend himself any longer.

So this is how it ends, slain by a goblin after being chased into the mountains by a rowdy dwarf female. Wait..what was that blue flash I saw go by..if only I could get its attention

You yell for help.

Hearing a yell coming from behind him and to the left, a young wood elf bard turns to help this poor soul, slaying his goblin foe in one quick strike.

You are being bandaged don't move.

You have regained consciousness.

Join yes join me, hehe I will sing away your wounds the bard said in a quick quirky voice.

This bard is unlike the drunken bards I found in freeport, singing only of high quality bear skin fortunes and ex-wives

Thank you for saving me young elf, I have only run across a few of your kind before. I am new to Faydwer and have but only stumbled and run into trouble, might you suggest a path I can take?

Hmm, yes hmmmm YES! You will come with me, I will bring you to the greatest city in the lands. We need all the help we can get, we can get...fighting the horde of Crushbone.

While the sound of fighting any kind of horde after almost dying to a solitary goblin sounds awful, I owe this bard my life and will work to redeem myself

I will come help you brave elf, my life and my sword is yours to command.

The young elf nods for our adventurer to follow, and starts tapping a soft rhythm on his drum, the beat going faster and faster...their legs moving...faster and faster.

Soon the landscape melts by as the bards mythic rhythm accelerates them, their feet barely touching the ground

[Dollar]

"Do you know what life is like being sought after day after day? People shout my name far and wide with their pale offerings knowing not my true worth. I have often dreamt of a normal life with calmer and less threatening adventures."

"What I wouldn't trade for a life on the sea. Travelling the Ocean of Tears as a friendly parasite amongst pirates. I could reside upon a Barge shouldering the pressures of life of sea."

"Alas, that is not my path; I was created for something grander, far larger than just a simple provider of warmth and shelter. How can I provide warmth when I was born of fire? How can one shelter against my destruction?"

"They say I slowly corrupt the minds of my masters. Defined as a sinister foreboding of the fires to come. Burn BURN burn.. Always Fire and Ashes. To that I say, I am the victim. I am not the corruptor, for I am the corrupted. I have been party to large amounts of ruthless bloodshed and pillaging. How does one stay sane? What is sane?"

"Why am at this crossroads you ask? Questions brewing through my thoughts like molting lava.. The guilt is overwhelming my aflamed conscious. I want to come clean. I really do want to confess of Tekilya's innocence. How can I? Sure I provoked the Grandmaster into legal atrocities, but how to confess when I cannot speak? I am just a not-so-simple cloak. All I wanted was a break from the raiding and killing, a small vacation if you will. A taste of the simple life.. just a small taste."

"Tekilya must pay for crimes I am unable to claim.... What is to become of me? A new host I will find to befriend. Preferably a lower level host who will provide less resistance of my plans for a simple life..."



PS. I have never roleplayed, but I thought it might be fun to roleplay as your cloak. Hope its not too horrible. Goodluck with jail time man. Use the time to better yourself if possible and make the time go as fast as possible!

Truncate - Level 18 Shadow Knight

[Oleris]

roses are red
spyders are blue
wutang be lieing to you

[Spyder73]

roses are red
spyders are blue
wutang be lieing to you

This is a creative safe zone Oleris, get out of here with your filth!

So Llandris, about that surname? Would sure like to spend my final days on P99 on my own term, rep'n Master Wu. I'll come meet you, what time is good for you

[Fire Beetle]

When are you going to tell us what you did? Just get it over with already.

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view/579125/what-are-you-waiting-for-o.gif

[Pokesan]

I advise you to never answer that question Spyder.

P99 is full of creepy weirdos and you owe them nothing.

[Pokesan]

meant to say us, not them.

[Fire Beetle]

I advise you to never answer that question Spyder.

P99 is full of creepy weirdos and you owe them nothing.

I realized that after I posted that. Sadly I think you're right.

[indiscriminate_hater]

say what you did, but map it to the more-or-less equivalent rule in EQ. like, if you were convicted of vehicular manslaughter, say you trained some noob in mistmoore

[Baa]

Minibaa was short, not only in stature, but in food, drink and money.

His consciousness had begun to wane, the effects of his poverty and long exposure to the elements had finally gotten the better of him. He hadn't moved in weeks.

If only he could have secured a prime location next to one of the torches that lined the tunnel or even next to that Shady gentleman further in the tunnel, things may have been different.

His final thought before sweet oblivion was that maybe his Holgresh Elder Beads were not worth the 30,000 platinum he had been asking for these many weeks.

/end

[Duane]

http://i.imgur.com/IV1840a.png

[Spyder73]

Tomorrow is the last day, I will announce a winner in the morning

There is a fairly glaring "I win " button that no on has pushed yet, I'm really surprised.

Some good roleplays, it's too close to call, I'll have to make a gut decision in the morning sometime.

Any submissions that want to be considered please hurry, time running out

[Pokesan]

Is it the quote button?

*******************OFFICAL CANNON OF PROJECT 1999************************


The Lost Adventures of Filbus Furyfoot and Tekilya Wu’Tang Part 1 – “Humble Beginnings”





A long time ago in a galaxy, far, far away…There was a warrior named Filbus Furyfoot. He was not the strongest, cleverest, nor best looking of warriors. In fact he was quite homely and considered an outcast by most. While growing up in the Misty Thicket, Filbus was routinely kicked and beaten by the other Halflings due to his small stature (even by Hafling standards). The adults seemed to turn a blind eye to the torment of young Filbus. Girls would mock him for his horrendous looks, boys would beat him unconscious, and all the entire village would chuckle in the background while drinking mead around the fire. To Filbus, the world was a simple and disturbing place – wake up alone, eat at school alone, get beaten at recess, and then run home to the sound of laughter from his peers as they threw rocks at him. Some of the more nasty children started to call him “Failbus Furycrotch” after a rumor started that Filbus had visited a local cleric because it burned when he would pee.



