You know you're a nothingburger when...

[Gugg]

You're always hoping, wishing, praying....and telling others to do the same.

You're always offering unrequested life advice, and it's always the bleeding obvious.

You're always telling people what you want for them; "I want you to be happy!".

You say you believe in science yet you never provide any scientific evidence.

You tell people that truth/love/beauty/etc (anything positive) can be whatever you want it to be. And yet, hate isn't subjective to you at all, it's objective (how convenient). Pro-tip: don't be an electrician if you think positive can be anything you want it to be or you will get the shock of your life!

You debate the truth (duh!).

You quote unverifiable surveys, stats and polls you saw/heard on the internet/tv/radio.

You repeat what you read on wikipedia to everybody you meet like it's fact; to you, a URL is proof of everything you say.

You tell people you deserve what you have because you "worked hard" for it (the definition of "working hard" is objective to you even though truth isn't...).

You carry a big dumb "smart" phone around with you everywhere you go like you're a business man waiting for important business calls from a factory in China.

You're always running to a power outlet to plug things in to charge them up; watch, phone, car, vibrator. Talking of watches, you have a big, stupid square iPhone watch on your wrist which very recently cost you $1000 and is now out-of-date.

You label yourself with imaginery identities; feminist, atheist, muslim, christian, transgender, non-binary etc.

You tell people not to get involved and instead wait 3 hours for the government funded "experts" to arrive on the scene.

You call people racist, anti-semitic, homophobic, misogynist, etc. because you obviously have spidey sense and your Judge Dredd.

You're nosey.

You fly a drone spying on people and expect it not to get shot down.

You're a gossip.

You bad mouth choice because choice means people can reject death and choose life.

You carry a bottle of water around with you like your a celebritry sports athlete who's just run the 3000 metres in record time.

You're obsessed with them even though all the best records have already been broken so all you have left is dumb made up ones that don't matter; "Woman becomes first person to run 100 metres in 30 seconds with a banana on her head".

Everything is "historic" and "iconic" to you.

You say it's a "human accomplishment" when a man does something amazing, and a "female accomplishment" when a woman does something amazing.

You say that everybody watched what you watched....like a sporting event....or an awards ceremony...when they didn't.

You talk about something going "viral"; a stupid video for example.

You say Jay Z and Beyonce are the perfect couple.

You talk about being a good role model or somebody being a bad role model.

Your job title is TickTock star, runner, influencer, comedian, singer, futurologist, boxer, activist (not real jobs)

You're an eavesdropper, and a name dropper.

You say "life is not meant to be fair" then blub when something's not fair to you (it is meant to be fair btw).

You say there's no such thing as wrong, until somebody wrongs you, then there is such a thing as wrong.

You communicate exclusively with meme's and disregard anything that isn't a meme.

You say Richard Dawkins is a genius and your hero (and you do impressions of him which makes you look like a stupid baby).

You collect reddit karma.

You rush home to watch the "nightly news" on TV (which is all bad news btw) and you regularly check the news updates so you can be up-to-date and "informed" on depressing matters which don't concern you and you have no control over.

You repeat all the bad news parrot fashion with everybody you meet like you're a TV or a radio.

You talk about world events like you're actually there in person reporting live as it happens all around you....but you're really in Toledo Ohio eating your 5th taco.

You copy and paste news links like you are an unpaid employee of the mass media.

You bad mouth privacy; you say "if you haven't done anything wrong you've got nothing to hide". And yet, you hide things...

You don't offer anybody any real solutions instead you just tell them to "seek help" or copy/paste a link to a therapy web site.

You "worship Jesus" in front of others and talk about your "faith" which you say should be respected.

You're not God, yet you talk on behalf of God.

You call people "holocaust deniers".

You promote personal truths, instead of the truth.

You tell people to vote.

You defend government, business and democracy which are all enemies of the people.

You tell people not to be ashamed to admit things to people; mental health problems or homosexuality are the obvious ones. "Hey dude, just admit you're a home and mental and people will love you for it!11"

You call yourself and others "brave".

You don't lead any example.

Yoy flatter people.

You're a 60 pound girl flexing your little puny arms with a dumb obnoxious grin on your face, then complain respecting you because you're a woman.

You, as a woman, speak on behalf of all women, to win some bullshit argument (it's okay though, because smart women know what you're up to!).

You talk about empowerment; empowering women and self-empowerment.

