[citizen1080]

Originally Posted by Ryba [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Why I want/need platinum and/or stuff: an essay by Ryba -- Ms. Sanders class -- 3rd grade

Dear Mr. H. Baron,

My dad left me in a clearing when I was four and I had to sleep in a deer carcass for two weeks. Since then I have been unable to form long term bonds with anything but the raccoon family who fed me massive doses of psilocybin mushrooms that kept me alive during my ordeal. I tripped balls for a fortnight and each day I was visited by a raccoon deity who taught me to speak in their chitters and squeaks and hunt for berries and ketchup packets.

Dad lost his battle with restless leg syndrome last week. I went to the funeral to forgive him in death like I never could in life. I was immediately served with a federal subpoena. My dad is 3 years in arrears on 2 fraudulently acquired mortgages and all of my child support payments since the incident. I have inherited his debt and am now required to retroactively pay my own child support and buy two worthless condos in downtown Pasadena.

I currently reside in a stump with the raccoons, but I want to wipe the slate clean of my father's transgressions. I am hoping you will be my sponsor as I attempt to rejoin the world of humans. Thank you for listening to my appeal.

Ryba

I like raccoons