As the years went on and the abuse grew harsher, young Filbus decided he had had enough. Packing up his meager belongings, Filbus set out into the great wide open in search of the the city of dreams – The City of Qeynos. The road to Qeynos was not an easy one. Almost as soon as his journey began, Filbus was robbed by bandits while traveling in the Northern Karanas. After months of travel and countless unspeakable deeds, the bandits sold Filbus to a slave trader who was on his way to, of all places, Qeynos! The corrupt guards would not let Filbus into the city at first. Only free citizens were allowed in the city proper. He was told that he would either free himself from slavery via combat, or he would die in the sand of the arena. Forced to fight other orphans in what the locals called “Bum Fights”, Filbus could not catch a break and was beaten in his first 4 duels. It was not until he defeated another orphan child by the name of Detoxx that he was finally allowed into the city, but that tail is for another time.



Having no money or friends, Filbus quickly found himself living at a local travern under the ever watchful eye of a sickly Bard who would keep him doped up on Rustle Leaf. These were dark times for Filbus, his new master – Kekephee – would make Filbus dance every night for the older men as they smoked their pipes and stroked their beards. One night during a Rustle Leaf induced haze, Filbus had a moment of clarity. He picked his pants up from around his ankles and ran for the hills. Kekephee squirmed with rage as Filbus ran, but in the end the warrior got away.



The wilderness was not kind to Filbus. In the Qeynos Hills, young Filbus would for the first time meet someone who would be an integral part of his life - Tekilya Wu’Tang. Tekilya was battling the gnolls of Black Burrow in order to get his orange headband when he heard what he thought was a woman’s scream. As Tekilya turned to investigate the scene, he saw a cowering male Halfing being dragged inside Black Burrow by a group of Gnolls. Master Wu had expressly forbidden Tekliya from entering the Den until he had completed his training, but Tekilya was a man of action. Like a demon of pure rage he burst into the den, round house kicking Gnolls left and right in a fury of fists and feet. Filbus looked up through blackened eyes, and with his last breath before he fell unconscious, he whispered as quiet as the wind, “Thank you monk, let me cuck for you”. And with that, darkness took Filbus Furyfoots thoughts.



Filbus could not tell you how much time passed then, but when he awakened, he was in the Temple of The Whislting Fist. Master Wu was standing over him, puffing on his pipe, staring at Filbus with his ever critical eye. Tekilya was running laps in the garden as punishment, his muscles glistening in the summer air. As was usual, the balcony was filled with ladies of all ages who had come to watch the young monk train, such was an everyday ritual among the ladies of Qeynos. Master Wu dispersed the crowd and called out to Tekilya that his punishment was over as Filbus, for the first time in days, started to come back to life. Filbus, not knowing where he was or what had happened, started to undress with bashful eyes under the hard gaze of Master Wu. Quick as lightning Wu cracked Filbus over the head his staff, and darkness again took the warrior. Master Wu and Tekilya Wu’Tang spent the next 7 days building Furyfoot back into a man, nursing him back to life both mentally and physically. Then on the 8th day, Master Wu received a letter that would change both Filbus and Tekilya’s destiny forever….





The Lost Adventures of Filbus Furyfoot and Tekilya Wu’Tang Part 2 – “The Dark Monk Rises”





Tekilya sat awake in bed staring at the ceiling. He glanced over at the two High Elf girls in his bed and could not help but smile to himself. But as Master Wu had taught him, pleasures of the flesh were a weakness that he could not afford for much longer. Gathering his composure and putting on his robe, Tekliya decided to go for a moonlit walk to the water gardens to clear his mind. As he walked the grounds, he heard a sniffling sound from behind the mule shed. Curious, Tekilya walked around to the back of the building and found Filbus sitting on the ground crying. This was not an unusual sight in the Temple of the Whistling Fist. Ever since Tekliya had freed Filbus from Black Burrow, the warrior had been haunted by night terrors. He would wake up screaming “KE-KE-KE-KEPHEEEEEE NOOOOOOOO” and go into uncontrollable spasms. Master Wu said it was only Rustle Leaf withdraws, but Tekilya could see a deeper pain behind the eyes of the Halfling. There was a story there, but this was not the time nor the place to prod.



The next day Filbus sat in the garden with the ladies of Qeynos to watch Tekilya train (as he always did). It had become clear to anyone who watched the pair that the warrior had developed an unyielding admiration for the monk. Tekilya, being a man of wisdom and kindness, had befriended Filbus in an attempt to lift the Halflings spirits and clear the haunted look from his eyes. But today was a special day, it was the last day of training in Qeynos. Earlier in the week Master Wu had told the pair that he had received Tekilya’s letter of acceptance into the Ashen Order. A trip to Freeport would be necessary to continue training. As Wu was explaining the trials of Befallen, Tekilya looked over and saw the heartbreak in Filbus’s eyes, and he knew right then that he could not leave the little guy; for Tekilya was a kind and empathetic soul, a trait that would ultimately lead to a dark betrayal…but that is for later.



As the two said their goodbyes and gathered for the trip to the wizard spires, Filbus wiped the snot from his nose and stared up at Master Wu with childlike eyes. Wu snorted in contempt and walked away from the pair without even a wave – a tough Master indeed.



Meanwhile in Qeynos…



Standing in the shadows, Kekephee wiped the grease from his forehead as he rocked back and forth. That was him alright, the little sh!t Halfling that had escaped from the tavern. Since that time sales had taken a nose dive and Kekephee was in deep with the Corrupt Qeynos Guards for gambling debts. Yes…that was him, Kekephees ticket out of debt – Filbus Furyfoot. Kekephee grinned as he turned on bard speed and set out for the Karanas…



It was dusk when Tekilya and Filbus adventurers arrived at a gypsy Inn near the Wizard spire. Their Dial-a-port was still several hours away, so the two decided to get some supper. Tekilya could not help but notice that the waitress was making eyes at him. After dinner and a few rounds of drinks, Tekilya and the waitress headed up stairs – heavy breathing, sounds of ecstasy, screams of pleasure – all the while Filbus sat in the corner playing with his rock collection and sipping Virgin Shirley Temples.



