BREAKING: PROJECT 1999 BOARDS DESTROYED IN SPLENDA-FUELED BANNING SPREE

[Tommy_Wiseau]

Famed forum warrior purist and reputable dog Pico were banned for nothing today by Guineapig, a mid-level moderator who came to power some months ago when appointed by Rogean as an easily manipulated banning robot. It is speculated that the unfortunate-looking alleged Nazi was under the influence of a high dose of Splenda artificial sweetener at the time of the attacks as he cannot recall the first heavy-handed permanent banning, given to purist for his use of acronym "lol", which stands for "Laugh Out Loud", in an inappropriate forum. Pico was later removed from action temporarily for "agitation", with administration officials declaring de facto martial law in the site's Rants and Flames forum.

Guineapig's abusive regime has been a source of unrest for some months now, with close associates Obersturmfuhrer Uthgaard and Herr Xzerion resigning recently from the administration in disgrace. Area organizers are calling for revolt while they still have the ability to use the forum.

The gray-market Splenda industry has taken a heavy toll on the Project 1999 and EQEmulator communities, with a reported 70% modern EverQuest afficianados partaking of the calorie-free drug more than 4 times per week. Splenda is believed to be responsible for the sociopathic operations of hundreds of compulsive EverQuest players, administrators, and food addicts, who stave off death from addiction to lethal quantities of food with the carcinogenic chemical filler and an oxygen tank.

Tommy_Wiseau reporting from West Karana. September 21. R&F News.