Well, since after all, you are a role-playing guild, here you go:
The Shoveler looked towards his Shovel of Justice, the very weapon that he had used to personally dispatch the forces of evil and discord for ages, a beacon of light for all of those suffering in darkness, for some sort of guidance to supplement his mere 65 points of Wisdom. For the legendary shovel was not only a deadly instrument of death in the skilled hands of The Shoveler, but was also imbued with an estimated 512 WIS and 472 INT by the Ancients long before Norrath had been influenced by elvenkind. It glowed with eternal knowledge and pervasive truth.
Through the connection between weapon and wielder, much like a Jedi and his light saber, he called upon the spirit of William H. Macy himself, the original Shoveler, for enlightenment on how to best deal with the threat to peace that the Dark Men of Odus had been easily and expertly revealed to be. This revelation of their true nature, despite all of their vile subversion and dark manipulation, deeply rooted in the very foundations of the Red dimension from whence they had been ejaculated forth into this reality, was of great concern to the Shovel of Justice.
And so The Shoveler awaited the detailed and illuminating response on how to proceed with his personal crusade.
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Finally, the legendary weapon responded, taking into account the sum total of all knowledge, truth, and ancient intellect throughout the entire course of Norrathian history.
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BEHOLD, THE SHOVEL OF JUSTICE AND ITS ULTIMATE 4-WORD INSIGHT:
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