**BOOOOOOOM** Startled, Tekilya threw his robes on grabbed his Jade Mace, a gift from master Wu. Down stairs in the Inn, Kekephee squealed with glee has he grabbed Filbus by the throat and dragged him towards the door. Tekilya burst into his forms, weaving in and out and obliterating Kekephee’s minions. That is until his Jade Mace cracked against a Staff of Shielding. With a dead look in his eyes, an unknown Monk met Tekilya’s gaze. “This one is mine” he said, and suddenly everything went dark for Tekilya. His last vision was that of the Dark Monk and Kekephee racing at Bard speed towards the nearby Wizard Spire.



When Tekilya came to, he noticed a headband laying on the ground – “Chest <BDA>” was written on the inseam. What was this BDA? Who was this Chest? What had Tekilya stumbled into? All he knew was that his friend Filbus had been taken – and that would not stand. Gathering his gear, Tekilya walked into the night towards Highpass Hold. The next few weeks would prove to test the limits of his endurance…





The Lost Adventure of Filbus Furyfoot and Tekilya Wu’Tang Part 3 – “Un-Freeport”





Thirty one days. Thirty one days it had taken Tekilya to climb the fabled High Pass Mountains and arrive in Kithicor Forest. The Gnolls and Orcs of High Pass had proven to be a powerful enemy for Tekilya. But in the end they were no match for a disciple of Master Wu. During this time Tekilya had untied the locals of the area and fought the beasts to their knees. The local Shaman had wanted to crown Tekilya as their King, and countless nobles had offered their daughters, but as Master Wu had taught him well. The life of a monk is one of servitude and disciple, not crowns and wealth. Rumors were that Captain Bosec was going to build a Keep in honor of King Tekilya – High Hold Keep Wu’Tang they would call it, but that is another story altogether. After turning down the crown and implementing a democracy, Tekilya felt he had left the citizens of Highpass with a chance for a real future and continued his journey to Freeport. Clinching the headband of Chest in his hands, Tekilya reminded himself that there were debts that needed collecting.



The road from Kithicor to Freeport was without incident, and it was not long before Tekilya found himself on the grounds of the Ashen Order, face to face with Master Wu. Wu had traveled to Freeport after the Dial-a-Port druid had informed him that no one was at the spires for the pickup so many weeks ago. After a brief reunion with Wu, Tekilya was updated on what had happened in the last 30 days….



Evil was afoot in Western Norrath, songs of war were being sang, and children were dying by the drove. The injustices of the world can be summed up in those 3 words – Children are dying. A horde of cannibals had come from the Ocean of Tears and invaded Norrath. Tekilya’s breath caught in this throat when Wu told him the description of the leader, a dark monk with a fetish for children. Chest. Chest had starting calling the invasion “The Zerg”, and he would shout from roof tops that this was the future of Norrath – that you might call this the New World Order of Norrath – Bregen D’Aerth.



As Tekilya was absorbing the news that war had come, Wu told him about poor Filbus. Kekephee had assumed the title of Herald of the Zerg and would run through the streets singing his songs of rage while a nude Filbus was dragged behind him in chains. Three times a day Filbus performed donkey shows in the town square to entertain the locals as Kekephee preached the tenants of BDA Code of Conduct. Tekilya was told that Filbus no longer spoke. When he was addressed directly in any manner, Filbus would simply fall to his knees, close his eyes, and open mouth as tears started streaming down his face.



It was at this time that Tekilya’s Inner Flame ignited. Master Wu had taught him how to turn on his Flame for short durations of time while in battle, but this time was different. This time the flame only grew stronger as time passed. Consumed with rage, Tekilya discovered that BDA had formed a partnership with the evil Noble Djorn. The Plane of Sky was a staging ground to not only attack Freeport, but all of Norrath. From the clouds no one would be safe, not as long as Kekephee and Chest lived.



Master Wu saw the look in Tekilyas eyes and smiled. “Ah my son, I see the fury of the Wu’Tang has awoken in you. The last time the spirit of our ancestors intervened so directly, nations were crumbled and Kerafyrm the Great Dragon was put to sleep. I take pity on the Zerg now.” And with that Master Wu started walked away. With one last glance back to Tekilya, Wu whispered “Save him Tekilya, save Filbus”. And with that, Master Wu vanished into the shadows.



Meanwhile in Plane of Sky…



“Dance piggy, dance!” *Kekeephee cracks whip*



Smiling smugly, Kekephee walked over the corpse of the Noble Djorn to stand beside his master, Lord Chest. The alliance between Sky and BDA had not last long. As soon as The Zerg had access to the plane, it was but a matter of time before they had taken it over completely. Under the eye of Chest, BDA officers now plotted the takeover of Norrath. As the officers were discussing plans, a shimmering light appeared next to the throne. As the portal opened, and obese Ogre came hobbling through. Chest stood to backhand the intruder, but then he froze in terror and kneeled. “BOW FAGGOTS” Chest roared as High Lord Fatnar ascended the steps towards the throne. “we have a problem Cuck” Fatnar said as he stared down at Chest. “There is a monk in Freeport that has the potential to ruin all of our plans, dispose of him immediately”. “Yes Sire” Chest replied.



And with that Chest summoned his disciples…….

Kekephee, Herald of the Zerg, High Price of Pedophilia, King of Grease

Juevento, Lord Chests #1 Cuck, Bringer of AIDS

Pokesan, Ambassador of Embarrassment and Failed Trolls

Trolololol, High Prince of Fatness and Impotency

Rebbon, Leader of RnF Batphone and Faggotry



“CUCKS” Chest roared – “To Freeport to dispose of this monk….and take that “thing” with you”. Filbus squealed and started to spasm uncontrollably as Chest gazed upon him. The next few hours would change the face of Norrath forever

[JackFlash]

^^ What I was thinking lol.....

[maskedmelon]

I am going to have to nominate this piece as well. Truly is supreme.

