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#1
04-20-2016, 10:10 AM
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Quote:
nah I believe Fifield will pay up. Quote:
__________________
Turp --- Purpl
60 Shm 60 Wiz | ||||
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#2
04-20-2016, 12:28 PM
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Quote:
Back in the heyday days of Velious, I was having some trouble with my backstab damage. I had just spent every last coin of my savings on a Lath Drinor, which was a huge upgrade from what I had been using, but something was wrong with it... No matter what I did, my backstabs always hit for the minimum damage. I could not figure out what was causing it. Messing with my stats, buffs, dying and getting rezzed, nothing fixed my backstab damage. I even petitioned and the GMs to ask if it Backstab bugged or if something was wrong with my character, because I thought they would have some magical answer to fix my problem; no such luck. It was maddening. Then, one day, someone in my Velketor's Labyrinth upper dogs group started laughing at me. "Nice dagger" he scoffed. I know, right? I opened up my inventory to admire my Lath Dfuck And, just like that, I found out why my backstabs were hitting for minimum damage: some time in the past few weeks, I had mixed up my Lath Drinor with a Fine Steel Dagger and sold it to a vendor. | |||
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#3
04-24-2016, 11:36 AM
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I'm a waiter, and I have a horrible memory for faces, especially when there are so many in the restaurant.
Anyway, one day I was waiting on 2 kinda big guys that were waiting for 2 more to join them. So I was up by the bar talking with someone, and then I see this guy come up, looking around on the patio, which is on the other side of the bar. I ask the guy, "Can I help you?" to which he replied, "I'm just looking for 2 guys that might be here." For some reason, I just let words spew out of my mouth without thinking sometimes, and I ask "Oh, are they 2 heavy set guys?" He pauses for a second, and says, "Uh, yeah. Kind of." So, happy to be of help, I said "Oh yeah, they're just over there, in a booth by that pillar." He smirks as he responds, "No, that's us.." Ugh, now I recognize him. Silence. And, now I have to spend an hour and a half waiting on the guy, pretending nothing is out of the ordinary. And all the while everyone at the table everyone is looking at me like my girlfriend just blew them all. For some reason, they didn't shaft me on the tip, so it wasn't a complete loss heh. | ||
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#4
04-20-2016, 09:26 AM
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You may think this is embarrassing but it is just plain funny to me. My friend and I met some ladies at the bar and went back to their place with high hopes. They immediately pee after getting home like all girls do after the bar. They then go out to smoke on the balcony (meaning talk about us). I decide: now or never.
I say O'Brien, I need to squeeze out this turd o I'm gonna explode. I run to the bathroom and goose out a foot long turd in under 10 seconds and flush, thinking, "wedar, you damn fool you did it!". That is when I hear the stubborn gurgle of the toilet not fully flushing, I turn to see the turd spinning slowly, mocking me. The girls are back now, don't want them to hear me plunger fighting so decide to leave it. I head out back to the living room and start making out with my gal and my buddy with his on the couch next to me. Then, it happened... They had a roommate, she just walked in after a night at the bar.. Like all girls do after a night at the bar, she went to pee. The lights are out and I can only see her angry silhouette in the bathroom, "who clogged the toilet! That's disgusting!" She is demanding someone unclog it, everyone knows it was me, but I'm frozen in denial. My buddy's girl actually winds up breaking it down with a toilet brush. We laughed so hard about it the next day, and is my favorite sorry to tell at get togethers.
__________________
Wedar - Level 60 Grandmaster (Retired)
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#5
04-20-2016, 12:41 PM
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This is a story I posted in 2008 on another forum. 100% true.
