Quote:
Originally Posted by unsunghero
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Your experiences you describe are largely alien to me. I have no experience dating as an adult. I was never anyone's "back up." I could not tolerate such ill-treatment. I asked out my first girlfriend when I was 11 in sixth grade. That well might've lasted permanently, we were plenty fond of each other, but fate had other ideas and it ended due to a long-distance move when we were 16. After I got done feeling sorry about that I went on a bunch of single dates with the occasional second date. If I determined a gal wasn't a potentially suitable wife, it was terminated and I looked elsewhere. Then and now I never saw the point in wasting time on obvious dead-ends. I had given the matter enough thought I had an idea of what criteria were necessary. Due to the mass-effort almost assembly-line-like philosophy I ended up meeting the wife when I was 18. Decades later we're still together obviously. If something were to happen to her I wouldn't even know where to start.
I wonder if what you talk about people acting in their own interest is a function of middle-aged adult dating. It's a vastly different situation. The best women are mostly long since married. You have a lot of sluts who realize their biological clock is ticking, some divorcees who were too intolerable for anyone to stay married to, and a smattering of divorcees who got out of bad relationships. Maybe the rare widow due to things like traffic crashes, etc. Many of them will have kids of their own, and all of them have established lives and priorities beyond, well, you. Same for you for that matter, you have your own life and household and anyone you get together with has to fit into it; you aren't building a life together in the manner of young adults just starting out. Some of what I see you post, now and then, seems very odd to me but I try to remind myself you're living in a situaton I've never experienced myself and frankly don't have a ton of idea how to deal with if I had to.
Danth