*******************OFFICAL CANNON OF PROJECT 1999************************


The Lost Adventures of Filbus Furyfoot and Tekilya Wu’Tang Part 1 – “Humble Beginnings”





A long time ago in a galaxy, far, far away…There was a warrior named Filbus Furyfoot. He was not the strongest, cleverest, nor best looking of warriors. In fact he was quite homely and considered an outcast by most. While growing up in the Misty Thicket, Filbus was routinely kicked and beaten by the other Halflings due to his small stature (even by Hafling standards). The adults seemed to turn a blind eye to the torment of young Filbus. Girls would mock him for his horrendous looks, boys would beat him unconscious, and all the entire village would chuckle in the background while drinking mead around the fire. To Filbus, the world was a simple and disturbing place – wake up alone, eat at school alone, get beaten at recess, and then run home to the sound of laughter from his peers as they threw rocks at him. Some of the more nasty children started to call him “Failbus Furycrotch” after a rumor started that Filbus had visited a local cleric because it burned when he would pee.



As the years went on and the abuse grew harsher, young Filbus decided he had had enough. Packing up his meager belongings, Filbus set out into the great wide open in search of the the city of dreams – The City of Qeynos. The road to Qeynos was not an easy one. Almost as soon as his journey began, Filbus was robbed by bandits while traveling in the Northern Karanas. After months of travel and countless unspeakable deeds, the bandits sold Filbus to a slave trader who was on his way to, of all places, Qeynos! The corrupt guards would not let Filbus into the city at first. Only free citizens were allowed in the city proper. He was told that he would either free himself from slavery via combat, or he would die in the sand of the arena. Forced to fight other orphans in what the locals called “Bum Fights”, Filbus could not catch a break and was beaten in his first 4 duels. It was not until he defeated another orphan child by the name of Detoxx that he was finally allowed into the city, but that tail is for another time.



Having no money or friends, Filbus quickly found himself living at a local travern under the ever watchful eye of a sickly Bard who would keep him doped up on Rustle Leaf. These were dark times for Filbus, his new master – Kekephee – would make Filbus dance every night for the older men as they smoked their pipes and stroked their beards. One night during a Rustle Leaf induced haze, Filbus had a moment of clarity. He picked his pants up from around his ankles and ran for the hills. Kekephee squirmed with rage as Filbus ran, but in the end the warrior got away.



The wilderness was not kind to Filbus. In the Qeynos Hills, young Filbus would for the first time meet someone who would be an integral part of his life - Tekilya Wu’Tang. Tekilya was battling the gnolls of Black Burrow in order to get his orange headband when he heard what he thought was a woman’s scream. As Tekilya turned to investigate the scene, he saw a cowering male Halfing being dragged inside Black Burrow by a group of Gnolls. Master Wu had expressly forbidden Tekliya from entering the Den until he had completed his training, but Tekilya was a man of action. Like a demon of pure rage he burst into the den, round house kicking Gnolls left and right in a fury of fists and feet. Filbus looked up through blackened eyes, and with his last breath before he fell unconscious, he whispered as quiet as the wind, “Thank you monk, let me cuck for you”. And with that, darkness took Filbus Furyfoots thoughts.



Filbus could not tell you how much time passed then, but when he awakened, he was in the Temple of The Whislting Fist. Master Wu was standing over him, puffing on his pipe, staring at Filbus with his ever critical eye. Tekilya was running laps in the garden as punishment, his muscles glistening in the summer air. As was usual, the balcony was filled with ladies of all ages who had come to watch the young monk train, such was an everyday ritual among the ladies of Qeynos. Master Wu dispersed the crowd and called out to Tekilya that his punishment was over as Filbus, for the first time in days, started to come back to life. Filbus, not knowing where he was or what had happened, started to undress with bashful eyes under the hard gaze of Master Wu. Quick as lightning Wu cracked Filbus over the head his staff, and darkness again took the warrior. Master Wu and Tekilya Wu’Tang spent the next 7 days building Furyfoot back into a man, nursing him back to life both mentally and physically. Then on the 8th day, Master Wu received a letter that would change both Filbus and Tekilya’s destiny forever….





The Lost Adventures of Filbus Furyfoot and Tekilya Wu’Tang Part 2 – “The Dark Monk Rises”





Tekilya sat awake in bed staring at the ceiling. He glanced over at the two High Elf girls in his bed and could not help but smile to himself. But as Master Wu had taught him, pleasures of the flesh were a weakness that he could not afford for much longer. Gathering his composure and putting on his robe, Tekliya decided to go for a moonlit walk to the water gardens to clear his mind. As he walked the grounds, he heard a sniffling sound from behind the mule shed. Curious, Tekilya walked around to the back of the building and found Filbus sitting on the ground crying. This was not an unusual sight in the Temple of the Whistling Fist. Ever since Tekliya had freed Filbus from Black Burrow, the warrior had been haunted by night terrors. He would wake up screaming “KE-KE-KE-KEPHEEEEEE NOOOOOOOO” and go into uncontrollable spasms. Master Wu said it was only Rustle Leaf withdraws, but Tekilya could see a deeper pain behind the eyes of the Halfling. There was a story there, but this was not the time nor the place to prod.



The next day Filbus sat in the garden with the ladies of Qeynos to watch Tekilya train (as he always did). It had become clear to anyone who watched the pair that the warrior had developed an unyielding admiration for the monk. Tekilya, being a man of wisdom and kindness, had befriended Filbus in an attempt to lift the Halflings spirits and clear the haunted look from his eyes. But today was a special day, it was the last day of training in Qeynos. Earlier in the week Master Wu had told the pair that he had received Tekilya’s letter of acceptance into the Ashen Order. A trip to Freeport would be necessary to continue training. As Wu was explaining the trials of Befallen, Tekilya looked over and saw the heartbreak in Filbus’s eyes, and he knew right then that he could not leave the little guy; for Tekilya was a kind and empathetic soul, a trait that would ultimately lead to a dark betrayal…but that is for later.



As the two said their goodbyes and gathered for the trip to the wizard spires, Filbus wiped the snot from his nose and stared up at Master Wu with childlike eyes. Wu snorted in contempt and walked away from the pair without even a wave – a tough Master indeed.



