When it comes to violence towards trans people that I’ve personally read about, one scenario that I’ve read about in multiple murders and assaults is what I call The Crying Game scenario. It was movie I was required to watch for a college film studies general elective. It has a scene where a man has a romantic intimate encounter with who he thinks is woman, but when the person reveals themself to be a man, the other man assaults them in a fit of disgust and anger
There’s been past assaults and even IRL murders due to this very same scenario. I can’t fault a trans person for 1.) wanting to be seen as their identified gender and especially 2.) for being so damn passable that the public has no idea they are trans and not that biological gender. I’m no trans expert, but being as close to or achieving 100% passability is a goal of I would say most trans people of either gender, and it’s a goal that not all reach
So when they do actually reach the goal of 100% passability, I don’t fault them for wanting to go out and celebrate it in their dating life. But it is always going to be a very dangerous practice to surprise a man with the knowledge that you were not born a woman after or during being intimate with him. I would say that ranks right up there with a Domestic violence victim telling her abuser that she plans to leave him for good, as one of the most dangerous times in those people’s lives respectively, and when I say dangerous, I mean to the threat of physical violence and death
I don’t know when is the perfect appropriate moment for telling someone you are trans, but based on the risks I detailed above, I believe before intimacy is always preferable to after or during
Not trying to victim blame because the assaults are 100% the fault of the assaulter. This would just be self-preservation, how to protect oneself from possible violence. I don’t think a targeted tolerance campaign to not get mad if someone reveals themselves as born the other gender mid-sex-act would do much. Whatever the violence reaction is, it seems very not frontal brain lobe driven, meaning the person would not be using the part of their brain that processes any past lessons to be tolerant at the time of the assault
Just my 0.02
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