Quote:
Originally Posted by Christendom
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What makes it heretical is the attempt to keep it. Its not yours to keep. Keeping it transgresses greed, and pride. This is why Luke 17:33 reposits John 12:25 by saying
Whoever tries to keep their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life will preserve it.
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My only inspiration is to give myself freedom to be lost, lonely, and wander Norrath while I attempt to heal myself of the demon of anger, fear, rage, and control.
I want safety. I want peace. I want comfort. I want ease. Wanting isn't why we are here though. "I want" and "I need" are selfish. I suffered selflessly in self hate attempting to cure myself and purge myself of that which I hated most. The need for vengeance and power and control. I was lost there and I felt no joy for decades. I do feel comfort and rest here though. There was a man with many wants who terrified me and hurt me until I forgave him and while I am still afraid of this man he no longer dominates my fears as I understand his wants and needs as flawed and broken as they are. I am no longer haunted.
I am still trying to understand this, maybe there is no meaning in absolutely everything we do, but we may seek meaning in the meaningless or something. I am willing to endure this hardship in order to move on and seek a new experience. necromancy isn't my 1st choice, but I feel compelled to put my effort into it. I don't feel bad. I don't feel particularly good, it is just safe. Mundane. Simple. And gives me time to think. And process. And engage with others, like you. Here.