I have a lowbie necro and was curious about these questions myself, so I sent some tells to high level necros I found in /who all and asked in IRC. For soloing, the consensus seems to be that you should aggro kite outdoors at low levels before you get root: snare and dot the mob and sic your pet on it while you run away. Fear kiting is also an option, but aggro kiting saves you having to recast fear every three ticks. Once you get root, you move into dungeons and start root-dotting, using the pet sparingly. You can actually do this a bit earlier than you get the 'root' spell itself since you get an undead root before that.
I'm not sure about the grouping question; I was mainly interested in soloing tips.
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