Lol this is good. Very clever.
I, too, have worried about the general disorder in Rivervale--the violence, drifters, and vagabonds. All of it really is a black eye on this quaint little town.
I also seem to be in the minority on this, but I've always liked the Rivervale music. And sorry to be that guy, but technically the guards aren't wearing button down shirts, since the opening appears to be fastened together with some form of twine.
Puffy shirts, perhaps?
Edit: Probably should have used
this clip.