1) All starting points go in stamina. STAMINA, STAMINA, STAMINA. Every other stat can be easily raised with gear (Opalline Earrings for CHA, Lambent Gauntlets for DEX, etc.). Once you have that as high as is reasonable, you'll need to make sure you have around 120 STR, so that you can actually carry your armor & other gear. Once you have met those thresholds, an even split between DEX and CHA is best.
2) As I said above, you need to get your stamina as high as is reasonable (i.e., don't trade 5 DEX for 1 STA), you need to get your STR to 120 or so, and after that just raise your DEX & CHA as high as you can.
3) I'm not sure.
4) Bard melee damage at 50+ is comparable to a Ranger with no double attack, which means you do well under 1/2 what a Monk or Rogue would. That said, since some of your most important songs (i.e., mana song) are based on the singing skill, which has no instrument until Bard Epic, you should be attacking. Unless you're doing something completely critical like keeping 4 mobs mezzed, the increased killing speed from your melee will outweigh the increased benefit from your instrument modifier.\
5) Bards are one of the least gear-dependent classes out there. You can swarm-kite 5-50+ naked with vendor instruments. Depending on your budget, I'd say start with some AC and modest weapons (Banded + Springwood Clubx2) plus vendor instruments. If you're enjoying the class, move up to Lambent and MM Drums (maybe MM Lute, but don't pay anything over 50p). If you really want to be on the bleeding edge of things, mix-and-match gear (Crested Helm, Mithril Vambraces), grab expensive weapons like Sionachie's Partisan (~2.5k), and if you're really gonna shell out, get some Naggy drums for ultimate speed.
Edit: Sources ~ Wish I'd put my Bard's starting points in STA. Swarm-kited a few levels pre-Kunark. Wish I had double attack. Pro CC'er.
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