[unsunghero]

Originally Posted by nostalgiaquest [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

In seventh grade I played bass guitar in the school jazz band. During a night rehearsal, we were mid song and I felt a fart coming on. Only it wasn’t a fart…and I shit my pants right in the middle of the song. Luckily I was in the back of the band, so without saying anything I immediately left class to the bathroom. Ended up throwing my underwear in the trash and coming back in commando. Teacher was confused and I just said “sorry bathroom emergency” and played it off as best I could. Thank Christ the rest of the band didn’t figure it out. My fragile teen psyche would not have been able to handle that ridicule.

Later in high school during my experimental drug phase, I thought it would be funny to take 10 corcidin cold and cough pills in the middle of my physics class. If you don’t know, corcidin contains dextromethorphan, which is a powerful ass disassociative. I quickly realized I was way out of my league and tried to go home. But since I wasn’t 18 yet, I couldn’t just leave, so I told the school nurse I had food poisoning and needed to go home. Problem was both my parents weren’t home, so they couldn’t get them to pick me up. They ended up calling a random neighbor I barely knew who was on my emergency card. She took about an hour to show up. Meanwhile I am tripping hard in the school nurses office, sure that they’re going to figure out I’m just an idiot on drugs. Luckily the neighbor showed up and awkwardly drove me home and everything was ok. My drugs friends at school all thought I died or something. Don’t fuck with cough medicine kiddos.

When I was in college I was in a welding class. Finished up a good looking oxy acetylene tent weld and went to pick up the red hot metal with a pair of toggle pliers, but I didn’t check what toggle setting they were on, which was an open one. So when I lifted the piece, it rolled right out of the pliers and into my lap. Red hot metal on my crouch. Luckily I was wearing some bad ass thick jean shorts, which were of course in style at the time. Burned a decent sized hole right through the jeans, but left mr winky unharmed. I stood up and immediately left class and went home. Luckily you can just do that in college.

I played guitar in a metal band in Seattle for a few years. At one of our bigger shows, we were opening up for Death Angel, I went to jump up on a stage riser to look super bad ass for a solo. Only I got tangled up in my patch cable while jumping, landed on just the corner of the riser, and fell backwards almost creaming the bass player. The rest of the show was good, and we ended up getting hammered with Death Angle after the show, but I Never lived that one down in the practice room.

When I used to work as civilian nuclear engineer for the Navy, I pretty much singled handedly caused a problem that delayed maintenance on an aircraft carrier for a full 2 days, which was a whole big fucking deal. Can’t get too much into the details, but you know you done fucked up when you have the captain of aircraft carrier and a shipyard commander calling your personal cell phone to yell at you.. That was a fun week… but I didn’t get fired haha

More recently, breaking my foot skateboarding as a 35 year old has been pretty embarrassing. Coworkers still giving me a whole ration of shit for that. Fuckers be calling me Tony Hawk and shit. Lol.

TLDR I seem to do dumb shit on a fairly consistent basis ��

Tell us some of your embarrassing cokehead stories lulz!

Good shit, entertaining read. Never trust a fart lol. And damn yeah I hate bringing negative attention to myself at work, I woulda been hella stressed with that navy screw up

I only did coke a handful of times in Vegas and always actually had a good experience. I did actually get robbed, or semi-robbed depending on how you look at it, in Jamaica though:

I was there with my family, who are all considerably older than me. I wanted to experience some of the night life on our last night there, so I went out bar hopping by myself starting at like 9pm. The thing about Jamaica is that it's poor as shit, I used to think parts of Mexico like Nogales were poor, but they have nothing on Jamaica. The drive from the airport to the tourist hotel was nothing but thatched roof huts, no running water, no sanitation, goats in the front yard, that kind of poor. The touristy areas had a bit more money, but the locals were pretty predatory. They saw white people as nothing but walking piggy banks, and unlike mexico locals who made haggling in shops fun, Jamaica locals did it with a kind of angry jealousy that was notably un-fun. For example, a local would offer to take a walk with you and tell you about some of the bars around. At the end of like a 5 minute walk and convo he'd be like "how about you tip me like 5$ for that?" And if you refuse or delay, shock and anger "Come on, mon, RESPECT mon!" They'd always use the word "respect" as if not giving them money was being rude or something

So I generally walked around with my "fuck off headphones" in to not be bothered. But the last night out I was down to be bothered; I've always had a think for black chicks, and I think the Jamaica accent on an in-shape Jamaican girl is hot as F. So I was chatting up this hot local at a bar and she invites me to come to some party. Looking back this chick may have been a mark. I agree and she calls her friends, 3 dudes and another girl, and we all squeeze into this small car for a long as hell drive, like 20 min drive out of the tourist area. I got to the party around 10pm and it was pretty bumping, and luckily right off the bat I spotted like one or two other white people there, and assumed they were tourists like me

I got offered beers and the strongest edible brownie I had ever had in my life. Pretty sure it could have been laced with something, because I was an uncomfortable, paranoid amount of high. But I tried to counter it with beer and just chill and chat, but quickly the hot chick that brought me there, along with most of the other chicks, and the few other white people, were gone. By about midnight I noticed I was like the only white person left there, and the vibe was notably different. I told one of the chick's male friend that rode with us that I had to bounce, that we were leaving for home tomorrow, and that I was gonna call a cab

I forgot the cardinal rule of Jamaica: whatever you are offered, you are going to be asked to pay for. And way more than the normal cost. Right away the chick's 3 male friends came out to me in the front yard on the phone with a cab company and said "hey mon, you owe us for the weed and beer". And I was like "oh sure absolutely, it was good shit, thanks again, I have like $60 on me, will $40 do?"

"You owe us gas too for the ride out here, $60 not gonna cut it, mon". Right then, it was size-up time. I was in pretty good shape still, and figured I could take any one of these guys. I hadn't noticed any guns or weapons on anyone, and remembered that Jamaica had incredibly strict gun laws (although whether they did anything was another question). But it woulda been a 3 on 1 fight, with other people from the party no doubt coming out, and with the weapons question unanswered I made a judgement call "No problem guys, let's go to an atm then". All 3 got in their car and drove me to the nearest atm, another uncomfortable 10ish min drive

Luckily since I had been taking out money all day in a foreign country, my bank declined my request to take out another $100 I was going to offer them. I told them my bank was shutting down my request, but that I would take the limit of what it would let me withdraw, which happened to be another $60. They accepted this, hopped in their car, and took off stranding me to call another cab

Anyway, not the best mugging story, but yeah sort of felt like a non-violent robbery that could have gone sideways, so glad it went as good as it could pretty much