ok i only have gotten to page 8 lol and this may have already been said ... well it has many times.... yes it is cheating, you seem to have asked for advice that your not able to accept... it doesn't matter about it being respected unless you were clear about it before that something like this wouldn't bother you or you guys are swingers ....
from my own experince it will haunt you and it will always be in your mind if your not going to take advice when you ask for it don't ask... also maybe you should disscuss this with her or someone who knows you both a bit better and the situtation then us fellow project 1999 peoples ?~?
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