[jballe3]

Well this just happened recently...... and it all revolves around 2 things, sergio flores and an ogre warrior.

I decided to take a trip with a few people to Runnyeye. I left with my friend (I'll refer to him as Kan-do from here on out) and we crossed treacherous landscape, dodging zombies and undead captains!!!! (glad I had my supersoaker 5000 handy). Once we crossed through the dreaded Kithicor forest, Kan-do had started belting out his invis song, so we could pass safely through the land of the tiny people and into Misty Thicket. Upon arrival at our destination (which would be runnyeye), I found myself unable to move forward!

You see, the goblins put up a relatively easy, yet clever defense against the mighty and powerful Zuxum!!! (it may just be me being conceited, but I could have sworn they planned to use this particular defense strategy against me in my future endeavors). SO as Kan-do is laughing uncontrollably, this is what was going through my head: "Oh man, what is an ogre to do if one needs to depart in a hurried fashion!!!! This can't be good....."

So, I crouch and move forward to an area where I can finally move freely, with no restraints from said Zuxum goblin defense. We wind and whirl through many a tunnels until we arrive to our group. (Keep in mind, I'm completely and totally lost, my horrible sense of direction combined with the dark thoughts of my muscular physique not being able to move freely about Runnyeye plagues my mind, and this most certainly did not help my cause)

We start hacking and slashing! Man it was a relief to get rid of all of that pent up frustration. We kill one goblin, then 2 goblins, then! OH EM GEE! A monstrous pull! I debate whether to peel off a mob one by one from the cleric, and the cleric goes, TANK EM! So I grab one, and then another, and then all of a sudden, they totally ignore my leet tank skillz and b-line right to our cleric. At this point, I'm starting to sense that the force would not be with us at this very particular moment of need! BIAM! ZUXUM IS BLINDED! I'm like ZOMG ZOMG I IS BLINDED! (enter que for closed curtains and a very powerful spot light).

I wake up in freeport....... sad as a panda. As I drown in my own sorrow from the death of such a beautiful and exquisite being, such as myself, over the horizon I hear a distant, yet vaguely familiar tune. (aka music playing behind my client of this evercrack). As it becomes more familiar, i lose control of my puckerers and the soft words roll off my tongue, like sweat off a fat woman's back breasts, "i'm never gonna dance again.... got this feeling, got... no rhythm". As I uttered these incantations, I instantly felt a wave of relief! Just at that moment, the cleric told me, INC REZ!

It was like black magic! Right when it seemed all hope was lost, hope found me, Zuxum the Ogre!!!! I hit accept, and BIAM, I'm back in Runnyeye.

Now, it was time for Zuxum to take a nap, for fear of wife aggro in the world of the real, so I decided to pitch a tent and call it a night just outside of Runnyeye in the Gorge of King Xorbb. Figured that, well, since we're on the first level, all of the goblins are young, they can't touch this!!! Feeling secure, I went to sleep.

Fast-forward to this morning...... I wake up, feeling great I might add (although I'm still plagued with resurrection sickness at this point, and 23% health) I figured it was time to pass through the young goblins and head back to Misty Thicket, so I could find my way home. As I bravely re-enter Runnyeye, I scan quickly across the goblins to make sure there weren't any tough guys in the crowd to pester and bother me as I crossed through their clubhouse. COAST WAS CLEAR, I SWEAR IT!

As I started running, Left, Left and another Left would get me to Misty Thicket safely! That dreaded second left.............. oh that second left...... I still cannot get it out! It's too fresh!

In the corner, was a Wizard! He must have been AT LEAST a 4th year student fresh off the train from Hogwarts! He blindsides me with a 39 hp blast of something! Tunare only knows what it was, because it hurt! I panicked! I turned and head straight for Misty Thicket when all of a sudden.... dunnn dunnn DUUUUUUN! The ceiling drops outta nowhere and cracks my dome like a Chuck Norris round house kick to the forehead! OUUUUCH! Now I have Chuck the Ceiling taunting me from above, and Hermoine crackin me from behind! DAMN THIS INFERNAL GOBLIN DEFENSE! I couldn't move forward!!!!! I crouch..... and I just pray and pray and pray that I keep moving forward. 20%....... 15%...... 10%...... thud! WHACK! CRACK! Fat ogre moving at his fastest crouched, while a wizard is hitting him from behind isn't the prettiest thing anyone has ever seen, but could be the most hilarious thing any man or woman could lay eyes on!

BIAM 5%! At this point, my life flashes before my very eyes! Will I ever be able to have a little Arnold of my own?? (Not counting that Maid back in my cave, she doesn't count). Will I ever be able to make a living again?!? Then all of a sudden..... I turn a corner, I get hit with a root, but with all my willpower and hope, I resisted!!!! 2% HEALTH! I CAN SEE THE LIGHT! And as I dodge and block as I'm backing up, I back past one corpse, back past another, and BIAM! "Loading Misty Thicket...... Please Wait"

I MADE IT! I had let the goblin defense slip my mind. I could have very well easily turned around and run back out to the Gorge of King Xorbb.... but when panic sets in, you don't think right!

So moral of this story....... Always bring a Ranger sacrifice with you wherever you go.

/RAWR!

PS: Check out Sexy Sax Man.... that's the 2nd part of my story, Mr. Sergio Flores himself, Above the Law, Above it All