Meanwhile in Qeynos…



Standing in the shadows, Kekephee wiped the grease from his forehead as he rocked back and forth. That was him alright, the little sh!t Halfling that had escaped from the tavern. Since that time sales had taken a nose dive and Kekephee was in deep with the Corrupt Qeynos Guards for gambling debts. Yes…that was him, Kekephees ticket out of debt – Filbus Furyfoot. Kekephee grinned as he turned on bard speed and set out for the Karanas…



It was dusk when Tekilya and Filbus adventurers arrived at a gypsy Inn near the Wizard spire. Their Dial-a-port was still several hours away, so the two decided to get some supper. Tekilya could not help but notice that the waitress was making eyes at him. After dinner and a few rounds of drinks, Tekilya and the waitress headed up stairs – heavy breathing, sounds of ecstasy, screams of pleasure – all the while Filbus sat in the corner playing with his rock collection and sipping Virgin Shirley Temples.



**BOOOOOOOM** Startled, Tekilya threw his robes on grabbed his Jade Mace, a gift from master Wu. Down stairs in the Inn, Kekephee squealed with glee has he grabbed Filbus by the throat and dragged him towards the door. Tekilya burst into his forms, weaving in and out and obliterating Kekephee’s minions. That is until his Jade Mace cracked against a Staff of Shielding. With a dead look in his eyes, an unknown Monk met Tekilya’s gaze. “This one is mine” he said, and suddenly everything went dark for Tekilya. His last vision was that of the Dark Monk and Kekephee racing at Bard speed towards the nearby Wizard Spire.



When Tekilya came to, he noticed a headband laying on the ground – “Chest <BDA>” was written on the inseam. What was this BDA? Who was this Chest? What had Tekilya stumbled into? All he knew was that his friend Filbus had been taken – and that would not stand. Gathering his gear, Tekilya walked into the night towards Highpass Hold. The next few weeks would prove to test the limits of his endurance…





The Lost Adventure of Filbus Furyfoot and Tekilya Wu’Tang Part 3 – “Un-Freeport”





Thirty one days. Thirty one days it had taken Tekilya to climb the fabled High Pass Mountains and arrive in Kithicor Forest. The Gnolls and Orcs of High Pass had proven to be a powerful enemy for Tekilya. But in the end they were no match for a disciple of Master Wu. During this time Tekilya had untied the locals of the area and fought the beasts to their knees. The local Shaman had wanted to crown Tekilya as their King, and countless nobles had offered their daughters, but as Master Wu had taught him well. The life of a monk is one of servitude and disciple, not crowns and wealth. Rumors were that Captain Bosec was going to build a Keep in honor of King Tekilya – High Hold Keep Wu’Tang they would call it, but that is another story altogether. After turning down the crown and implementing a democracy, Tekilya felt he had left the citizens of Highpass with a chance for a real future and continued his journey to Freeport. Clinching the headband of Chest in his hands, Tekilya reminded himself that there were debts that needed collecting.



The road from Kithicor to Freeport was without incident, and it was not long before Tekilya found himself on the grounds of the Ashen Order, face to face with Master Wu. Wu had traveled to Freeport after the Dial-a-Port druid had informed him that no one was at the spires for the pickup so many weeks ago. After a brief reunion with Wu, Tekilya was updated on what had happened in the last 30 days….



Evil was afoot in Western Norrath, songs of war were being sang, and children were dying by the drove. The injustices of the world can be summed up in those 3 words – Children are dying. A horde of cannibals had come from the Ocean of Tears and invaded Norrath. Tekilya’s breath caught in this throat when Wu told him the description of the leader, a dark monk with a fetish for children. Chest. Chest had starting calling the invasion “The Zerg”, and he would shout from roof tops that this was the future of Norrath – that you might call this the New World Order of Norrath – Bregen D’Aerth.



As Tekilya was absorbing the news that war had come, Wu told him about poor Filbus. Kekephee had assumed the title of Herald of the Zerg and would run through the streets singing his songs of rage while a nude Filbus was dragged behind him in chains. Three times a day Filbus performed donkey shows in the town square to entertain the locals as Kekephee preached the tenants of BDA Code of Conduct. Tekilya was told that Filbus no longer spoke. When he was addressed directly in any manner, Filbus would simply fall to his knees, close his eyes, and open mouth as tears started streaming down his face.



It was at this time that Tekilya’s Inner Flame ignited. Master Wu had taught him how to turn on his Flame for short durations of time while in battle, but this time was different. This time the flame only grew stronger as time passed. Consumed with rage, Tekilya discovered that BDA had formed a partnership with the evil Noble Djorn. The Plane of Sky was a staging ground to not only attack Freeport, but all of Norrath. From the clouds no one would be safe, not as long as Kekephee and Chest lived.



Master Wu saw the look in Tekilyas eyes and smiled. “Ah my son, I see the fury of the Wu’Tang has awoken in you. The last time the spirit of our ancestors intervened so directly, nations were crumbled and Kerafyrm the Great Dragon was put to sleep. I take pity on the Zerg now.” And with that Master Wu started walked away. With one last glance back to Tekilya, Wu whispered “Save him Tekilya, save Filbus”. And with that, Master Wu vanished into the shadows.



Meanwhile in Plane of Sky…



“Dance piggy, dance!” *Kekeephee cracks whip*



Smiling smugly, Kekephee walked over the corpse of the Noble Djorn to stand beside his master, Lord Chest. The alliance between Sky and BDA had not last long. As soon as The Zerg had access to the plane, it was but a matter of time before they had taken it over completely. Under the eye of Chest, BDA officers now plotted the takeover of Norrath. As the officers were discussing plans, a shimmering light appeared next to the throne. As the portal opened, and obese Ogre came hobbling through. Chest stood to backhand the intruder, but then he froze in terror and kneeled. “BOW FAGGOTS” Chest roared as High Lord Fatnar ascended the steps towards the throne. “we have a problem Cuck” Fatnar said as he stared down at Chest. “There is a monk in Freeport that has the potential to ruin all of our plans, dispose of him immediately”. “Yes Sire” Chest replied.



And with that Chest summoned his disciples…….