You promote self-love.

You call yourself self-made, and thank yourself.

You call yourself a philanthropist, and publicise your charity work (want a cookie?)

You have your own wikipedia page that's made to look independent but isn't.

You read The Guardian.

You are in favour of the European Union.

You call anybody, who says that certain things in life should be fre, communists (while you blatantly inhale free oxygen).

You talk about things which can't be seen/heard/touched/verified; distant past/distant future/distant place (evolution, black slavery, covid, moon landings/etc).

You promote meaningless symbols some of which are status symbols; flags, wedding rings, face masks, and crucifixes.

You promote isms; capitalism, liberalism, racism.

You tell people that if something is rare then it has tremendous value.

You tell people that a girl's best friend is a rock instead of a cock.

You have a dildo and/or a vibrator.

You use words and phrases like "incel", "woke", "social distancing", and "virtue signalling".

You call people "baby boomers" and "GenZ" etc.

You say "Ok Boomer".

You bad mouth men, just because they are men.

You call girls with blonde hair dumb just because they have blonde hair.

You tell people that money makes you happy, and you say that the only people who would disagree are the ones who don't have any money.

You tell people that if they don't work for you, or somebody like you, then they don't deserve anything in life.

You mislabel things; gay instead of bent, pro-choice instead of pro-death.

You're obsessed with spectator sports; you wear sports clothing like it's a religion and you start dancing when "your" team finally wins the 100 metre 3 legged spoon race (you don't even like sports, but it's trendy and "popular" to say you do).

You defend celebrities and act like their personal press officer.

You're impressed by tricks....like somebody balancing a ball on their head...or an elephant eating.

You are worried about Britney Spears, and you want to know who Taylor Swift is dating next (you hope it's a black dude, or that she comes out as lesbian).

You say drugs should be banned.

You say that a man wearing lipstick is a legit woman.

You have tattoos, really bad ones with political messages ad motivators.

You have fake boobs.

Elon Musk is your hero, of course he is.

You own a Tesla, or want to, and you want that retarded Tesla pickup truck too.

You tweet.

You're a scaremonger/fearmonger.

You complain, while telling people not to complain.

You bad mouth Windows 7, traditional pickup trucks, car bench seats, propane ovens and fridges; you tell people they are all unsafe/dangerous to use.

You promote and defend emissions tests and emission controls using the health of the planet as an excuse.

You predict the future, and it's always a bad future you predict.

You talk about "the law" like it's official or something and that breaking it is sinful/immoral.

You're always saying the human race is gonna be extinct soon or is destined to become extinct.

You say nobody created the moon and you say "we" landed on it.

You say "I did it" when it's good, and "we did it" when it's bad.

You say there is no bigger picture, that this is all there is to life, and that we should enjoy every precious second of it before we die forever.

You talk in an imaginary way; you call yourself "born again" and you say you "came out of the closet" but it's still the same old you (I keep clothes in my closet btw).

You say online piracy costs industry jobs, raises prices and is stealing.

You promote vaccines and ask people if they've been vaccinated ('cause you're evil therefore nosey).

You are waging a war on everything; terrorists, drugs, sugary drinks, fatty foods, bad hairdo's, pretty girls, and yet none of your wars seems to achieve anything.

You pick a side, and try to force others to pick a side too; Xbox vs Playstation, Ogre vs Troll, Coke vs Pepsi.....as though there's only one choice to choose.

You promote min/max to the point of cheating.

You demote individuals to single colours; white/black/brown/etc. and of course you're anti-white and anti-blonde.

You say beauty is an abstract concept.

You're a forum mod/admin who locks forum threads so nobody else can respond, resulting in ignorant/stupid responses when you search Google for answers.

You flip flop on big subjects like "sexual orientation"; one day you're totally against homosexuality, the next you've seen the light and you're all for it. It's a miracle!

Talking of miracles, you say you believe in them.

You say you evolve, and you say humans are smarter now than ever before.

You say "They wouldn't get away with that nowadays!" after watching an old television show or something.

You own an invisible time machine and crystal ball which you use all the time in general conversation.

You speak on behalf of "most people" either because you're a mind reader or you just like to project your fragile self onto others; "most people don't like this, most people don't do that, most people hate it, most people love it, most people agree with me".

Sometimes you defend the "majority", sometimes you defend the "minority"....whatever suits you at the time to "win".

