[Kainzo]

9th

NO PLACE LIKE HOME, by Skater Gnome

April 13, 2002

ok like yesterday was my first day back at hom from camp
and it was very exciting
so like i get off the bus and my mom and dad are waiting
on the steps and smiling and waving at me and its all
like a kodak moment stuff

so like i give my mom a hug but not my dad cause thats
gross and my dads liek 'we have a present for you sun'

and im liek 'OMG IS IT ICE CREAM??'

and their like 'no'

and i'm all /glare

and so my dad hands me this box all wraped up and i tear
it open and im all /giggle

and i get it open and OMG its all the eq action figures!!

and im like 'omg u guys are SO the rulest'

so i run upstairs to my room and im getting them all set
up and forming little groups and to make it fair i put
all of them against the monk

so like my brother walks in and hes like 'having fun
playing with your dolls?'

and im like 'stfu dude theyr not dolls their action
figures'

and hes liek 'ya kep playing with them and i guerentee
thats the only action you'll ever get'

so I thought he was being mean but then he came over and
I showed him all the figures and my favorite one was the
big ogre with just one eye in the center of his head

so my phone rings and its j-mo and i'm like 'hello'

and hes like 'hey what r u doing'

and im like 'im playing with my one-eyed ogre'

and hes like 'omg dude wtf dont tell me gay stuff like
that'

and im like 'wtf dude its not gay my brother likes it
too'

and j-mos liek '*click*'

and i call him back and im like 'dude wtf'

and hes like 'dude wtf'

and im liek 'huh?'

and hes like 'forget it. come down to the skate park
theres some new guys here that are trying to be cooler
than us'

and im liek 'is that possible?'

and hes like 'i dont think so'

so i put away all the dolls, i mean action figures, but
i wanted to take the one-eyed ogre with me to show j-mo

so i put on my cool-jeans and grab my board and head
down to the park

so im walking up to the ramp and j-mo is liek' why are
you walking like that?'

and im like 'this is my gangster stroll'

and hes like 'wtf its that??'

and im liek 'i dunno i saw it on tv but it makes me look
cool'

and hes like 'no it doesnt stop doing it'

so that was the end of that

so were looking at these guys skating and they come
skating over to us and theyre like 'you guys get lost ur
not cool enough to skate here'

and im like 'omg dude we define cool we are even cooler
than manaburn'

and j-mo is liek 'ya and manaburn is pretty damm cool'

and im all /agree

and theyre like 'we challenge you to a skate-off then'

and im liek 'you have ruined your own lands you will not
ruin mine. your on'

so i decide to go against their best skater and we flip
a coin and i have to go first

so i start skating and i skate reel good and everyones
cheering and i finish and im like 'ahh, i feel much
better now, n00b skater01'

so its their skaters turn to go now and he starts his
run and hes skating and im liek 'damm hes good. reely
reely good'

so im thinking were gonna lose and that sux so im
thinking how i can distract him so he messes up

so then i remember i have the ogre in my pants. so i
wait till he skates close to me and suddenly i reach
into my jeans and start pulling the monstor out and im
like 'fear the one-eyed ogre, b!tch!!1!'

and he looks at me pulling my ogre outta my pants and
hes like 'AHHH!!1! and he falls down and his crew is
like 'omg dude wtf lets get outta here'

and they grab their boards and take off

and j-mo is like 'ooooohhh, you actually DO have a one-
eyed ogre. dude i think thats called ancient cyclops'

and im liek 'whatever'

and hes like 'and just why, exactly did you keep it in
you pants?'

and im liek 'it wouldnt fit in my pocket'

and he like 'oh. well it worked the poser skaters left'

and im like 'ya looks liek everyone else left too'

so liek the battle was won and the skater park was ours
to rule once again