Kekephee, Herald of the Zerg, High Price of Pedophilia, King of Grease

Juevento, Lord Chests #1 Cuck, Bringer of AIDS

Pokesan, Ambassador of Embarrassment and Failed Trolls

Trolololol, High Prince of Fatness and Impotency

Rebbon, Leader of RnF Batphone and Faggotry



“CUCKS” Chest roared – “To Freeport to dispose of this monk….and take that “thing” with you”. Filbus squealed and started to spasm uncontrollably as Chest gazed upon him. The next few hours would change the face of Norrath forever

[indiscriminate_hater]

“CUCKS” Chest roared.

[pyroglyphix]

Shaman shaman ya, shaman yam, shaman yay
Gimme the sock so I can camp it away
Out of a Soulfire charge, bon voyage
Yeah, from the home of the Swift Tails, Cabilis squad
Dreadlands killer bards on a swarm
Frogs on ya newbie ass, Disco One
For me to even raise my skill
I gotta find the one AC and get the kill
Now chop him down, sweet the gnome's around
Your feet feel quick, you've fallen to the ground
Tunnel EC for 50k trades
I get Focus, Levi, crack, and haste
My ogre's slam, Harm Touch is like, bam!
Train to the zone, then I dip out~

[Pokesan]

we've discovered the WIN button.

quote spyders RP and be entered for a chance to win a CoF

[JackFlash]

I'm pretty sure it means that spyder will win his own CoF.

[Pokesan]

do it anyway! it never hurts to try!

[maskedmelon]

Shit, I think Jack's right.

Spyder said "I win button," he meant he wins, not whomever presses the button.

Damn the word play!

[Tipsyer]

https://www.reddit.com/r/everquest/comments/3w3bby/coming_from_p99_what_do_i_need_to_know/

I'm confused...

[JackFlash]

https://www.reddit.com/r/everquest/comments/3w3bby/coming_from_p99_what_do_i_need_to_know/

I'm confused...

Maybe that's what he meant by prison?

[surf3001x]

So is the jig up? =((

I was excited for a few seconds there wahh

[indiscriminate_hater]

OP isn't going to prison, he just wanted to see who is so pixel-sick that they would resort to writing EQ fanfic. We've all been cucked

[Litigator]

Monday, December 12 2016

Tikelya was jolted awake by the sound of the guards and a buzzer opening his Door. He was awake half the night; he wouldnt get this opportunity for at least another year. A tattered note arrived for him yesterday, no return address on the envelope. The note was blank but folded inside was a business card for a lawyer named Litigator and something about his law offices. Very surreal and very unwanted in a time like this. A little more sleep would have helped keep him sharp today.

A guard marches in and barks at the tier: "All Prisoners in line for count!"

A handful were separated, including Tikelya; those having business at the courthouse today went with a group of guards. They were herded in a van and strapped in, then shackled to the floor. An unfamiliar convict next to him asked him about his case.

"I've done one year and a day on a four year stretch. If I hadnt made a plea deal it could have been a ten to fifteen. I only got one writeup and I'm hoping they'll send me home on parole today for good behavior. I could be home for Christmas!" replied Tikelya, clearly relishing the thought

It took most of the afternoon before the board was ready to hear his situation. After a year in prison he no longer considered the wait times of anything as long as food and bathroom visits were as scheduled. Sitting in the climate controlled room in a cloth chair and watching those around him was pleasant in a way that reminded him of being a child. Finally, they marched him in, unshackled his hands, re-shackled him to the floor, and began to inspect his file.

"Prisoner, are you in fact Tikelya Wu'Tang, AKA Cockfight Fat'Nar, AKA Ayliket Doom, and is this your file?" asks the man in charge of the hearing

Tikelya politely answers in the affirmative.

"Your alias preferance seems to be voilent. "Cockfight?" "Wu'Tang?" Are you a danger to society?" The same man asks

"No Sir, I'm not a violent man. Those were just stupid jokes.

"You are here to be assessed for parole. Lets get to the point. What do you have to say for yourself? Why should we consider letting you back out on the street?"

"Sir, I have had very good conduct here, and done all that I can to become a better person and educate myself."
Tikelya sounds convincing but has clearly rehearsed this line.

"Your conduct reports note a writeup for defecating in a sock"

"That was only one time..." Tikelya mumbles

"Are you aware of the terms the state mandated for your release?"

"Yes Sir, I was to serve maximum of four years, minimum of one, up for parole after one year. Yesterday was one year. I have tried to be a model prisoner and I have worked in the kitchen for six months without incident" Tikelya has regained his composure and delivers this line like he really means it

"You also agreed to abide by the law, and rules of this institution, and not violate any good faith agreements you make with the public, and to show your devotion to full disclosure during the plea bargain process by telling anything that would violate this before trial. Have you done this?"

"Absolutely Sir!"

The Speaker for the parole board stands up, as if he has been waiting for this moment, and says: "Since the time of your incarceration, numerous individuals have come forward claiming you caused damage to them in some sort of virtual world. An anonymous individual has submitted a USB memory card with a folder named "fraps" that shows numerous violations of personal space of others, causing them death or harm, using awful language in public, and lastly several surname violations about which you continued to argue. You failed to secure a lawyer in this digital world and none there is provided for you. If this is how you spend your free time, sir, you can spend another year in prison thinking about how to make any world you visit a better place!"

The guards immediately seize Tikelya and he does not resist. They let up a bit as they cuff him and begin to lead him back to the van. He gets in without incident and after a while, they depart. He's already thinking of next December and fingering the card he has removed from his front pocket.

"I must contact Asgard. I'm sure my friends can hire this Litigator to solve my everquest problems. Then I can be free again.."

He's lucky to be near the window, and although he is shattered, he enjoys the view.