------- I live in a big city and love asian food. Vietnamese, japanese, chinese, cambodian, you name it. I eat it nearly every day and tasted quite a bit of strange stuff (brag: how about fried pig intestines? not nearly as bad as it sounds). There's that small chinese take-away shop I particularly like. It's a really small shop that offers half a dozen of chinese dishes to take-away and it's slightly more expensive than usual, however it's more than worth the price. That shop belongs to an exquisite, world-renowned chinese restaurant that is way too expensive for me. It's a famous restaurant for famous people, and they only go there for the food, not the hype. However, the small take-away shop, surprisingly, offers the same dishes as the restaurant does, just not all of them, but like a half-dozen (those that are practical to take away, I guess). All of that shop's food is stunning delicious for a connoisseur - for a fraction of the price you'd pay in the real restaurant. It would be pointless to compare that food to the food you get in most chinese take-away shops in USA, because it's just not the same category of quality. It's gourmet food. They have that particular chicken. No other restaurant in my city (Paris, France) offers it. The making is kept secret. When it's available, it lasts for 15 minutes tops. Everyone knows that if there's chicken, just go for the chicken. And since the shop doesn't cook it in-house, they get it from the big restaurant's chef, who only knows how to cook it. So the take-away shop gets limited daily supplies, first come, first served. But forget about the chicken. One of the dishes is, quite simply, shrimps in spicy sauce. It's probably slightly too spicy for someone who doesn't like spice (I do LOVE spice so that's fine with me, but that's not the point). The point is, that eating these shrimps is for me an intense gourmet experience. Real gourmets know what I mean. It's an orgasmic flight over the land of tasty. It's about EUR 8 a portion, I'd pay at least 30 for it though in a pinch. There's one drawback, however. Every time I eat those shrimp, a hour later tops, I feel sick in the stomach and have an urgent business to do in the WC. So I usually just eat it when I know I'll have access to a WC in the next hour or two. Don't get me wrong. The shrimp aren't spoiled. They are VERY fresh. They are taken care of with care, at least that's what the restaurant's prices suggest. Besides, it happens every time I eat them, so I figured I just don't digest those shrimp very well or something. But I still eat them often because they are just so good. And then I spend 20 minutes in the bathroom reading magazines or picking nose or surfing on my iPhone, etc. Everyone is happy, me, the shrimp, the WC. But then one day... Today after work I went to visit a friend that lives in the suburbs. I must note that my main mean of transportation nowadays is motorcycle. Handy, cheap, quick. I have no idea how would it all have ended if I took the car today. Anyway. Before going to visit her I figured I'd buy some chinese food from that shop, she loves it, and I do as well, might as well shell out like 25 EUR and have a great dinner for two. I've bought some curry chicken (other kind of chicken, mad tasty stuff) and some spicy shrimps and a Coke. Put it in my bike's top case, and off we go. I've been mad at her a few days ago because of some silly stuff so I thought I might as well try to pardon myself and bringing a nice dinner is never bad in this case. So I arrive, we eat it, and all happy watch some TV together and then she says she is very tired and wants to go to sleep. I don't sleep with her (usually, lol) so I left. I didn't want to use her toilet and make it unusable for the next 50 thousand years because of all the radioactive waste it would have to swallow, and she's a nice girl and a good friend who did not deserve that. I felt that strange noises in my belly but thought to my self "hey I'm on a bike, it's late, streets are empty, no cops, I'll just ride real quick back home and I'll be fine". Which isn't an unreasonable plan at all, especially considering that sitting tight on a bike like mine compresses your ass quite hard (unfortunately also compresses the balls like no tomorrow but that's another story). It really sounded like a good plan and I wasn't worried. I know how to ride fast if needed, almost never do it, but this looked like a situation I'd have to. No problem. So I took off steadily and like 20 minutes later was close to home, maybe 5 minutes to go. I started feeling more and more strange stuff happening inside my body, and it was much stronger than usual, because this time I ate more shrimp than usual and ate some tuna salad that might have been not very fresh. There's plenty of stop lights in my neighborhood, don't know why, probably because we frenchies are so undisciplined and unless it's a red stop light, we just go through. There was maybe 500 meters (what's that, like 1500 feet?) separating me from my home and I realized that I had to **** like very very soon, ideally RIGHT NOW. Now those effing stop lights just wouldn't cooperate this time, red, drive 50 meters, red, drive 50 meters, red, rinse repeat. Traffic is quite dense where I live so going through red light is not an option, especially on a bike, not to mention there ARE cops where I live (touristic area). So I was just trying to compress my ass as hard as I could with the bike's seat and try to be optimistic and not tilt. After a minute or so I realized that I'll never make it. The pressure inside my guts became so unbearable that I had to actually push myself down to the bike's seat with my hands pushing on the handlebar to prevent my intestines from emptying and painting that lovely touristic area of Paris in a whole different color. I was in a quite bad situation because I had no choice other than hope to hold it until I get home. Of course, there's plenty of bars I could have asked to shat in their WC's but I knew that by the time I get off my bike (depression of ass), walk to the bar, ask the owner, find the WC, etc, I'd **** myself 10 times already. Especially considering the ****-when-close effect. Have you ever noticed that when you really want to ****, the closer you get to the place you can **** in, your urge to **** increases EXPONENTIALLY? That's the ****-when-close effect, as I call it. Basically, trying it in a bar would mean I'd **** myself before I reach the bar, or in the bar, in front of all the customers NEAR MY HOME. So I just clenched my teeth, clenched my ass even harder, and prayed to all gods of the universe that the red lights start to switch already. Part of my plan was that if I must **** myself, I'd rather **** myself close to my home because it's in a quite desert small street and no one will hopefully notice except maybe some tourists but why should I care about them. It was also fairly late and no one should see me entering my apartment, this late. At least, the odds were definitely in my favor. I finally made it to my building. I live on the 6th floor, ancient building, etc. No elevator. Many doors to go through before you even get to the stairs. I figured that if I made it this far in this state, I'll make it to the toilet if I put 100% of myself in that rush to my apartment on the 6th floor. if I make it, it will be very close. I barely remember what happened until I ran the steps 4 by 4 (or more) and finally was in front of my door. Now remember that ****-when-close effect? It kicked in, in full ungodly strength. I was trying to unlock my front door with a key (damn lock is old and it's hard to turn the key, not to mention I have about 30 keys on my keychain - I have access to a lot of places, long story). With crazily shaking hands I finally opened the damn lock, rushed inside (I was already half undressed while running up), throw the helmet on the ground, close the door... Turned myself to to the toiled, it's only 3 feet away from the front door, how handy... And then the ****-when-close effect struck with even more earthshaking, teeth-crushing force, my ass muscles gave up that battle they couldn't win, and I emptied my intestine full of hot, liquid, smelly, poisonous, chinese-flavoured crap in my pants. I just stood there, 3 feet away from the goal, speaking to myself saying "I just shat myself at home, wtf", after going through all that struggle for so long, having put so many hopes in the strength of my will and in the strength of my ass, realizing that it was all in vain. I still shat myself. I wonder if women feel about the same when miscarriage happens or a presidential candidate realizes he lost by a fraction of a percent after years of daily campaign. Damn shrimps. Oh well, I'll probably eat some of them tomorrow as well, just for the giggles. | ||
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#6
04-20-2016, 09:34 AM
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Years ago on Brell (Kunark era I believe, but it's really tough to keep all my timelines straight), an in-game friend and I were duo-ing Cyclops in the OOT. He was a shaman and I was a warrior and it was slow, steady and challenging.
