[YendorLootmonkey]

At age 40, your eyesight is all shot from 36 years of masturbation, not to mention what it has done to the wrist, fingers, and forearm of your dominant hand. The keys become harder to press. The callouses press against your mouse funny, causing a lack of precision.

Meanwhile, you are busy trying not to fart and sneeze at the same time, because Lord knows that's a gamble. You're deep into your first or second mid-life crisis, realizing half your life is over and you've wasted it on video games, while your friends from high school are posting on Facebook from their yachts about their 2nd PhD they just received, and they're on their third trophy wife. And as you were thinking about all that, the shit you were tracking for your guild just spawned and you were late to send out the batphone so some 2nd tier casual scum guild just got FTE.

Heavy on your mind is the fact that in 5-10 years you'll be in adult diapers. How do you even know what fucking size to get? It's not like you can try them on in CVS. What do you do with them when you are done? You can't flush them, or chuck them into the kitchen wastebasket. Do you like bury them out in your yard at 2am so the neighbors don't see you? How do you explain all of the patches of super green grass when you don't own a pet?

Shit... you DO own a pet. You completely forgot. Because you're 40 years old and your mind is all foggy and decrepit. Why, just last week you went upstairs to do something and you completely forgot. You couldn't remember what it was until hours later when you're out of the shower and patting Gold Bond powder all over your wrinkly coin purse. Fuck, did you take your pills today? I'm not talking about Adderall or cocaine pills or whatever the fuck you young whippersnappers are gobbling down... I'm talking about pills you need to take every day so you don't keel over. Blood pressure meds. Valsartan. Candesartan. Whatever. Cholesterol meds. Fenofibrate. Valtrex probably.

It's no wonder why you get bad at video games in your 40s... you've practically have one foot in through death's door and you are trying to keep your life from falling apart into shambles. Sorry I let your buffs fade out and didn't refresh... I just got super dizzy because I stood up too quick. Holy shit.