[Pokesan]

in the unlikely event that OP is not a lying asshole, I'd just like to remind everyone:

pick my story and I will reveal the true identity of the Pokesan

[Muggens]

T'was x-mas morning in erudin palace - Gza woke up early so he could be the first one to swim in the pool before all his brothers came and farted in the water - tonite was gonna be alot presents and cheese pizzas, he wanted to be fresh for the occation. Well waddya know, method man and inspecta deck and raekwon was the first ones to come fart and ruin his swim. Gza went out to the courtyard to do some tai chi to get into a better mood, but to no use, there was rza and ghostface and cappadonna playing croquet on the grass. Angry being always the odd man out he went to complain to his parents, the king and queen of erudin. The king and co was in the kitchen eating breakfast, gza said its about time u showed me some attention here guys, make room for my genius! Ugod and odb and that bastard uncle all laffed out loud - we aint got no cheese pizza either! Gza was mad and ran up to his abode and yelled in pillow - i want my freedom dagnabbit! then he fell asleep. He woke alittle later groggy, smelling weird odours, fish - the sea? He stuck his head outa the window and lo behold - lizard monks doing tai chi and listening to rap music is everwhere! He yells out the window: good morning cabilis! Many years later he is known as grand master Glox!
The end

[JackFlash]

pixelplayers gonna play

[GreldorEQ]

A dull and pale light filtered by the canopy filled the Faydark grove with a shadowed morning. The moisture seeping from the branches to the forest floor filled the air with a thick damp air. Grelwin turned aside a matted greasy mat of hair from his face with no mind to its condition. Mutterings trailed away with his breath in the chilly air as he tended to a small cookfire. The wisps of smoke gathered in the air, a cloud shielding his view from outside the grove. With little care to his surroundings he prepared and drank a blend of roots and herbs to sooth his tired mind and body.

As the potion gave him renewed strength he became aware of the hour and his condition. Tattered clothing and dried blood stains riddled his belongings, reminders of his narrow escape through the mountain passes the night before.

"Butcherblock Mountains...bah!" he grumbled irritably, wondering to himself if the name butcher fit better the goblins who dwelt in the passes or any who cut them down and made it through alive. "Were it not for business with the elves," he thought "I may have tarried and shown the goblins a few near-forgotten tricks from an old druid."

With a raise of an eyebrow and a mumble under his breath, the fire was extinguished. Grelwin gathered his belongings and set off into the woods, following a narrow game trail barely visible in the morning gloom. His thoughts turned again to recent memories as he wound his way through the forest.

"The Heartwood Master must be made aware! This message is of the greatest urgency!" declared Mayor Grubbin. Grelwin cursed his decision to stay at the Inn on his way through the Vale. He much preferred the company of things that walked on four legs to that of his kindred. "I care not of your news or your politics" Grelwin growled.

The Mayor steeled his tone, "Then I command you as a Druid of the Vale, you are bound to deliver this message." Despite his disdain for the dealings of the city, Grelwin could not avoid his duty without risking exile. "I will take your message, and nothing more" he said.

That was weeks ago, and as he neared his destination, a sense of foreboding filled him. Grelwin's thoughts betrayed his guard, and his daydream ended promptly with a cold metal sword blade pressed to his neck. Frozen in his step, he turned his head.
A Tier'Dal sneered at him, his dark skin blending into the shadows of the path. Without hesitation, Grelwin focused his thoughts on the face, feeling with his mind the dark skin of the elf. The layers of skin on his face pulled tightly over muscles winding around vessels of blood that flowed black as the night sky. "The blood" he thought "will boil with the heat of the sun!" In an instant, the braches above moved to create an opening in the canopy. As the dark-skinned face bathed in the morning sun, the sneer turned to a choking gasp. Blood seeped from the pale eyes and the tight-lipped mouth formed a snarl, steam rising towards the opening above. In an instant, the Dark Elf was dead.

"A Dark Elf in the Faydark," Grelwin thought as he hurried down the winding path, "that stuffy fat Mayor was right, Kelethin must be warned!"

[Spyder73]

Shaman shaman ya, shaman yam, shaman yay
Gimme the sock so I can camp it away
Out of a Soulfire charge, bon voyage
Yeah, from the home of the Swift Tails, Cabilis squad
Dreadlands killer bards on a swarm
Frogs on ya newbie ass, Disco One
For me to even raise my skill
I gotta find the one AC and get the kill
Now chop him down, sweet the gnome's around
Your feet feel quick, you've fallen to the ground
Tunnel EC for 50k trades
I get Focus, Levi, crack, and haste
My ogre's slam, Harm Touch is like, bam!
Train to the zone, then I dip out~

This is fucking amazing

[Spyder73]

So looks lik Pokesan is the front runner, what's your in game name, can PM me if needed

[Swish]

The cold Velious wind blasted against Aeiouuoiea's face as she waited, wishing for once that she was back in the Faydarks and enjoying some fishing next to Elia the Pure.

She'd learnt to stop counting the days on these expeditions, racing through endless blizzards to try and claim some new equipment for herself. The agony of being one of nine enchanters in the raiding party was apparent not just by the scowls on the other's faces when they weren't awarded an item but also by the fact that her last item dropped in Kunark.

Indeed, as she grasped her snake stick she looked back fondly at her time in Moonlight Crusaders, a guild of true friends, people who felt they could tell a joke because it was funny and not because the loot distributor might notice them for it. As she casted SoS on a nearby member it was apparent that it had become muscle memory by now.

Another blast of wind hit her and moved her a sideways couple of steps. Morale was certainly low, the raiding party's hunger for spoils was getting more craven and desperate. Would they be able to kill Derakor the Vindicator this time? Or would they hear the howls of victory coming from a different and smaller raiding party again? Time would tell.

As they entered the valley towards Kael Drakkal the usual call of group order meant she was in group 18 and would be in the third wave to enter. It was clear by now that mystical forces prevented such a large army entering together, especially one as bloated as this one.

When the call came, groups 15-21 zoned in...her heart raced. "Maybe today", she hoped.

would our noble heroin Aeiouuoiea finally beat the odds and be awarded an item for the weeks and months that she'd been stuck on this icy continent? Stay tuned...

[Pokesan]

So looks lik Pokesan is the front runner, what's your in game name, can PM me if needed

PM'd you. giev cloak.

[Muggens]

So whats the story?
Is he going to jail - or just going over to live?
Is he giving away a CoF?
This pokemon character won CoF with OP's own story copypasted?

[Fire Beetle]

So whats the story?
Is he going to jail - or just going over to live?
Is he giving away a CoF?
This pokemon character won CoF with OP's own story copypasted?