You tell people that staying alive forever is impossible and stupid/boring (but staying dead forever isn't).

You tell people that everybody dies no matter what even though you can't prove death is even real.

You say private stuff in public, you do private stuff in public.

You defend mandatory updates, reboots, etc. (my computer my choice?)

You own a Mac or an iPhone and Steve Jobs is another one of your hero's.

You say "my body my choice", then you try to stab everybody with a syringe full of poison before going back to saying "my body my choice".

You have a really bad long-term memory because you contradict yourself all the time.

You're a walking, talking encyclopedia.

You have an american flag in your yard.

You tell people you can't wait until sex robots are as good as the real thing (so you'll be waiting forever).

You wear a silly hat; kippah for example. You also admire Napolean Bonaparte.

You take selfies and upload them to social media platforms.

You're a prick tease.

You say "motherf*cker".

You say "n*gger".

You say things are "toxic" or people are "toxic" or he is "toxic"...everything is "toxic"...'cause it's a trendy word said by trendy people and you're a copycat clone.

You say "cisgender" too, same reason.

You have a degree in women's studies and/or social studies...a degree in nothing.

You tell people you had/have a rare disease/medical condition.

You tell people you were an orphan/adopted.

You tell people you had a heart/liver/kidney transplant.

You tell people you have cancer.

You tell people you can't wait to have children.

You tell people your children died.

You say "black lives matter".

You make mountains out of molehills.

You tell people you were raped/abused.

You say you're an atheist (you won't provide any proof, scientitic or otherwise) yet you still blame everybody else for everything when there's nobody to blame if there is no god.

You say you believe in god but you don't blame your god for anything, instead you blame satan or hillary clinton.

You tell people you have PRIDE and to be PROUD.

You have a rainbow flag.

You put your hand on your chest while singing "your" national anthem. Or, you kneel. Either way, it's really, really dumb.

You say "our" president and "my" president".

You protest in the streets.

You daydream about winning the lottery.

You're a comedian.

You tell people what to do, even when you don't have their permission and they didn't agree to obey your bullshit rules.

You play EQ AFK because you're at work.

You petition a GM instead of just using /ignore.

You beg for lots of things including nerfs.

You're in a position of authority yet you abuse your powers.

You say you have 400 million online followers, who are all eagerly watching you play video games on Twitch.

You constantly "move the goalposts" instead of sticking with actual facts.

You talk for the sake of it.

You're a 60 pound girl who takes up martial arts lessons (and posts photo's and videos of it online) so you can defend yourself on the streets against a gang of armed men or an out of control dump truck. Why? Cause it's trendy to do martial arts (or pretend to).

You're a copy cat so you follow trends; "ice bucket challenge", dying your hair pink/blue, telling everybody you have covid to name a few examples.

You watch women's sports (or pretend to).

You say there should also be Gamegirl's and Snowwomen not just Gameboy's and Snowmen.

You say fox hunting and bull fighting is okay.

You're boycotting Bud Light instead of the company.

You're rich in a poor world.

You wear Gucci.

You want to ban everything that has value; combustion engines for example.

You put unnoficial STOP signs where they aren't needed and you actually expect people to stop for them because you say it's "the law".

You drive an electric pickup truck which has a 12" touch screen.

You watch The View and Oprah.

You drink soy milk instead of dairy milk.

You charge people to look at a canyon or a forest.

You protect old ruins, and demolish beautiful historic buildings.

You amalgamate couples; Brangelina, Kimye, Hiddleswift.

You say "gun violence" and "domestic violence" instead of just saying violence.

You make-up, then break-up, then make-up, then break-up.

You have six televisions in your recreational vehicle so you can watch the news and the "game" every minute from multiple angles while camping.

You are confused when you learn that not everybody has a fast, dependable internet connection like you do (because you have your head up your ass 99.99999% of the time).

You mock the poor for being poor in a poor world. Well guess what einstein, you're poor too.

You say "We don't need God" while playing god.

You hype things up and exaggerate.

You abandon your own creations and those who value them.

You say "It's always been like this and things will never change for the better!!111".

You're a captain obvious; you say, "Follow your dreams" and "Be Happy" but you never say how because you're a nothingburger, remember?

You either say "someday is today!" when it isn't...it's just another crappy day. Or you say "someday doesn't exist!" so we've got nothing but crappy days to look forward to forever. Or you say "someday exists but you, and everybody else, must die a horrible death first!".