We didn't really chat at all in general, even when figuring out strategy for whatever we were doing. It was more of that similar playstyle understanding, no banter; if problems came up we corrected them simply and quickly. I think on that particular day most of our conversation had been "Found a new spot, hop the OOT boat." Keep in mind, this guy was an in-game friend only, someone I had met along the way and did not know in any way beyond his character. On this particular day, my lady-friend at the time was also online and sending ever increasing "adult" tells to me. I was doing my best to ignore her, but she was persistent, knowing I was busy and thinking it was funny. Finally, I typed something close to: "/g My pants are on! And they're staying on!" ... oops. Shammy buddy didn't say a word, he paused for a pretty noticeable 5 seconds or so (I'd like to think he was laughing, but I doubt it), and we continued on. He never mentioned anything. I never mentioned anything. We stayed friends a long time. | ||
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#7
04-20-2016, 09:37 AM
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Quote:
[You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]
__________________
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#8
04-20-2016, 09:56 AM
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Hey,a IG story for a change .
I've been playing on p99 since 4th of march 2016 or somewhere around that and been enjoying it .So i began digging into wiki and forums to get me back to speed after this short 15 years pause. Browsing the forum,server chat section,i m led to this "win an AoN /CoF" thread on 1st page.Just had to write name down.Obviously fake/given up ,i noticed some days after that it had been posted this date :02-23-2012, 11:38 PM but some famous forum resident WHO MIGHT have already posted on your thread in 1st page is trapping all noobs like me by uping this win a thing thread ...=) So gg, u got me ,but i obviously wont fall twice for this kind of thread...trick me once. IG :Sarconhia/Zaoz. | ||
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#9
04-20-2016, 10:24 AM
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Earlier this week I was going through the Cookout drive through. There was a wait for my food to come up, so I was sitting tight, waiting to pay. Cashier slides open the window to give me a status report. I reply, "That's cool man." He rests his hand on my open window in a closed fist, so I give him a fist bump.
I then realized that he was asking for payment. FML. | ||
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#10
04-20-2016, 10:29 AM
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In college, I thought my scanner was a toilet when I was really drunk because the lid opened up. I woke up the next morning, and I had vomited all over the inside of my scanner. I cleaned it up and donated it to Goodwill.
In middle school, people would make milk come out my nose a lot at lunch by making me laugh when drinking melt. One time, a huge snot bubble came out and went all over my food, try, and face. Everyone in the lunchroom (80-100 middle schoolers) started laughing at me as I ran to the bathroom. In college, I got really black out drunk at a night club and heard about some secret party in a not-so-nice part of Minneapolis. I was very adamant that I was going to that party and ended up wandering around that area of town for about an hour at 4 am. I still don't know how I got home. Back when I was more immersed in EQ, I left a concert in downtown Minneapolis I paid $30 for because Maestro popped and I wanted his lute (yes, Maestro). I ran 4 miles to my home in the rain and ended up logging in right as the lute was award to Freezz in The A-Team. In high school, I used to play in a pop-punk band as the front man and would swing my microphone around when I wasn't singing. [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] Well, in college, I was sort of dicking around and filming my self, and I ended up shattering my ceiling lamp in my apartment while swinging my microphone around. Here's the video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kVApc_f7PA&t=1m0s
__________________
Previous Guilds: The A-Team <- Rapture <- Flawless Victory
Zanderr Locke - 60 Punk Rock Bard | Minnesota Nice - Monk | Squaresoft Chocobo - Shaman | Bowbafett | Supermetroid | Weaponx Power Leveling Service | OT Hammers | Quillmane Quide  | ||
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Last edited by zanderklocke; 04-20-2016 at 10:33 AM..
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