I know I've checked myself in multiple times. And if I felt myself losing it I would rather die-be-tortured than accidentally fuck up the wrong or even right ppl sometimes.
My biggest fear is losing it and not knowing or being able to check myself in. My plan was always to take the more permanent option before then. I have some folks who can help me out with that and I can sorta make a dead man's switch of sorts where if I don't check in regularly they'll alert the authorities.
That said I don't think anyone was innocent in this Walmart scenario. I remember clearly feeling very negative and strong dark impulses towards many of my Walmart co workers decades ago. I was the spider on the wall. None of it was about me personally or what they did to me. Triggers where shit they where doing to eachother or their kids at home (straight up abuse and neglect (no the authorities are basically useless here)) or just dumb dishonest they did at work.
Thankfully I lost. The one guy and the crazy bs with the customers was just the trigger.
Butt honestly all of these people belong in prison or slave labor camps. They where absolutely subhuman.
|