You wear t-shirts with political messages like you're a billboard for a political party.

You say you have hope for AIDS.

You avoid the number 13 or use the number 13 because you say you're superstitious.

You say you believe in ghosts.

You take EverQuest too seriously.

You point to people behind their back and say, "he's gay" or "she's a lesbian" or "they are having an affair".

You have zillions of forum posts on a crappy forum.

You say there are no consequences.

And last but not least...

 

You know you're a nothingburger when you write a post like this because you have nothing better to do in "life". [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

[Origen]

Please seek the services of a mental health professional

[wuanahto]

i read the first few lines and the spoiler but that was it

[Rager and Quitter]

What the fuck. I ain't reading all that.

[aussenseiter]

Originally Posted by Gugg [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

You're always telling people what you want for them; "I want you to be happy!".

You repeat what you read on wikipedia to everybody you meet like it's fact; to you, a URL is proof of everything you say.

But Gugg, I do want you to be happy.

[arvidez]

made it half way through that. now everyone's letters look tiny.

[unsunghero]

A soon to be relic of the past: a post that long that’s not written by AI

At least doesn’t appear to be

[zelld52]

Originally Posted by unsunghero [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

A soon to be relic of the past: a post that long that’s not written by AI

At least doesn’t appear to be

In the sprawling world of Norrath, where countless adventurers sought glory and fortune, there lived a player named Ethan who had achieved a rare feat on the Project 1999 server of EverQuest. He had not one, not two, but ten level 60 characters, each with their unique abilities and equipment. To the uninitiated, it might seem like a remarkable accomplishment, but to those who knew Ethan, it was a testament to his unwavering dedication to the game.

Ethan's journey in Norrath began over a decade ago when he first stepped into the virtual realm of Project 1999. He had always been a passionate gamer, but EverQuest had a special place in his heart. The game's immersive world and complex gameplay mechanics drew him in like a moth to a flame. He spent countless hours exploring dungeons, battling monsters, and forging friendships with other players. EverQuest was more than just a game; it was his sanctuary.

As the years passed, Ethan's characters grew in power and reputation. He was a master tactician, leading raiding parties into the darkest corners of Norrath. His guildmates admired his skill and his unwavering commitment to the game. But what they didn't see was the toll it was taking on his real life.

Ethan had a demanding job and responsibilities outside the game, but those seemed to pale in comparison to his virtual life. He sacrificed sleep, social interactions, and even his own mental health to maintain his status in the game. The constant pressure to stay at the top of his game and ensure his characters were geared to perfection consumed him.

One day, Ethan's real-life friend, Sarah, grew increasingly concerned about him. She had watched him transform from a vibrant, social individual into a recluse who spent every waking hour in front of his computer screen. She decided to intervene, worried about his well-being.

Sarah invited Ethan over to her apartment, hoping to have a heart-to-heart conversation. When he arrived, she noticed how tired and gaunt he looked. His eyes were bloodshot, and he had the pallor of someone who hadn't seen the sun in weeks. She gently broached the topic, expressing her concern for his health and happiness.

Ethan, initially defensive, slowly opened up to Sarah. He admitted that he had lost track of time and that EverQuest had become an addiction. He confessed that he felt a deep sense of accomplishment in the game, but it came at the cost of his real-life relationships, physical health, and mental well-being.

Sarah, being a supportive friend, encouraged Ethan to seek help. She helped him find a therapist who specialized in gaming addiction. It was a difficult journey, but with time and therapy, Ethan started to regain control over his life. He began setting boundaries for his gaming time, prioritizing his job, and rebuilding his relationships with friends and family.

As the days turned into weeks, Ethan logged into EverQuest less frequently, but he didn't quit altogether. He found a healthier balance between his virtual and real-life responsibilities. His characters still held a special place in his heart, but he no longer valued them more than his own mental health.

Ethan's story served as a cautionary tale to others in the gaming community. It highlighted the importance of moderation and balance in the pursuit of one's passions. In the end, he discovered that real-life achievements and happiness were far more valuable than any virtual accolades. And in the world of Norrath, his characters continued their adventures, waiting patiently for the return of their fearless leader, who was now better equipped to conquer both the virtual and real worlds.

[wuanahto]

to be honest with yall i thought marsalago was a person up until earlier this year

[Gugg]

Originally Posted by Origen [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Please seek the services of a mental health professional

Will you pay for it?