1 Week RMT scheme. With the option to get his last name restored. Well played.

[Pokesan]

Spyder has delivered and I now possess a Cloak of Flames!

Time to deliver on my promise

pick my story and I will reveal the true identity of the Pokesan

The rumors are true - I am Kekephee! The immortal bard, the master composer. The player of roles, the roller of plays, lord of masks and #1 most based roleplayer GOD on Project1999.

I earned my epic by posting in the Rants forum. My most precious pixel. It gave me a desire, a hunger, an irrepressible urge to collect all the gear I could, by any means necessary.
And now its gotten me a CoF as well.

ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR

[Kekephee]

Thanks for the cape, babycakes


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNgxyL5zEAk

[Swish]

Spyder has delivered and I now possess a Cloak of Flames!

Time to deliver on my promise



The rumors are true - I am Kekephee! The immortal bard, the master composer. The player of roles, the roller of plays, lord of masks and #1 most based roleplayer GOD on Project1999.

I earned my epic by posting in the Rants forum. My most precious pixel. It gave me a desire, a hunger, an irrepressible urge to collect all the gear I could, by any means necessary.
And now its gotten me a CoF as well.

ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR

Actually I was Kekephee all along, the BDA spies did their best to uncover me, adding probably 1000 views to my profile and only ever accusing me openly a couple of times.

The jig is up, damn those "take it serious but call it casual kids" and their lap dogs...

[arsenalpow]

Spyder has delivered and I now possess a Cloak of Flames!

Time to deliver on my promise



The rumors are true - I am Kekephee! The immortal bard, the master composer. The player of roles, the roller of plays, lord of masks and #1 most based roleplayer GOD on Project1999.

I earned my epic by posting in the Rants forum. My most precious pixel. It gave me a desire, a hunger, an irrepressible urge to collect all the gear I could, by any means necessary.
And now its gotten me a CoF as well.

ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR
Nope. I don't buy it.
On Facebook, what do people post on your wall that terrifies you?

[Swish]

Nope. I don't buy it.
On Facebook, what do people post on your wall that terrifies you?

Is joining the BDA Facebook page a requirement for entry?

yikes yikes yikes

[Troubled]

http://images.sodahead.com/polls/003278201/5051928492_Austin_Powers_article_xlarge.jpeg

[Spyder73]

Is joining the BDA Facebook page a requirement for entry?

yikes yikes yikes

Humiliating yourself daily on the Internet, either in game or FQ, is the only requirement to join

[Kekephee]

Humiliating yourself daily on the Internet, either in game or FQ, is the only requirement to join

You sound upset about the cloak. I'll give it back to you if you're really this angry about it. I thought you'd think it was funny!

[Kekephee]

Disclaimer: I won't actually give the cloak back

[captnamazing]

grats grumphilda !!!! the love of my simulated hobbit's life will finally be wrapped in the warmth and luxury she deserves.

[Spyder73]

The governor of Texas pardon'd me from prison, it's a Christmas miracle.

[Kekephee]

You're not from Texas


Please God don't be in Texas

[Spyder73]

You're not from Texas


Please God don't be in Texas

DFW, COME AT ME BRO

[Kekephee]

I'm in Houston. Let's go to Medieval Times sometime. Chest is invited.

[arsenalpow]

The governor of Texas pardon'd me from prison, it's a Christmas miracle.

Srsly?

[pyroglyphix]

This is fucking amazing

Sadly I think it flew over the heads of all these poor bastards who lack proper musical taste.

[captnamazing]

Whether or not Spyder is actually a criminal; whether or not he really gave a CoF to Pokesan - this is all irrelevant to me. I'm just impressed that he would put forth all this effort to write a long, fairly tedious story, then host a faux-competition to establish his own story as the best p99 RP story. His biggest mistake was posting from his account, and not having a "panel of judges" decide on the winner. Lots of creativity and ingenuinity.

Sempai has noticed you, Spyder. I'm honored to be the subject and source of inspiration for such a long and intricate project. I couldn't read all of your story because it's formatted poorly; but at times I laughed, at times I smiled. Thank you for your dedication and wit! Keep on flaming you fire giant

[Pokesan]

Whether or not Spyder is actually a criminal; whether or not he really gave a CoF to Pokesan - this is all irrelevant to me. I'm just impressed that he would put forth all this effort to write a long, fairly tedious story, then host a faux-competition to establish his own story as the best p99 RP story. His biggest mistake was posting from his account, and not having a "panel of judges" decide on the winner. Lots of creativity and ingenuinity.

Sempai has noticed you, Spyder. I'm honored to be the subject and source of inspiration for such a long and intricate project. I couldn't read all of your story because it's formatted poorly; but at times I laughed, at times I smiled. Thank you for your dedication and wit! Keep on flaming you fire giant

I have the cloak on my bard right now.

[Safon]

To assist everyone I will translate:

Fuck you!

LOL

[Safon]

Posted by some other guy in the red forums, definitely worth of some lulz

"Checkraise stared emotionlessly at the gun he held in his hand. This was a culminating point of his life – all those missed opportunities, all those filthy whore women who rejected him, all those empty packets of burritos, laying scattered across his room like crusty pieces of his dignity. What a life...a wasted one at that, and what better a way to go than dying and rotting alone the way he lived – surrounded by his own filth and shortcomings. He wondered if they would need some kind of special crane of machine to remove his bloated corpse.
Checkraise furrowed his brow, the sweat slowly dripping down his clammy chins. This was it, maybe one last pizza would be ordered. He couldn’t go dying on an empty stomach now could he? To Google he went. But then, in a moment of desolation, Checkraise decided to revisit his lost love, to give his old cruel mistress, one last glimpse....
”E..V….E….R…..Q…U…” as he typed in to Google, Checkraise saw something that would avert his suicide, and give his life meaning once again. “EVERQUEST Project 1999 Classic Everquest Server.” His heart skipped a bit, his pupils dilated, his boner boned for the first time in years.
No longer would he have to live in this shame filled world, no longer would his knowledge of ancient computer games go unchecked, no longer would he have to live as a level 1 in his parent’s basement.…this was a new dawn….this was…THE BIRTH OF CHECKRAISE."